Hello world.
I am sure you have figured this out by now, but if not:
I AM GETTING DIVORCED.
Yes, saying that makes me feel like a complete failure.
But realizing that I made the biggest mistake of my life in getting married in the first place makes me even more of a failure... so I guess getting divorced goes some way to fix that...?
I hung in there for 10 years. TEN YEARS. (together for 12) I clearly don't give up easily.
I was encouraged to leave loads of times, and many many people asked me why I stayed. Honestly, I don't know. Maybe I thought I could fix it (him). Maybe I thought the problem was me. Maybe I thought I should be thankful I have someone.... I don't know... I think I thought staying is just what you do.
It is 100% definitely over.
Things have been done and said that I will not ever recover from. That which I hold most dear has been tarnished and shattered. I have no trust, respect, or faith left. There is nothing left.
If I have even an ounce of self-respect I can't and won't accept what's been going on. And so I am going. I will not look back. I will not give in. It took about 75 last times, for it to be the LAST TIME.
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I would say I have wasted the last 10 years of my life, but I have 2 wonderful and special sons, and they are my life and my world. So I am grateful for that.
It's them and me now....
There, now you know.
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Well done on making the decision!
ReplyDeleteKeep strong, remember that there are lots of people who care about you. Also, be as honest to your kids as possible, they will appreciate it in the long run.
ReplyDeleteI wish you three all the best. Big hugs from Berlin.
ReplyDeleteHey Jane, never think you have wasted your life on anyone, and never think you are a failure. You've got two great kids to show for those ten years. I went to a workshop on relationships, and one of the things the tutor drummed into us was never to say we'd made mistakes in our life. We've made DECISIONS, and sometimes a decision will take us down a path we hadn't planned on. So then you must make another decision, on where this path is going to take you. In other words, learn from your experiences but don't regret them - they all shape the person that you are now. My first marriage only lasted six years (he got violent), but although I was sad the marriage didn't last, I didn't regret it, as for the first four years, we travelled overseas many times, something I would never have done otherwise. Great memories! Put the past behind you and get on with your new life. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm incredibly sad for you.
I wish things were different but you are doing the right thing. You are not a failure.
Wishing you and your boys strength during this time. You are an amazing multi-faceted woman, a wonderful mother and an inspiration to everyone who visits your blog. This may sound harsh, but as much as you gave 100% of yourself to your marraige, it is (was) just one aspect of you. The last 12 years of your partnership (good or bad) contributed to you being all that you are. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE BY ANY MEASURE! DON'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT FOR 1 SECOND!
ReplyDeleteWell done Jane. I think at the time you made the best choices you could with the information you had at the time. Now the information you have available has changed and so have your choices. It's not failure, it's progress.
ReplyDeleteDitto to what Ash said. We missed you last night but, I am here if you want to come for supper and wine and a chat. Much love xxx
ReplyDeleteHey Jane-i-Pooh!
ReplyDeleteMan, wish I could put my arms round you and make it all better! I know you're strong and will get through it carrying ony the best memories and positive aspects. You know my number if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend.
Love you madly!
big smiles, my friend, and golden memories - wipe away all your fears and sadness! I am here for you, always!
ReplyDeleteThis was penned for you last year: http://odiousodesbydave.blogspot.com/2007/01/letter-to-ex-lover.html - do you recognise the picture?
ReplyDeleteThanks Dave baby. You always make me laugh (and cry) the hardest.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is a testament to your amazing soul.
Thank-you. For everything.
i wish i had read your blog earlier. *sigh*
ReplyDelete