Life, the universe and Nuffing...

It hurt - and then I cried....

2012-01-28T08:25:00.001+02:00

I cried last night, for the first time in months...

I had a few small things go wrong in the early evening, but nothing too majorly catastrophic (was late, got stuck in traffic, ended up dropping the scouts off a bit late in Tokai, after scratching the back of my car with the bikes I was transporting, and then my iPOD was fucked up again. NO!? Why???) but the result was that my imagined relaxing run, while the scouts rode, started off a bit harried and thwarted. But off I went anyway and after crossing to lower Tokai plantation and running about 2km the feeling of 'oh how kak everything is' started to dissipate. I was giving myself a self-talk about how none of it was that bad and, even though I had a long cycle planned for the morning and a tight schedule, I'd have to just suck it up and sort out the iPOD and deal with one thing at a time etc... And just as I was feeling better and enjoying myself....

BAM!

I fell fast and really hard and with no time to even put my arms out. I fell full force on my left elbow, forearm and hip and right knee. Spread eagled flat on the ground. Wump! Breathless. I felt/heard a crack and it was just like my broken ankle incident where you straight away think - oh shit, this is not good.

I have no idea what happened. But I think I totally missed a little step and stepped in front instead of, instead of on it, but I actually have no idea, it was just a brain misfire or something...

It was so sore I saw stars and just lay on the ground for several minutes. Scared to try to get up or assess the damage too closely. When I got up, I was in in such pain, and both relived that no one was around to see, but also felt terribly alone and vulnerable at the same time... and unexpectedly I burst into tears. LOL (I didn't even cry when I broke my ankle!).

I felt so helpless and broken. Defeated, and 'tired' I guess. But I had to suck it up and drag myself the rest of the way and back to meet the scouts in time. I had blood down my shorts and was covered in gravel and dust.

It was farking sore. And I looked and felt quite pathetic. Limping along and hugging my arm with bleeding elbow into the stomach.

I went home once I'd sorted all kids and lifts out, had a hot bath, cleaned myself up, took and anti-inflammatory and fixed my iPOD again (and cursed stupid iTunes - again).

I struggled to find a way to lie in bed which didn't hurt but this morning I am better and not worse... so off for that long Argus training cycle it is then! Despite the mad wind.

Wish me luck!

You are the space in my bed

2012-01-26T08:47:00.001+02:00

I love love love Florence + The Machine at the moment, I am slightly besotted with her actually.... sigh.

Florence + The Machine - No Light No Light

You are the hole in my head
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence in between
What I thought and what I said

You are the night-time fear
You are the morning when it's clear
When it's over you're the start

You're my head
You're my heart

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

No light, no light

Tell me what you want me to say
Through the crowd I was
Crying out and
In your place there were a thousand other faces

I was disappearing in plain sight
Heaven help me
I need to make it right
You want a revelation
You want to get right
But it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight

You want a revelation
Some kind of resolution
You are the revelation

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

No light, no light
No light

Tell me what you want me to say
But would you leave me,
If I told you what I've done

And would you leave me
If I told you what I've become
'Cause it's so easy,
To sing it to a crowd
But it's so hard, my love
To say it to you, all alone

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent

A revelation in the light of day,
You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

No light, no light
No light

Tell me what you want me to say

You want a revelation
You want to get right
But, it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation
Some kind of resolution.
You are the revelation.

You want a revelation
You want to get right.
But, it's a conversation,
I just can't have tonight.
You want a revelation
Some kind of resolution
Tell me what you want me to say

Sixty Things

2012-01-25T23:39:00.000+02:00

from random thoughts from underneath the table

1. How old are you in five years? The magic one... 42!
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today? Andrew :)
3. How tall are you? 166 centimetres.
4. What is the last movie you saw? Shucks... it's been a while... Buitiful, with Tim.
5. Who called you last? Mithra - from work. NO idea why, the boys screened the call.
6. Who did you call last? My ex MIL. IT's the anniversary of my ex FILs death today. It seemed like the right thing to do. I left a message.
7. What was the last text message you received? “See you sat” from Andrew.
8. Do you prefer calling or texting? I hate calling.
9. Are your parents married or divorced? Divorced. Now; one remarried, and the other died.
10. When did you last see your mother? One the day she does 3 July 2009. Before that on 27 July 2007.
11. What color eyes do you have? Mixed blue/grey/green.
12. When did you wake up today? 06h27
13. What is your favorite Christmas song? All I want for Christmas is You.
14. What is your favorite place? Lion's Head, Bed, Thailand
15. What place do you prefer the least? Shopping malls.
16. Where do you think you will find yourself in ten years? At home, content.
17. What scared you about the night as a child? The dark and the grabbing hands under my bed.
18. What made you really laugh last? Joking around with the boys.
19. How big is your bed? Plain old double. Too small!
20. Do you have desktop or laptop computer? Laptop all the way.
21. Do you sleep with or without clothes on you? Almost always without.
22. How many pillows do you have in bed? 3
23. How many provinces have you lived in? Two.
24. Which cities have you lived in? Cape Town, Johannesburg & Pretoria
25. Do you prefer shoes, socks or bare feet? Barefeet or running shoes!
26. Are you social? Sometimes. I am an introvert, but if I am feeling outgoing I am social.
27. What is your favorite ice cream? Hagen Dazs Belgian Chocolate
28. What is your favorite dessert? Dark Chocolate
29. Do you like Chinese food? Yes, and yes.
30. Do you like coffee? Too much.
31. What do you have for breakfast? Usually just coffee.
32. Do you sleep on a particular side? Right hand side or back.
33. Can you play poker? Sot of I need to learn the rules more.
34. Do you like to cuddle / snuggle? Yes but prefer to sleep without interruption.
35. Are you a dependent person? No I am almost too independent. I don't really rely on ANYONE.
36. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yes . My ex and his ex girl friend!
37. Do you have children? Yes. 2 beautiful boys.
38. Do you know any other languages than English? a little
39. Have you ever driven an ambulance? Driven in one sadly, but not driven one.
40. Do you prefer the ocean or a pool? I like both.
41. What do you spend any money on? Today, it was rent and school fees.
42. Do you have precious jewellery? No
43. What are your favorite shows on TV? Modern Family,Big Bang Theory
44. Can you roll your tongue? Yes
45. Who is the funniest person you know? Griffin and Quinn (and ME!)
46. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Yes my stuffed dog Benjamin.
47. What is your ringtone? The sound of a phone ringing.
48. Do you still have clothes from when you were little? No
49. What are you closest to you right now that is red? My handbag.
50. Do you flirt much? Yes a little.
51. Can you change the oil on the car? Yes and have done before.
52. Have you received speeding ticket ever? Yes.
53. What was the last book you read? Eats, Shoots & Leaves.
54. Do you read a newspaper? When I can, but not consistently.
55. Subscribe to a magazine: Not at the moment.
56. Are you dancing in the car? Yes, often. Esp if the boys are with me.
57. Which radio station did you listen to you last? 5fm
58. What was the last thing you scribbled down on paper? Some meeting notes.
59. When were you at church last? I don't do church.But I went to one for my Gran's funeral in August.
60. Are you happy? Yes, I think I am.

Our Back 2 School 2012 photos

2012-01-17T22:14:00.000+02:00

I took the boys for a sunset-full-moon hike up Lion's Head the night before first day of school last week, which was beautiful but crowded and slow so we got home late and still had to shower etc so we only went to bed at about 11pm! Hence the boys looking a bit tired and not quite as amped for school as usual. It was worth it though!

Boys Ready For School:

Us Ready to Leave for School:

Quinn's 2006-2012 First Day of School Comparisons:

Griffin's 2009-2012 First Day of School Comparisons:

Boys at school:

And just cos I love this one of Griff:

My boys' home Jack-Ass Movies rude/naughty

2012-01-17T18:07:00.000+02:00

So Quinn got a cell phone for his birthday and started making rude/naughty videos with it while unsupervised when we were on holiday... I don't think he fully realises that I have a 'nanny-cam' of sorts now and can see the 'ish that he gets up to when I am not around... SO BUST DUDE!!!

Exhibit A - Giving Griffin an 'Epic Kick in the Ass'
http://youtu.be/6WnOjaJ9jd4

Exhibit B - Pushing Griffin into the Pool
http://youtu.be/-XqN8UpsU4E

Exhibit C - Kicking Griffin in the Face (!?!)
http://youtu.be/SR8qzCStPbM

Exhibit D - Playing with fire (and burning an abandoned kiddies' shoe) while supposedly making the braai while I had a quick swim.
http://youtu.be/F7c_kw838SM

Aaaaiiii!

Fark they are naughty.

Note these were semi-staged and they collaborated on what to do, so Griffin wasn't just being bullied without warning...

I'll probably take them down soon since I am clearly a shocking parent based on these!!!!

Well when I saw them I couldn't decide if I was angry/amused/horrified. We have had a long talk about them! AND especially me being able to trust them to not do anything stupid or dangerous while I am not around - like burning the entire bone dry camp down!

We had the Best Holiday Ever!

2012-01-07T22:05:00.005+02:00

We went to Namibia. Somewhere I had never been before and realised I actually knew very little about. Wow, what a wonderful, varied, interesting and amazing place it is though! It is Farking hot too!! Unsurprising I suppose since it is the desert AND the middle of summer!

The landscapes are simply incredible and ever changing. Every few kilometres everything looks completely different. There are savannahs, moon landscapes, mountains, sand dunes, sedimentary rock, volcanic rocks and amazing vegetation too.

We flew to Windhoek on Dec 27th and then hired a Nissan X-Trail and drove to Etosha and then Swakopmund and then Sossusvlei and all over in between for 10 days. 3 nights in Etosha, 3 in Swakopmund and 3 in Sossusvlei/Sesreim, and back to Windhoek via Mariental. We drove about 3500km in total - mostly on dirt-roads, since there are very few tar roads in Namibia.

It was FANTASTIC. We had so much fun. I half-expected a road-trip to be a nightmare with the boys but it seems 'intense car-therapy' forces you to learn to get along. Who knew!?

There are loads of pics! I have spared you and uploaded the little versions.

Funny Road-signs - for warthogs and elephants.

Etosha; Namutomi, Okaukeujo & Dolomite Camps:

Twyfelfontein which has 6000 year old San rock etchings.

Climbing Dune 7 Swakopmund

Quad-Biking at Dune 7 Swakopmund:

Camel Ride in Swakopmund:

It was Quinn's Birthday while we were there - he turned 12:

Me up Dune 60 at 6am (we had to wake up at 4:30am to get there!)

Quinn face-planted (accidentally/on- purpose) while running down Dune 60. This is the result.

Deadvlei may be bone dry and 'dead' but it is breathtakingly beautiful

After climbing Dune 60 we went to Sossusvlei and there was water (ok actually THICK MUD) in the vlei so we went in... the boys went RIGHT IN! And came out as San Bushmen.

I had to devise makeshift clothing for the boys since all their clothing was soaked and caked in mud. They looked rather tribal. Griffin was most covered thanks to Quinn dunking him in the mud. Quinn through this was hilarious. Griffin decided he was a Damara and started speaking in clicks.

Sunrise over the Namib Desert - a hot-air balloon flying in the distance

The Namib Desert at Dawn

A and I up Dune 45 in Sossusvlei (the Namib Desert) at sunrise

Quinn found a Springbok leg in Sesriem Canyon, there was loads of nature study and incidental learning which happened on the trip - very cool. We found a horned puffadder, lots of feathers, dung, animal spoor, interesting and beautiful rocks and stones, desert sand, a desert melon, rock formations, insects, animals, clouds etc etc. We also listened to some interesting pod casts about everything from grammar, medical info, parenting and various TED talks, which the boys seem to have absorbed a lot of.

Me hugging a Quiver Tree at Anib Kalahari Lodge (it was not actually very hug-able)

The 4 of us at the 'Tropic of Capricorn' on the way back to Windhoek

Quinn petting a baby (fairly tame - he lives with horses) Zebra at Anib Kalahari Lodge outside Mariental

There was also a lot of sleeping in the back...

We also ate and ate. Including loads of delicious game meat (mostly Oryx -Gemsbok). It really was an amazing holiday, filled with fun, and memories which we will never forget.

Quinn also made some hilarious (if not pretty inappropriate) videos on the cell phone he got for his birthday. I may upload one or 2...

2011 Crazy Frasers Wrap up

2011-12-21T11:13:00.002+02:00

So another year has come and gone, and as usual I am late with my end of year letter.

So much as happened this year, that it is hard to remember it all. It has once again been a pretty tough year with lots of sadness, heartache and stress, but overall in the balance it has been a good one with lots of positive and memorable moments too.

In January the boy's paternal grandfather, Wally passed away after a long struggle with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. He was a wonderful man and was much loved by all. Then in August our dear Granny Betty died, just shy of 92. We were lucky to have had a few months of really good quality time with her where to whole family visited with her and she delighted us with her wit and charm and sparling humour. She was a wonderful darling woman who was a true lady and absolute inspiration to me. I miss her a lot.

After my cast was taken off my broken ankle at the end of last year I rehabilitated myself and was thrilled that I could still run. I have had a good running year and achieved personal best times over 6, 10, 15 and 21.1kms. I am still loving running and am pleased that the boys have started entering the 5km events when they join me at my races and they have been enjoying them too. Griffin mostly walks, but Quinn has started enjoying running and is starting to get a bit competitive too.

Then after considering it for several years I eventually got myself a bicycle for my birthday. I have been loving being able to venture further afield than running takes me and have done several long rides around the peninsula and absolutely LOVE it. In fact I have entered the Argus next year. Although that it seeming a bit scary now! J

Early in the new year it became clear that I was going to have to leave my job at 1st Contact/Kube, which I had loved for about 3 years, as my role was becoming more and more at risk due to lack of funds and the UK financial crisis taking its toll. I ended up working 4-days a week (which sounds great) but also at only 80% salary in the last month or 2, at which point I had to leave. I found a new job which looked great on paper, but in reality it was really awful. It just didn't work out at all, despite having some really nice people on my team. I was having to leave before dawn, return after sunset, work nights, week-ends and it just seemed relentless and thankless. So after just 7 months, during which time I pretty much fell apart physically from the stress and demands of the job, I quit, on the spot. I had lost my health, fitness, and even my sense of humour and enjoyment of life. I was physically depressed and diagnosed with extreme bradi-cardia (slow pulse) and low blood pressure and my system was just shutting down. I was not happy.

I had a couple of weeks off where I regrouped, got fit, healthy and happy again and found a new job, just when I needed it, and could not be happier. It is keeping me very busy, and is also challenging, but I LOVE IT! It is exactly what I needed.

Griffin has had a good year in Grade 3 and as usual he is quiet, responsible, kind, caring and mature. He earned the merit badge at school several times and got a certificate for excellence in maths at the end of the year. His report was very good and he is starting to do pretty well academically. He has a strong work ethic, and although he struggles with spelling (and speech at times) he tries hard and gives his best. He goes to Grade 4 next year, so we are done with the foundation phase of school now. He has a fantastic sharp sense of humour and we often crack jokes between us which only we understand. He turned 10 in November and has really grown up this year. He is my precious poppet and I am very proud of him.

Quinn has had a good year in Grade 5, he has been social and playful, shrewd and scheming as always. He is always making something, selling something, buying something or planning something. He manages to simultaneously impress and irk me with his shenanigans. He has become a brilliant cook and can make pretty much anything he wants to now. After watching Master Chef he is great at presenting meals too. He is almost 12 now and is really starting to become a teenager now and we have a love-hate relationship brewing with him either being my best friend or being completely obnoxious. It's colourful!

Other memorable moments this year:

· Going to the U2 concert with my darling sister Belinda in Feb
·         The family gathering for my niece & nephew's (Bee's children's) christening in Feb. It was wonderful having everyone together.
· A camping Trip to Waterval with Ilse and family in March. What a wonderful place that is. I am definitely going back there.
·         My running come-back at the Mens Health Race Beer Challenge in March.
·         A 4x4 week-end with Warren in March. It was a wonderful fun and active adventure week-end, and a nice break from the boys for me.
·         My birthday at Beef Cakes with some awesome friends. Body shot on a HOT waiter... nuff sed!
·         A few games of pool with Mat & Tim. I even won a few games this year!
·         Seeing Lee-Ann & Pete before they sailed off for their big adventure in April. They rock.
·         Safari Half Marathon Week-end with the boys in May. I love that race. I'll be back next year I am sure.
·         Seeing my gorgeous sisters Catherine & Belinda in June. We don't see enough of each other but as the years go by I like, appreciate and admire them more and more.
· The mid-winter Bainskloof week-end with Tim. I'd never been there before and it was possibly the coldest week-end of the year, but lots of red wine and food and fires kept us warm.
·         The 'Famous Dr Raynham' who with his incredible skill and expertise (and a tiny bit of titanium) fixed Quinn's hearing in his right ear!!!
·         Some fabulous hikes/runs in the mountains with Tim. I really appreciated and grew to love the mountain this year and spent more time out there than ever before. We truly live in a beautiful place. Somehow running around the Rondebosch Common doesn't really cut it any more.
·         Seeing my beloved parents in August. Just when I needed them here. They sympathised with me, took the boys out for the day (so I could have some time out and go for a hike) and took us for an awesome meal when I was at my lowest. This meant so much and really really helped me. Thank-you!
·         The Sister Mary James experience with Phil, Mat &Tim. Crazy but fun sweetie-darlings.
·         A fabulous week-end away at Beaverlac with Janine, Digby, Tim and kids. What an awesome place! I loved that week-end a lot.
·         Rocking the Daisies – possibly the best one yet, it was amazing! LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!
·         Meringspoort Half Marathon Week-end with Tim in October. ROAD-TRIP! Another fabulous week-end away full of fun and good memories.
·         Getting our new kitten Max(i-menance!) for Griffin's birthday. He is loving having a pet of his own.
·         Leading some of the RBPS Grade 5 boys on a hike to the Block House in December. It was worth taking a day off work for. I love the RBPS boys, they are amazing young men and such fun to interact with.
· Getting to see The Phantom of the Opera at the Artscape with Andrew & Chantal. What a spectacular privilege and treat. Wow. It was awesome.
·         The Parlotones at Kirstenbosch – twice this year!
·         MCQP – the Japanese invasion with Mat. Such fun!

