An afternoon in Kalk Bay

The boys and I had a lunch appointment yesterday (who and why to follow in another post). It was a perfect day in Cape Town and EVERYONE was out. It took ages to get to Kalk Bay. We really should have caught the train as I had considered, but I just didn't get my act together to sort that out. I am actually feeling a bit depressed and anti-climactic as the end of the year approaches and ALL my friends and special people are away. There are very few left and I am feeling a bit at a loss now that all the excitement and activity has ended. I am fine, but I have NO plans for New Year and feel like a bit of a loser now... :( Anyway I digress. Yesterday was lovely.

We sat on the tidal pool wall outside the Brass Bell for a while and enjoyed the view and played with shells and pebbles.

I just LOVED this view!

The boys tried on these dreadlocks hats in one of the local shops and really loved them. I should actually go back and buy one for them :) It suits them!

It was a super afternoon and we had great company too.

Gives You Hell

This is not really how I feel, but I seem to be loving this song atm, and found myself singing it loudly yesterday, so here you go!

Gives You Hell - All-American Rejects



I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place.
And you're still probably working
At a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car
Did it ever get you far?
You never seemed so tense, love
Never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?

Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
If you look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)
When you hear this song and you sing along well you'll never tell
And you're the fool I've just as well I hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope it puts you through hell

Look who's ready for school...

Griff and I were alone at home today and we ended up playing dress-up to see if we have what we need for school in January.

Aw, my boy is really going to BIG school!! Just look at him!



I think he is ready!

More pics from adventure week-end

Mad photos of a mad family....



Our down wind sail in the passing storm in a MacGyver style rig - croc inflatable boat with hammock and stick & paddle as a sail. I was the ballast.



Me being 'hard core' on one of the boy's bikes. Got a nice bruise on my knee from hitting the handle bars too!



* Photos by Jacques Marais

My skateboard career is over!

Even before it really began...

I was skating with the boys last night and thought I was so cool and hard-core when Quinn said 'Moooom, you look like a ballerina on that thing!' and then I wiped out completely... as in FLAT on my back in the road. So I decided it was best to call it quits before the paramedics were needed...



Griffin was sitting on the pavement taking the photos and laughing his little ass off! Notice how Quinn is j-boarding without even looking and weaving between cones etc etc. He is a complete natural at this stuff!

Next mission to learn how to J-board!!!

'Boxing Day' at our house

When the box is almost more fun that the gift (and you DON'T have childbearing hips!)

Cousin Jessica came to visit and much fun was had!

Adventure filled 4-day week-end

Jacques had a pre-planned week-long holiday planned to Eikenhof in Grabouw with his friends. He invited the boys and I to join them for the first week-end from Friday. The idea of an adventurous week-end out of town sounded good so we quickly shopped & packed and I set off as soon as I could get away from work on Friday night.

I knew we'd be meeting up with active people, a few of whom I had met. So I had packed my running gear, but I had NO IDEA what I was really in for! LOL.

We met up at the Grabouw farm stall at about 18:30 and got through to the cottage at about 19:00. Just in time to unpack (Jacques had lots of 'toys'. Bikes, boats and the like) quickly and head down to the dam for a swim. The water is a very civilised decent temperature - not like the bloody freezing sea we have here in Cape Town. Nice. There was much wrestling, dunking, 'chicken fighting' and general mayhem between the 4 of us. We even found a submerged tree-trunk section which became a 'water horse' which kept stalking and antagonising people.

After the swim I met the gang who were already there and we got acquainted around the braai. This turned out pretty raucous, and any intentions I had of making a good impression on the 'friends' were well and truly thwarted when I managed to earn the dubious moniker of 'anal sex girl'! Long story, don't ask!!! This was further , er cemented when I tried to change the subject by telling the 'What's brown & sticky?' joke. Let's just say I have no dignity left!

On Saturday we woke bright and early and Jacques suggested a 'little run'. It sounded fun. 5 minutes in I was ready to die! He selected the steepest road to start on, and then we rounded a corner to a steeper one which never ended. THANKS dude! I eventually got into it and we ended up doing a gorgeous 10km trail run, passing a lovely waterfall. It really is a stunning area.

