Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Wednesday, 4 May 2011


So I am now 37. Not sure when that happened? Last week I was 30, and I still feel about 21 most of the time. But it is what it is and I am ok with it. I do not get too hung up on my 'numbers'. Age, height, shoe and bra size etc are things that just ARE, and I can't control them. Weight I can influence, so I try to keep that one in check to a degree. But more and more I am finding myself less concerned about it and focusing more on how I FEEL and what makes me HAPPY. Life is too short to never have a piece of cake, or savour something delicous and decadent. I am no longer striving to be my own, or anyone else's, version of perfect I just want to be a good enough and happy version of ME.

From that point of view, age is a marvellous thing.The perspective, wisdom and acceptance that comes with it is good and very welcome. Hi older me. I think you are doing ok!

That said, it does not mean I am perpetually happy, nor do I have it all figured out yet. I still have my issues and down days - like everyone else. But the good thing is I am aware of my issues and I even know when I am feeling down that it will pass. So I can disengage from it and ride it out. I don't let it consume and unbalance me like before and I don't see it as the end of the world. Just a phase which will pass and then I carry on. I still tend to retreat from the world when it happens though, but I am learning to not always do this now. Sometimes getting out and confronting it head on works better.

I recently had one such phase where I just didn't feel well or enthusiastic at all. I think I was actually a bit sick because I felt tired, lethargic, heavy and hot. I tried running and just couldn't my leg's just wouldn't do it, so I walked instead.

My birthday was rapidly approaching but I had no drive or desire to organise anything, and since I was facing my 3rd birthday in a row as a singeleton, it really didn't feel that exciting at all. (Compounded by the fact that not only did my ex and I split up just before my birthday, but our birthdays are on the same day!). So all in all not much eager anticipation was there AT ALL.

I was all but going to let it pass by unacknowledged, when my great friend and partner-in-crime B who needs no excuse to have a good time practically INSISTED I do something, because SHE wanted to go out. Ho hum, ok then...

I dragged my feet and finally the day before my birthday I got my ass in gear and sent out an invite.

So on Friday myself and 12 of my usual suspects, BFFs and old and new faithfuls gathered at BeefCakes in Greenpoint. I'd heard about the place and everyone raves about it. My thoughts were how good can a burger joint really be...?

Well let me tell you; BeefCakes is the SHIZ! I had the most awesome fab time there. The waiters are hot hunky buff well 'beefcakes' literally. Yummy! The vibe is great, the food is good and the best part? My awesome friends got me a bodyshot for my birthday. Oh yes, I got to drink a shooter off the hottest dude in the place's abdomen. Does life get any better..? I don't think so!

I got some wonderful and very unexpected gifts too, including the most beautiful white roses I have ever seen.

So my birthday was a blast and after rocking BeefCakes, B my great mat Mut and I went to Stones in Obs for a few games of Pool and Tequila.

It was a very happy birthday and I am so glad I got my head out my butt and celebrated it! (More pics on FB)

Next morning I felt rather grim after over-indulging far too much the night before. But my goreous darling boys brought me coffee and scrambkled eggs in bed. They also each made me super special birthday cards. They really are my little angles those boys I love them to bits!

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