We really do lead a good life and are blessed to have the friends and family we do. Thanks to all who have been part of our lives this year.

There are too many thank-yous to mention but thanks go especially to our amazing neighbours who help me constantly in many ways (particularly with fetching and carrying the boys) and without whom my life would be much more difficult and harried. Beryl & family who are true and constant friends. Tiny who helps to keep me sane, keeps our house running and keep us clean, clothed and fed, and everyone else who has touched our lives. Especially those of who have made me laugh and smile. Thank-you one and all.

Love to you all and have a wonderful Christmas and New Year, hope to see you all soon.

Love from Jane, Quinn, Griffin, Roxy & Max.

My boys took the heat

2011-12-12T13:11:00.001+02:00

So I had a busy very tightly scheduled week-end. On Saturday morning Quinn decided he wanted to start on our Christmas cookies. He has enough experience with these, and cooking in general, now that I decided he was able to make them unsupervised thus giving me the chance to sneak in a quick run before having to drop Griff off at a party/sleep-over.

So off I dashed. When I got back it was clear the biscuits had been burned... There were remnants of burned biscuits in the driveway! WTF? I did a bit of general yelling about having left them unattended in the oven and both boys insisted they'd only been in for 10 mins... I had no time to investigate or argue, so off Griff and I went to drop him off. While Quinn was at home cleaning up.

When I got back I noticed 2 important clues...
1. There was a distinct blackening of the cupboards above the oven and
2. The few remaining biscuits in the kitchen were charred on top, but still pale on the bottom... Hrm.
A quick check of the oven confirmed my suspicion... and yes they'd cooked them on GRILL and not BAKE. (I think we have all made that mistake at least once before..?)

I debriefed Quinn about exactly what had happened, and it turns out that...Yes, they did indeed pop the biscuits in the oven and then go to watch something on TV. But they did not leave them for very long though. On arriving back in the kitchen they noticed the burning smell and also smoke coming out of the oven. Quinn says there was flickering inside too. So he opened the oven and says the little flames then leaped into much BIGGER flames. (OH MY GOD!?). I asked him what he did, and he said he closed the door again straight away and turned the oven off immediately. Clever boy. Correct move on both counts.

He says Griffin then suggested they throw water into the oven. Quinn says he said 'No, because of the electricity'. Again, clever boy and brownie points for thinking, staying calm and using common sense. He says he got Griffin to go outside and get the hose pipe. He then opened the oven again and got the tray out with an oven glove and took it outside, placed it on the ground and Griffin then hosed them down. Hence the burned remnants in the driveway.

I was not thrilled that they'd almost burned our house down - while I wasn't even there! But I am actually very impressed with how they handled the situation. I think many adults would have panicked more and handled it less well. I did talk to them about being careful, not leaving things unattended in the oven AND always checking that the grill is not on when baking. I also reiterated that they could/should have phoned the fire brigade, or me or a neighbour, or ADT had they needed help and not been able to sort it out quickly or easily themselves.

I was initially horrified that it had happened, but now having had time to think about it, I actually think it was a great learning experience and I am once again impressed by my boys' level of common-sense, responsibility and accountability. Quinn cleaned everything up himself and packed the remaining dough away so that they can try again... Once the oven is properly cleaned up and we have checked if it actually still works. I have not had the time (or inclination) to check that yet. Please let it still work!!

Things are looking up....

2011-12-09T07:52:00.002+02:00

Here is today's SOTD.... nice and early.

I LOVE this song. I heard it on the way to work and was sure it was Coldplay, but it isn't is a Durban based SA band. They are really good.

I love the sound, lyrics and feel of it....

Breaking the Silence by Gangs of Ballet

You can listen to it here: http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/song_details/10895241
(click play at the top)

The elves of Christmas 2011 have arrived!

2011-12-09T06:05:00.002+02:00

Here they are...

(They still love doing this and I am going to carry on until they don't. )

I love my job!

2011-12-08T15:28:00.002+02:00

I really am loving my job!

It is interesting, nicely challenging (without being unduly stressful), and very rewarding so far.

Also I am getting awesome feedback (words of affirmation are one of my main love languages so that makes me feel warm and fuzzy). It makes me happy. I LIKE coming here every day. I have missed this so much in the past year or so!

"never could describe such a feeling"

2011-12-08T15:18:00.002+02:00

This is my SOTD today... I am not sure why. It's not (just) the lyrics. I have heard it a few times while I have been working today and it does something to me physically. It fills me up inside and spills out through my heart. Making my chest literally feel full and swollen and almost overwhelmed with emotion. It is hard to describe (I am not sure if other people (everyone?) experience music the way I do..?)

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE - "All This And Heaven Too"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNE2meQCI-Q

And the heart is hard to translate

It has a language of its own

It talks and turns and courts sighs and present proclamations

In the grand days of great men and the smallest of gestures

And short shallow gasps

But with all my education I can't seem to command it

And the words are all skipping and coming back all damaged

And I will put them back in poetry if I only knew how

I can't seem to understand it

And I would give all this and heaven too

I would give it all if only for a moment

That I could just understand the meaning of the word you see

'Cause I've been scrawling it forever but it never makes sense to me at all

And it talks to me in tiptoes

And sings to me inside

It cries out in the darkest night and breaks in morning light

But with all my education I can't seem to command it

And the words are all skipping and coming back all damaged

And I will put them back in poetry if I only knew how

I can't seem to understand it

And I would give all this and heaven too

I would give it all if only for a moment

That I could just understand the meaning of the word you see

'Cause I've been scrawling it forever but it never makes sense to me at all

And I would give all this and heaven too

I would give it all if only for a moment

That I could just understand the meaning of the word you see

'Cause I've been scrawling it forever but it never makes sense to me at all

No, words are a language that doesn't deserve such treatment

That all of my stumbling phrases never amounted to anything worth this feeling

All this heaven never could describe such a feeling as I'm here

Words were never so useful 'til I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before

Quinn's Giant Pencil & Cross-bow

2011-12-05T20:39:00.000+02:00

Quinn made this Giant pencil... which actually writes (it has a permanent marker attached in the front)

He also made this Cross-Bow one day...

He sometimes drives me a little crazy with his mad scientist projects (he makes a mess and uses everything up) but I must admit he is very creative and GOOD at making stuff. He has great ideas and the practical know-how to go along with it. It impresses me!

Mom's Got PMS - run for your lives!

2011-11-30T08:00:00.001+02:00

I have been explaining the concept of PMS to Quinn - I think it's important for him (all boys in fact) to understand it.

Anyway last night I was a bit snappish and pissy with the boys - because they were really irritating me! I felt blah and tired and moody and just wanted to eat and sleep and sulk. But I told them I was going to drag myself out for a little run and was hoping it would help a bit.

A while later after I got back I told Q I felt much better after my run, and he said 'Yes you do seem a lot more cheerful now', so I said, 'Yeah they should write a children's book called "Mom's got PMS, so let's behave" '. To which he chirped, 'How about "Mom's got PMS. Let's go to bed!" ? Or even better "Mom's got PMS - where's that 45 Magnum??"' and then he motioned to shoot himself in the roof of the mouth... I think he gets it. Hahahaha.

Cycled my butt off in the wind

2011-11-28T22:47:00.001+02:00

On Saturday I went for a cycle. It seemed to be a good idea at the time...but the wind was PUMPING in Cape Town and flipping heck it was SO HARD to get back in that wind! It was sheer dogged willpower and determination that got me home. I may also have been muttering some profanities at times too. I went over Constantia Nek via Wynberg and then into Houtbay, up over Suikerbossie, through Camps Bay to Seapoint where I stopped for a break and to get a drink and then back via town and lower main road.

That last 15km was killer with direct pumping head wind. I was being buffeted around and even though I was on 3rd from lowest gear was struggling to keep moving forward. Insane!

By the time I got home I'd done 56km and it took well over 3 hours.

Quinn took pity on me and gave me a nice foot rub. While rubbing my calves he said my legs are more muscular and firm than they used to be. Apparently they used to be 'floppy'. He then said my butt is smaller and firmer too, because previously 'When you were doing kata-box, your bum would be doing it's own kata-box...' Hahaha, he certainly keeps my ego well in check!

Great Full - Great Attitude

2011-11-28T22:34:00.000+02:00

I have a lot to be grateful for... and although in my family we do our 'Thanksgiving' on Angelique's birthday which is 23 March, it has just been American Thanksgiving Day and so the theme of being grateful is strong and I feel like joining in.

I am grateful:
-That I am well and healthy again. My ankle is healed and I can do almost anything again without pain and I mostly don't have t worry about it. My balance is not as good on that ankle, but it is good enough. It is a good reminder to me to be grateful for my health and mobility and to enjoy and appreciate and cultivate it. My heart seems well again too. I feel fit and healthy and happy again. I am loving it.

- That my little family is well and happy and healthy and functional again. We are doing great. We have a good life.

- That I LOVE my new job. It is going so well and I really do enjoy it. Long may this last. Hurray!

- That life is full of fun, excitement, possibility and opportunity. I have learned and grown so much in the past 3 years. I feel really whole and settled and completely ME now. I love it.

- There's lots more, but these are the main ones and these pave the way for everything else.

I am Great. I am full. I have a great attitude. I am grateful and with gratitude.
(I know it s sounds super corny out loud, but it worked in my head ok!?)

Classic Griffin

2011-11-23T14:04:00.001+02:00

Last night I got home from work at about 17:30 only to find Griffin still in full school uniform. Blazer, shoes, tie and all. So I said, 'Griffin you need to change.' to whcih he replied in mock-Pinnoccio voice with a twinkle in his eyes, 'But I LIKE the boy I am!'

It was worth it

2011-11-22T16:29:00.001+02:00

Last week Tuesday I attended Griffin's school foundation phase 'Celebration Day'. Even though I'd only been at my new job for 2 weeks, I decided to request and take the time off to go be there. Even getting a tele-conference meeting with our UK clients shuffled to later in the day. Knowing that in the greater scheme of things THIS was more important. Both to me and to my darling boy. It was the right choice. So I came in early and dashed off just in time to get there for the start. Even though I was too late to get a seat and had to stand in a door way near the back in heels for the full 2 hour event.

It was worth it. It was worth seeing the junior choir singing such beautiful touching songs. Listening to the headmasters address which touches me to the point of tears every year. There is something about that man that inspires me to tears each time he speaks. I revere him.

It was worth seeing those beautiful proud little boys each receiving their certificates for something they did well this year. I know many of them, either personally or at least by sight now. I was proud of each of them. It was worth seeing my boy stand to get his and for it to be no less than for 'Excellence in Mathematics' wow. That's no consolation prize that one. That shows his level of hard work, focus and dedication this year. He has really stepped up to the plate and delivered this year. I am so proud of my big little boy. It was worth him spotting me there in the audience and the big smile I got as a result. I knew he would have been fine if I couldn't have made it there. He would have accepted it. But I know it meant the world to him that I WAS there and that I prioritised that and HIM above everything else.

It was worth grabbing a 1/4 egg sandwich and cookie on the way out as a hurried lunch, even though I couldn't stay for tea and a chat with the other parents. I got back a bit late, and ended up having to stay late. There was no time for a run that evening, But it didn't matter. It was worth it.

Soft kitty

2011-11-22T10:19:00.001+02:00

This is Classic Quinn...

Last night I caught Quinn singing Sheldon (from Big Bang Theory)'s lullaby song 'Soft Kitty' to Max our kitty at bedtime.

Soft kitty, warm kitty,

Little ball of fur,

Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,

Purr purr purr.

Soft kitty, warm kitty.

Little ball of furr.

Lazy kitty, pretty kitty

Purr, purr, purr

You can hear the song HERE:

Old Mutual 10km Race Results

2011-11-17T14:11:00.001+02:00

The Old Mutual 10km Race Results have been released. They are HERE

This is how I fared..

I came 435 out of 1503.

Results	Total	My Pos	%
Total	1503	435	28.9%
F	550	59	10.7%
35-40	198	59	29.8%
F 35-40	85	10	11.8%

Quinn: School exchange a no-go

2011-11-16T20:56:00.000+02:00

So the draw for the UK school exchange was tonight.

There were 32 applications that met the qualifying criteria so they made it a random draw so that there was no favouritism or disputes....

Sadly Quinn's name as not drawn.

Shame man he got all dressed up smartly and was clutching my hand. Poor kid. Luckily (or even more sadly probably) he is used to dealing with disappointment, so has taken it in his stride.

He is disappointed but accepting of it. So now we'll keep trying to save for a holiday next year. It will be 4 years since I took them to Thailand and they are dead keen to go back.

Griffin is 10!

2011-11-16T20:00:00.000+02:00

So Griffin turned 10 on Saturday.

His birthday has been pretty low-key for the past 2 years. No real party or celebrations to speak of really apart from the cake at school and obligatory Spur dinner. Especially last year when I went and broke my ankle the week before so even the cake at school thing was a challenge to arrange.

This year I wanted to make sure that the momentous occasion of his DOUBLE DIGITS birthday did not go by without a minor fanfare.

And so on Thursday we prepared a large cake and some sweet for him to take to school. He shared with his class, favourite teachers, friends and a few parents who are kind and helpful to us too. I think he even saved a piece for Tiny. I think I was the only person who didn't get any actually... (But it's ok I more than made up for it over the rest of the week-end!)

Then on Friday evening he had cubs, where more of a fuss was made. Then on Saturday on the day of his actual birthday he was woken up by Quinn with coffee and breakfast and a collection of vouchers Quinn had created for him. These included vouchers for 'Coffee', 'Foot rub', '3-hours uninterrupted XBOX time' and best of all 'Slave Duties for a Day'. Wow! Quinn is a complete sweet-heart when it comes to stuff like that.

After I woke up I gave him the gift I had for him. I also popped Max the kitten into his gift bag, since Max was actually his main birthday gift - even though we have had her for 2 weeks already. He enjoyed opening his gifts and was especially thrilled with the Swiss Army Knife from our friend Tim.

We baked birthday cakes after that and while they were cooling we went off shopping. As the other main gift he was getting (from me and ex-MIL) was a pair of decent training shoes. He has only had cheap and crappy tackies up till now, and as a result he trips over his feet, gets blisters and generally doesn't relish physical activity. Since he is becoming keen on the 5km races he's been doing and hiking he really needed some better shoes. Off we went to the Cape Storm shop and managed to find some lovely Montrail Trail-shoes at 50% off. They were supposed to be R900 and we got them for R450. He LOVES them. Hopefully this will help him to get a bit more sporty and competitive.

After the shopping trip we went to Wimpy for lunch, then home to finished the cakes. I made one for a tea party with friends that afternoon, and another for his party the next day.

At 4pm our friends came over and we chatted and played and ate cake. Griff's friend Maxine was left behind as she was staying for the night. A while later we joined more friends at Spur for his birthday dinner. With more singing and sparklers and ice-cream etc.

On Sunday he had his Bowling Party with 10 friends. His cake was a Skittle and Bowling Ball to represent the 10 and the Bowling Party.

We finished off on Sunday at the gym where he swam and played.

I think he had a great birthday week-end and really enjoyed it.

I love you my special precious boy who really 'gets' me. Happy Birthday. I am proud of you!

Update on my new job...

2011-11-16T14:10:00.001+02:00

I'm juggling 12. Yes that's right, count them, TWELVE projects*. At. Once. Holy FUCK. I don't know whether I am coming or going half the time. But I'm kinda enjoying the challenge, and being in a much more healthy environment.

2 other PMs comment today on how well I have slotted in here. (I have only been here for 2 weeks! Feels a lot longer) And can already challenge and correct people in meetings. :)

* Some are big and many are small, but that's 12 sets of people, schedules and requirements and processes to figure out and steer to completion.

A Quinn School Funny - Faulty Towers

2011-11-16T08:09:00.001+02:00

In Term 4 of Grade 5 at Quinn's school, they play a long and complex game called 'The Game of Life' it seems to be a kind of SIMS/Monopoly based game or sorts where they have to do activities, plan and earn things and build up a life for themselves. There are various inputs and outputs and their choices and strategies determine how well they come out at the end. They have to chose jobs, build houses, decide to invest or build other dwellings to rent out etc etc. It seems like a lot of fun and a good idea to teach about some of the intricacies and considerations of adult life and responsibilities.

Anyway Quinn has now earned the right to build accomodation to rent out. His friend made a bunch of cute cluster houses. Quinn decided to go the high-volume route and built 2 VERY tall and thin sky-scraper blocks of flats.

Guess what he has called them??

The Quinn Towers!

LOL. I love the sense of humour we have in our family. :)

Quinn's Exchange Application - nearly an EPIC fail

2011-11-11T13:46:00.001+02:00

So after all the excitement and anticipation Quinn TOTALLY fumbled his application for the UK school exchange trip yesterday.... sigh.

He was SO dissappointed last night, even though he tried to hide it well and be non-chalant and show a brave face. He got mixed up and thought the applications had had to be in at FIRST break and he couldn't find anything or anyone then. After that break he gave up... In the mean time it was SECOND break which had not even happened yet, and then he didn't go!? WTF!?

I was quite annoyed and dissappointed myself, and vented my frustration to him. So he just clammed up. There was a mix up with his cricket match on Wednesday and he got into a lot of trouble (and got a discipline stamp for that) and his teacher has been quite unreleneting about it, even though I think it was a ligitimate mix-up and NOT Quinn's fault at all. So it turns out that Quinn DID try to ask his teacher yesterday and his teacher wouldn't listen, insisting that he must just go away because he was in trouble about the cricket. Aaaai!

Anyway I have mailed another teacher (who was Quinn's Grade 3 teacher - during my divorce - and who really took him under her wing that year and he adores her) who is coordinating the exchnage and explained what happened, and she says she knew he'd wanted to apply and had a chat with him about it on Tuesday already and so se HAS submitted his name. YAY. So now we wit till next We night to find out if he is selected or not...

First Watermelon of the Season - Priceless

2011-11-11T13:22:00.001+02:00

It's no secret that I LOVE watermelon. So when we were in P'nP recently and Quinn saw some watermelons on display he pointed them out to me and enthusiastically encouraged me to get one. I asked him to check the price. Knowing it is still early in the season, and these were still quite small I wanted to make sure it was a good deal. (I don't buy things out of season when they are 2-3-4-5 times their normal price!) He came back saying the fruit & veg lady had said they were R29. Cool! So I got him to select one for me.