When we got back I thought we'd be relaxing, but no, we went for a swim and then a paddle across the dam. I was then convinced we should all cycle to the waterfall - including the kids. Now I haven't really ridden (an adult's) bicycle for YEARS, and I knew the route was steep having already run it earlier, but I conceded. The boys bitched and moaned and struggled and cried, until I gave them the option to go back to the cottage or shut up and keep going. They chose to keep going. :) I had a fabulous bike - I could get into riding if I had a decent bike like that. Wow! - so I rode up a section and then ran back to push one of the boy's bikes up to mine and then ran back to the next to fetch the other one, repeat ad infinitum. While Jacques rode on ahead with his friend Craig, they were doing a proper ride and we were doing the direct 'short' route. They eventually came down to find us because we were taking so long, and Jacques and Craig each took one of the boy's bikes and rode it up the last section of hill and they nearly died from the effort too! Much harder on less high-tech bikes. They looked so funny too in their hard-core riding gear on the tiny bikes.

Still the waterfall was lovely and we swam and climbed and then jumped off rocks, and had a really good time. I caught a frog and when I tried to kiss it, it jumped into my cleavage and stayed there for a bit, while I flailed around trying to get it out. It was quite funny! On the way back Griffin took a tumble on a downhill run and hurt himself a bit, but he was very brave and kept going. We all got back tired and proud of ourselves.

We met the new people who had arrived and had a lovely social braai. Where I produced a massive packet of marshmallows to toast and then there were jokes of my 'warm and stickies'. After all that we collapsed into bed. Tired from the activity of the day.

On Sunday the big guys went on a major cycling mission, so the boys and I ran/cycled along the gravel road to the gate (an 8km round trip). Again I was running ahead and then running back to help them up hills etc. At one point I was running up a hill and pushing both boys along in tandem. Tiring! This took a while, but the boys despite their moaning were feeling proud of themselves and Quinn even said he wants to come to gym with me to get fit.

When we got back I went for quite a long swim. I tried going right across the dam, but the other side didn't seem to get any closer so I turned back eventually. But I reckon I did between 600-700m at least.

When Jacques and co came back, Craig & Karin decided to swim the width of the dam (on a shorter section, but still about 1.5km in total) and so we paddled there and back with them. These guys all do triathlons and adventure racing so they are super fit.

When we got back Beryl & family had arrived. We swam, chatted and had lunch with them and then got kitted up to cycle to a natural pool for a swim. Beryl's middle daughter Maxine took a nasty fall on the way there and hurt herself, but we continued on and had a good cycle (again helping the kids along) and then all swam and played in the river pool.

On the way back Jacques was on foot and stayed back to help the kids, so I was free to cycle off on my own. I cruised around gaining confidence on the gravelly roads and getting above 35km/h at one point. WooHoo! I felt pretty brave. So when I got back to the cottages I decided to race around the last cottage and then onwards to the grass area. As I rounded the corner I realised I had turned too sharply and the wheel slid out from under me. I instinctively yelled 'FUUUCK' and went down. I looked up to see about 7 people having sun downers at the braai. Oops. Dignity again in tatters. Bugger. They cheered and mocked me and told me I'd need to try that again. So off I went. Determined to redeem myself. I came back concentrating hard and took the corner wider and slower and almost made it, until in the last part of the turn the wheel slid again and I went down. 'Shit shit shit!'. There was much laughter and ridicule... I went around a third time, like a bloody granny and actually managed not to fall. How mortifying! You must understand these people do the Epic & the Odyssey and big endurance events like that. They are very physically adept. They must think I am a total spazzo.

After Beryl & fam left, Trevor Ball arrived, and then the wheels really started falling off. He is like a school boy. In fact they all are, except with better equipment, more knowledge and slightly more sense.

From then on it was non-stop action, even or actually especially, during the storm when he decided the kayak, hammock & a broom stick could combine into a perfect down-wind racer to cruise across the dam. The weather was rough and several people fell off and had to be rescued along the way and the rig was modified after each attempt. I went along on the last 2 sails when an inflatable 'croc' had replaced the big epic sea kayak and the broomstick mast had been broken and lost in the dam and been replaced by a paddle so it all worked better. The wind had dropped by then too. The final attempt was with a windsurfer sail instead of the hammock! Yikes!

All this activity and one-upmanship and added events such as tree swinging, paddling in a major storm (I nearly died and my arms are still sore!) and extreme Boulles (playing among rocks and trees, and drinking copiously too) saw us not leaving at the end of the week-end but rather staying on until Tuesday night.

