Being gentle with myself

Thanks for the comments from yesterday everyone... I really appreciate the support and concern.

I did manage to pull myself out of my slump yesterday evening.

I have decided that I HAVE to release and surrender right now, there is just SO much going on, and much of it I can't control. I have decided that being hard on myself is just not going to help, so exercising and eating are free game now. I am not being disciplined or controlled now, and I am just going with what I feel like at the time. So comfort eating and sitting on the couch it is then!

I blame the hormones. They make me tired, head-achy, tearful, and sad - alternating with horny & almost manically naughty and chirpy. I am a right roller-coaster at the moment and am probably certifiably insane right now. I can't imagine what people are thinking! (Run away!)

So yesterday, feeling particularly low (our nanny was mugged in the morning and that just got me into a real emo state from the get go) I gave our nanny a lift to the train station and gave her some money to tide her over. I would have had to rush home if I wanted to make myself go for a run... and suddenly I thought... SCREW IT! Why should I always be rushing everywhere and always in control and doing the 'right' thing??? So instead, I went past the bottle store and picked up some beer and Savanna and went home. I poured myself a drink, got a drink and snack for the kids, and we sat and had a couple of drinks** in the beautiful warm twilight like normal relaxed people. I actually felt slightly anxious that I should have been DOING something at first, but after a while the feeling passed, and I started to feel relaxation and pleasure wash over me. At 6 the 'Ultimix-at-6' came onto the radio and I decide to get up and dance, and so I did. For the next 45 minutes or so. Just dancing around in my lounge on my own - with the boys coming and going in between, and doing their thing. They were relaxed, I was relaxed and it was good. It was fun and I felt alive and dare I say it even a bit happy.
After my dancing I was inspired to make dinner, and we had a yummy dinner, watch Scrubs and just had a nice pleasant evening.

I am still on this hormonal roller-coaster, but today I feel loads better and that's all that matters right now. Sure my clothes are starting to feel a bit snug, which I don't like. But I am NOT going to stress about it now. So I am going to be a bit soft & cuddly for a few weeks (months?). But once the donor process is over and I get my body & hormones back. And once 'D-Day' has come and gone in early September. I pick myself up and start again. I will get myself back on track and get fit and toned again. It will be the start of a new season.

But for now I am taking it one step at a time. Being gentle with myself.

Hey I'm all I've got!

(**Note I am not big drinker, and I am inherently very responsible, so I had a total of 2 Savanna lites. I am not wanting to mess with these eggies, so I am not going to do anything to jeopardise that. I am doing this as well as I can to give the recipients the best chance of a successful outcome.)