Happy 13th Birthday Angelique

Angelique would have been 13 today. Wow! I can hardly believe it has been that long...

We are going to Spur to celebrate her birthday tonight and do our own little version of 'Thanksgiving' to mark the occasion.

I feel completely fine about it. Although it is still a vivid memory and pivotal event in my life which I will never forget, it is not something that I dwell on or feel huge grief or sadness over any more. It's still a big part of my life and history, part of who I am and how I got here. But it is a functional and assimilated part. I feel we have completely processed the whole thing and moved on WHOLE. KWIM?

Weirdly when I woke up this morning I thought of 'Juliette' my sister's new baby - who looks just like Angelique did and reminds me so much of her. I had to remember that her name is in fact Angelique and not Juliette. Ooops. But really Juliette and my little donor baby girl have helped me to heal and get closure from it all. It's all been part of the journey and it's been a  good journey. She is part of us all.

I heard her song last night though which is still bitter sweet... she was born just after we'd been to the U2 concert in 1998, where they'd played this song (they played it again when I saw it last month and it did make me tearful there)...

U2 - With Or Without You



See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you