On Tuesday we had a last trail run where my impressive sure-footedness (for a non-trail runner) finally let me down when I was attacked by a stray root I had not seen and went sprawling down the path. Ooops!

It was a fabulous, fun, social and active holiday with wonderful company. Great to spend time with new and exciting friends and some great cuddle opportunities were had too. The boys and Roxy had a fantastic time too. They wanted to stay even longer. When we left all the other children rushed over to say good bye to Roxy who had become the general mascot and fluffy toy to all the children.

Needless to say by the time I got home on Tuesday night I was broken and was thankful for the day at work on Wednesday to just SIT and recover ;)

Many of the gang are still there and stayed for Christmas and some are there for New Year too. I miss them!

1st Christmas Flying Solo

So the milestone event of 'first Christmas alone' has passed... It was just the boys and I for Christmas this year.

Last night we went to the Adderley Street Christmas Night Market to check out the lights and browse around the market, have dinner and an ice-cream cone. It was low key but fun.



Then we came home and the boys went to bed and then I got the gifts set out under the tree. I had told them not to wake me up too early... At 6:30am this morning I was presented with a cup of coffee and card & gift which Quinn had made. It was a lovely card and a 'towel hanger' which he had designed and made completely on his own and hidden it away to give to me. He is such a sweet boy. My little man!



We went through to the lounge to our Christmas tree and opened our gifts. Although the gifts were relatively few this year, they only got 4 each. I bought them each a good big gift. Quinn got a Rip-Stick & Griffin got a bigger Push Scooter - which they knew about and ad told me not to go to the trouble of wrapping (they really are too mature and considerate sometimes). But they were still excited and THRILLED with it all. Griffin kept saying 'I am so happy' 'This is the best day' 'I love Christmas' etc. Yay!

I got a lovely book from Jacques too. It was nice to have something to open too, even although I would have been ok to have not had a gift. Still it felt good to have had someone think of me. To know that I am loved.



After that we took the big gifts out into the street to try them out. What fun... Griffin doesn't realise the push-scooter is actually mine!



And who could forget our newest family member? It was her first Christmas too.



At lunch time we went to my friend Beryl's house for lunch. Where we were spoiled with lovely thoughtful gifts, ate too much, talked and the kids swam and had fun.



It was a good day, but I am tired now, and feeling a bit deflated and alone and sad... missing my other half. But I know it is temporary, so I am ok.



Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you have all had a good one.

Jane

A year ago today

I was booking tickets to Thailand to present as a 10 year anniversary gift. Isn't it amazing how much can change in a year!?

I hope to be able to plan a surprise trip like that again sometime in the future.... Only I hope it will turn out better next time*.

* Our trip did turn out well in the end, just the boys and I, but it was supposed to be a romantic trip.

Mitchell's Brewery 10km Sundowner Blew

So last year I did the Mitchell's Brewery 10km Sundowner Race and found it very tough.

I did it again tonight and it was just as tough. This is NOT an easy race despite the flat course. The trouble it is HOT, generally windy and late in the day when you are already tired. Last year's race was the first time I wanted to seriously give up on a race and I felt similar tonight.

The wind was PUMPING tonight... like REALLY pumping, blowing at over 40km/h!! That makes for difficult running, add to that the heat and it makes for not so much fun. Like a twit I challenged half the world to compete with me for this race tonight. Thankfully most people were sensible enough to come up with excuses not to do it - else I would have had to get a second mortgage probably after all my smack talking about buying beers for the people who can beat me - but Morne is always game (or stupid enough) for a challenge so he was there, and so were Adele, and Bennie.

My time was a full 2 minutes slower than last year. I finished in 56:30. But then I stopped and walked for a minute or so at around 4.5 and 7km, and then had a pee break at about 5.5km, so I really wasted time. Silly, but necessary at the time.

Still I klapped Morne's time by 1:20 and beat Adelle by 2:something. So welakapela! :P

As usual, because you inevitably have a drink or 12 (no I only had one tonight) the pain and anguish is soon forgotten and you remember it as 'fun', so I will no doubt be back for the torture next year again. Go me!

Had a Mini-Holiday

We were invited to spend the week-end with my new SO, at his house near Simon's Town this past week-end.

