“A heart needs only its own voice to do what is right.”

"A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." ~ Mohandas K. Gandhi

And so when after telling him for the final time on the weekend that it is over and that I am not prepared to be treated like and old familiar jersey anymore. A jersey which he can wear when he pleases, and then toss behind the chair if visitors arrive, or when he wants to wear something more styling when he is out. I started getting my strength back. Feeling free and unrestrained by his tethers. Allowed to do and say what I want again...

Yet he still called me 4 or 5 times throughout the day. This I accepted and spoke to him in a friendly yet detached manner. Calm and unfazed by it.

But when I dashed out for a quick run in the evening only to return and find him IN MY HOUSE, with my CHILDREN. The compromise, charity, generosity and continual acceptance of everything wrt him suddenly stopped-dead. I was not amused. Worse, I was angry. Livid actually. What a damned cheek!

I am sad to let go of this relationship which I had really really thought was special. I have felt all the emotions and phases of loss. Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Despair, but now finally I have a level of Acceptance.

I no longer cling to hope that it will change, and that one day I will be enough for him, and make him happy to the point where he doesn't chase and see multiple women at the same time. I am no longer prepared to take what I can get. I have realised that he is no longer enough, or good enough, for me.

It is funny how when your emotional rose-tinted spectacles are off you can see things more clearly, and see that someone you thought was perfect is really not all that after all.

I looked at him last night and felt no positive emotion at all, just disdain and contempt. This is how I knew I was doing the right thing.

“A heart needs only its own voice to do what is right.” ~ Vanna Bonta

And so, I sent him off with his tail between his legs. Sure, now he thinks I am mean, possibly unkind. But it has got to the point that I simply have to stop caring about him and what he thinks and feels.

It feels liberating. I didn't realise how trapped he was making me feel.

I intend not to compromise my integrity again. I have learned a lot through this.

Living with integrity means:

• Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.
• Asking for what you want and need from others.
• Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.
• Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
• Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.

~ Barbara De Angelis