Epic Fail

More haste, less speed is what I need at the moment.

I am feeling a bit off kilter and unsettled. Anxious may be a bit to strong a word, but there is a twinge of lurking anxiety.

Why? I don't really know. I think it is a combination of things. Mostly too much to do, and not enough time. I am tired. I need to go to bed earlier and sleep more. I waste to much time stuffing around in the evenings. I have also realised that I do find myself listening for sounds of people in my house again at night. It doesn't worry me consciously, but I think it does play on my subconscious. I think I am sleeping lighter because of it, and I lie awake before I go to sleep listening. It sucks.

Then there's the dealing with banks & lawyers and trying t get my house transfer through before Christmas. That comes with a nice whack of financial worries, because I am half (ok, more than half actually) expecting that come house transfer time I will be ON MY OWN completely financially. R is still paying the bond until the transfer goes though, after that he is cut loose... I know I will figure it out though, so I am not going to worry about it.

Then there's the whole upheaval with school closing and the holidays starting and all the usual routines being out of the window. The boys are staying up late and being a bit rude and cheeky at the moment, I need to get them back in line before anarchy reigns. I also need to arrange some play-dates and activities for them. Just yesterday I got home to find the boys and nanny locked out of the house. The boys COVERED in paint - which doesn't come off! They are now yellow, green and blue. Several things outside are now painted as well. Our bin, garage light switch etc. And THEN.... I found 2 bold and dirty foot prints at the bottom of the swimming pool. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Quinn tells me he jumped off the roof of the house into the pool!!! Holy crap! o.O When I asked him if he hit the bottom he said no, until I said well then HTF did the foot prints get on the bottom of the pool? Q: 'Oh right, yeah I might have....' Hrmmm. No more climbing on the roof! OMG! And so the crazy-boy-antics-grey-hairs start.

So I spend the evenings cleaning up toys and shit the boys have strewn around and which Roxy has chewed up.

Then there's the issue of Christmas. Now it is a nice idea and all. But OH MY GOD it just adds so much extra stuff to do, think about and buy. Can we just cancel this year please?

So on Monday night I got a bee in my bonnet about having to get started on my Christmas shopping right then. (All of you boasting about being finished already on FaceBook just stop it ok!?) Of course when I wanted to leave the boy were gone. No where to be found. Grrrr. I eventually found them in the neighbours' house and so we only left well after 7pm. Good start. So off we rush to Canal Walk.

First stop a clothing store where instead of Christmas presents we find some after-care clothing and shoes for the boys... (I still need to sort out Griff's actual school uniform for next year... but that's January's problem) Then off we went to g pay and.....

NO CREDIT CARD!!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! and FUCK. It was in the bag I used on Saturday night and did not unpack properly.
EPIC FAIL!

We'll be trying that again tonight. Some more control is needed. I need to get a grip. Or take a session in a sensory deprivation tank.