We drove through on Friday evening, with Roxy and a heap of stuff. Arrived at 17:30, got together with his 2 gorgeous kiddies packed up the Jeep and headed to a nearby trail where we parked and then hiked up the the dam. We bumped into his ex wife at the start of the trail. She was coming in from a run. Erk, slightly awkward moment there, but I think because it was so unplanned and unexpected it was actually cool and we all just greeted each other like it was nothing - she is BEAUTIFUL, wow. I think it must have been more weird for her though because there I was ushering her children out of the car and helping them get started on the trail.

Anyway off we went meeting his neighbours and some other friends along the way who were also joining us. We arrived at the dam changed into swimsuits and had a swim in dam and then shivered and huddled on the shore chatting, laughing, drinking wine and beer and eating snacks.

Unfortunately we didn't get to see the full moon as planned because it was overcast but it was still a wonderful evening. The children enjoyed the walk back in the dark with their head torches. Although I had to carry 3 of them in turn. Who needs gym when you have kids to lug around!? We got home late and quite exhausted and by the time everyone was clean and in bed we were exhausted.

We were meant to be running a challenging trail running event the next morning but we over slept and weren't that enthusiastic so we skipped it and decided to go to the beach instead. We played a bit of soccer on the beach and then collected white mussels in the sand (not that easy!) and swam in the bloody freezing sea! After that we walked over the sand dunes where we ran and jumped up and down them and rolled around, getting sand in and around every possible orifice.

We then went through to Seaforth Beach where we had a delicious lunch and then mucked about in the water there before going back home for ice-creams and relaxing with a DVD.

J's children then got collected by their mom and we all went for a long walk and some bouldering on a big rock. It was great fun. After we got back we got cleaned up and then we headed off to Noordhoek Farm Village for a drink with friends. The boys fel asleep on the way there so they stayed in the car and we did the beer and Tequila thing.

On Sunday morning we had a latish start, but we settled the boys in to watch a DVD and we went for a long trail run. I am SO not fit on trails which are always uphill and sandy. Wow it's hard. I can pretty much tuck and roll on the down hills though, so that gives me a chance to catch up at least :) I think we did about 10km in total and I felt quite broken after that. The rest of the day was spent relaxing and chatting, cooking and cleaning and having a braai etc. very rustig and pleasant. We were meant to head back but instead we all just chilled for the evening and we watched the Holy Grail, and then headed back in time for work this morning.

I feel like I have been away on holiday. :)


* All photos by JM

SA Music FTW!

I got a Look & Listen Voucher for R700 after our recent break-in as I lost a few CDs from my car.

I had the music on my pc so I had no urgent need to replace them. So I thought I would get gift vouchers with my credit note and/or some PC games for Quinn for his birthday to go with the (replacement) PC he is getting.

So while we were supposed to be doing our Christmas shopping on Wednesday - which was attempt 2 after Monday's EPIC FAIL, I decided to pop into L&L to get the vouchers etc. Well as it turned out I could not get vouchers, or PC games, or anything except music CDS. Crap and bugger.

Now I have access to several GB of music via a share drive at work, and I can and do download music off the Internet too... BITE ME OK!? So this seemed like a massive waste to me...

Until I realised I could stock up on some of the frikken awesome SA music that is out there because:
1) The Local music rocks
2) It is not easily available for download on the usual places on the Internet
3) I do actually want to support SA musicians financially. I go to loads of music events, and I have bought both Parlotones CDs and their t-shirt etc.
4) I am proudly South African

So I went to the SA music section and came away with:
- Jax Panic - Cigarettes & Cinnamon
- Max Normal.TV - Good Morning South Africa
- Stealing Loves Jones - Bleed to Bloom
- (Stealing) Loves Jones - Love Jones
- Fokofpolisiekar - As Jy Met Vuur Speel Sal Jy Brand
- The Dirty Skirts - On a Stellar Bender

Awesome!

A list of stuff

I found this on Jenty's blog and decided it would be fun to do... the American bias is a bit annoying, but otherwise it's a good list.

Things you’ve already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven’t done and don’t want to - leave in plain font

1. Started your own blog - Yarp in 2005

2. Slept under the stars - yes several times, and I am sure I will again. Next time up Lions Head!

3. Played in a band - nope but I have played the fool a lot.

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower - several times.

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland/world

8. Climbed a mountain - Lion;s Head, Mount Majuba, Genadendaal Mountain. I still need to climb Table Mountain.

9. Held a praying mantis - loads of times, and chameleons, frogs, beetles, lizards, geckos, shongololos etc etc

10. Sang a solo (in the shower)

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris - twice. When I was 13 and again when I was 33. Love it!

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea - I wasn't at sea but the storm was

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch - does cooking, baking & crafts count?

15. Adopted a child - if I have another child I suspect it will be through adoption.

16. Had food poisoning - of course who hasn't?

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty - this could be interesting, but not first on my list of large erections to scale ;)

18. Grown your own vegetables. - Yes I have done beans, tomatoes, gooseberries, several herbs, lettuce, chillies etc. I would like to do more of this!

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France - yep in the Louvre when my dad took me when I was 13.

20. Slept on an overnight train - yep done the Cape Town - JHB trip several times, and JHB - Nelspruit too. We were going to do the Paris - Seville and Bangkok - Phuket trips too but it was more expensive than flying, so we flew.

21. Had a pillow fight - I have had many and varied fights. Pillows, towels, dish cloths, sticks, gym balls, water, balloons. You name it, I'll fight with it!

22. Hitch hiked - no but we did pick a hitch-hiking couple up once.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - yes, not often but once or twice. I was a contractor anyway so didn;t get paid when I was off, but I bluffed being sick so I could go see Quinn's events at school. Celebration Day, Gala, Athletics etc ;)

24. Built a snow fort - like an igloo? This could be fun!

25. Held a lamb - yep cute alive and kicking ones, and dead packaged ones ;)

26. Gone skinny dipping - ja of course both in the day and night. In the pool, sea and wdams and waterfalls!

27. Run a Marathon - only done 10km races so far, but must do at LEAST a half marathon if not full marathon one day

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice - I'd LOVE to go to Venice... and Tuscany, and Rome, and heck all over Italy

29. Seen a total eclipse - of the moon yes. Partial eclipse of the sun.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset - often.

31. Hit a home run - yes in softball

32. Been on a cruise - I'd love to go on a cruise one day

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person - would like to see Vic Falls more

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors - been to Scotland near where my great grandparents were from and to Sterkfontein caves - cradle of mankind!

35. Seen an Amish community - nope but seen various other tribal people

36. Taught yourself a new language - bit and pieces of Thai etc but want to learn MUCH more.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied - well I am not greedy. I guess one can always have more and it would be great to have the luxury of not having to work, but I am generally more of less comfortable.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person - part of tha Epic Italy trip I will do one day ;)

39. Gone rock climbing - want to do more of this though!

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David - again that Italy trip

41. Sung karaoke - VERY badly!

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.

44. Visited Africa - Well technically I live in Africa and have seen a lot of South Africa, but I want to see MUCH more of Africa.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.

46. Been transported in an ambulance - before Angelique was born and dies I was transported for 3.5 hours between De Aar and Kimberley in an Ambulance on a bump Karoo road in the rain.

47. Had your portrait painted.

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person - see Italy ;)

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater. Loads of times, pity there are none left in Cape Tow I'd love to take the bosy toa drive-in.

55. Been in a movie - Well I am listed in the credits of a cinema movie...

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business - my doula business

58. Taken a martial arts class - does katabox count, oh and few tai chi classes.

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Gotten flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma - come close but not done it yet. I can now that I am not pregnant or breastfeeding etc.

65. Gone sky diving - really want to try this!

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a cheque - never

68. Flown in a helicopter - been in a hot air balloon though

69. Saved a favourite childhood toy - I had quite a few, but between my sister & step mother mine are all gone now, except the porcelain doll I bought on the Zeebrugge ferry when I was 13.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt - I helped with one.

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job - never

76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle - nope I was brainwashed to be anti-motorbikes ;)

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican - sort of Italy ;)

82. Bought a brand new car - well it had 2000km on the clock but that's pretty damn new!

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper.

85. Read the entire Bible - read some of it. No inclination to read the rest, except to be able to argue about it ;)

86. Visited the White House - who gives a shit!?

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox.

89. Saved someone’s life - saved my sister & Griffin from drowning a few times.

90. Sat on a jury - N/A, but I had to stand in the stalls of the High Court the day I got divorced!

91. Met someone famous.

92. Joined a book club - would join the right one for the social aspect.

93. Lost a loved one - yes my first born

94. Had a baby - yes, incredible expereinces!

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit - divorce

98. Owned a cell phone - yep since 1997

99. Been stung by a bee - Several times, most recently 3 weeks ago!

Epic Fail

More haste, less speed is what I need at the moment.

