So I joined a friend to watch the all important Super 14 Rugby final on Saturday. It was a relaxed braai & pub type atmosphere at the Oceana Boat club... all good. While there I met another friend who was 'birthday boy' that day and clearly rather connected. Anhoo long story short I ended up being invited to tag along to his birthday bash later that night. We were all like 'yeah we may swing by if we feel like it'. The boys were at freinds and I was mean to collect them at 9ish. The party was 'on a boat'. Cool.
Next thing I get an sms asking if the boys can sleep over, and after a restrained 'HELL YEAH!' response from me, we ambled over to find this 'boat', only to discover it is actually a freaking 35m Motor Yacht the 'Nautilus' which was apparently auctioned for R4.5M last year and has since been fully refurbished. It charters for something mad like R95k a day. Yoh!
Although I did not have the boots nor the boobs to compete with any of the other bombshells aboard, I did manage to impress with my general misbehavior and tequila drinking skills.
From what I remember so much of fun was had... the below evidence seems to supports this! Oh my!
When will this all start?
When did I fall apart?
When is it my turn?
My turn?
Working on your heart,
Trying but I'm falling right apart,
When will this all start?
Tell me, when will this all start?
Girl, I'll try and to forget it,
Broken down forever now, we are losing what we found
My heart is left, alone in pieces, pieces
Well will this all start?
Tell me, when will this all start?
What is left, of us?
I am kept in my shell
I will never run away, you could never get away
All of this love that we've lost, has left me in pieces, in pieces
Girl, it's true, we have lost us...
I could never get away, you could never runaway
Like a butterfly
I had the day off today because it is a UK Public Holiday. WooHoo.
I spent the day doing admin, getting things FICA'ed, RICA'ed, appointments made and boring, frustrating stuff like that. Then I popped into the Wellness Warehouse to get some essential oils and browse around etc. I couldn't help checking out the crystals which were on display... I have always liked Rose quartz a lot.
I was drawn to a pink and black triangular stone though and in the end I had to buy it. I knew nothing about it, except it;s label said Rhodonite.
Rhodonite
Origin
This stone gets its name from the Greek word for its rose color. It is a manganese metasilicate with a hardness of 5.5 to 6.5. Its rich pink color is often contrasted with black dendritic inclusions of manganese oxide. It is found in Russia, Mexico, the USA, Canada and South Africa.
History / Mythology
Rhodonite gets its name from the Greek word rhodon for rosy, although there are references that credit the Celtic word rhod, which means wheel, as the origins of Rhodonite's name.
Rhodonite does not seem to have a rich history of legend, but it is easy to feel this stone's unconditional love. Like Rose Quartz, this gemstone teaches the all important lesson of self love.
This is a stone of self confidence born out of trust in your own heart, your own voice, your own choices. Carrying this stone will keep your mind calm, allowing you to process chaotic situations and patiently assess your options. Rhodonite will strengthen your resolve, helping you be more disciplined in your walk.
Intuitive sources say Rhodonite is a stone for activating love energies in oneself and others. It is said to clear and activate the heart chakra, to dispel tension and anxiety & to help one establish inner balance. It is sometimes refereed to as the 'stone of peace' and may help resolve conflicts.
Metaphysical Lore
Rhodonite has been called a "Stone of Love" and helps one to achieve his/her greatest potential. It is excellent for the heart chakra and conveys unconditional love. It can help one to attain calm assurance in all activities. It further assists one in recognizing and in implementing the actions required to encourage and to further the "Brotherhood" of humanity.
(Astrological Signs of Taurus)
Vibrates to the number 9
Rhodonite Gemstone meaning
Rhodonite soothes the nervous system. This gemstone vibrates with love. Just holding this gemstone promotes relaxation and brings a sense of well-being. This is a balance gemstone and is used to clear the psychic centers.
Healing properties of Rhodonite
Rhodonite raises self worth and helps ward off negativity. It has been known as a "rescue stone".
How apt is that!? I could not have chosen better if I tried.
I've created a vision board for myself. It's less about stuff and more about feelings, state of mind, health, relationships and physicality. i.e the stuff that is most important to me.
This is the way I see my life.
These are the things I have, like, want and need.
This is ME!
"A vision board is a collage of images, pictures and affirmations of your dreams and desires. It can also be called a dream board, treasure map or vision map.Vision boards are a great way to make you feel positive"
“We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision.”
“Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.”
Quinn had a follow-up ENT appointment this afternoon - it's been just over a month since the Cholesteatoma surgery. His ear is progressing well, although it is still not totally 'dry' so still needs regular cleaning - he suctions out any muck and dampness with a suction tube. Not very pleasant for Quinn as it is not comfortable and makes him instantly dizzy, but he is very good at closing his eyes and zoning out and doesn't even whimper. At worst he'll just furrow his brow, or squeeze my hand a little. He is such a trooper.