Well was I not surprised to find it scanned at R79 when we were paing for our goods. HOLY CRAP. I nearly fell over and got the cashier to get it removed from our bill and sent it back. No way will I pay R80 for a small watermelon - no matter how much I love watermelon and was excited about the start of the season. Apparently the lady in the fruit & veg section had kept telling people they were R29, when they were indeed R79. Good thing I was paying attention! WOW. They really should put a sign up!

So I am still waiting for that first watermelon of the season in my house... come on summer!

Did you know...?

2011-11-10T08:07:00.000+02:00

Did you know that if you do 2x kata-box classes back-to-back you weigh 900gm less at the end!? Whew! Talk about sweaty, but WHAT FUN!

There is this super toned and fit coloured guy (quite a hottie actually) with huge muscular thighs who is a regular in the kata-box class. I have been going to these classes on and off for years and he seems to have been going consistently for all those years. He really is FIT. We've started greeting each other at the class each week now. (I have only been back for about a month again but I am LOVING them.)

Last week I told him I am trying to get fit and back in shape again after leaving that sucky job recently, which is why I am back. I asked him if he is a cyclist (due to the impressive thighs) and he said he sommer does EVERYTHING and loves it all. The more the better. Cool. So now we kinda compete and push hard and never give up even if we are tired.

So this week I was 10 mins late for the early class, due to a late meeting at work. But I joined in anyway and it was a great work out. I told him afterwards as he was leaving that I was going to stay on and see if I can manage some of the next class, since I'd missed some of the first one.... Next thing he came back and stood in position near me. I said 'So are we really gonna do this..?' and he was like 'Yup, don't let me down now, if you give up, I am giving up....' and so we did a whole nother class! It was really awesome.

Oh and best news is instead of playing on the computers as usual Quinn ran on the treadmill for a while - he runs at 9.5kms/hour now which is really pretty good - and then he cycled for 25 mins too. He was also dripping with sweat by the end and is starting to enjoy exercising a lot now. Yippeee!

Needless to say we slept REALLY well last night!

Quinn - amazing school trip - dilemma

2011-11-07T22:26:00.001+02:00

Quinn's school does a Grade 6 Educational Exchange with a UK school every year. Only 8 boys get selected to go (out of about 100) so it is quite an honour. They have to meet qualifying criteria in terms of academic performance, tenure at the school, not regulars at detention etc. If they meet the qualifying criteria they then have to fill in a 'resume' to motivate why they should be chosen.

Quinn is super keen to apply and believes he can convince them to select him.

It would mean a 3-week trip to the UK next March. Experiencing attending a good school in the UK, trips into London, excursions to the sites and museums of London and probably experiences, fun and memories to last him a lifetime.

I do believe that this is the stuff that builds and teaches us the most. More-so than what you learn and remember for your usual class-room lessons.

BUT. There's always a but isn't there? The trip will costs a total of about R20 000. Which I simply don't have.

I really don't want that to be the deciding factor and limitation though. He has had to go without so much over the past few years, and is always compromising and settling and making do...

So, I told him tonight that he must go ahead and apply, and IF he gets in I will do what it takes to raise the money for it.

If he does somehow get chosen, do you think it would it be reasonable for me to ask friends and family who would have given him Christmas/Birthday gifts to rather contribute towards a fund for this..? Be honest would you find that offensive or forward?

We could also sell and raffle stuff at work and school and... Can you think of any other clever and effective fund raising ideas?

YES! New PB in Landmark's Fun Run

2011-11-06T10:41:00.002+02:00

The first race I ever ran was the Landmarks 6km Fun Run in 2005, I have run it three times since in 2006 , 2007 & 2008 . I skipped 2009 for some reason I don't recall why, and then was going to run it last year expect I went and broke my ankle the night before the race, so my plans to run it were thwarted. In fact today marks the 1-year anniversary of breaking my ankle and I am pleased to say it is 99% healed!

So this year was my 5th time running this race. Although I could have entered the Half Marathon this year I opted to do the 6km Fun Run again for 2 reasons:
1) I wanted to gauge my time/performance against my previous results, to see if I have improved over time.
2) The boys were entering it too, so we decided to make it a challenge.

I told Quinn I was going to try for a PB on this run, but that I would give myself a 10 minute handicap to give him a chance, and I also told him that once I finished I'd go back to find him.

There were a LOT of kids running this year as it was publicized as a schools challenge. A lot of them are lightning fast, but they start out like the wind and start fading a few kms in. Still some of them are really impressive and tiny too. I enjoyed it and it was a nice brisk early morning comfortable run. I know the terrain well since it's right in our neighbourhood.

So far my best time in this race was 30:40 in 2008. So this year I was hoping I could crack the 30-min barrier. Was I ever surprised and pleased to round the corner at the finish line and come in at 52:50!! Yippee! I actually earned a silver medal too which means I was placed somewhere in the top 40. Woot!

Previous results are as follows:

Date	Dist	Time	Speed	min/KM
Nov-05	6	35.00	10.3	5.83
Nov-06	6	31.20	11.5	5.20
Nov-07	6	31.15	11.6	5.19
Nov-08	6	30.40	11.8	5.07
Nov-11	6	28.50	12.6	4.75

Once I was done I went back to look for the boys. I found Quinn at just past the 5km mark and he was looking tired but still in good spirits. I managed to encourage him to finish strongly and he really pushed himself to the end. He managed to finish in a very decent 43:20 - which is about the same time he did the 5km last week so a nice improvement there. He ran nearly the whole way again and was motivated and focused which is nice to see. It seems the bug is starting to bite him.

I again went back after Quinn finished, to find Griffin. At which point a traffic cop was joking with me about being lost and just how many times was I planning to go around the same loop. LOL

I found Griff at the 5km mark. He was struggling a bit as he was pale and feeling a bit shaky. It was low blood sugar I suspect as I don't think he ate breakfast. So he was plodding along slowly. After encouraging him to breathe deeply and slowly and giving him a mental boost, he perked up and started walking with more determination and even decided to run the last 400m. Quinn joined us and was encouraging him too. I told him that when he got to the grass near the finish line he must just give it all he has and finish strong. He took this to heart and shot off as fast as he could leaving Quinn and I behind him.. As he rounded the last corner he even had a small crowd cheering for him and the lady with the medal was clapping and leaping and making a fuss of him.He even earned himself a spot prize for his drive at the end. He finished in 1:13:30.

We saw a lot of friends and kids from school there and it was a great morning to be out. All in all another good race which we really enjoyed.

Aai of the Taai Gher!

2011-11-04T13:50:00.001+02:00

Last night the company had a social event to raise funds for one of the women who works here who is representing SA playing Netball in Mauritius in Dec. It was a Karaoke evening. Groan. Now Karaoke is not my favourite pastime. Cheesy 70s songs belted out by the most inhibition-free tone-deaf Idols wannabees while your ears implode and bleed in protest...? Ja, no thanks.

However being the 'new girl' on the block and not yet knowing the team, and not wanting to seem quite, conservative or Miss Prissy No-Fun, I thought it was probably a good idea to show my face and get more familiar with the team. I generally quite like team building and social events anyway.

So after yoga and popping home to collect the boys we dashed back to 'the pub' (same place we were last week after the OM Race). I was pleased to see some others had bought their partners, although I was the only one with children in tow.

At first I was pretty adamant that I wasn't going to sing. I really am no singer. I have no delusions of being able to carry a tune well. Indeed when I joined my friend at choir practice in Grade 2 before a play-date at her house the choir teacher asked me to stop singing. Nice hey!? So yeah I am not a singer. I know this. (It however doesn't mean I don't sing my heart out with the boys and in the car anyway though!)

Anyway last night there were some REALLY bad singers. Like re-he-aly bad. And then they started handing out prizes. To both good and bad singers - as long as they were entertaining. Soon, lured by the prospect of a prize, the boys decided they wanted to sing a song with me. As I'd told them I'd only sing if they helped me. They convinced me that I would definitely not be the worst.

So we signed up and sang 'Eye of the Tiger' LOL. They've been singing it at school so they both know all the words, so they sang their hearts out and did really well. I was mostly their back-up, but afterwards Quinn said 'You sound better in the car without a microphone' so my assertion that I cannot actually sing stands true.

I was then coerced into singing 'I will survive' with the 'girls'. Corny and cheesy totally being the theme for the night, but it was actually really fun and a good opportunity for me to see and be seen and get to know some of the guys - which always helps to oil the wheels of the working environment. The BIG boss from the UK and my local boss were there too. So I think it was definitely a good call to go. And they've seen the boys now too, so they will subconsciously know my situation and hopefully stay empathetic to that.

Shocking News - Friend of Griff's mom killed

2011-11-03T13:10:00.001+02:00

I have been quite rattled this morning by the news of one of Griffin's school friend's mom's (Christina Scott) having been killed in a tragic freak-accident.

Although I did not know her well, I have seen her around loads of times and even had lunch with her at a mutual friend's house over Easter. I loved her and found her to be delightfully fun, witty and vibrant. We had a good giggle over several glasses of wine and I remember finding her inspirationally free-spirited and philanthropic, as well as very bright and informed. She was also a wonderful mom whose love for her children shone through as she spoke of them animatedly and with bright eyes. I remember leaving that lunch wanting to do and be better... both for my children and the world at large.

So the news that such a wonderful caring, bright, liberal, progressive and community oriented women has died in a tragic, freak, car-accident, while being the caring giving helpful person she always was, has really shaken me.

Her death is so tragic and shocking. She was helping a colleague/student learn to drive and the student's foot slipped and by mistake she accelerated into her and crushed her, and she died.

She was a Canadian-born liberal who got involved as part of 'the struggle' here in SA in the 80s, and was a journalist, having worked for the Natal Mercury newspaper and Metro & SA FM radio stations. More recently she has been a revered Science Journalist.

Such a tragic loss of a great mind and wonderful person. Poor family. They have lost a wonderful vibrant, quirky, fun and energetic inspirational mother.

Her Memorial is on Sat... and they are setting up a Christina Scott Science Journalism Scholarship. Which is a wonderful way to remember her.

http://www.iol.co.za/news/crime-courts/top-journo-run-over-during-driving-lesson-1.1169016
http://www.iol.co.za/capeargus/tributes-for-top-science-journo-1.1169128

Blog From Email - Test 1

2011-11-03T10:06:00.000+02:00

Right so I am going to see if I remember how to e-mail a post to my blog. If this is there, then it's worked! And if so, I'll be able to blog a lot more quickly and easily... so this is experiment post 1.

I am now in Day 3 at this new job and so far so good. I can see things are going to get hectic. There is a LOT on the go here. BUT the big difference here is there are proper processes and procedures to follow and things are handled maturely and sanely, not that mad rush and panic and perpetual crisis-mode from the last pace which is what caused all the anxiety. It's like they want to be stressed and tensioned all the time there. I really hated it. SO hopefully this will last... although the info and volume overload here is a bit overwhelming.

Anyway last night I got home (new commute takes 15 mins each way! Whoop!!) and didn't feel like running on my own in the wind, so I took the boys to the gym. I did a kata-box class and loved it so much that I stayed on for the next one. Yup that's right I did 2 kata-box class back-to-back! My clothes were literally soaked with sweat by the end. I am not kidding. I weighed myself before and after and I weighed 900g less at the end of the 2 hours (ok I did pee once in between too). But wow that's a lot! I was quite energised for the rest of the evening, it really gives me a rush. Today I am a bit tired though and think I might get a bit stiff too. ;)

Quinn impressed me by coming upstairs and running on the treadmill for a while instead of just sitting and playing on the computers. He ran for 10-15 mins and said he went right up to 10km/h for 2 mins or so. That's a really good pace! He is amped for our 6km fun-run on Sunday and wants to challenge me. I am very happy and proud that he has become interested in participating a little more seriously now. :) I think I'll give myself a 10 minute handicap and then see if he can compete with me yet. I'll be super impressed if he can.

Ok back to work for me... I have loads to read and figure out.

Day 1 at New Job

2011-11-01T15:01:00.000+02:00

So I have started my new job. The first day is predictably boring... but that's ok, I have had enough first days to know that this will be very short lived. Indeed I am actually enjoying and appreciating the calm and quiet and bordom while I can, as I know things will get hectic soon enough.

The good news is that it took me less than 15 mins to get here this morning – in the worst of the morning traffic, since I started a bit later today. Since I'll normally be a bit earlier, it should be even better in future. It's all of 8kms and a fairly direct route too. YAY.

There are a couple of folks still here from when last I worked in the building 6.5 years ago. So I'll e able to catch up with them once I am settled in.

Once again I am in a super open-plan office so can't openly browse the web, or play games, or do banking, or personal emails etc. without it being completely obvious. But I have learned how to use notepad (or even work outlook email) to compose mails or blog posts and then cut & paste quickly when I am done. Sneaky I know, but one does what one must...

I must say I thorougly enjoyed my time off and loved my routine of going out for a run/cycle/gym visit first thing in the morning after dropping the boys at school. Then catching up with friends, shopping, admin, emails and what-not in the afternoons before the boys came home and then having nice long, fun and calm evenigns with them. It was great having TIME and not rushing from one thing to the next, and hurrying everything along all the time. I could very much have got used to that... but since I have to be a corporate slave again and one can't be a lady of leisure without having to first find and then endure a sugar-daddy, here I am. :) At least I can see windows from where I am and even have a view of the mountains. :)
Anyway best I get back to reading the docs I hve been sent and getting familiar with how things work here.

xxx

Look what I let the boys do...

2011-10-31T15:21:00.000+02:00

We had a little spur of the moment burger braai last night and the boys decided to swim while we were out there. I told them that whoever jumped into the pool, in the most entertaining way would win a prize.

Quinn ran onto his boogie board while holding the pool leaf-net pole and kind of Gondola'ed across the pool non-nonchalantly while he slowly sank to the bottom. His balance is incredible! Anyway, he won by far.

His prize..? Was a 'Once-in-a-life-time. Limited-Offer. Never-to-be-repeated. Once-only. Chance to jump off the roof into the pool.' He could NOT believe I was letting him do it. Once he'd confirmed that I was seriously going to let him do it, he asked if Griffin could share his prize and also have a turn. (Earning him bonus points in my eyes).

So this is what they did...

I am actually keen to try it now!

Max the Kitten - Update

2011-10-31T15:05:00.000+02:00

I used to be a total 'cat lady' but went off them after the offish ones we had last got even more offish after Quinn was born. I just gave up on cats after that... But I must say Max is awesome and so much like my favourite ever cat Rocky was. So chilled and relaxed and mellow. He is even happily playing and sleeping through the sound of the vacuum cleaner right now! (Most cats I have ever known run like they have an axe-murderer pursuing them if someone turns on a vacuum in the house)

Both boys are THRILLED that we have a kitten. Griffin keeps thanking me and saying it the best birthday present he has ever got. Quinn keeps thanking me too. He had a great week-end with 2x sleep overs and lots of fun, but he listed getting in the car and seeing the kitten as the best part of his week-end by far.

Anyway so here's Quinn meeting Max... can you see how happy he is?? This child just LOVES animals, all animals. He just lights up around them.

Then, I was a tad worried about how Roxy would react to Max. I had a fear that she might not be able to help herself from being aggressive, since Jack Russells are hunting/ratting dogs and are pretty much genetically programed to go after little things that scamper around. Roxy however is not usually aggressive at all and never so much as nips us, even in play so I was hoping it wouldn't be TOO much of an issue.

Anyway although she is still a bit too excitable around Max - so I am only letting them interact when supervised - she is actually being very gentle and nurturing. She also listens nicely and stops or sits if I tell her to. If anything she just wants to lick and play with the kitten to death... And amazingly Max is not fearful of Roxy at all. Neither is she defensive/aggressive to Roxy. She is just so chilled that she lets Roxy lick and nudge her and is completely unperturbed. This morning she was biting Roxy's legs and playing with her... I think they are going to be good friends!

And we've not had a peep out of Max both nights. She's slept through in her bed in the kitchen.So far so good! :)

Meet Max the Cat

2011-10-29T20:04:00.000+02:00

I deliberated for quite a few weeks about whether it was mad to be considering getting another pet for our household. I went back and forward about whether to get a puppy or kitten for Griffin for his birthday (which is in 2 week's time). I kept wanting one and then not wanting one. First I wanted a kitten, then I wanted a puppy. Finally I thought it was mad to get either....

But honestly Griffin has been so good and is so mature and caring and helpful in general. I decided it really is time that he has a pet of his own, and he really wanted one too. He is so easy going he'd have been happy with anything.

Quinn had been trying to program me subliminally too. Every morning he'd sing out 'I'm just going to feed the kitten/puppy' before we left for school. Thinking that would plant the seed deep enough in my mind and sway me - and convince me that a new pet would be looked after etc.

After much thought I decided not to make it a puppy, because honestly I think we got really lucky with Roxy. She is really well behaved and easy to handle and hardly causes any mess or fuss, we might not be so lucky next time... .Also although we happily take Rox everywhere with us, it's not like we can go around with 2x dogs in tow.... we do take Roxy a lot of places she is strictly not meant to be, but get away with it because she is cute and looks and cat like a puppy.

Anyway after all my deliberation and indecision, I finally relented today while having a 'Griffin and Me' day.

So this afternoon off we went just to LOOK at some kittens... and well Griffin was way more mature than me and I kept saying to HIM, 'Awww please can I have one!?' LOL. So yes we had to take one.

We chose this gorgeous one (we are still not 100% sure if it's male or female yet, it's not quite clear!) and named him/her Max. Because of the 'M' on his forehead and because it is a unisex name. So it's either Maxine or Maximilian. Depending on what it turns out to be.

Max's mom (top left in the collage) was so mellow and chilled and Max too is a really relaxed little thing too. Really cute. Griff as you can see is rather besotted.

-----
So far Roxy was WAY over excited when they met and she could hardly contain herself. I have no idea what she wanted to do, but didn't want to find out. So I am keeping them apart for the first night again and once Max has settled in a bit more and had a nap we'll try to introduce them again. Roxy in general is never aggressive but being a Jack Russell and Max still being the size of a rat I do not want to temp fate here!