I am feeling a bit off kilter and unsettled. Anxious may be a bit to strong a word, but there is a twinge of lurking anxiety.

Why? I don't really know. I think it is a combination of things. Mostly too much to do, and not enough time. I am tired. I need to go to bed earlier and sleep more. I waste to much time stuffing around in the evenings. I have also realised that I do find myself listening for sounds of people in my house again at night. It doesn't worry me consciously, but I think it does play on my subconscious. I think I am sleeping lighter because of it, and I lie awake before I go to sleep listening. It sucks.

Then there's the dealing with banks & lawyers and trying t get my house transfer through before Christmas. That comes with a nice whack of financial worries, because I am half (ok, more than half actually) expecting that come house transfer time I will be ON MY OWN completely financially. R is still paying the bond until the transfer goes though, after that he is cut loose... I know I will figure it out though, so I am not going to worry about it.

Then there's the whole upheaval with school closing and the holidays starting and all the usual routines being out of the window. The boys are staying up late and being a bit rude and cheeky at the moment, I need to get them back in line before anarchy reigns. I also need to arrange some play-dates and activities for them. Just yesterday I got home to find the boys and nanny locked out of the house. The boys COVERED in paint - which doesn't come off! They are now yellow, green and blue. Several things outside are now painted as well. Our bin, garage light switch etc. And THEN.... I found 2 bold and dirty foot prints at the bottom of the swimming pool. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Quinn tells me he jumped off the roof of the house into the pool!!! Holy crap! o.O When I asked him if he hit the bottom he said no, until I said well then HTF did the foot prints get on the bottom of the pool? Q: 'Oh right, yeah I might have....' Hrmmm. No more climbing on the roof! OMG! And so the crazy-boy-antics-grey-hairs start.

So I spend the evenings cleaning up toys and shit the boys have strewn around and which Roxy has chewed up.

Then there's the issue of Christmas. Now it is a nice idea and all. But OH MY GOD it just adds so much extra stuff to do, think about and buy. Can we just cancel this year please?

So on Monday night I got a bee in my bonnet about having to get started on my Christmas shopping right then. (All of you boasting about being finished already on FaceBook just stop it ok!?) Of course when I wanted to leave the boy were gone. No where to be found. Grrrr. I eventually found them in the neighbours' house and so we only left well after 7pm. Good start. So off we rush to Canal Walk.

First stop a clothing store where instead of Christmas presents we find some after-care clothing and shoes for the boys... (I still need to sort out Griff's actual school uniform for next year... but that's January's problem) Then off we went to g pay and.....

NO CREDIT CARD!!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! and FUCK. It was in the bag I used on Saturday night and did not unpack properly.
EPIC FAIL!

We'll be trying that again tonight. Some more control is needed. I need to get a grip. Or take a session in a sensory deprivation tank.

Breaks My Heart

Quinn and his dad do not get along very well. This year has been very very very difficult for us all, but in particular for the boys, because they have had no control over any of what happened and it has not been at all a pleasant experience for them. They have seen and heard things they shouldn't have and their little hearts have been hurt a lot.

Griffin has been openly sad, upset and even difficult. Quinn has sucked it all up and been 'fine'. He has taken on the role as the 'man of the house' and is helpful and mature far beyond his years. It is not fair to him at all.

I have had to remind myself that he has only been 8 years old, and to give him leeway to be rude and silly and playful at times, but I have needed him to help me too. I think we have mostly got a good balance with this. It has also been hard for him to see me socialising with new people and I know this has unsettled them at times.

The unconditional love, support, fun and understanding the boys have shown me has been incredible, beyond their years and extremely appreciated and valued by me. I am not sure how I would have done it without them. Really.

Much as I had hoped my separation and subsequent divorce could have been amicable, or at least as civil as possible, it turned out to be really really really difficult, and everyone was hurt in the process. It was very acrimonious and trying on us all. There have been no winners. Divorce is never pleasant.

But what's done is done and can't be undone and so the boys and I have moved forward and established ourselves in our new family dynamic and routine and accepted it as our new reality. We are functional and we are happy.

