It's not always rainbows and butterflies...

I thought I was handling all the recent chaos and drama reasonably well, but the past couple of weeks (since the come down of the op and my birthday) have just got me feeling a bit worn down. Silly things like losing my credit card (I found it eventually), filling up with petrol and then the garage's card machine not working so I was late for an appointment. The issues with the ADSL line, the worry of my sister's major problems with her pregnancy etc etc. All the issues with Quinn's ears, and then just as he physically recovered he started dropping the ball at school - big time. So just everything seeming harder than it could or should have been.

Then I had to change my freaking car wheel on Monday when I discovered it was completely flat.. I really think I need to get myself a man-servant or something! Still to be honest I like being independent and capable... or rather I like being able to do everything I just wish I didn't always HAVE to. Anyway...

My life is now finally settling back into a level of usual controlled chaos I don't feel quite so frenetic, but the truth is. I am tired. Emotionally.

The other night as I was running home I just started sobbing. I released about 3 month's worth of stuff that's been building up and bugging me. I think it was needed. I am not a big crier in general. Music, and movies and strangely running seem to help me to process and release emotions though. It makes me feel weak to admit that, but being perpetually strong and in control is not easy.

Although it may sound like I am totally falling apart I actually feel way better now. After my blubber session I went home and had an awesome evening with the boys, where we played games, ate chocolate, joked and had fun together. It's good to have reminders to focus on priorities and do what's important and not be caught up in routine and duty all the time. And to remember the good you DO have.


MAROON 5 "She Will Be Loved"
(off the album 'Songs About Jane') 

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye