Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Friday, 29 May 2009

Smart Move or Nerdy Suck Up?

It's our performance appraisal season here at work.

We have already had the 180 & 360 degree feedback cycles, and now yesterday and today we get to sit with our managers (or in my case director) and do our full performance appraisal.

It is the first PA I have had with this company after starting here in mid-June last year. This has also been the most stressful and disrupted year of my life. When I started here I was coming to grips with single parenting, initiating divorce proceedings, being screened (physically & psychologically) to be an egg donor, trying to learn how to date again (after 13+ years), trying to keep my household running and having to do all the shopping, fetching & carrying and all that goes with that, support my sister through her divorce, and I had some heated /interesting phone conversations with my ex, lawyer, egg donor coordinator, and various teachers. I also had to take time to do all the egg donor scans and injections (including some jabs right here at work) as well as probably being a bit weird and hormonal while going through that whole process. I had to take time off to meet with teachers to discuss the boys and how they were really struggling to cope. This included finding and hiring a play therapist to see the boys weekly and communicating with her regularly about progress and issues, and trying to keep the boy's lives as stable, structured and settled as I could. I also tried to keep my own sanity by carrying on with running etc.

2 weeks after starting here I took 2 weeks leave to take the boys to Thailand, on what was MEANT to be my 10 year anniversary celebration trip. A month later I took 2 consecutive days off sick (I almost NEVER take sick leave, and 2 days is almost unheard of) because I had bad flu.

Then I took a day off for the egg donor retrieval and mere days later took another day off for my divorce court appearance and all the drama that went with it.

Then I had the break-in and came in late the day after having been awake since 4:30am and dealing with the police all morning. Then the fun task of dealing with the insurance replacement people and trying to find and get stuff to replace the stolen things.

Then there was all the stuff with my ex and the kids and him just not coping or cooperating with anything and rejecting Quinn and and and. I even burst into frustrated tears a few times at work. (Something I would NEVER have done before) Thankfully my manager at the time was a great guy who I am still good friends with and he was going through a messy divorce himself so he understood and supported me quietly and without question.

Then I met and fell deeply in love with someone. Thinking it was really something extraordinary. It consumed a lot of my thoughts and activity. Until 5 months later with a broken heart I realised he just didn't feel the same about me, at all. I was heart broken. So I ended it. But I would sit at work, and cry at my desk, like a bloody teenager. It was pathetic.

Now recently we have had all the drama with my ex medical-aid and the house transfer which I needed to sort out.

So I have not necessarily been the most focused and productive employee of all time! In fact reading that I am surprised I managed to hold my job down at all.

But I think I have settled in well here. I enjoy the job I have and I like the company and team I work with. I think I do my job pretty well, and seem to get good feedback most of the time. Our director is mostly a good guy and we have a good casual relationship with him.

Yesterday he asked me if I wanted my PA 'today or tomorrow?', so I asked which day he was going to be in a better mood ;) I then said, 'No make it tomorrow, I'll bring you a muffin'.

So today on the way to work I stopped and brought muffins. hey with the history I have above I'll do anything which may help.... no wait not ANYTHING! But I'll do a muffin... no wait! Ag you know what I mean! ;)

1 comment:

  1. You have been through too much. It's not been an easy year. How did the PA go?