The boys miss and love their dad. Of course. Griffin would dearly like to see us all back together as a family, and it is actually his Christmas wish. I think he blames me for breaking up the family and I am pretty sure in his mind I am the reason why his dad is 'sad' now. He is quite adamant that this is what he wants even if he agrees that things are calmer and happier as they are now, he STILL wants to see our family reunited. He just can't reconcile it fully. His play therapist has been helping him to come to terms with it though.

Quinn has been quite actively rejected by his dad at times in the past few months, as his dad battles to deal with himself, and as such sees Quinn as a 'mini-him' (my interpretation). The 2 of them clash and battle to see eye to eye and do not have a very bonded or emotional connection at all. It really breaks my heart, it always has, but more so now. Especially when I see the hurt it is causing my boy and when I think of the potential for massive damage and heartache down the line...

And yet when we were in the shops last night, and I told the boys they must tell me if they want to buy their dad a Christmas present, Quinn said he wanted to give Daddy all the money in his bank account, and that that might make him happy.

I just wish he would realise how very very special his children are and start being a good dad to them so that they can all have the good relationship they should. He needs to sort himself out and step up as the adult and realise that sometimes they are reacting to the situation with him, and not being their true selves. He needs to work at his relationship with them and win their trust, love, respect and cooperation. It is not their responsibility to do this.

My Christmas Wish is that my children will come out of this ok and have a good relationship with both me and their dad.

Week-ends FTW!

This week-end was busy and fun filled.

After several days of planning and organising to be ready for a full week-end, on Friday I dashed home, made a cake - which didn't turn out AT ALL as planned, and I got a nice injury in the process - for the boys' party on Saturday. I have loved making their cakes up to now, but I am starting to think buying them might be a good idea in future! I then packed everything (including the kitchen sink, the party stuff and overnight bags etc) into my car, and the boys Roxy and I headed out to Jacques' place in the South Peninsula, where we were to be spending the night. I took the coastal route which is a stunning drive and nice way to spend the early evening.

On arrival we were dragged down to the Navy obstacle course where we were put through our paces, scaling cargo nets, balancing on beams, running, climbing and in my case falling and colliding with things too. I may be willing, but I am not very able! Picture me hurtling towards a suspended barrel and attempting to leap over it, but instead just actually running full tilt into it! LMAO.

After that we went down to the pub for a couple of drinks and socialising with friends, while the boys played in the play area. I ended up rolling around on the bean bags and on the jumping castle too in the end. A little girl came up to me after a while and said 'Aren't ADULTS not allowed on the Jumping Castle?'. I said obnoxiously, 'What? I am like 12!'

On Saturday morning I had a little run with Jacques' dog - Sirius, and then we packed the boys up and we trundled off to set up their combined birthday party at the Muizenberg Water slides. We had less kids than last year, but I think there were about 18 in the end, which was a nice size. Enough, but not too many to keep track of. The water slides is a GREAT venue for a party, if the kids can swim and are happy to slide unsupervised. They literally disappear for ages and just slide and slide and slide until they are totally finished and then they come eat quietly. You don't have to entertain them or calm them down or do much at all. Which really helps when you are having to do the whole party single handedly. It was really easy and fun. Jacques also joined us at the party later on. This year the invited guests left on time (last year we had 30+ kids, some of whom were quite little still, and they stayed forever) and I had time to actually go on the slides myself, for the first time. I had such fun! Quinn was thrilled that he could slide with me and we raced down a few times. With me mock-wrestling him to beat him.

Griff then went home with Beryl for a sleep over and Quinn went home with me where we unpacked and sorted things out. I then dropped him of at a friend's house for his sleep over and then went home to clean the pool, water the garden, and rinse my car off etc - multi-tasking is me. I never just sit and do nothing at home, unless copious time-wasting on my laptop counts?? ;) Anyway then I got ready to go out.

Finally Jacques arrived to collect me and we then went off to to the Obs Fest. I missed it last year so I was looking forward to it. We walked up and down the main road and then eventually settled on the Rock area on the 'village green'. We missed aKING unfortunately, but saw 'Nine' - not very good, and Hog Hoggity Hog - who I really liked. They have a lot of 'pluck'. It was fun watching the people in the crowd especially some odd rasta dudes who while they looked 100% Rasta were really rocking hard. We drank beer, laughed, and snogged like teenagers. Fun!