Photos from the OM Running Race

2011-10-28T14:29:00.000+02:00

These are the photos from the race on Wednesday.

Quinn took these ones of himself while he was waiting fr me... you can see how chuffed with himself he is. It's too cute!

Proud of Quinn - He ran a race!

2011-10-27T10:49:00.002+02:00

The boys have been coming to running races with me for a while now. This year they have started participating in the 5km events. Griff takes it fairly seriously and walks with determination and says he is trying to 'get fit' and 'improve his time' etc. he finishes in around 60-70 mins each time. He has done 4-5 events this year now.

Quinn on the other hand only wants to enter if there is a goodie-bag, and dicks around and jumps on water sachets and annoys people around him. His main goal is to drink as many cups of coke as possible at the water points and generally just hams it up, as is his style. He has only bothered to do about 2 events so far. At the Junior Argus he also only focuses on the water points and what refreshments they had and how many cups of each he drank... NO competitive edge or drive there AT ALL so far....

But last night at the Old Mutual Pinelands 10km night race, both boys entered the 5km - despite there being no goodie bag. Their race was to start 15 mins behind mine and I told Quinn we could make it a challenge and see who won. Me running 10km and them doing 5km... We agreed that if I won I'd get a foot rub and if they won they could get a coke & packet of chips and sour sweet. Yay - easy free foot rub!
In end they apparently started only 5 mins after us. I finished in a pretty good time of 51:30. In the bag... or so I thought, until I saw Quinn at the finish. At first I was convinced he hadn't even done the race... until I spoke to him. That endorphin rush is pretty unmistakable.
He was SO amped and psyched. He'd run pretty much the whole way and reckons he was right up front of the 5km race. There was a lady in front of him and he wanted to pass her and so went as fast as he could trying not to let her get away. He says he ran most of the time and 'power-walked' when he needed to catch his breath. He was so chuffed and really enjoyed it and kept going on about how nice the coke tastes at the end after you have really worked for it. He loved it!

I am so glad he has finally realised that it is fun to focus and compete and try. And to push past feeling a bit tired and to do it anayway. Because it feels so good afterwards!

Well done Quinn! I conceed defeat. No foot rub for me after all.

p.s. Griffin finished about 10 minutes after me, I think he came in at just under an hour. With his usual slow and steady serious attitude and approach.

Another awesome run

2011-10-25T18:00:00.003+02:00

So knowing full well that this time next week I would be wishing I could be out and about in the sunshine and fresh air, and after wasting most of yesterday in a day of general meh-ness. This morning I dragged myself up and put on my tackies and decided to do a run... I had NO IDEA what I had in store for myself though!

I just headed out and decided to follow my nose and go with what felt right. This was the result...

I parked my car next to Keurboom Park in Rondebosch and ran up past Newlands Stadium, Westerford High, Forries and over the M3 an up into Newlands Forest.

I headed up to the jeep track and then descended into Kirstenbosch. I ran around Kirstenbosch for a bit and found a section I haven't seen before called 'The Enchanted Forest'. It is above the concert area towards the Rycroft Gate. It is lovely!

From there I decided to head uphill. Briefly considering climbing Nursery Ravine but then deciding not to since I was alone, had no water, food or mountain gear with me and no one knew where I was. Instead I ran up to the Irrigation Reservoir and then since I was on the contour path I decided to keep heading along it. Eventually going all the way to Constantia Nek!

I still felt good once there so I ran down the road towards Constantia, stopping only to climb and ravage a mulberry bush on the side of the road. YUM!

I went all the way to Constantia gym where I lured Tim away from work to come have coffee with me while I recovered. After coffee he drove me to the top of the hill by Wynberg/Chelsea village and I carried on past Wynberg/Kenilworth and to Claremont and then back to my car.

That was quite a journey and my longest distance on foot to date I think! This is where I went...

Any idea how far that is? I am too tired to work it out now. ;)

(PS note that although none of those photos are mine they are all of the exact places I was running. Aren't I lucky to live with all that literally right on my door step!? I do love it here!)

Griffin - Love/Hate/Wish

2011-10-25T17:04:00.000+02:00

Griffin came to me while I was bathing.

He said at school today they had to write about something they love, something they hate and what they'd wish if they had one wish.

He said his choices were:
What he loves - his mom.
What he hates - his dad.
His wish - That Angelique was still alive.

He doesn't often open up to me emotionally. He feels things deeply but he mostly keeps it to himself. Occasionally he'll come and share something and I can see in his eyes how deeply he has felt it.

It mad me feel so sad and helpless for him.... I really wish my poor child (children actually) didn't have so much hurt, sadness and disappointment inside. It is heart-breaking.

My BLISS

2011-10-21T11:51:00.000+02:00

I have had a wonderful week. Really I could get used to this! Or maybe it's just because it is such a delicious rare luxury for me to have so much free time to just do what I want to, and I know it's going to be short lived so I have savoured it and maxed out my exercise time because THAT is what I have wanted to focus on, getting fit and healthy again and resetting myself. Either way, I have loved it.

On Monday I was a bit stiff after the week-end's half marathon but I did a 4km walk/run and then a Pilates class.

One Tuesday I did a nice reasonably tough 10-12km long run before follow it with a kata-box class which was AWESOME!

Wednesday I did 2x Kata-box classes, one i

Thursday I did a 52km cycle and then my yoga class in the evening.

This morning I dropped the boys at school at 07:30 and went for a run... I wasn't feeling super energetic at first so had no real plan. I started out walking from Rondebosch up towards Newlands.

I found myself heading into Newlands Forest and it was just SO beautiful there. The weather is perfect; cool and over cast and the air is crisp and clear. It looked and smelled great. Next thing I was running and literally grinning. I ran up through Newlands Forest and ended up going right into Kirstenbosch gardens from the back. WOW. I was running through the actual gardens. Just me the birds and a few gardeners whistling away and doing their thing. Fresh clean air and the most gorgeous garden. It was PERFECT.

That has got to be about as close as it gets to a perfect moment for me it was simply blissful. :)

I am loving getting ME back!

I have also found myself becoming more social again too and have been bumping into and making contact with neglected friends all week and am enjoying catching up with them.

Update on the work situation. Contract is signed and sealed and I start on 1 Nov. I hope and pray this will work out well. But it really can;t be any worse so I am cautiously optimistic.

I feel good. I am good! <3

Meiringspoort Half-Marathon - New PB!

2011-10-18T16:07:00.002+02:00

So for the third year in a row I decided to go run the Meiringspoort Half Marathon in De Rust.

The first year I went with C, and thought it was so beautiful I took the boys last year and we had a lot of fun. Tim decided to join us this year. He enetered but then injured his foot so the run was out, but he decided to come along anyway.

So we set off on Friday morning on the 6-hour drive. Our first leg saw us push through to the beautiful Tradouw Pass, which I just love, and on to Barrydale beyond, where we stopped for a yummy lunch packed with delicious fresh produce. We then went on along Route 62 past the infamous Ronnies Sex Shop and on to Ladysmith, Calizdorp and then Oudshoorn. We stayed at Oasis Shanti which is a great backpackers lodge. Very friendly and reasonable. There was a free pool table so boys wasted no time in getting the challenge going. They are both almost better than me already!

The trip there:

We all had pasta at La Dolce Vita, a cute little bustling Italian place on the main road, and then hit the sack for the EARLY wake up the next morning. I was horrified to realise I had left my iPOD at home. Even though this race specifies that no iPods are allowed I was still planning on sneaking mine in and using one ear phone and wearing a buff over it if I had to. I ALWAYS run with music and am pretty dependent on it to keep me going. I was a bit worried I wouldn't/ couldn't cope without it...

Next morning saw us up at the inhumane hour of 04:40. Luckily I had slept well and managed to wake up quite easily. We had to drive the 35kms to De Rust and register and get onto the Ostrich trucks by 05:45. So we set of as quickly as we could. We made it to De Rust in good time and soon we were on the truck and heading on the fun/ cold/ nerve wracking/ seemingly endless/ cramped/ jovial 20km truck journey up the Meiringspoort Pass. The trucks drive slowly so it feels like a 50km journey and eventually you get quite worried about just how far you have to run back!! Tim & boys joined me on the trucks, and Tim was going to arrange lifts back to the end point for them.

Once we arrived at the start point we gladly accepted the 'koffie & beskuit' offered by the De Rust tannies. Then it was time for me to get myself prepared. I said my goodbyes to the guys thinking they were heading back on the trucks again.

Next thing I was standing at the start line and there they were! So the race started and I had my own fan-club yelling from the side lines which was quite nice. At 2km they passed me on the back of one of the Official bakkies and I got to high five them on the way past, that was pretty cool too. They passed one more time at about 5kms in on the way back to the Finish point in a BMX X5 - lucky buggers - and then I was on my own.

I managed fine without the iPOD, and the first half of the race felt quite easy. I was wearing a HR Monitor for the first time in a race and it was interesting to see that my heart is now behaving as it should and stayed between 160-170 right throughout the race. By the last 6kms I was getting very tired though and some music really would have helped. My left thigh was getting stiff and sore and eventually I walked for a minute or 2 to catch my breath.

The last 2kms changes from a nice gentle down hill to a pretty mean uphill and I just wanted to die. As I entered the town the group of snot-nosed farm kids chanting 'Hou bene hou!' really helped. The last 2 steep blocks uphill were so tough as I rounded to corner I said 'Just kill me now' to the old man standing there. But then there's a nice 2 block downhill dash to the finish line and I decided to just GO. I finished the race and looked at the time and saw it was a personal best: 1:52:20. I was amazed I really didn't expect that. It's a full minute faster than my last PB. YAY! (If I hadn't got so tired and sore and walked that bit I might even have been able to crack 1:50..?)

The Race:

The official results are HERE
I came:
360th out of 1321 finishers = 27.25%
88th out of 641 females = 13.73%
24th out of 130 females in my age category = 18.46%

I was so tired at the end I had to go sit down and catch my breath for a few minutes. But then I chirped up and had some fun and enjoyed the Kerk Bisaar complete with Pannekoek, Kerrie & Rys and Poeding.

After going back to Oudshoorn to swim and clean-up and rest a bit we headed out to the Wildlife Ranch. Which at first looked expensive and a little crappy, but was actually wonderful and not that pricey really for what they have on offer. There are loads of amazing exotic animals all in excellent condition and kept in very nice enclosures but you can still see them pretty up close and personal. We had a great time there.

At the Wildlife Ranch:

Saturday night the boys opted to stay in and watch TV and we went and had a fabulous meal at Bell Ciba. I had Fresh Asparagus in Parma Ham, and a Beef, Beetroot, Feta, Orange and Walnut Salad which was divine!

Sunday morning we headed off again. Stopping in Swellendam for brunch and then doing a detour via Kleinmond and Betty's Bay and finally topping in Gordon's Bay for huge ice-creams.

Journey home:

It was a fabulous week-end away. Awesome road trip, good food, good company. Lots of fun. Great race. Magnificent scenery. Perfect!

Yipee!!

2011-10-13T20:11:00.000+02:00

So this is turning out to be a great week!

It looks like I have found myself a job - and a pretty good one too.

To be confirmed on Monday....

Dance of Joy Quinn's ears

2011-10-13T13:18:00.000+02:00

Guess what!?

Yesterday was 3 months since Quinn has his prosthetic titanium osciccles (tiny ear hearing bones) inserted to try to correct the hearing in his right ear after he lost all the osciccles to Cholesteatoma last year.

After his 2x c-toma ops his right ear was hearing 5-60% and his left ear about 90%.

Anyway, I took him to the audiologist for his post-op follow up hearing test now that it has had a chance to settle and heal and...

His right ear is now his better ear!!! (It's not brilliant across the entire auditory spectrum for for the speech frequencies it is working great)

So he has proper functional hearing now!!*

Our fabulous ENT Dr Raynham was so thrilled with the news when we went to see him afterwards. Gosh I could never repay him for all he has done for us. He is our hero for sure!

I am beyond thrilled with this news. I honestly had very little in terms of expectations for this op, and my main and major concern was just that the dreaded Cholesteatoma had not returned For me any improved hearing was a bonus prize. So I had NO expectations that it would not only help but make this ear BETTER than his 'good' ear. I am blown away!

*Guess what this child of mine said on hearing this though!? 'Oh, darn, I wanted to get a hearing aid' I told him he really doesn't and just like crutches the idea is cool but in reality the novelty would wear of really fast!

Rocking the Daisies - 6th time - EPIC!

2011-10-10T22:06:00.000+02:00

So this past week-end was Rocking the Daisies - we have been every year since the very first one in 2006, so this was our 6th time. It was fan-freaking-tastic! More so possibly because of the shitty crap past few months I have had, so I can't remember when last I had so much fun and felt so happy and relaxed. I LOVED IT!

It was amazing... in fact it was almost too good, the line up was so packed with amazing things it was impossible to get to see everyone, with 4 main music dance floors, beach bar, cinema, performance theatre, food zone, shopping area, gaming area, bloggin area, 'Man Zone', 'Daisy Den' for chicks who wanted hot showers, manicures and GHD treatments and crap. LOL.

Just some of what I managed to see/do: The Arrows, Jon Savage from Cassette, Jeremy De Tolly from Dirty Skirts, Louise Carver, 'Disco Dave', Martin Cito Otto from Wonderboom, Tasha Baxter, Paul Snodgras, Rob Van Vuuren, JR, Kwesta, Jack Parow, aKING, Prime Circle, Just Jinger, Gazelle, Graeme Watkins Project, Iiscreamstix, Yoav, Civil Twilight, Deep Fried Man, Jeremy Loops etc etc.

Then there was sipping Mojitos at the beach bar, swimming in the dam. Butlers Pizzas, Sweet & Sour Pork, Soft Serve Ice- Cream, spending time with the boys. Seeing them happy and excited. Playing pool (and being beaten hands down twice! ) with Quinn. Getting pushed and shoved while leaping around like a 16-year-old and singing along right in front stage centre. Annoying students making a bloody racket outside our tent for 2 nights in a row so I got almost no sleep at all. Trance music all night long. Dust and gross port-a-loos. Fun & too much sun and more! ♥ Best week-end of the year! I honestly love it all.

Oh and then I know some of you thought (think) taking my kids to a festival like this is questionable and even irresponsible parenting... well I have to agree... I left Quinn alone for just an hour or so, and when I came back, he was...well just look!

Quinn the Master Chef

2011-10-10T21:25:00.000+02:00

Quinn has been developing his cooking skills for a while and as suspected when I bought home a series of Master Chef he was very inspired by it.

He is also becoming a brilliant cook. He has a natural flare and knows how to cook things, flavour them and present them well.

During the school holidays he made some DELICIOUS chocolate muffins - he brought one to me beautifully plated with a sprinkling of icing sugar and it was delectable! He enjoyed my Gordon Ramsay impressions when I appraised it, and finally declared it. 'Perfect. Yes'.

The other morning he made himself a 3-egg omelette with cheese, ham spring onion & tomato. He was very impressed with how it came out...

His food is really delicious actually and his eggs in particular are better than 90% of restaurant's - really. To the point that I have told him I'd rather pay him to cook than eat a breakfast out. He has a real flair for it.

So proud of Griffin!

2011-10-10T17:45:00.000+02:00

Remember the Project Griffin was working on and he wrote his own poem ...?

Well he brought the project home today... he got 92% for it!!!

Look how beautifully he did it... ALL ON HIS OWN! I am so so impressed and proud of him.

Griffin's Grade 3 Spider Monkey Project #1

Griffin's Grade 3 Spider Monkey Project #2

I am so lucky to be this boy's mom!

Quinn is becoming a tweenie

2011-10-06T08:06:00.001+02:00

Quinn is growing up so much.

He is definitely a tweenie now, I chatted to him on the phone while he was driving back from a scout camp (so other people were in earshot).
Me: 'I love you!'
Quinn: 'Ok... bye.'
Hahaha. I find that kinda cute and funny.

He is developing his own sense of style (complete with Justin Bieber long flickable fringe LOL) and flare.

He is also becoming a brilliant cook. He has a natural flare and knows how to cook things, flavour them and present them well. His eggs are by far better than most breakfasts served at restaurants. To the point that I have told him I'd rather pay him to cook than eat a breakfast out. Really!

I got a series of Master Chef for him to watch and as I suspected he found it really inspirational. So yesterday he baked muffins and I was presented with one - plated beautifully and with a sprinkle of icing sugar to decorate it. It was really good. He enjoyed my Gordon Ramsay impressions when I appraised it, and finally declared it. 'Perfect. Yes'.

Quinn and I continue to have a love-hate relationship. He is either driving me up the wall or melting my heart. But these days it's definitely much more of the latter. He is a quirky, funny, clever, entertaining, talented, strong-willed, creative, and responsible young man. I love him and am proud and privileged to have him as my son.

Believe...

2011-09-30T07:05:00.000+02:00

I did it...

2011-09-27T11:58:00.001+02:00

So I don't know if this was a good or bad decision yet. Or whether it is going to reduce or increase my stress levels... but I HAVE RESIGNED!

Yes, I quit. Just like that. I was trying very hard to be all Zen and stay calm and not let this job affect me physically any more... Cardiologists orders and all...

BUT then while in yet another early-morning ambush meeting, where I was being grilled and then not only myself but also my entire team and project got attacked repeatedly, I could feel my heart start palpitating and I just thought 'SCREW IT!'. Enough was enough. So I stood up and walked out saying I was no longer prepared to accept or deal with it. I handed in my letter of resignation immediately.

Capricious move indeed! Bold? Yes. Impulsive? For sure. Stupid? I sincerely hope not...

Frankly I feel relieved more than anything else. I feel kinda good about it. I think I KNEW it had to happen. So it feels right*... I feel so much better and lighter and calmer already. That project was sucking the life out of me.

For now I hope and trust that it was the right move and that things will fall into place as they must and need to. Wish me luck! Please...

(*Although I may feel differently in 3 weeks time! But most of my team are actively job searching too and there have been a few other resignations this month. People are not happy here right now. Also both PMs on the client side have expressed shock and have asked if I want them to intervene and let me management know they are crazy. This makes me feel a lot better and like less of a failure. But I no longer want to stay, so go I must...)

