Cholesteatoma update and round 2 pending...

Quinn had a follow-up ENT appointment this afternoon - it's been just over a month since the Cholesteatoma surgery. His ear is progressing well, although it is still not totally 'dry' so still needs regular cleaning - he suctions out any muck and dampness with a suction tube. Not very pleasant for Quinn as it is not comfortable and makes him instantly dizzy, but he is very good at closing his eyes and zoning out and doesn't even whimper. At worst he'll just furrow his brow, or squeeze my hand a little. He is such a trooper.

The skin and muscle grafts seem to have taken though and the cavity is now well lined with epithelial cells as needed. The good news is we are now down to 3-weekly visits, from our weekly visits up to now. We have drops which need to be applied daily to ensure his ear stays healthy and uninfected. More good news is that he CAN still hear in that ear, although not very well. Quinn reckons it is about 3-4 out of 10 - noting that his 10 is relative to his 'good' ear which is only hearing about 80% anyway. Anyway so that is about as good as can be expected. He is settled back into school and has really coped very well with the whole thing. Dealing with improving his hearing in his right ear will be considered much later - in a year or so I suspect.

Dr R checked out his left ear again and took out an alarming large chunk of gunk that was lodged in there. He was not all that thrilled by what he found actually. To the point that he wants the left ear operated on sooner rather than later. He says the right ear unfortunately had the very aggressive form of c-toma which is serious and progresses very quickly. So it looks like surgery will be scheduled during the upcoming holidays.

Dr R wants to see if the eminent Prof in the field and region can do the surgery, or even better if they can do it together, because he really wants to take it carefully and try to preserve as much of his hearing in the left ear as possible since that one is still hearing reasonably well. It's a scary prospect to be facing that whole ordeal again, and in less than 2 months, but it needs to be done and do it we will!

At the moment I still owe about R10 000 on the first op, but I should be able to get at least half of that covered by the medical aid, it is just taking a lot of time and effort to get it sorted out. It is not easy!

I am also SO GLAD that we decided to hold Quinn back this year, it has turned out to be the best decision we could ever have made and has given him the slack to be able to deal with all this, and the added maturity to handle his school work and everything else that is going on. Much as he is a PAIN IN THE ASS at times he really has been remarkable this year. I am extremely proud of him.

I on the other hand have been quite emotionally affected in the after math of the first op (and for a few other reasons) and I know I am not the most emotionally stable and together person right now. But that is what it is and I simply can not pretend to always be fine and smiling and light hearted. Sometimes I am scared, sometimes I am tired, and sometimes I just want a freaking hug. Never the less I do not expect anyone to take me on, and am not going through the angst of trying to justify and substantiate my position anymore. I am as I am and where I am, and I will keep on keeping on like I always do.

So it is me and the boys doing this on our own, for ourselves, by ourselves. I am ok with that. It's simpler and probably the way it needs to be.

Nil desperandum! We can do it, we always have and always will. :) 

Scouting For Girls - This Ain't A Love Song
 

Every night I remember that evening
The way you looked when you said you were leaving
The way you cried as you turned to walk away

The cruel words and the false accusations
The mean looks and the same old frustrations
I never thought that we'd throw it all away
But we threw it all away.

And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This ain't a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)
This ain't a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)

I've been lost, I've been out, I've been losing
I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion
I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not

And though I'm down, I'll be coming back fighting
I may be scared and a little bit frightened
But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life
I'll be coming back to life

And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This ain't a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)
This ain't a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)

Whoooo
And you can try (you can try)
And you can try but you'll never keep me down
And you can try (you can try)
And you can try but you'll never keep me down

La la la la la la la
(I won't be lost, I won't be down)

And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This ain't a love song this is goodbye

It's alright (It's alright)
'cause you can try but you'll never keep me down
It's alright (It's alright)
I may be lost but you'll never keep me down
You can try (you can try)
you can try but you'll never keep me down
You cant try (you can try)

I know I'm lost but I'm waiting to be found
you'll never keep me down
you'll never keep me down
never keep me down