Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Being gentle with myself

Thanks for the comments from yesterday everyone... I really appreciate the support and concern.

I did manage to pull myself out of my slump yesterday evening.

I have decided that I HAVE to release and surrender right now, there is just SO much going on, and much of it I can't control. I have decided that being hard on myself is just not going to help, so exercising and eating are free game now. I am not being disciplined or controlled now, and I am just going with what I feel like at the time. So comfort eating and sitting on the couch it is then!

I blame the hormones. They make me tired, head-achy, tearful, and sad - alternating with horny & almost manically naughty and chirpy. I am a right roller-coaster at the moment and am probably certifiably insane right now. I can't imagine what people are thinking! (Run away!)

So yesterday, feeling particularly low (our nanny was mugged in the morning and that just got me into a real emo state from the get go) I gave our nanny a lift to the train station and gave her some money to tide her over. I would have had to rush home if I wanted to make myself go for a run... and suddenly I thought... SCREW IT! Why should I always be rushing everywhere and always in control and doing the 'right' thing??? So instead, I went past the bottle store and picked up some beer and Savanna and went home. I poured myself a drink, got a drink and snack for the kids, and we sat and had a couple of drinks** in the beautiful warm twilight like normal relaxed people. I actually felt slightly anxious that I should have been DOING something at first, but after a while the feeling passed, and I started to feel relaxation and pleasure wash over me. At 6 the 'Ultimix-at-6' came onto the radio and I decide to get up and dance, and so I did. For the next 45 minutes or so. Just dancing around in my lounge on my own - with the boys coming and going in between, and doing their thing. They were relaxed, I was relaxed and it was good. It was fun and I felt alive and dare I say it even a bit happy.
After my dancing I was inspired to make dinner, and we had a yummy dinner, watch Scrubs and just had a nice pleasant evening.

I am still on this hormonal roller-coaster, but today I feel loads better and that's all that matters right now. Sure my clothes are starting to feel a bit snug, which I don't like. But I am NOT going to stress about it now. So I am going to be a bit soft & cuddly for a few weeks (months?). But once the donor process is over and I get my body & hormones back. And once 'D-Day' has come and gone in early September. I pick myself up and start again. I will get myself back on track and get fit and toned again. It will be the start of a new season.

But for now I am taking it one step at a time. Being gentle with myself.

Hey I'm all I've got!

(**Note I am not big drinker, and I am inherently very responsible, so I had a total of 2 Savanna lites. I am not wanting to mess with these eggies, so I am not going to do anything to jeopardise that. I am doing this as well as I can to give the recipients the best chance of a successful outcome.)


  1. I think you are doing the right thing... and are very brave doing this hormome thing with all that is happening.

    You are right.. in the end, you are all you have.

  2. LMAO!! your evening sounds awesome. I crank up the tunes every now and again too and sing, thank GOD nobody is around to hear!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !
    ITs such a stress release...okay, that and a bottle of red. ha ha ha ha

  3. Good for you Jane!!!

    Letting it all go is the hardest thing to do but the BEST way to move forward!