My eyes leaked a lot today...

I have been trying to understand why and I think I have worked it out.

You see at my core I am a very emotional, romantic and idealistic person. I believe in love, adoration, expression of desire, affection and happily ever after. However, life has taught me not to expect it.

So I am now a cynical romantic. I believe in true love, but I don't expect to ever find it for myself. Most of the time I seem fine about this. I can get by without it. But then I'll watch a movie, listen to a song, or even worse witness my friends, family and peers going through it (this is worse because it is real and not just 'in the movies') and although I am so very, genuinely, happy for them, my heart breaks a little more each time I witness it.

Knowing a little more that it is not something I have, have ever had, or will probably ever have.

I stumbled upon the most amazingly romantic and fun couple's blog and wedding photos today. I was totally in awe of their awe inspiringly special, unique and fun wedding and all that went along with it. They are a truly beautiful couple and I wish them the greatest happiness together ever. But after reading their story and seeing their photos I literally sat in the toilets at work and cried silent tears for about 15 minutes.

I can't even pretend to rationalise this away, or be embarrassed about it. My heart is full of love and emotion and I feel like it is wasting away and wilting from either having to hide my feelings and/or not having them returned when I do express them. It hurts a lot.

I know all the platitudes, and I am quite content with myself. It's not that. I just feel like I get taken for granted, and strung along. It would be nice to feel like someone REALLY cares about me, for me, as I am, all the time. The way my heart believes it is meant to be.

Like a fairytale.

You have GOT to be shitting me!

With my recent name change, I have been contacting all and sundry to update my name on their records. Bank cards, accounts, subscriptions etc etc. So last week I sent the City of Cape Town my standard letter explaining the whole thing and requesting that they change the billing name for my water, rates & electricity accounts on my home and rental house.

Their response:

"Dear Jane Fraser

I refer to your e-mail dated 09 February 2010.

Unfortunately we are unable to do a surname change upon your written request. The properties must first be reregistered at the Deeds Office through transferring attorneys."

My response: "You have GOT to be shitting me!"

Seriously, SERIOUSLY!?

EAT, PLAY, LOVE

Since we are all scattered far and wide it is pretty seldom that our family all gets together. We were together briefly for my step-sister's wedding in December, but were not really all together at any one time (apart from at the wedding itself) and also not in a setting where we had any family time together, since there was so much planning and co-ordination going on.

If fact the last time we all got together as a family to spend time together was when we arranged a long week-end on a guest farm in June 2004. This was back when 3 of the grandchildren weren't even born yet, one daughter was not yet married, and 2 of us were married to husbands who are no longer in the picture. So this trip to the Berg for my dad's 70th was a momentous occasion. I had suggested a year or so ago that we do it now, rather than wait for him to get too old to be able to have fun and enjoy it with us. I think that was a great idea. :)

The boys and I flew up to spend the night with my dad last week Wednesday and then drove down to the Berg with them on the Thursday. We stayed at The Cavern - near Bergville. It is a simply beautiful setting.

It was a wonderful fun trip and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my family. We really don't get enough time together at all.

The 4 nights we spent together there can be summed up as: EAT, PLAY, LOVE. There was a lot of all 3 happening. All 3 delicious, fun and heart warming.

My sister Catherine and I can chat away for hours. Her son Thomas and I really spent time bonding by kicking and throwing a ball around and climbing jungle gyms etc . Something he tells me his mom would never do!

My other sister Bee and her hubby Enrico are always up for a bit of fun and they took us to the Adventure Centre down the road for a morning of fun and adrenaline-pumping activities in the tree-tops.

Kristy my step sister has 3 children who I hardly knew. Her oldest son Caleb is such a cutie pie and I really enjoyed getting to know him. Her youngest 'baby David' was a real hit with my boys who just adored his chubby cheeks.

Youngest of the 5 girls Brindy - the newly wed- is as gentle and lovely as ever and is always sweet and kind and ready to dispense advice (she is a dietician).

My dad has secured his position as head of the Clan and does a fine job of looking after his brood of women - each of which is a fully qualified handful in her own right, so - this is no mean feat!