The skin and muscle grafts seem to have taken though and the cavity is now well lined with epithelial cells as needed. The good news is we are now down to 3-weekly visits, from our weekly visits up to now. We have drops which need to be applied daily to ensure his ear stays healthy and uninfected. More good news is that he CAN still hear in that ear, although not very well. Quinn reckons it is about 3-4 out of 10 - noting that his 10 is relative to his 'good' ear which is only hearing about 80% anyway. Anyway so that is about as good as can be expected. He is settled back into school and has really coped very well with the whole thing. Dealing with improving his hearing in his right ear will be considered much later - in a year or so I suspect.
Dr R checked out his left ear again and took out an alarming large chunk of gunk that was lodged in there. He was not all that thrilled by what he found actually. To the point that he wants the left ear operated on sooner rather than later. He says the right ear unfortunately had the very aggressive form of c-toma which is serious and progresses very quickly. So it looks like surgery will be scheduled during the upcoming holidays.
Dr R wants to see if the eminent Prof in the field and region can do the surgery, or even better if they can do it together, because he really wants to take it carefully and try to preserve as much of his hearing in the left ear as possible since that one is still hearing reasonably well. It's a scary prospect to be facing that whole ordeal again, and in less than 2 months, but it needs to be done and do it we will!
At the moment I still owe about R10 000 on the first op, but I should be able to get at least half of that covered by the medical aid, it is just taking a lot of time and effort to get it sorted out. It is not easy!
I am also SO GLAD that we decided to hold Quinn back this year, it has turned out to be the best decision we could ever have made and has given him the slack to be able to deal with all this, and the added maturity to handle his school work and everything else that is going on. Much as he is a PAIN IN THE ASS at times he really has been remarkable this year. I am extremely proud of him.
I on the other hand have been quite emotionally affected in the after math of the first op (and for a few other reasons) and I know I am not the most emotionally stable and together person right now. But that is what it is and I simply can not pretend to always be fine and smiling and light hearted. Sometimes I am scared, sometimes I am tired, and sometimes I just want a freaking hug. Never the less I do not expect anyone to take me on, and am not going through the angst of trying to justify and substantiate my position anymore. I am as I am and where I am, and I will keep on keeping on like I always do.
So it is me and the boys doing this on our own, for ourselves, by ourselves. I am ok with that. It's simpler and probably the way it needs to be.
Nil desperandum! We can do it, we always have and always will. :)
Every night I remember that evening
The way you looked when you said you were leaving
The way you cried as you turned to walk away
The cruel words and the false accusations
The mean looks and the same old frustrations
I never thought that we'd throw it all away
But we threw it all away.
And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This ain't a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)
This ain't a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)
I've been lost, I've been out, I've been losing
I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion
I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not
And though I'm down, I'll be coming back fighting
I may be scared and a little bit frightened
But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life
I'll be coming back to life
And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This ain't a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)
This ain't a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)
Whoooo
And you can try (you can try)
And you can try but you'll never keep me down
And you can try (you can try)
And you can try but you'll never keep me down
La la la la la la la
(I won't be lost, I won't be down)
And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This ain't a love song this is goodbye
It's alright (It's alright)
'cause you can try but you'll never keep me down
It's alright (It's alright)
I may be lost but you'll never keep me down
You can try (you can try)
you can try but you'll never keep me down
You cant try (you can try)
I know I'm lost but I'm waiting to be found
you'll never keep me down
you'll never keep me down
never keep me down
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize
-----------------
This female version is beautiful.... but quite a bit sadder.
I thought I was handling all the recent chaos and drama reasonably well, but the past couple of weeks (since the come down of the op and my birthday) have just got me feeling a bit worn down. Silly things like losing my credit card (I found it eventually), filling up with petrol and then the garage's card machine not working so I was late for an appointment. The issues with the ADSL line, the worry of my sister's major problems with her pregnancy etc etc. All the issues with Quinn's ears, and then just as he physically recovered he started dropping the ball at school - big time. So just everything seeming harder than it could or should have been.
Then I had to change my freaking car wheel on Monday when I discovered it was completely flat.. I really think I need to get myself a man-servant or something! Still to be honest I like being independent and capable... or rather I like being able to do everything I just wish I didn't always HAVE to. Anyway...
My life is now finally settling back into a level of usual controlled chaos I don't feel quite so frenetic, but the truth is. I am tired. Emotionally.
The other night as I was running home I just started sobbing. I released about 3 month's worth of stuff that's been building up and bugging me. I think it was needed. I am not a big crier in general. Music, and movies and strangely running seem to help me to process and release emotions though. It makes me feel weak to admit that, but being perpetually strong and in control is not easy.
Although it may sound like I am totally falling apart I actually feel way better now. After my blubber session I went home and had an awesome evening with the boys, where we played games, ate chocolate, joked and had fun together. It's good to have reminders to focus on priorities and do what's important and not be caught up in routine and duty all the time. And to remember the good you DO have.