Cardio Update

2011-09-20T20:45:00.000+02:00

Update on my medical stuff.

I saw the cardiologist for a Cardiac-Ultrasound and Stress-ECG etc today. The dude made me run quite fast and at quite a steep incline. And he said he had no sympathy because I am fit and can do it. Gee thanks! All the while I was virtually topless and jiggling away... hrm. Anyway, essentially I am fairly fit and healthy, which is great news and he says my heart is actually pretty strong. My pulse and blood pressure ARE very low, but are also nicely reactive. So when I stand up my blood pressure increases rather than decreases, and my heart rate accelerates accordingly when cardiovascular load is applied. So the specialist was not too concerned about any of that. Whew.

However, as suspected my main issue is the current very elevated stress levels. Although I am used to coping with chronic stress and had functional ways of dealing with it well (running, yoga etc), the additional stress due to my new job, which leaves me barely no time or energy or motivation to run or do the fun stuff I used to, has kicked me into an acute stress cycle which is not healthy, and is something I have to change. He said if my heart rate goes down any further I'd need a pace-maker to get it functioning back up at normal levels (!!) YIKES.

So it is looking like this job has got to go. Since despite continued best efforts, it's just not getting any better. I eventually contacted the other project manager who left recently after working there for years to find out why she left, and it's pretty much for the exact reasons which I am struggling with right now. In some weird way that helps a lot, and I feel less alone and like a failure, knowing it's a general problem in the company and not just me who can't cut it there! Her experience pretty much exactly mirrors what I am experiencing - and I really admired her professionally.

So between being a stress bucket, my heart possibly needing a pace maker if I don't manage the stress better and the low Oestrogen which could indicate early onset menopause.... I may be turning into a decrepit grumpy old witch after-all. HAHAHA.

So all things considered my outlook is not dire but I am going to have to get myself out of this awful job situation, which has become so stressful I'd honestly rather be sick than go there each day... *deep breath*

Full of Awesome

2011-09-20T14:28:00.003+02:00

This was sent to me by a friend....

Waking Up Full of Awesome

There was a time when you were five years old,
and you woke up full of awesome.
You knew you were awesome.
You loved yourself.
You thought you were beautiful,
even with missing teeth and messy hair and mismatched socks inside your grubby sneakers.
You loved your body, and the things it could do.
You thought you were strong.
You knew you were smart.
Do you still have it?
The awesome.
Did someone take it from you?

Did you hand it over, because someone told you weren’t beautiful enough, thin enough, smart enough, good enough?
Why the hell would you listen to them?
Did you consider they might be full of shit?
Wouldn’t that be nuts, to tell my little girl / boy that in another five or ten years she might hate herself because she doesn't have her awesome ? !
Are you freaking kidding me?
Look at her. She is full of awesome.
You were, once. Maybe you still are. Maybe you are in the process of getting it back.

Blood Test Results

2011-09-19T22:08:00.002+02:00

So my blood test results came back today. The Doc called me to tell me the news, she rattled everything off pretty fast.. but this is what I managed to catch:
- Full blood count - Normal - she didn't mention numbers.
- ESR (Erythrocyt Sedimentation Rate - inflammation marker used to check for infections & some cancers & autoimmune diseases as far as I know?) - Normal
- Ferritin - 53 Good
- Haemoglobin 14.1 - Good
- Thyroid (TSH) - Normal
- Progesterone - 1.4 Normal
- Oestrogen - 49 Low

So she is asking for an additional hormone test for FSH - to see if I am ovulating at all because that will show whether the low oestrogen is linked to ovulation (I have a Mirena IUD so actually have no idea any more) or if I am possibly pre-menopausal. I did not see that one coming!

And you now all officially know TMI about me!

Oh and I have 2x interviews this week to try to get out of the mad-house I am in which is causing all my stress...

I have to go for the stress ECG tomorrow morning to see how my heart handles cardio-stress. Should be fun.

Heart Broken...? Hope not!

2011-09-15T12:23:00.001+02:00

I am just back from my doctor's appointment, after deciding I really did need to see one, after monitoring my BP and pulse rate for a while now....

I was also starting to suspect I may have an issue with Hypothyroidism (i.e. under active thyroid) because I seem to have about 90+% of the symptoms...

Symptoms of Hypothyroidism:
* Fatigue - check
* Weakness - check
* Weight gain or increased difficulty losing weight - check
* Coarse, dry hair - check
* Dry, rough pale skin - check
* Hair loss - check
* Cold intolerance (you can't tolerate cold temperatures like those around you) - check
* Muscle cramps and frequent muscle aches - sometimes
* Constipation - occasionally
* Depression - check
* Irritability -check
* Memory loss - can't remember
* Abnormal menstrual cycles - dunno have a Mirena
* Decreased libido - check

Then a friend loaned me his Heart Rate monitor so I have been wearing it for the past few days... I saw that my heart rate goes all the way down to 40bpm quite often, and was even dipping as low as 35BPM at times!!!

While I was cycling up a tough hill on the week-end the highest it went was 155, and Sunday while running it went up to 165. But otherwise it's right down, and even those high numbers are relatively low. I should be able to get it up to 180-190...

So even though apart from my broken ankle (when I waited a full 6 days before I even went in) and the general insurance blood screenings every 3 years this is my FIRST GP visit since um... I had flu when I was just pregnant with Quinn and my manager said he'd only sign off my time-sheet if I went to the doctor. Before that I was 15. I decided this was significant enough to do something about it. I have just had a niggly feeling that all is not right and I needed to be checked out. So today I went off to the doctor.

The Doc thinks I was right to be concerned and has sent blood off for:
- Full blood count work up
- Ferrous levels
- Thyroid (TSH)
- Progesterone
- Oestrogen

I was also sent for an ECG, after I showed her the HR monitor which is showing an average pulse rate of 45BPM over past 12 hours - That is VERY low.

I have been referred to a cardiologist specialist because she wants me to go for a stress test ECG and other tests to check whether this is normal for me, or if there is something more serious wrong. Apparently the Reynaud's combined with Bradicardia can be things like Schleroderma and Lupis etc...

At least I now know why I am so tired and drained and un-energetic all the time these days. She wants me to back off on cardio activities for now, until we know more (BUMMER because although I am too 'tired' to do much of them a lot of the time now it's the only time I do feel more or less normal these days). She also agrees with me that it sounds like my (SUCKASS CRAP) job is contributing to this a lot and agrees I should be looking to make a change there since it is clearly affecting my health directly and rather dramatically. ALL my symptoms and issue lead right back to when I started this job... too much so to be a coincidence.

So there you have it. The cardiologists charge around R2200 CASH per appointment! When I was told this I told them my pulse and BP were suddenly up thanks, so no need for the appointment any more... Holy Crap.
Also 5 out of 6 cardio's earliest appointment is END of October. Nice. So your heart is at risk but you must wait 6 week before they'll see you...?! Thank-fully I finally found a cheaper, closer guy who can see me on Tues. Yay. So I'll find out more then.

Right now I really want to go for a cycle... but I'm too tired (to even sit up straight, I am slouched/half lying on my desk)!

Smart-Ass Quick-Thinking Quinn

2011-09-12T21:38:00.001+02:00

We were at friends for the rugby yesterday and Quinn did something idiotic, so I yelled out to him and asked why he did it, so he says, "Because C did it".

So C's dad says "So if your mom jumped into a fire would you jump in too?!?"

To which my smart-ass son replies, "Yes... to save her."

Inadvertent Funny

2011-09-12T18:21:00.002+02:00

I wanted Griffin to fetch something from my bedside table, but not MY one, the other one on the other side of the bed which I use for batteries and chargers (NO not THAT kind! ). Anyway so I was telling him where to get it and didn't want him digging around and making a mess on my side, and the other side is no longer called 'daddy's side of the bed', so I said..

'It's in the drawer on the .... passenger side of my bed'.

LMAO, the more I think about it the funnier I find it, but it was completely unintentional and just came out as I was thinking along the lines of the other side of the car etc.

That's my semi-funny for the day.

Pulse Rate & Blood Pressure

2011-09-08T21:11:00.000+02:00

What sort of pulse rate and BP do you have?
My pulse has become crazy low - I think.

Today at 3pm my resting (middle of a boring meeting) pulse was 40bpm!
Last night at the gym after a 13km run and some sit-ups and stretching it was 55bpm.
Now after dinner it is 46bpm.

My blood pressure last night was 100/58, a few weeks ago it was 90/58.

I know lower is better than high, on both counts, but I am thinking this is fairly excessively low - even for me - and could be a big part of why I am:
- Suffering from Reynaud's Syndrome a lot this winter
- Have been cold all the time and have been
- Putting on weight

Does it sound like a need a check-up?
Noting that I had a life insurance basic health screening with a nurse recently - weight/height/ cholesterol/BP etc. and she remarked on how low my BP was but didn't seem concerned about it...

I am doing the Argus!

2011-09-03T16:05:00.000+02:00

So I have enetered the Argus Cycle Tour 2012. Eeeep! I'm so excited! And scared. I never imagined I'd ever feel like it was somethign I could actually consider doing. It's always seemed so out of reach and out of my league...

But I think it's one of those things you have to do at least once if you live in Cape Town. So next year it is. I am loving riding my bike. It's an awesome feeling being out there and hearing the wind whistling as you zoom along our gorgeous cities roads and mountains.

Anyone keen to join in? I am making it a beer challenge (loser buys the beers)

I just went for a cycle with my friend Mat today and I did a total of 72.5kms!

From Rondebosch to Tokai. Then up Ou Kaapse Weg - yes it was a little tough! Then on to Sun Valley, up over Black Hill and down into to Glencairn. Then through to Kalk Bay, where we had a stop for a coffee at Olympia Deli. Then back over Boyes Drive to Tokai where I had tea and toast with Mat before the final stretch back to Rondebosch again via Constantia & Wynberg.

Mat is fitter, stronger and a LOT taller than me. He also has a better lighter bike with better gearing and has cleats but I managed to stay more or less with him for most of the time. It was awesome.

I am TIRED now though! Whew!

I nearly killed Quinn this morning... Bad Mom Award needed.

2011-08-29T09:33:00.001+02:00

It's been a looong time since I was in such a rage with him. He has been all over the place in the past week or so. He got demerits in his dairy, the PE teacher phoned me because he didn't have his PE clothes (and used Gran's funeral as an excuse) and then a teacher wrote a note in his dairy about him being a handful last week too... so it's not just me noticing it... anyway he had an oral to do. He did mention it last week and sort of started on it, and did about half of it - in English even though it's an Afrikaans oral.

So yesterday morning I ask him when it is for and he says ' oh only the 29th...' I was like; 'Dude that's TOMORROW!'. GAH.

So I spent the whole morning working with him, writing it, translating it, finding photos, etc etc etc and then practicing it with him.

We went to a movie yesterday afternoon and before we left I asked him to practise his oral for me. Which he did quite well. Yay. I then said, 'Now make sure you don't leave it behind' and got a firm 'Yes mom' in response.

I have now decided 'Yes mom' means 'Fluck you bitch' or 'Whatever, I am totally ignoring you' or something to that effect. Because when I asked him to practise on the way to school this morning, he told me it was at home!!!

I have not spazzed out that much in ages and ages. My throat is actually sore from screaming now. I made him RUN the last 2 blocks home to go fetch it, and while I was stewing I actually threw his school bag out my window and drove around the corner - VERY mature I know. When he came back I told him he could walk to school, but he was just about crying and begged me to let him get in the car. I yelled at him some more and then dropped him off and didn't even say goodbye.

I think I totally over reacted. What a bitch and horrible mom I was. But I get SO FRUSTRATED with stuff like this.

I hope he is going to be ok today. I wish I could give him a hug and say sorry now.

What an awesome cycle!

2011-08-28T14:33:00.000+02:00

I woke up feeling pretty bleh and unenthusiastic to be alive this morning. After wallowing in bed for about 2 hours doing not much of anything besides helping Quinn with his Afrikaans oral, I decided to drag myself out and to actually go DO something.

So I got on my bike and set off, with no real plan or direction in mind... just following my nose as I felt like it. The more I went the better I felt though, until I was smiling and enjoying myself so much! I was even singing along to my music.

In the end I went from Rondebosch, down Liesbeek Road past the Riverclub to Lower Main Road and all the way to Town via the Castle. Then up Strand Street and up to High Level Road, right along through Seapoint, Bantry Bay, Clifton & Campsbay, on to Llandudno, down Suikerbossie (new top speed of 65.5km/h down there!) to Houtbay and up to Constantia Neck (OMG I nearly died going up there!) and then down to Constantia and then Wynberg and then bak to Rondebosch. 53kms in all. Av speed of 20km/h.

It was awesome and such a beautiful day out there, albeit a bit windy in some places!

So glad I went out.

Granny Betty's Memorial

2011-08-23T22:24:00.001+02:00

I am just back from memorial and family and dinner etc etc. It has been a long but good day. The memorial was wonderful and true testament to the amazing woman granny Betty was. A lot of people came and everyone loved and was moved by her. It was a little more emotional than I expected and my dad did a really lovely talk about her and then got very teary by the end, so Griff and I sat and held him afterwards.

The ice was a little broken at the very end when the minister was 'committing the casket' or whatever it is called and she said 'and you are now but dust' which the boys and I heard as 'and you are now butt-dust' which had us sniggering and giggling quietly between our tears. It was kind of funny. Who knew that's what you become when you die..?? :)

The boys were absolute STARS so well behaved and real little gentlemen in their smart school uniforms (I had collected them straight from school, early, on the way to the service). They handed out hymn sheets and also offered all the old ladies tea and sandwiches and cleared up the cups and plates etc etc afterwards all on their own steam. I was very proud. They also spoke beautifully to all the old people who asked them questions. Think I'll give them a small reward for being so conscientious and well mannered and considerate.

Granny Betty truly lived a wonderful life and no one can remember her ever saying a bad word about anyone, ever. What a remarkable and inspirational way to be. Something to strive towards indeed.

I've just been out with my Uncle & Aunt (who are out from England and the reason the funeral was delayed to give them time to get here) and my dad. We had a good time chatting about all and everything. I had no idea that my dad met Michael Jackson! And Nelson Mandela etc etc. He is full of funny and fascinating stories. Oh and my uncle designed the bridge on the M3 that goes nowhere, the one after Ladies Mile and before Tokai... lol.

Women's Day Challenge Results

2011-08-22T13:59:00.001+02:00

So the Women's Day Challenge Results and photos are out. The previous time I did it was in 2008, when it was at Bellville stadium, so this was at a new venue, but this is how I did last time and this time...

2008 (when I had a different name)
#151 WEIDEMAN JANE 0:54:35

2011
#106 FRASER JANE 0:52:14

Also this year:
I came 106th out of 1489 finishers = top 7.5%
I came 75th out of 1279 female finishers = top 6%

I came out 98th of 1408 seniors = top 7%
I came out 68th of 1213 female seniors = top 5.5%

I came 4th out of 54 in 35-40 age category = top 7.5%
I came 3rd out of 47 Females in 35-40 age category = top 6.5%

These are the photos:

It has to be said that I am NOT loving my new larger thighs which I have acquired this winter. I need to work at getting rid of them soon. Blech!

We heart Brussels Sprouts!

2011-08-22T13:45:00.000+02:00

I microwave Broccoli and/or Brussels Sprouts until just cooked and then add balsamic vinegar/lemon juice/soya sauce salt and pepper.

I sometimes add avo, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, linseeds etc. Maybe a dash of sweet chilli sauce mixed in.

Yesterday I sautéed mushrooms and some salmon to go with it too.

Anyway, both boys really loved it! Including the Brussels Sprouts, which neither had wanted to even try - after the bad wrap they get in books and movies and jokes etc.

They are so yummy when done right! Give them a chance!

Griffin wrote a poem!

2011-08-17T23:21:00.002+02:00

Aw my boy has been so amazing. He is doing a project on animals. He chose Dolphins, so I found and printed a whole bunch of info off the web including pictures, poems and everything he needed. Then 2 days later (thanks to bloody Quinn meddling ) he changed to Spider Monkeys. I didn't have much time so only got a few bits and pieces and then forgot about it.

I asked him about it today because I had totally forgotten about the project and he has gone to the school library himself to get more info, drew his own pictures and then wrote his OWN poem - because he couldn't find one, and he says he'll get more marks for effort and creativity.

This child is melting my heart right now. My precious boy.

Here is his poem, I think it is pretty good.

Spider Monkeys
Furry
Long limbs
Swinging around all day
Carrying their young
Having some fun
Always like to play!

CHESS

2011-08-17T12:29:00.000+02:00

The boys have been doing chess as one of their after school activities for a while now. I haven't had much visibility as to how they have been doing, although I do know that Quinn in particular has an aptitude for it. Griff has also seemed to enjoy it, but up to now hasn't seemed that taken with it, so I thought he was just kind of going along for the ride (literally - as in waiting for his lift home with Quinn and his friend after chess practice) :)

Anyway, last month they came home telling me about a chess tournament, and they asked me to enter them. So I duly registered them and paid up, and woke up bright and early on a Saturday to make the great trek to Bellville to get them there by 8am.

I was not able to stay there with them so left them there for the day. I lifted 5 kids there and another mom brought them all home. It was an ENTIRE day from 8am to 7pm. Honestly I was a bit dubious as to how it was going to go. Would they sustain focus enough to play chess for that long, and would they actually enjoy it!??

Well as it turns out they LOVED it and were so amped when they came home.

Quinn won 2, lost 2 and drew 3 of his games. He came 29/61 entered in the C division (noting that a few entered and didn't actually play)

Griffin won 2 and lost the rest (I think). Still the fact that he won the first 2 was amazing as he hasn't played much at all, and wasn't expecting to win at all. He came 48/61 entered in the C division (noting that a few entered and didn't actually play)

I was really impressed cos it's a heck of a long day for them, but it seems like they really enjoyed it a lot. I MUST get them a proper chess set. We only have a tiny magnetic board with 2-3 pieces missing...

There is another tournament (at the same place) this Saturday and they have again asked me to enter them, so I have.

This is a photo of Quinn playing at the Paarl Gym exchange last week.

Their school team has 10 players and he is on the team on the 7th board. Griff may get a spot on the team soon too. :)

Reynaud's Syndrome is a-numbing!

