Thank you, again for your generous donations

Dear friends & family

The Red Cross Children's Hospital in Cape Town has advised us that all of your contributions in the name of Nathaniel L T Canter have allowed them to purchase two "Saturating Machines" (to quickly & easily measure the blood oxygen levels of children) for their Cardiac Unit. In our engagements with the hospital they suggested that these machines were what was desperately needed.

Thank you all for your generous gifts that have provided this legacy for Natey.

It's been almost 10 months since the death of our little Nathaniel, we've marked each passing month with sadness… and notably August 29^th – what would have been his 3^rd birthday.  We've ridden the "waves" during the year… we've stayed close to each other… we've sought to make "new memories" with various travels… and we've re-engaged with our lives, mostly successfully (although perhaps lacking some spark at times).  We keep Natey in sight (through photos, screen savers, mementos and such) and in mind every day: Not a day passes without a twinge of sadness, a (literal) groan of regret, a stab of loss, and sometimes a (physical) pain in our hearts. 

But we carry on: Because there is little choice, and because life has to be lived.  And we are okay.

Thank you all again for the love, support and your donations for Natey,

Love

Andrew & Jane

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What bothers me about #MeToo

What bothers me about #MeToo...

I can not bring myself to post a #MeToo status. Not because I have never been subjected to some inappropriate attention. I have seen a flasher when I was 13 (I merely looked away and crossed the road), had some innuendo from colleagues (hell, I have dished a lot of it out myself), I have even had a manager playfully ask me to sit on his lap in my early 20s (er, no thanks dude!). But I have never felt like a victim and I have never felt like I have been exposed to anything I could not handle, or that I was in full rights and power to control. Sure, some guys have been inappropriate at times, and I am not even going to try to justify it with the 'boys will be boys' saying.

But I feel that by demonising each and every even-slightly suggestive encounter with males, we really are demonising ALL our men-folk.

To be clear, I am fully in favour that those that rape, molest and abuse should feel the full consequence and might of the law and complete public scorn. I do truly sympathise with any woman, or man, who has endured such horrific ordeals. It's unconscionable.

However, if I think how much joking and innuendo I myself have been part of, willingly and playfully with the people I was sparing with, someone could just as easily write #MeToo about an encounter with me! But I can honestly say with a clean conscience that I don't think I have ever been truly inappropriate or have harassed, or abused anyone in this way... (please do call me out if you think I have!)

So when is the #MeToo thing too much? It seems every woman who has had someone so much as admire them now feels harassed and victimised. Really!? Come on!

Also, I went to the an all-girls' school and the way those girls would bray and behave if even so much as a fat bum-crack-barring plumber rocked up to unclog the toilets was frankly disgusting and embarrassing. Those poor plumbers/electricians etc. were certainly harassed and abused!

So I do have an issue with everyone, and their aunt, jumping on this band-wagon (but I DO acknowledge that many, many , many of these are legitimate #MeToos and that there is a problem and it is far too pervasive). And as I have blogged about at least twice before... as the mom of boys I am so painfully aware, that especially now, they are demonised completely and it is purely because they are boys.

They are assumed to be bad, evil and that it's just a matter of time before they 'show their true colours'. The FemiNazi's are out to get them constantly, and showing ANY interest in a girl, unless SHE decides it's what she wants could have really dire consequences. Women are now seen as blameless and 'victims' and can really do no wrong. (Yet, I know some despicable women!!)

If I was a boy I would be terrified to put a foot wrong, or make any advances to anyone. It's a shame.

It's not that there are no issues that need to be addressed, of course there are. But bashing ALL men, does not feel like the right way to go about fixing it.

So yes I have had my share of #MeToo experiences. And I have also had a bad divorce and have an ex that has never contributed 1c since the divorce or contacted his children once since Dec 2009. No, I do not rate him as a prime example of a decent human being or parent... But those are not indictments on 50% of the human population. Every human born with a Y-chromosome.

As a mom of all boys I weep for them, and for how the world will see and treat them, purely for being born male. #BoysMatterToo