MAROON 5 "She Will Be Loved"
(off the album 'Songs About Jane')
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Yeah
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Everybody's building ships and boats
Some are building monuments, others are jotting down notes
Everybody's in despair, every girl and boy
But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here
Everybody's gonna jump for joy
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
I like to go just like the rest, I like my sugar sweet
But jumping queues and makin' haste, just ain't my cup of meat
Everyone's beneath the trees, feedin' pigeons on a limb
But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here
All the pigeons gonna run to him
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Let me do what I wanna do, I can't decide 'em all
Just tell me where to put 'em and I'll tell you who to call
Nobody can get no sleep, there's someone on everyone's toes
But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here
Everybody's gonna wanna doze
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Come all without, come all within
You'll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn
Quinn got a get well message from The Parlotones the week after his big ear op....He was thrilled. THIS is why we are their biggest fans!! Thanks guys you rock big time!
I have had a hard couple of weeks. I am tired. Emotionally.
I need a soft place to land.
There is so much I want to do, see, get, give and be... but I am starting to wonder if I ever will. I feel like I am and have been waiting for something that is never going to arrive.
I am starting to stop caring, stop hoping, stop striving. I am disillusioned.
Again, as per last year I took the 30th of April (my birthday) off. I spent the morning relaxing, running errands and going for a divine Thai massage. A fitting way to spend a birthday I think.
Unfortunately I started feeling like I had a cold half way through the day and my throat got really sore, but I OD'ed on vitamin C and after school the boys and I packed up and headed off for Wellington regardless. I was actually not feeling great that night and was less than keen to run a long race the next day. Still we had dinner and donuts etc for my birthday, and I went to bed early and decided I'd see how I felt the next morning.
When I woke up I had a niggling voice trying to get me to give in and stay in bed instead of doing the race, it was tempting! But in the end duty called and it was after all the very reason we'd gone out to Wellington. Also this year the weather was good, so there really was no excuse, and I felt ok. So up we got, got ready and headed off to the start.
I found a spot for boys and dog just above the start, where they could watch us all set off (before going into the stadium to play and wait at the finish). I also bumped into Bennie and some of his friends. Bennie was running his 100th 1/2 marathon. Impressive.
Before long it was 07:15 and time to go. I set off up the steep hill, whch wasn't so bad this year. The first 3km were ok. Clinton passed me at that point (he didn't see me), and I didn't see him again until the end, as usual. I didn't see anyone else I knew en route. But there were several people I played tag with the whole race. I'd pass them and then they'd pass me and vice versa. I mostly enjoyed the race until about 7km in where I realised I was struggling. It was hot and the road felt long , hard and endless. I walked a good 5-6 different times along the next 15 km trying to catch my breath and get some strength back into my legs. I was clutching my trusty safety blankies... I mean water sachets as if my life depended on them. It was sheer will power which made me keep going, that and not wanting to delay FINISHING the damn race.
I was so tired by the time I got to the finish. I was convinced I'd done quite badly, but when I finally got into the stadium and saw the clock it was on 1:56:40, I was thrilled and surged forward so I finished at exactly 1:56:50, just a little slower than last year but still pretty good!
The boys were right there at the end to greet me, and said I'd come in a lot sooner than they expected, so they were impressed. After a 5 minute lie-down on the lawn, to prevent an imminent cardiac arrest, I saw Leon and his friend, who had just finished, so I beat them. YES (not that I am competitive or anything...) ;). I later found out that one of my beer challenge buddies Steve, the very dude who had challenged me to this damned race and then stood me up last year had run too and had finished at 2:10:00! Oh sweet victory! YEAH! :)
The Official Results have been released, they were out within a week, I was very impressed.The full listing can be found HERE.
This is how I faired this year:
The winning man:
1 SONQIBIDO NKOSINOXOLO 1791 23 M O TNETAGN 1:04:20
The winning lady:
37 AMUKOTO ANNA 3101 27 F O MPWP 1:18:47
Me: 1144 FRASER JANE 4217 36 F O TEMP 1:56:52
Last year: 1241 WEIDEMAN JANE 3884 35 F O TEMP 1:56:36
Steve: 1940 DE VILLIERS GRAAFF STEPHEN 1073 40 M 40+ TEMP 2:10:50
The last person in:
3809 BAKER ZAHIR 4491 28 M O TEMP 4:49:21
This year I came 1144th out of 3809, and was 178th female.
Last year I came 1241th out of 3762, and was 224th female.
Pics below:
I really like this race. I'll be back again next year!
I have been listening to this song a lot recently. It is beautiful and quite sad. (I can't find a link anywhere sorry...)
Watershed - "In The Meantime"
In the meantime
while I sit around and wait for you
I start thinking again
and in the meantime
While you sit around wait for me
start thinking again
I always wonder about my life
I always think about our times together When I look at you I smile
but when I think of you...
I cry and I think about you all of the time
I cry and I think about you all the time
I dream about you night and day
As time moves by
I think about you all the time
I'm doing my own thing
Then one night come
I met a girl who felt the same
she's doing her own thing
We go for coffee at midnight
I say 'your place or mine?'
she looks at me and smiles
but when I think of you...
I cry and think about you all the time
oh I cry and wonder where you are tonight
oh I always wonder about my life.