2011-08-16T20:07:00.000+02:00

I finally actually know what is 'wrong' with me now. It is called Reynaud's Syndrome or Reynaud's Phenomenon. Since I was about 18 years old my fingers and toes go white/yellow and have NO circulation if I get very cold - always starting with the middle one. I used to think it was just a normal random winter thing to do with circulation and or a pinched nerve from all the clothing layers in winter. But this year I have been really plagued by it. I have researched it now and hey presto it is exacerbated by stress and emotional issues, cold and tension (physical pressure) and I have had a lot of all 4 recently.

Mine gets so bad I lose the strength and grip in my hands and when I cycle it can get so bad that I can not brake or change gears! Then when I get home I can't turn the key in my door! It is rather annoying and sometimes even alarming. I have to immerse my hands and feet in hot water to get the blood flowing again and then the parts that were white go dark purple...

This is not my photo but this is EXACTLY what my hands look like:

Mine is usually the middle 3 fingers and it starts at the tips of the fingers and moves downwards. Shaking my hands around and flicking my fingers doesn't really help at all.

This winter I have been wearing gloves a lot and drive around with my heater on full blast and my fingers IN the air-vents!

As I type now my fingers are pale and numb. GAH!, and it is not even that cold right now.

Anyone else have this?

Griffin - Homeschool/Unschool Candidate?!

2011-08-15T19:57:00.003+02:00

Guess what he just said to me..?

'There's only one thing I hate about school... the fact that the bell rings every half an hour! Sometimes I'll be doing a big sum and thinking hard and then it distracts me. It's annoying.'

LOL. I love that about him. He is so responsible and conscientious. When I got home tonight he was at the table working at his homework and doing it perfectly. Most nights when I get home he is done with it and he leaves it out for me to see and sign-off. He tells me he finishes most of his work at school while other kids are chatting, playing or colouring in, because he's rather finish it then and there and rather have extra play time later at home.

Last week he won the grade merit badge and also came home with 40/40 for a Math Assessment. He is becoming so mature. He really can be a little angel sometimes. <3 <3 <3

Oh and he was really struggling with spelling last term, so we were given a list of words (about 200) to drill him on. He was reluctant because he really battled (I actually thought there was something wrong with him becuase he COULD NOT get even simple words like 'few' right even after practicing for days) and he just didn't want to do it, but he relented eventually with lots of coercion and now it's like something has just clicked and now suddenly he is doing really well at spelling, even though I have forgotten to keep practicing that consistently. Anyway he now tells me that in the early mornings when they get to school he takes out his word list and reads through it to make sure he knows it! Aw man, he makes my heart sore sometimes with things like this. Good sore.

He is reading me a bedtime story right now.

(On the other hand Quinn is a whole other kettle of fish. He leaves his stuff at home/school. Has to be reminded 4-10 times. Forgets anyway. Leaves his homework till he is NAGGED about it etc. Says he has none. Get's demerits. Couldn't be arsed etc. I spent the evening Googling his test info because his books are not here and he wanted to talk about everything EXCEPT what I was trying to get him to focus on (I had to keep bringing his attention back, and off what he was trying to explore albeit that it was very interesting. He was not being naughty, but gosh he is SO distractable and goes off at major tangents. Aaai!

Update : I quizzed Q on his Geography the next morning, and he has absorbed a LOT of it, and uses his tangential associations to remember stuff (I do that too actually) so it works well for him, even if it can be frustrating at times if you have limited time. But it does pay into my approach of don't learn ONLY what you need for a test, but for general knowledge, and enrichment.)

Saturday's Epic Bike Ride

2011-08-15T14:50:00.001+02:00

I may or may not have got around to mentioning that I finally got myself a bicycle for my birthday. I have been wanting to for years, but wasn't convinced that I liked cycling enough, or that I could afford it. I used to run with the boys while they cycled and would have to push them along half the time. Well over the past while as they have grown up and since they upgraded to larger bikes I can no longer keep up with them and they don't need pushing any more. also I started riding Quinn's bigger bike a bit and really enjoyed it. So I started browsing the second hand market a bit more actively and right around the time of my birthday a good quality hardly used 2-year-old 24-speed Silverback Reno bike became available for R1800 - including a trip computer, helmet and bottle holder. A damn good deal. So I decided it was time and got it for myself for my birthday. I have been riding it, more and more since and am really having fun on it (until and except when it 'bit me' recently of course! I am still bruised from that!)

Anyway, on Saturday morning I decided I needed some time and head-space to myself as well as a bit of exercise. So after sorting the boys out I got on my bicycle and started riding, and just kept going.

I went from Rondebosch down Prince George's Drive to Muizenberg, then on to Kalk Bay. Then onwards to Fish Hoek, then through to Sun Valley. At that point I was far from home and I decided what the hell, I might as well bite the bullet and go all out. So I tackled Ou Kappse Weg! I have seen people cycling along there often when I have driven that route and always thought 'I could never do that!'. But I DID. On a mountain bike nogal. It was a long slog but actually not as bad, steep or long as I had expected it would be. Especially considerig it was not somethign I had prepared for and didn't even have any supplies with me!

I descended the other side of Ou Kaapse Weg in a hectic head-on gail which stopped me from being able to get much above 45km/h (DAMN I was hoping to get a new top speed - currently it is 63.8km/h). I then went along Spaanschemat River road through Tokai back to Constantia where I pretty much collapsed. Having had no food and hardly anything to drink either for that entire distance (and only had coffee for breakfast) I was finished at that point! I think that what is referred to as 'bonking'. You just literally run out of energy and feel heavy and like you can;t go on. I had to stop to buy something to eat and drink. After a 10 minute rest where I ate a HUGE apple and energy bar and had a drink, I felt much better again and was able to drag myself back onto the bike. I carried on back to Rondebosch through Wynberg & Kenilworth & Claremont.

In the end I did a whopping 65km!

Liberty Cheque Hand-Over

2011-08-15T10:13:00.000+02:00

Here are the Photos from the Liberty Cheque Hand-Over on Friday.

Thanks again Liberty, Genea, Jade & Jacques!

Arigato, Gracias, Merci, THANK-YOU!

2011-08-14T09:13:00.000+02:00

“So much has been given to me; I have no time to ponder over that which has been denied.” Helen Keller

I already posted about our story winning the Liberty - Own Your Life Competition, where we won R5000! I am still so full of awe and gratitude about that. It was so unexpected and came at JUST the right time. I was pretty much having a break down in the week I got the news and just wanted to give up. This was the sign I needed that, everything will indeed be alright. I just need to KEEP GOING and focus on the good stuff.

"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation." -Brian Tracy

The boys have decided it is our 'Thailand Holiday Fund' and they have since sold stuff and saved a further R1200 to contribute to this. The hope is that in a bout a year's time (4 years since the first/last time I was able to take them) we'll be able to go again. We'll need at least R25 000 though and that's a for a budget no frills holiday. But they work hard and save really well and really know how to focus on a target and do without to achieve a bigger goal, so I think we may just be able to do it...

"Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life." -Christiane Northrup

Anyway I was called to meet with some of the wonderful Liberty people involved who were down from JHB early on Friday morning. They wanted to meet me and do a hand-over of one of those huge cheques (I'll post photos if I get them), they really were so warm friendly. But that's not all, as I was leaving they handed me a pretty pink gift bag...

When I got to work I had a look inside and OH. EM. GEE. It contained a voucher for a spa right near my house - one I have been eyeing for years but could just not justify the expense of going to - and the voucher is for.... a facial, massage, manicure and pedicure. *FEINT* Wow, wow, WOW!!!!

Thank-you, Thank-you, thank-you.

How very very lucky am I? Wow, Thank-you so much I am so humbled and grateful. Thank-you Tertia and Liberty. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart!

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” Maya Angelou

Best Compliment Ever

2011-08-13T16:11:00.000+02:00

Recently the boys were reading me snippets from the Guinness Book of World Records they had taken out from the school library. )It was a great way to sneak in a bit of reading practice without them realising it!) :)

Some of the records were just silly. Like the record for the most amount of weight someone can dangle off a sword they have swallowed. I mean WTF? I think these people just think up the arbest thing they can think of in order to be the world record holder at it...

Anyway so I got chatting to the boys about what we could come up with as our world record skills or attributes. We decided Quinn could be world champion burper, and while we were trying to think of Griffin's one - Quinn suggested world' stinkiest farts for him!.

But then Griffin turned to me and said, "And you can be the best Mom&Dad in the world!". Wow. WOW. I think that may be the biggest compliment I have ever received. Ever. Thanks my baby boy. You just made it to best kid in the word. By far! Mwah.

RIP Granny Betty

2011-08-11T21:26:00.000+02:00

I feel quiet numb and immobile.
I have done almost nothing since I heard the news. I am all indecisive and confused almost.

I was on my way to yoga at the time I go the call and I didn't go and have done virtually nothing else either.

What am I meant to be DOING!?

She was so ill and has been so so much better. I had a lovely chat to her on the phone 2 weeks ago, and was thinking THIS afternoon ow it's been too long again since I saw her and I must go visit, tomorrow, and then 30 mins later I got the call saying she had passed.

I know she didn't want to suffer and linger so this is probably what she would have wanted... but I feel so sad. This year is proving to be really really tough. Why am I struggling so much with everything?

I need to coordinate stuff now and deal with family who will want to come down again and and and. But right now I don't have the energy to even think about any of that. I am not even sure what to do about work in the morning...

Quinn seems ok, he was loving and wanted to cuddle and touch me. But Griffin seems more upset and was acting grumpy and bratty and difficult, so I think he is going to need more support and attention to deal with it. He is much more sensitive and emotional out of the 2...

REST IN PEACE DARLING AND GRACIOUS GRANNY BETTY. WE LOVE YOU.

She would have been 92 next month. A long and well lived life. Always happy and content. A true inspiration.

Women's Day Challenge - my turning point.

2011-08-09T20:15:00.000+02:00

I may just be seeing light at the end of my gloomy tunnel. I have had 2-3 months of really not having fun and just being stressed and haggard. And feeling fat and unfit. But I dragged myself to the Women's Day 10km Challenge today and it was SO GOOD TO GET OUT AND RUN IN THE SUN!

I saw some friendly faces, who asked why I have been scarce, and actually seemed to care, and best of all I finished the race in a not too shabby 52:15. YAY! So I am not that unfit after all. *glee*

I am inspired to get back on track, fit, happy and in control again. My job can simply not consume my life any more. It makes me so unhappy. I really NEED to exercise it is not a luxury it is a necessity.

My Bike Bit Me!

2011-08-08T08:26:00.000+02:00

On Friday night I took my bicycle out for a short while when G was at cubs. It was dusk and I had no real plan or destination was just cruising around Newlands and the Liesbeek river etc. I ended up near Kirstenbosch and went off road into a field and long story short misjudged a drop-off-drain combination and instead of rolling out the other end came down hard and fell of the seat and whacked full force into the cross bar and then fell over.

It was so sore I nearly cried! (I didn't even cry when I broke my ankle) Faark it felt like I broke my pubic bone and half expected that I was bleeding it was THAT hard and sore. Anyway I have been joking about it since and thought it had healed up fine... but I just bathed and noticed a nice bruise on my leg and then while drying myself off I lifted my leg further and OMG on second look with a mirror it looks like a horror movie down there. I have a big swollen dark purple-black contusion! It is really quite horrific looking. Yikes.

It's a good thing I am closed for business these days. It would scare anyone away! I hope it heals up soon though. I don't wanna be known as the Cookie Monster henceforth!

Quinn on his future kids...

2011-08-02T08:25:00.002+02:00

On the way home last night we were discussing a friend who is struggling as breadwinner with 4 kids and a wife who is not happy about how much he works. (Poor guy!)

So Quinn says, 'I am going to have 2 children. 2 boys. I'd like a boy so I can do stuff with him and teach him things.... I don't want a girl. Girls are annoying. You can buy them every single princess thing there is and they'll still sulk and be cross with you.'

Lol. I have to concur. He is tuned in this one.

Not too old for 'fun dinners' yet.

2011-08-02T07:45:00.002+02:00

I haven't done this for the boys for AGES, but the other night I surprised them with one of my old 'fun dinners' again. And they still loved it and got a kick out of it....

Not pictured: Q wanted more veg and some tomato sauce, so he ended up with 'blood and guts' spilling out of his guy's abdomen, and mouth changed to down-turned .

Turn me to stone

2011-07-29T12:55:00.001+02:00

Prime Circle is awesome... Turn me to stone

ADT - so full of shit!

2011-07-29T10:45:00.000+02:00

I moved into my house in Jan 2005. From Jan 2005 - July 2010 we had no alarm, nothing. We survived just fine.

Then last year our neighbour was held up in his house at gun point. I suddenly felt nervous and vulnerable as a single woman on my own with young children. So I got an alarm installed, and allowed ADT to convince me I needed armed response and to be linked to their dedicated vehicle in our area. It's a grand cost of R420pm for this. That's a LOT for me... but you can't put a price on your and your family's lives right...? So we bit the bullet and went with it.

A year later and times have been tough. We have no DSTV any more and try to save wherever we can. That R420pm is not insignificant! But it was not considered a luxury, so I have been bearing it.

But then 2 things happened:

1- Quite some time ago my alarm activated in the night. I was about to leap up and check the house myself as I'd always done, and then realised I didn't need to. I pressed the panic button instead. Sure I got a phone call from the control centre. I said I had no idea what was going on so yes please could someone - big and brave - come take a look, to make sure. Did anyone arrive? Nope, not that I am aware of.

2 - Then on Sunday while we were out I missed a call that my alarm had gone off. Having missed the call, I reckoned that ADT could investigate since that's what I PAY them for right? RIGHT? Nope. I get home, deactivate alarm, check the property MYSELF again. A while later I get a call asking if all was ok?

That was when I realised I am paying a lot for a premium service I don't receive at all! So I said yes all is fine but I am not happy that I actually have an armed response service. The lady in the call centre said it had been noted that access to my property is not possible because we have spikes on the wall and a dog... WHAT!?

Ok. Let's examine these issues:

- The spikes are so minor and superficial that both the boys and I (and their friends) can and do climb over them and have done so a dozen or so times when we have needed to in the past. Are they saying a big fit and strong ADT man in protective clothing AND with a ladder can not manage that? Give me a break!

- And then the dog? Really. REALLY? Have you seen her?

She is smaller than a cat and the least threatening dog on the planet. She does not even bark, never mind bite. She doesn't even jump up on people. What nonsense!

So on Monday I send a very polite email saying I'd like to downgrade my service to alarm monitoring only thanks.

What has followed is a flurry of emails, calls and even visits to my home to convince me to stay on Armed Response, but at the same time either trying to make me purchase MORE stuff (a key safe etc.) or concede that my property is inaccessible because of the dog. They even wanted me to sign a letter to the affect - basically agreeing to pay the price for the armed response but acknowledging that they wouldn't ever actually come in and help me. WTF what bullshit!?

I have been nice, friendly, amenable, even humorous about it, but now I am over it. I mean the guy who came with the letter on Wednesday night actually LAUGHED with me about the spikes and the dog, who was sitting there blinking innocently at him. He agreed with me and said he totally saw my point and wouldn't sign that letter either if it was him.

So when I got yet another call this morning I lost my cool a little when the woman was STILL trying to convince me to keep the armed response, but that I must understand their occupational health and safety regulations. I said, in these words, 'Look either you CAN provide armed response or you can't. And if you can't, that is fine, but then I am not paying for it any more. End of story!' I mean that's not unreasonable is it?

Anyway, so now I pay R170pm and only have alarm monitoring. Yay, I save over R270pm, and honestly our local police department is great and usually respond within minutes anyway. So finally after a week of debate I have got what I wanted! Why did it have to be so frikken hard!?

Quinntrepreneur

2011-07-25T19:31:00.000+02:00

This child of mine... He is certainly going to make his way in the world I think. He somehow always has a deal and scheme on the go...

As you probably know there are many kids for whom cash is not an issue, they routinely have tuck-shop pre-orders or R50-100 on hand to spend on what they wish.

My kids don't - for obvious reasons. My 2 are lucky to get R20 each during food-fair week to spend for the whole week. They don't often get tuck-shop money AT ALL. Anyway, I do kind of like it that way because the result is that when they do get money they do tend to save it for something they really want (like a game or something) and not just on tuck. But you know, the lure of the tuck shop is admittedly pretty strong.

So this evening Quinn was telling me about something new at the tuck shop this week that he had today and how cheap but yummy it was. So I asked how he bought it and he told me he gets R2 a week, well actually R3 from this week, because he has a deal with his friend Thomas. He writes Thomas' homework diary entry for him daily and he gets R2 a week for that, and from today he neatens his desk too for an extra R1. LOL. He also gets Thomas' pre-order items if Thomas doesn't like/want them. He said he had riblets and mielies the other day (YUM). This child never ceases to amaze me.

Infinitely Grateful

2011-07-24T09:22:00.000+02:00

THANK-YOU THANK-YOU to the inimitable Tertia (who I had the honour and privilege to actually finally meet in the flesh last week, and she really was and is as lovely and gorgeous as I always imagined. She ROCKS. Lots) and Liberty who chose me, ME, as the winner! Of THIS!

After entering our story... for the Liberty “Own Your Life” campaign on Tertia's blog

Wow wow wow!

Thank-you to all involved. This could not have come at a better time for us, when we were really going through a rough patch and struggling so much more than usual. It has helped me to claw myself out of a perceived hole of hopelessness, and realise that I can and must keep going!

Positive Inkling

2011-07-19T20:53:00.000+02:00

I LOVE this! Thanks Nicci.

I have been going through some stuff in the past month or so... but I think my little black Eeyore cloud is lifting and there are some amazing views on the horizon... I have an inkling of some very exciting prospects. I just need to let them brew a bit and see if I must pursue any of them... for now Free Positive Thoughts. Que sera sera....

Friend - I am a TERRIBLE one

2011-07-18T15:32:00.001+02:00

I seem to SUCK at being a friend. I struggle to cope with my own life, and being a bit of an introvert, I need time to myself first to regroup before I am ready to tackle the world. As a result I am not the best friend.