Jacques bought a cool Laugh It Off T-shirt ripping of Chlorettes - 'Tourettes - Fucking Breath Mints Shit Head!' I love it!

After another night of drinking and going to bed far too late, plans of getting a good (or even any) run in on Sunday morning were totally thwarted and staying in bed won by a mile, followed by a swim. It was hot hot hot yesterday.

Then it was up to pack and head off for an entire day in Kirstenbosch. Starting with the BabyNet End of Year Gathering where many of the usual suspects were in attendance as well as some new faces. I didn't take very many photos, and we arrived rather late missing being in the photos the others took.

Once the BN crowd dispersed the boys and I set up camp in a shady spot and just RELAXED. Something I have not done much of recently. Somehow I am always busy doing something. Yesterday I just lay in the shade. I thought, chatted to the boys and on the phone, contemplated my navel, and finally bought a magazine, and then imagined romantic trips to French Countryside cottages.... or Paternoster! :P

At 4pm we braved the sun and heat and headed to the Summer Sunset Concert area which was already pretty crowded. We found a spot right near the front and set up camp and I decided it was officially time for a drink drink. :) We bumped into several friends and colleagues as they came and went, it was packed! Freshly Ground were playing and I thought they were really good. We had a lot of fun, and when the boys came back from playing in the Kid Zone - Quinn brought back a balloon flower for me, very sweet - they danced with me and I took turns carrying them on my shoulders.
After the concert we stayed on and picniced some more, finally getting home after 8pm. Rather sun-snogged, but happy. It was a pretty perfect week-end. It just would have been more perfect if I had had a decent run, but I did that this evening, plus some power plate actions so I am satisfied ;P

Just another day at work

S: 'Jeremie has a massive skill-set'
Me: 'NOW you tell me! Why did you let him leave!?'

S to DBA: 'Oracle Administration is a Cluster Fuck of note.'
Me: *snigger*
S: 'What?'
Me: 'Never a dull mental image in this place!'

S: 'I just interviewed a guy. Good skills, but he'd never fit in here. He is far too conservative'
Me: 'Yeah he'd never survive here then'
S: 'Hell no'
Me: 'I guess you could send us on Appropriateness Training....?'
S: 'Erm, I think it would be far easier to turn someone evil than to try make us good.'

School Celebration Day 2008

I guess this is better late than never, on 18 November Quinn had his annual school 'Celebration Day'.

In Grade 1 he got his certificate for 'Good Progress in Reading'.

In Grade 2 he got his certificate for 'Good progress in Phonics'.

Now this year in Grade 3 he got his certificate for 'Good Progress in Reading' again.

It is a lovely event, which makes me tear up every year. Even though I am not usually the crying kind, the emotion that the school, choir, and boys stirs in me is awesome. I love it and wouldn't miss it for the world.

Quinn - smoking!

The boys had dinner with their dad last night. When they came home Quinn disappeared into the study for a while .... and came back 'smoking'!

LMAO! He looks so roff!

My Rainbow

The One

Ok so this is pretty camp and cheesy, but I have always admitted to actually being a gay man in drag, so tough! So this is my latest crazy bedroom dance party song! No one does disco like Kylie does...

Kylie - The One

Starlight shimmers everywhere
There's a certain something in the air
Can you feel what I feel in me?
It's in the air, electricity oh, oh

Glimmering under neon lights
I can see the look, that's in your eyes
Like a shooting star in a galaxy
Making it's way to the heart of me

I'm the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me
I'm the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me
I'm the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me
I'm the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me

My pulse is racing and I'm feeling high
Never-ending starts tonight
When you do what you do to me
Come on and let yourself feel
the need in me, oh, oh

Circling and we're getting close
Can you imagine, just suppose
It's a feeling that I need to know
Close to touch like Michelangelo

I'm the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me
I'm the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me
I'm the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me
I'm the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me

Can you hear me?
I'm connecting with you
Can you feel me?
I'll do anything to have you near me
I was wondering, will you reach me?

Can you hear me?
I'm connecting with you
Can you feel me?
I'll do anything to have you near me
I was wondering, will you reach me?

I'm the one
Can you hear me?
I'm connecting with you
Can you feel me?
I'll do anything to have you near me
I was wondering, will you reach me?

I'm the one
Can you hear me?
I'm connecting with you
Can you feel me?
I'll do anything to have you near me
I was wondering, will you reach me?