Dad received some wonderful and thoughtful gifts including a few bottles of excellent whiskey. We managed to track down a beautiful pair of Fraser cuff-links, with the Clan Motto on them, and he seemed really chuffed with them, and wore them with his Fraser tie for the Saturday night dinner.
Here are some photos of the trip:

All of us (except Quinn & Thomas) before dad's birthday dinner on the Saturday night:


It was almost impossible to get a proper group photo in every single one half the people are either missing or not looking at the camera. Here we have 4 of 5 daughters with 3 of the 8 grandchildren and 5 are looking away. ;)



Snaps of the trip:

Because of all the eating - each meal was a 5-course eat as much as you like affair, I ran every morning, about 8-10kms a day. It was the best time at 7am on my own on the quiet undulating mountain road. The rest of the time was spent swimming, rolling around on the grass, kicking balls, playing bowls, tennis and trampolining, on mountain walks etc. A bit of reading happened too. In the evenings we played 30-Seconds (I was on the winning team each time. YES!), and on the Saturday night I let Quinn have half an Amarula with loads of Ice. Boy was he stoked.

More snaps from the trip:


Our visit to an Adventure Centre:

I did 2x 60km/h zip-lines, Quinn & Tom did the King Swing, which is a kind of seated bungee jump swing thing, and Griffin did the Bungee Bounce, which is a trampoline with elastics attached so you can do gymnastics on the thing. FUN!

Why the discomforts of pregnancy are worth it..

According to Quinn.

Quinn: "When we were in your tummy, did it annoy you when you were trying to sleep and we would kick you and keep you awake and stuff?"
Me: "No not really, I didn't mind"
Quinn: "Yeah I guess it was worth it... to get mini slaves to do stuff for you."

LOL!

Still Vital

I had for my Vitality Health Assessment again today. The last was in Feb 2009.

I do these firstly to earn the Vitality points, so I can stay on gold status and benefit from 30% off Kulula flights etc. SCORE! But I also do it because I don't go to the doctor... as in EVER. I just don't. I never get sick enough to warrant it as far as I am concerned, and if I do get sick it is a cold or migraine and in a day or 3 I get better again, no doctor or prescription necessary... But that said I am not negligent and although I tend to be and feel pretty fit and healthy I think regular screenings of the basics is a good idea as this is a good early warning system for any other issues which may be brewing or lurking in the wings. So this is my annual screening to see if I am likely to survive another year health-wise.

As luck would have it I had the same nurse as last year and she remembered me, I told her I was STILL not bothered by needles or drawing of blood so to go ahead.
This year's results:
- Glucose levels 4.9 (4.4 last year) - I think the late night chocolate snacking last night added to the reading this morning. ;)
- Cholesterol 3.8 (4.99 last year)
- Blood pressure 115/75 (125/75 last year)
- My weight 55kgs (57kgs last year) YAY!
- My height is still the same 1.66m
- Waist circumference 68cm (71cm last year) Woohoo!
- My HIV status still negative. Whew!

She agreed that it was safe to assume I would live for another year - yippee! ;)

I do my fitness assessment in a week or so. I suspect I am a bit less fit than last time though. Oh well.

I'd like to make myself believe

I am loving this song at the moment!

Fireflies - Owl City

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

I'm off to the Berg for my dad's 70th. Back Tuesday. bye!

Quinn strikes again!

Last night while Quinn was getting his homework out. I asked him if he had any tests for me to sign. He said he had a spelling test. He then asked me earnestly. 'Is 8 out of 20 good..?' I slightly irritatedly said, 'Actually no Quinn, it is not!' I was a bit annoyed but decided to let it go. I mean he is redoing a grade he already did well in, he said the words were easy when I asked him if he was ready for the test, this stuff really should not be hard!

I got busy with changing out of my work clothes and he carried on with his homework and the moment blew over.

20 minutes later I went over to the open book to sign it and was almost blinded by a BIG gold star shining on the page under a 20/20.

He looked at me wryly and said, 'I can't believe you still fall for that.'

Howzat!

Gah! I typed up a whole blog post, about emotions, attitude and 'The Secret' etc and then deleted it by mistake... maybe I'll try it again sometime, or maybe what I was saying didn't need to be shared... who knows. We'll see. For now I am moving on...

Yesterday I took the boys to the cricket club for a bit of Cricket net practice for Quinn. He was keen to try out his newly purchased cricket gear which he paid 50% himself from his savings. It's a helmet, pads, gloves, bag and Kookaburra bat signed by none other than Jacques Kallis. After that Griffin and I played some French Cricket while Quinn 'rested'. Quinn took out the camera and started taking photos and as a result our antics were quite well documented...

Without further ado...