My friend of 12 years just sent me a bitchy sarcastic e-mail this morning ending by saying - 'don't bother to respond and have a nice life.'

Did I DO anything nasty or wrong? No.

Has she contacted ME? Or asked if I am ok? No.

I just didn't give her enough attention. I did think about her a lot, I just haven't actually made contact. It's not that I have been gallivanting anywhere else, I have just been working, and working, dealing with my grans health issues, Quinn's op, the death of my friend's baby, and a bunch of other stuff.... I just haven;t been coping well with my life at all.

But yeah I do understand that as far as friends go, I am not good at it.

Quinn's reconstructive hearing op done & C-Tomas gone!

2011-07-12T20:01:00.003+02:00

Ok, Quinn's re-constructive surgery is done and dusted.

We had to be at the hospital at 06:30am, and we were, only to have to wait until nearly 07:30 before the admissions desk was even ready to sign us in. Grrr.

Anyway, once we were past the hospital nonsense and were finally sent up for surgery it was 09:30am. By which time Quinn (11) was moaning about being bored and hungry. The previous hospital was much more efficient and Quinn was psyched for his surgeries so this one was quite an anti-climax.

Again I went right into the OR with him and he again chose the gas over the needle for the anaesthetic, This anaesthetist was better at administering it too and gave him a slow dose over a minute or 2 while we all chatted and he gradually drifted away without even being aware of it as there was no focus on him or what she was doing. Different to usual but a good way to handle it I guess.

Our fab doc told me he'd take an hour or so at his approximation, but that he'd ring me when he was done as usual so to rather go relax somewhere and not hang around outside the door. I went downstairs to his ward and worked on my laptop (all I do these days is work, sad but true reality of my life right now!), more that 2 hours later I finally got the call that he was done.

Doc was happy that it went well. He did a tympanectomy and ossicularplasty, with a titanium stapes-incus implant thing, and some cartilage to bridge and stabilise it. He says it went as well as he would have hoped and that there is no sign of c-toma in his right ear at all, and that he checked the left and cleaned it too and that one looks good as well. That was my main concern so I was thrilled to hear that news!

So he now has a titanium implant in his head - apparently it is x-ray and MRI safe though. :)

Quinn woke up after 20 mins in recovery and was very grumpy and even quite angry and aggressive - this was new. Previously he'd just been very woosey and sore and we'd get him back to sleep and on second waking he'd bounce back and be his normal self. This time he was sullen, obstreperous, and kept wanting to get up, but was falling over and quite drunk and obnoxious. He was still moaning about being 'bored'. (OMG!) I had visions of him being a stroppy teenager and it was not nice. His behaviour was quite hurtful actually. I tried not to take it too personally, but eventually asked if he wanted to be left alone and he said yes, so I moved away but stayed near (even though I wanted to go home at that point and wanted to cry. I just told myself to suck-it and keep being there for him, because I knew he needed it although he was acting like he really didn't) and thankfully after some pain meds back in the ward a while later and a milky drink he 'came back' and was lovely and sweet and loving.

He told me he doesn't know why he got like that, but just felt sore and angry (must be side effects of meds right?). He even apologised. I told him he'll be a horrid drunk teenager. To which he said, 'No, I won't get THAT drunk. I'll only have like...3.' (LOL yeah right, we'll see...)

Anyway from then on all has been good and we went home at 14:00 or so. He claims to already be hearing better despite his ear being packed with foam and cotton-wool, so holding thumbs that the results are good.

I am relived it is done, and with luck that's our last surgery for now! He'll just need routine cleanings every few months once the post ops on this op are sorted.

Thanks for reading.

Update on Granny Betty

2011-07-11T09:30:00.000+02:00

Granny Betty is now Granny Better! Yay.

After the last post about here the following happened:
Sunday 12 June Update:
While Granny Better remains old and frail (she is very very thin and has no appetite at all) and does tire easily, she is still sharp as a pin, and has an incredible memory and naught sparkling wit.

When we all arrived today (about 8 of us!) she was sleeping. When she woke up she asked if we'd been called to her bedside cos they thought it was the end for her. We assured her that was not the case and we were there simple to visit with her lovely self.

Later on when we told her my older sister was flying back this evening she said, 'Sorry I dragged you all down here and now I didn't die after all!'. It was shockingly funny. She is such a character! I told her that I think I speak for everyone when I say we just wanted to wish her well and BE with her and we were all glad to have that chance to do that now, and were indeed glad to not be leaving it too late.

The hospital has started getting her up and out of bed a little today and it seems she was up in a chair to be fed lunch today. Being up was exhausting for her though and I think she is surprised at how little strength and energy she has. Most likely from her lungs, from being laid up in bed for 10 days and also not eating much at all.

She seems to be doing reasonably well now, and seems stable and I think she will probably go to the place she lives at's Frail Care in the coming week some time. She seems accepting that she will need assisted living now and is not fighting it.

The boys and I took her fluffy pink grown and some nice non-slip slipper socks yesterday which she seems to like. My sister got her some Ensure, nutrient rich shake which will help her to get the nutrients she needs without having to struggle to eat solid food.

All in all she is in a much better way than a week ago, which is lovely to see.

---
She got progressively better until after just over 2 weeks in hospital she was discharged on Friday 17 June, and was sent back to the frail care section of her home.

After being settled in and stabilised there is was decided that she would have to move in there permanently and her flatlet across the road was packed up and she was moved downstairs to a 'permanent' room in the assisted living section. Where she gets help with eating, ablutions etc. It seemed she was going to be confined to be, being still so weak and frail and having no energy or appetite. On the plus side her lungs had cleared and she no longer needed oxygen.

Due to work and general life business I had no been able to visit for about 10 days... but after our surf lesson on Saturday we popped in to see our dear Granny Betty. And were we ever surprised to see her up and dressed and walking in the corridor! She had been out for tea and a drive with her neice and had even been to Clicks to do some shopping!

She is so much better and is doing great. She is settled into her new room and it has all her stuff in and is nice and cosy. She says the hospital stay is a bit of a blur now and she feel like she was only there for 2 days, even though she knows it was 2+ weeks from what she has been told. She says she feels much stronger and more energetic now that her lungs have cleared up.

We walked her to the dinning room for dinner before we left and she was going to be sharing a table with a gentleman. Ooh la la!

So all in all she is doing wonderfully now! :) YAY!

Surf's Up!

2011-07-11T08:45:00.000+02:00

My work has been incredibly super duper busy and stressful recently and that has been pretty much all consuming, to the point that the boys have just been home every day of the holidays. (Yesterday Q told me it was his first time in a car for over a week! Oops.). I was also told that I am not as much fun as I used to be and that I am always rushed and too busy. :(

Anyway with Quinn's next op coming up and the weather being simply stunning this week-end we decided to make the most of the gorgeous but fleeting mid-winter weather in Cape Town and went to Muizenberg. I had a surf lesson voucher for a few months and it seemed a perfect opportunity to make use of it. I was planning on watching the boys and taking photos and soaking up some sunshine on the beach. But due to some expert coaxing from the instructor and the boys - and taking the no fun comment into account - I decided what the hell and decided to join in too!

We had, So. Much. Fun! Quinn is quite the surfing pro and was up riding waves from the start and even got to 'pump the board and do some direction changes etc. Griffin was not too bad either and got up fairly quickly and well. He was just in heaven and enjoyed and participated in the whole thing a lot more than I expected. I mostly sucked (unsurprisingly), but as usual I had so much fun, that I didn't care, and it didn't matter. I did get up and balanced enough to ride more than a few meters about 5 times anyway and yelled and whooped like a twit each time! It was such a rush. I can see how it can become addictive. Each time you get up your first thought is MOOOAAAR!

The boys thanked me so many times for taking them. And for going in with them too. They just loved it. Afterwards we had Sinnfull Ice-creams and Griff declared it the best day ever!!

Sadly we have no photos, but then who wants to see me in a wet suit anyway!? ;)

Quinn's next op is tomorrow - our c-toma journey so far

2011-07-11T08:36:00.001+02:00

So Quinn goes in for his 3rd (actually he has reminded me it is his 4th as the first was an ear cleaning under general anaesthetic in 2008 when his ears were sore and seeping and the original ENT couldn't work on it or see what was going on without Quinn being in extreme pain, so he did an 'op' just to do a cleaning and investigation and that's when the Cholesteatoma was first discovered) C-toma op tomorrow morning.

We need to be at the hospital at 06:30am. Yikes, not much fun in mid winter! As usual Quinn is quietly confident and even slightly enthusiastic about the procedure - this time particularly since he is really hoping our lovely Doc does manage to restore some of his lost hearing, since it is now quite apparent that he has a functional hearing loss, and I usually have to raise my voice to get his attention and often have to repeat myself to him.

Please spare a thought for Quinn tomorrow morning that the op goes well and most importantly that there is no recurrence of the dreaded C-toma in either of his ears. That's my main worry. Getting hearing back would be great, but having the Cholesteatoma STAY away is the main priority for me.

--------

If you are interested I have linked to our whole journey with Cholesteatoma as we have experienced it, in blog-post links, in chronological order below:

http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2005/12/hear-hear.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/03/quinn-ear-issues.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/03/quinns-ears-it-is-cholesteatoma.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/04/op-is-scheduled.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/04/c-toma-op-update.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/04/quinn-ear-update-6-days-post-op.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/05/cholesteatoma-update-and-round-2.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/06/quinns-ear-c-toma-update-new-op-date.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/06/he-may-be-deaf-and-blind.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/07/quinn-c-toma-we-met-prof.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/09/c-toma-op-round-2-confirmed-16-sept.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/09/quinn-c-toma-op-round-2-tomorrow.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/09/quinns-second-op-details.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/09/quinn-update-day-3-post-c-toma-op-2.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2010/10/pics-from-quinns-surgery.html
http://janefraser.blogspot.com/2011/06/c-toma-operation-3-in-pipeline.html

C-toma Operation #3 in the Pipeline

2011-06-27T20:30:00.000+02:00

So I got a call from our ENT 'Ollie' the other night (yup we are on a first name basis he phones me at night and we sms over week-ends etc etc. He is awesome - seriously if anyone in CPT needs an ENT referral use him! He is THE BEST doctor I have ever encountered bar none. He is skilled, professional, friendly and very caring. I love him lots!) Anyhoo...

He wants to schedule Quinn next op for THESE holidays. He wants to go back into the RIGHT ear (his worse ear) and do some reconstruction work and implant some prosthetic oscicles (those tiny hearing bones) to try to recover some of Q's hearing on the RHS.

We are going to try to find a way to get it covered by medical-aid. So he is doing some research to see what codes to use and how to plan it. Should happen in the next 2 weeks though.

If all goes well with this one, and the c-tomas don't return (please hold thumbs that they never do!) then this should be the last op, unless he ever needs a BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid - basically and implanted hearing aid).

I will update when I know more, but Ollie says this should be a much smaller op than the previous 2 because he'll go up through the ear canal and through the ear drum, so it's less major surgery, quicker and the post-op healing is much simpler as well.

Sometimes it hurts instead

2011-06-27T11:44:00.000+02:00

3+ Years down the line... I am still single. Most of the people I have dated have settled down and found their 'one', their happiness and their place in the world. I'm still muddling through from one day to the next. Trying to be ok, to do ok. I am ok. For the most part. But as time goes by I trust a little less, hope a little less and believe a little less.

There are one or 2 people I miss intensely. I so much want to tell them this, but I can't and won't.

Never mind...

ADELE - "
Someone Like You"

I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And you're
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Old friend
Why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known
How bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Granny Update

2011-06-13T07:57:00.000+02:00

I've been to visit with my gran a few more times now... so here's an update.

While Granny Better remains old and frail (she is very very thin and has no appetite at all) and does tire easily, she is still sharp as a pin, and has an incredible memory and naughty sparkling wit.

When we all arrived yesterday afternoon (about 8 of us in all!) she was sleeping. When she woke up she was a bit disoriented (UNDERSTANDABLY!) asked if we'd been called to her bedside cos they thought it was the end for her. We assured her that was not the case and we were there simple to visit with her lovely self.

Later on when we told her Cathy was flying back to Pretoria shortly she said, 'Sorry I dragged you all down here and now I didn't die after all!'. It was shockingly funny. She is such a character! I told her that I think I speak for everyone when I say we just wanted to wish her well and BE with her and we were all glad to have that chance to do that now, and were indeed glad to not be leaving it too late.

The hospital has started getting her up and out of bed a little today and it seems she was up in a chair to be fed lunch today. Being up was exhausting for her though and I think she is surprised at how little strength and energy she has. Most likely from her lungs, from being laid up in bed for 10 days and also not eating much at all.

She seems to be doing reasonably well now, and seems stable and I think she will probably go to the place she lives at's Frail Care section in the coming week some time. She seems accepting that she will need assisted living now and is not fighting it.

The boys and I took her fluffy pink grown and some nice non-slip slipper socks on Saturday which she seems to like. My uncle drying said, 'She needed those a WEEK ago, that ship has sailed now.'... LOL. Still she seemed pleased with them and was wearing them yesterday when we visited. :)

Cathy got her some Ensure, nutrient rich shake which will help her to get the nutrients she needs without having to struggle to eat solid food.

All in all she is in a much better way than a week ago, which is lovely to see.

My Granny Betty is not well

2011-06-08T08:31:00.000+02:00

My beloved and beautiful Granny Betty who has been an indomitable and incredibly strong yet gentle woman her whole life is final starting to show signs of her age. She fell in the dark 10 days ago and cut the top of her head open. Then on Friday she was sent to frail care with breathing difficulties.

I visited her on Friday, Sunday, last night and am going again today...

She'll be 92 in September.

(From Friday)
She is clearly aging and becoming more and more frail now. BUT she is still completely 'there' as always. She is still bright, cheerful, self-deprecating, thoughtful, kind, informed, gracious, humble and grateful etc. She does struggle to speak - which seems to be both due to an infection the fluid in her lungs and her heart arrhythmia. So she speaks softly and then loses her breath half-way through a sentence and has to gasp a bit to catch her breath. Kind of like trying to talk after running fast. Which is obviously tiring for her. So I tried to do most of the talking and didn't ask too many questions.

She insists that she has no pain from the fall, and the bruising on her face is secondary internal bleeds due to her blood thinning medication and not cos she hit her face directly. So in her usual way she is 'FINE'.

She had thought she'd be in frail-care for a few days, but apparently the Dr has told her to expect to be there for 3-4 weeks. I am not certain what this really means. I think it's either a:
1. Serious lung issue which can heal, but takes long, or less nice option
2. Terminal situation which will slowly deteriorate...

After that she was taken to hospital as she got worse on Saturday. I found her at Constantiaberg...

(From Sunday).
We were very pleased to see that she is actually doing a lot better now than Friday. She is on a drip (probably anti-biotics and/or cortisone?) and has a nasal oxygen feed and is definitely breathing easier so she can now talk better and has perked up a lot. She is visibly more 'pink' too.

We had a good chat, and she seemed in good spirits and is still completely aware of everything around her. She thanks everyone for their concern and thoughts. The boys gave her a big hug too. It was a good visit. There was no doctor around so I am not sure what her diagnosis and/or prognosis is. But she is ok for now and insists she is in no pain and is feeling ok

(Then yesterday)
I think she is definitely getting weaker. Sadly. She now has an oxygen mask (instead of the nasal tube) as I think she needs a bigger more constant oxygen supply. Her eyes are a it bloodshot now too, and apparently they are having to feed her at meal times. She can no longer stand unassisted and is now catheterised. Apparently she is receiving a larger dose of 'wharferan'?. She talks of 'being like a child again'. I think she is finding it a little embarrassing, but is handling it all in her usual very dignified way.

She is still speaking more easily than she was on Friday. So I think overall she is more well (ie I think her chest has cleared a bit), but she is also more tired and weaker if that makes sense...? I am no expert at all, but at this stage I gather they are keeping her comfortable but are not holding out that much hope, which seems supported by the fact that when I phoned to ask about visiting hours and how strict they are and they said they are usually quite strict but that they are happy that I go see her immediately, which was an hour before visiting times.

While we were there the stitches were taken out of her head as that wound has healed quite well. I held her hand as they struggled a bit to get the stitches out since they were quite tangled in her hair.

Again she chatted to us quite nicely,and told me her bank cards etc had been found. She also told me that her living will had not been located, or formally signed though, but mentioned that she'd spoken to the doctor and they they have made a note on her file not to resuscitate her, should it come to that. (I wonder if she senses that the end is near?)

I'll be talking the boys through again tomorrow evening, and they have both started making some beautiful cards for her - out of their own suggestion. I asked if she likes foot rubs and I think I'll take some lotion along tomorrow so I can rub her feet for a while, if she'd like me to.

-----
She is old and I think it is probably 'her time', so I feel fairly accepting of it all, but I do feel sadness and melancholy about it too. She is blessed and wonderful person. I hope she doesn't suffer.

I regret that I never went to see my granddad on my last visit to Cape Town before he died in 1996, and then was not there for my mother when she died (as we were estranged and I didn't realise she was that sick)... so I think since my gran is an amazing person and I am the only one around. I haven't been the most attentive granddaughter to her in recent years, so I feel both obliged and also quite driven to do whatever I can in this situation. She deserves it and I really want to.

My sister and her family are coming down at the week-end and I suspect my dad and possibly other sister will make plans to come through soon. I'll update them all after today's visit again.

And on a lighter note...

2011-05-23T22:18:00.002+02:00

I was cooking on sat... which doesn't happen that often. Anyway I took roast veggies out of oven and DROPPED THEM face down on floor! The tray just jumped/fell out my hand I can;t even tell you why.

G was right there, but I told him not to worry he could go, I'd sort it out. So he went off to play.

Later Quinn was eating... and he's like 'Hrmm...what's this flavour? I know I've had it before...'

So I say:
'Vegetables!?'
No
'Butternut..?'
No
Corriander?'
No

So he says 'I know... it's FLOOR!'

He was winding me up, because he knew I didn't know he knew it had all been on the floor, and I didn't tell him cos I thought he'd be all fussy and refuse to eat it at all. Little stirrer!

I made Quinn cry :(

2011-05-23T21:41:00.000+02:00

Had such a loong day today, and really wanted to run when I came home. I have been slacking off big time and just feel blah so I need it... but got home late, weather was really kak - raining and windy - I was tired and hungry, so I ate everything in sight and then felt MORE blah, and then Q tell me he has an oral for tomorrow. Well actually it was for today but he was luckily not called up so his was carried over to tomorrow. The topic 'I'll never ...'

So he says he wants to do it on drugs cos 2 or 3 others did that today. So I tell him maybe he should chose something else, but he was adamant about doing that. So I say ok, cos it's close to home etc. So I ask him if he wants to mention his dad's story. He hesitates, says no and then yes. I tell him it's ok if he does but it might be a bit personal and difficult, plus people might ask him about it afterwards. He ums and ahhs, we tried to think of something else but he finally decided he wanted to do that. So he starts writing a bunch of stuff about how he wouldn't take drugs because it is illegal. So I say doesn't he want to talk more about what it does to your life. That it ruins your life, you can lose everything and it break up families...? At which point he burst into tears (he never cries). I felt so bad.

Anyway we decided it's not the best topic and he doesn't want to have to face questions (and taunts) from other kids. So he instead chose 'I will never not wear my seatbelt'. A much 'safer' topic.

We ended up going to the gym after 19:30, and I managed to do a decent 6km run on the treadmill at least, so I feel better, but we only got home after 21:00 and the boys still had to eat, they weren't hungry before. I think I am ready for bed now.

BeLIVE it...

2011-05-11T15:59:00.000+02:00

...because it's true.

Spar Ladies Race 2011 & RESULTS

2011-05-06T12:40:00.000+02:00

I ran my 6th consecutive Spar Ladies Race on 10 April. The 2006 race was my very first 10km event. I have managed to improve my time steadily every year, apart from a slight dip last year, not sure why I was slower then, but I suspect my emotional state at the time played a role, I'd just gone through a break up and was very heart broken. Anyway...

This year the boys wree keen to try the 5km event - mostly so they could get googie bags but still. So the 3 of us got up bright and early and went off to the BEllville Stadium to join the close to 20 000 people who had enetered. It was by far the biggest crowd they have ever had, and they pretty insanely decided to start BOTH the 5km and 10km at the exact same time this year. It was a little mad. Still I was fortunate (or cheeky?) enough to seed myself right in the front and just behind the serious competitive athletes. I was aiming for a PB so wanted a fighting chance of achieveing it and starting with 10 000 people in front of me was just not going to cut it. So I got off to a good start and had a good run. They reveresed the route this year which I was not thrilled about. I prefer it the other way where you end up with a lovely downhill run for the last 3km. I am really able to gain speed and make time on that. Unfirtunately this year that hill was at the 2-5km section, but I made the most of it. I'd mislaid my watch and had NO IDEA of the time while I was running, and when I saw the leader clock reading 28mins when I was at 6ish kms I calculated that I was not doing brilliantly. Still it was just 5 months post-broken ankle so I was just aining for a sub-60 mins if I could manage it.

So imagine my surprise when I slogged up the last km, rounded the corner in the stadium and saw the clock reading 50 minutes!!! I surged forwards and crossed the line at 50:45. A new Personal Best by 45 seconds! WooHoo! I was THRILLED!

best of all my mat Sean was commentating and was standing right there and he announced my PB to the crowd. I was a great race.

The boys had a fabulous time too, although they took it easy and finished in a comfortable 1:07.I love this race.

The official results of the Spar Ladies Race 2011 are now out.

My results over the 6 years I have run this race are as follows:

Spar Ladies Race 2006:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4351
- Me - #469 = 00:58:12 - so I just missed the top 10%.

Spar Ladies Race 2007:
Total number of 10km finishers = 3957
- Me - #204 = 00:54:16 - so I shaved nearly 4 minutes off my time, even though the course was tougher. I finished in the top 5.5% :)

Spar Ladies Race 2008:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4847
- Me - # 177 = 00:52:26 - top 3.65%

Spar Ladies Race 2009:

Total number of 10km finishers = 4667

- Me - # 148 = 00:51:35 - top 3.17%

Spar Ladies Race 2010:

Total number of 10km finishers = 6509

- Me - # 212 = 00:53:02 - top 3.25%

Spar Ladies Race 2011:

Total number of 10km finishers = 9093

- Me - # 158 = 00:50:45 (officially listed as 51:01) - top 1.75% <--My NEW Personal BEST :)
-------
I am very happy with my result on this one. :) My friend Candyce finished 34th in a very impressive time of 41:08 !

Safari Race - 3rd time a charm

2011-05-04T15:11:00.000+02:00

After my big birthday bash on Friday I took the morning to recover and recuperate on Saturday. After that the boys and I took a very slow cycle to Sportman's Warehouse so I could register for the Safari Half Marathon which I'd entered (BEFORE I broke my ankle). And then we cruised on to the gym where we relaxed and had coffee and smoothies in celebration of my birthday before heading back home. The weather was great and it was lovely to be out n the sunshine, even if I was feeling weak and slightly green :)

After than we got cleaned up and went through to Scarborough to bid Lee-Ann and Pete farewell as they were heading of to Buenos Ares the next day to start their 3-month island-hopping sailing trip. We had a lovely evening chatting and laughing and again the wine was flowing. We'd braai'ed with them the previous week-end which was another really fun and festive night.

Sunday we packed up and then met a friend for brunch at the Barnyard in Constantia before going through to Mat's place for his housewarming braai. He has a gorgeous little cottage in Steenberg. Lovely place with a great vibe. We stayed quite long but in the end had to leave reluctantly to trek off to Wellington for the half marathon. We were again staying over. To avoid having to wake up at a ridiculous time on the morning of the race. We have stayed at the same place for 3 years now and it is reasonably priced, comfortable and very convenient. She pretty much reserves the room for me every year now. :)

We managed to get a few things for dinner and got settled into our flat-let and then the boys and I had a quite night watching telly snuggled on the couch in Wellington. When the morning of the race arrived I was still not feeling fit or strong or very enthusiastic. Part of me wanted to bale and just not do it. But I never give up that easily. So I got my but out of bed and got ready and off we went to the start. At almost exactly 6-month post-broken-ankle and after just securing a personal best time at the Spar Ladies Race 3 weeks before I wanted to prove to myself that I CAN still run a half-marathon. The previous 2 times I ran this race I’d finished in 1h56m. So I had hoped to maintain that, but at the start line my goal was just to finish it.

The weather was good and when the race started I got going. The first few kms were fine. I felt ok. By 6km I was doing well and was even enjoying it, I thundered down the long steep gravel section and it was great, but by the time I got to 10km I was feeling decidedly tired. My friend Lorien passed me and I told her I was struggling and didn’t even attempt to chat to her. Although she was ‘taking it easy’ so somehow I got ahead of her and her club mate again. At 15kms I was really huffing and puffing and my friend Paul passed me and I told him I was TIRED! I really didn’t feel like I was doing very well at all.

By 18kms I started getting weird visual effects and just knew I had a migraine coming on. NO!!!! I tried to stay calm and breathe deeply and relax as much as possible but it was tough. I decided I was not giving up, but couldn’t push myself all that hard either. At 20km Lorien caught me again. I charged down the last little hill and then really plodded up to the stadium telling Lorient she could totally take that hill and she did. I made my way into the stadium expecting the time to be over 2 hours by that point and was super surprised to see the clock on 1:53.. WOW. I made a mad dash for the finish and crossed the line at 1:53:25 a new PB by over 3 minutes! HORRAY!

Afterwards I had to lie down and recover for 10 minutes and the boys went to get my some headache tablets. Unfortunately I was nauseous and not very well for the rest of the day. But still the run was actually good and I am more than happy with my time.

Once I got home and showered and had a nap I was ok again and I think whatever was bugging me has moved on now and I feel well and like myself again.

The race results are already out, so here is how I fared officially:

653 FRASER JANE 1007 37 F O TEMP 1:53:29

I came 653th out of 2947 finishers. In top 25%
I came 88th female out of 1102 women finishers. Top 8% :)
I came 52nd female out of 534 women in open category. Top 10%
I came 346th out of 1277 in the open category. Top 27%

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

2011-05-04T14:28:00.000+02:00

So I am now 37. Not sure when that happened? Last week I was 30, and I still feel about 21 most of the time. But it is what it is and I am ok with it. I do not get too hung up on my 'numbers'. Age, height, shoe and bra size etc are things that just ARE, and I can't control them. Weight I can influence, so I try to keep that one in check to a degree. But more and more I am finding myself less concerned about it and focusing more on how I FEEL and what makes me HAPPY. Life is too short to never have a piece of cake, or savour something delicous and decadent. I am no longer striving to be my own, or anyone else's, version of perfect I just want to be a good enough and happy version of ME.

From that point of view, age is a marvellous thing.The perspective, wisdom and acceptance that comes with it is good and very welcome. Hi older me. I think you are doing ok!

That said, it does not mean I am perpetually happy, nor do I have it all figured out yet. I still have my issues and down days - like everyone else. But the good thing is I am aware of my issues and I even know when I am feeling down that it will pass. So I can disengage from it and ride it out. I don't let it consume and unbalance me like before and I don't see it as the end of the world. Just a phase which will pass and then I carry on. I still tend to retreat from the world when it happens though, but I am learning to not always do this now. Sometimes getting out and confronting it head on works better.

I recently had one such phase where I just didn't feel well or enthusiastic at all. I think I was actually a bit sick because I felt tired, lethargic, heavy and hot. I tried running and just couldn't my leg's just wouldn't do it, so I walked instead.

My birthday was rapidly approaching but I had no drive or desire to organise anything, and since I was facing my 3rd birthday in a row as a singeleton, it really didn't feel that exciting at all. (Compounded by the fact that not only did my ex and I split up just before my birthday, but our birthdays are on the same day!). So all in all not much eager anticipation was there AT ALL.

I was all but going to let it pass by unacknowledged, when my great friend and partner-in-crime B who needs no excuse to have a good time practically INSISTED I do something, because SHE wanted to go out. Ho hum, ok then...

I dragged my feet and finally the day before my birthday I got my ass in gear and sent out an invite.

So on Friday myself and 12 of my usual suspects, BFFs and old and new faithfuls gathered at BeefCakes in Greenpoint. I'd heard about the place and everyone raves about it. My thoughts were how good can a burger joint really be...?

Well let me tell you; BeefCakes is the SHIZ! I had the most awesome fab time there. The waiters are hot hunky buff well 'beefcakes' literally. Yummy! The vibe is great, the food is good and the best part? My awesome friends got me a bodyshot for my birthday. Oh yes, I got to drink a shooter off the hottest dude in the place's abdomen. Does life get any better..? I don't think so!

I got some wonderful and very unexpected gifts too, including the most beautiful white roses I have ever seen.

So my birthday was a blast and after rocking BeefCakes, B my great mat Mut and I went to Stones in Obs for a few games of Pool and Tequila.

It was a very happy birthday and I am so glad I got my head out my butt and celebrated it! (More pics on FB)

Next morning I felt rather grim after over-indulging far too much the night before. But my goreous darling boys brought me coffee and scrambkled eggs in bed. They also each made me super special birthday cards. They really are my little angles those boys I love them to bits!

Woolies Sale - Thank-you very much!

2011-04-01T12:38:00.000+02:00

Just popped into Woolies and scored some bargains.

Now I have worked out how I manage to spend so little on make-up etc when other chicks claim to pay like R180 for foundation (which makes me and think NO WAYS can it cost that much - can it??) cos I just got a R180 Mousse Foundation for... wait for it R25. A R110 Mascara for R19 and a R120 self-tan lotion for R16.

Then I found 2x bikini tops for R13 (from R130) and R14 (from R140). SCORE!!

I eventually bought a cute skirt I loved even though I balked at the huge price of R199. But it was marked down from R499. Seriously do people buy this stuff at the original prices, cos I never would or could.

To celebrate my good fortune I treated myself to a Grande Cappuccino.

How to deal with a creep 101

2011-03-28T21:33:00.000+02:00

On Friday I went for a run to gym and on the way back was walking along grin on my face listening to music on my iPOD. This bergie-type dude was standing on the side of the road ahead of me. He grinned as I passed so I smiled back. Being friendly and happy...

Next thing he is walking next to me trying to make conversation. I couldn't hear him over the iPOD so I said 'Sorry dude, I don't have time to chat now' and merrily walked on. A few paces on I realise the guy is walking right next to me now, like basically touching my arm. So I say 'Dude if I wanted to be walking with you I would be, but I am not so leave me alone now.' He grinned and sort of backed off so I walked on. After a few paces I turned around and now he was just behind me with his hand in his pants.

This is where I drop my friendliness and approachability. I went into autopilot. I stopped stood facing him directly and sternly said 'HEY! DON'T make me f*** you up. I will kick you in the face!' Boy did he back off fast, apologize, and slink away. EK VAT NIE KAK NIE in a situation like that!!

I think that's why people don't mess with me! Seriously though I think the trick is to be confident and firm and not show any fear or vulnerability. I seem to do this naturally and it is empowering.

I have to wonder what creeps like that are thinking?? Jerks!

You don't need me any more

2011-03-28T08:28:00.000+02:00

My darling sister Belinda - who took me to the U2 concert last month so that I could have a new and better memory of a U2 concert, after losing Angelique just after the first one 13 years ago - sent me the link to this song for Angelique's 13th birthday.

Thank-you Bee for always being so thoughtful, caring and supportive of me. You really have become my rock. I love you.

Angelique: Fly little angel... you don't need me any more.

U2 - " Kite "

Something
Is about to give
I can feel it coming
I think I know what it is

I'm not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to live
And when I'm flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did

And hardness
It sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin

I want you to know
That you don't need me any more
I want you to know
You don't need anyone
Or anything at all

Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know
Which way the wind will blow

Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

It's somewhere I can taste the salty sea
There's a kite blowing out of control on the breeze
I wonder what's gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me

I'm a man
I'm not a child
A man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes

Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know
Where the wind will blow

Who's to know when the time has come around
I don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

Did I waste it
Not so much I couldn't taste it
Life should be fragrant
Rooftop to the basement

The last of the rocks stars
When hip-hop drove the big cars
In the time when new media
Was the big idea
What was the big idea

Constantia Village 15km running race

2011-03-23T15:54:00.000+02:00

So I ran the Constantia Village 15km race 2 weeks ago. I was a little nervous because I have never run a 15km event before. I usually stick to 10km races, and I have done 4x half marathons, but the last one I had flu and had to walk most of it and then got quite sick from even attempting to run with flu and then I broke my ankle. So getting back on track has been a challenge. Anyway I dragged myself out of bed before 5am on Saturday 12 March and took myself off to Constantia Village to find a surprisingly large feild lining up for the race. I have no idea this race attracts more than 2 500 people! Wow.

Anyway the race started and followed a lovely interesting and undulating route around the gorgeous areas of Constantia and Tokia.I had a quick pee-break behind a big tree at 7km, and then nearly lost my shorts when I ran off without fastening them properley! Ooops. But still I felt really good for the first 10+ km.Which incidently was right near 'new guy's' house. The last 5km were a little tougher but I was still good up to 13km when my ankle did start to niggle a little. Still I persevered.

I ended up crossing the finish line at 1:21:05, whcih I was very happy with. I had hoped to crack 1:30, and hopefully 1:25, so I did a fair amount better than that.

The reslts are out and can be found HERE

I ahev analysed my results and they are as follows.

I came 744th out of total of 2539 finishers - top 29%

I came 151st out of total of 1249 females - top 12%

I came 24th out of total of 165 females in 35-40 Category - top 15%

I came 107th out of total of 317 all in 35-40 Category - top 34%

I came 1st out of 5 Janes :) <- if you analyse enough you can find SOME way to win! ;)

Life, the universe and Nuffing...

It hurt - and then I cried....

You are the space in my bed

Sixty Things

Our Back 2 School 2012 photos

My boys' home Jack-Ass Movies *rude/naughty*

We had the Best Holiday Ever!

2011 Crazy Frasers Wrap up

My boys took the heat

Things are looking up....

The elves of Christmas 2011 have arrived!

I love my job!

"never could describe such a feeling"

Quinn's Giant Pencil & Cross-bow

Mom's Got PMS - run for your lives!

Cycled my butt off in the wind

Great Full - Great Attitude

Classic Griffin

It was worth it

Soft kitty

Old Mutual 10km Race Results

Quinn: School exchange a no-go

Griffin is 10!

Update on my new job...

A Quinn School Funny - Faulty Towers

Quinn's Exchange Application - nearly an EPIC fail

First Watermelon of the Season - Priceless

Did you know...?

Quinn - amazing school trip - dilemma

YES! New PB in Landmark's Fun Run

Aai of the Taai Gher!

Shocking News - Friend of Griff's mom killed

Blog From Email - Test 1

Day 1 at New Job

Look what I let the boys do...

Max the Kitten - Update

Meet Max the Cat

Photos from the OM Running Race

Proud of Quinn - He ran a race!

Another awesome run

Griffin - Love/Hate/Wish

My *BLISS*

Meiringspoort Half-Marathon - New PB!

Yipee!!

*Dance of Joy* Quinn's ears

Rocking the Daisies - 6th time - EPIC!

Quinn the Master Chef

So proud of Griffin!

Quinn is becoming a tweenie

Believe...

I did it...

Cardio Update

Full of Awesome

Blood Test Results

Heart Broken...? Hope not!

Smart-Ass Quick-Thinking Quinn

Inadvertent Funny

Pulse Rate & Blood Pressure

I am doing the Argus!

I nearly killed Quinn this morning... Bad Mom Award needed.

What an awesome cycle!

Granny Betty's Memorial

Women's Day Challenge Results

We heart Brussels Sprouts!

Griffin wrote a poem!

CHESS

Reynaud's Syndrome is a-numbing!

Griffin - Homeschool/Unschool Candidate?!

Saturday's Epic Bike Ride

Liberty Cheque Hand-Over

Arigato, Gracias, Merci, THANK-YOU!

Best Compliment Ever

RIP Granny Betty

Women's Day Challenge - my turning point.

My Bike Bit Me!

Quinn on his future kids...

Not too old for 'fun dinners' yet.

Turn me to stone

ADT - so full of shit!

Quinntrepreneur

My boys' home Jack-Ass Movies rude/naughty

My BLISS

Dance of Joy Quinn's ears