Natalie Dee

I discovered Natalie Dee last month.... LOVE IT!

Maroon 5

(Songs about Jane)

Better That We Break

Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby


Nothing Lasts Forever

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way


Not Coming Home

When you refuse me
You confuse me
What makes you think I'll let you in again
Think again my friend
Go on misuse me and abuse me
I'll come out stronger in the end

And does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
And does it make you mad
To find that I have grown
I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown

When you answer the door pick up the phone
You wont find me cause I'm not coming home

You do not know how much this hurts me
To say these things that I don't want to say
But have to say them anyway

And does it make you sad
To find yourself alone
And does it make you mad
To find that I have grown

I'll bet it hurts so bad
To see the strength that I have shown

When you answer the door pick up the phone
You won't find me cause I'm not coming home


Makes Me Wonder

You still don't have the reason
And I don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
So this is goodbye

God damn my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye

---------------

And if I never see your face again
I don’t mind

The D-word

Hello world.

I am sure you have figured this out by now, but if not:

I AM GETTING DIVORCED.

Yes, saying that makes me feel like a complete failure.
But realizing that I made the biggest mistake of my life in getting married in the first place makes me even more of a failure... so I guess getting divorced goes some way to fix that...?

I hung in there for 10 years. TEN YEARS. (together for 12) I clearly don't give up easily.

I was encouraged to leave loads of times, and many many people asked me why I stayed. Honestly, I don't know. Maybe I thought I could fix it (him). Maybe I thought the problem was me. Maybe I thought I should be thankful I have someone.... I don't know... I think I thought staying is just what you do.

It is 100% definitely over.

Things have been done and said that I will not ever recover from. That which I hold most dear has been tarnished and shattered. I have no trust, respect, or faith left. There is nothing left.

If I have even an ounce of self-respect I can't and won't accept what's been going on. And so I am going. I will not look back. I will not give in. It took about 75 last times, for it to be the LAST TIME.

---------------

I would say I have wasted the last 10 years of my life, but I have 2 wonderful and special sons, and they are my life and my world. So I am grateful for that.

It's them and me now....

There, now you know.

The dubious hair change - Yay or Nay?

On Thursday Griffin had his Grade 1 interview. Which went great.

Between that and collecting Quinn to take him to collect his spectacle prescription and to get them fitted, we had some time and I suddenly decided to get my hair done.

Stupid impulsive decision!

Firstly my usual hairdresser was busy so I just took whoever was there. Then I said I wanted somethign fun like highlights. My hair was a nice rich reddish colour before:


Then I said to keep the length and make it more layered...

The result... TERRIBLE... I look like a diseased skunk:


I resisted the temptation to recolour the whole lot that same night, and just tied it up for work on Friday. On Saturday I washed it and let it dry normally (on Thurs I had been for a run and then to yoga and then had a hot bath so it was not ideal circumstances)

This is what it looks like now...

So what's the verdict, colour over or leave as is??

Quinn - email & chat

We set up an email account for Quinn (mainly so he can communicate with R), and I emailed him the following to get things started:

Quote:Hello Quinn. This is an email from Mommy. Write back. Bye

I got this independent and unsupervised response:

Quote:

from Quinn Weideman to Jane Weideman date 17 May 2008 10:34 subject Re: Hello Quinn hollo mommy can wehave some sweets from bum bums

LMAO I think he gets it

Ok, now we have tried the chat function... he is a pretty strange boy...

Quote:

me: hello Sent at 11:07 on Saturday me: hello Quinn what are you doing? Sent at 11:09 on Saturday quinn.weideman: i am making farts on the chear with my bum Sent at 11:39 on Saturday me: sis you are a pig Sent at 11:45 on Saturday quinn.weideman: you are a fart fase me: please don't be rude to me. quinn.weideman: okay me: thanks fjfjfhfhdfhfhfkjfhkhdjd ititity8o5uyydregx vxfggxd ncrfvfjfhfutrfhcfhcnmvrvhfgvh Sent at 11:48 on Saturday quinn.weideman: m ,mcvklm,mvlfmv,cn kcbv v,nfv, m v.,czj/vm mc.;/kb;.xcv,v .cvm,x.cmvl;,f.v, f;v./,dfl;,v;flv;f,v;,c .lkgvbf;g.lf me: no man stop being annoying write proper stuff quinn.weideman: sxfhcnfyvn,fttfn,vjgcnbk..n, ncnvkhsvkfgkhfkvhkdvhkjfshvkdhkglfhkgnvfk vjfhkfhkhkghfkvnmcnvmkhvmfhgkrhgkhrfihrk ghrighrjhgikrhgrehgkrhgirhgjjkgkhrgjhrkghier ghirgjkhregjkihjkfhgiregirey itrthirytiryeity rityiryt me: want to go ride bikes? quinn.weideman: okay me: okay to go ride bikes? around the common? please??? quinn.weideman: NO WAYES me: come on it's nice and warm outside and you have a party later... Sent at 11:54 on Saturday quinn.weideman: No it is not warm outside Sent at 11:56 on Saturday quinn.weideman: heres a fakt gsfjehfjdgf uqhfjdfhkdhfuywhfjhfusrhfjdhfhj hfjfudyhfjhgjhgjfhgjfhgjfhg Sent at 11:58 on Saturday quinn.weideman: qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm,. me: no quinn don't keep doing that only use it for real messages else I will turn it off quinn.weideman: okayyyyyyy anser please me: answer what? quinn.weideman: anser my bbum me: STOP BEING RUDE quinn.weideman: okay

I can see the teenage years are going to be colourful. Yoh.

Look what I can do!

The Scorpion pose or 'Vrischika-asana'

http://www.santosha.com/asanas/scorpion.html

This has been the very hardest pose for me to achieve in yoga. It took me 9 years to feel confident enough to even try it, and now after 10 years of doing yoga I can actually do it without feeling like I am going to collapse & break my neck. I used to think I needed a paramedic on standby just to attempt it

(Thanks to Quinn for the photos. I was feeling very blah and emo earlier, and some fooling around made me feel better. Then I decided to try this and asked Q to take photos so I could see what I look like).

It takes loads of mental strength & will power (because it's scary to attempt it) and, a lot of arm & shoulder girdle strength.

Ultimately it should be done away from a wall and with feet resting on head... maybe in a another 10 years...

Cranberries Day

"I Still Do"

I'm not ready for this,
Though I thought I would be.
I can't see the future,
Though I thought I could see.

I don't want to leave you,
Even though I have to.
I don't want to love you.
Oh, I still do.

Need some time to find myself.
I wanna live within.

Can I go my own way?
Can I pray my own way?
I don't want to leave you.
Oh, I need you.

Am I ready for this?
Did I think I would be?
Can I see the future?
No, I can't see.

I don't want to leave you,
Even though I have to.
I don't want to love you.
Oh, I still do.

Ah, la la da da da.
Ah, I still do.

Ah, la la da da da.
Ah, I still do.

"Not Sorry"

Keep on looking through the window again,

But I'm not sorry if I do insult you.
I'm sad, not sorry, 'bout the way that things went,
And you'll be happy and I'll be forsakin' thee.

I swore I'd never feel like this again,
But you're so selfish, you don't see
What you're doing to me,
I keep on looking through the window again.
No I'm not sorry if I do insult you.
No-o-o, I'm not sorry if I do insult you.

You told me lies, and I sighed, and I sighed, and I sighed.
'Cause you lied, lied, and I cried, yes I cried, yes, I cry, I cry, I try again.

I realize, as he sighed, and he sighed and he sighed.
'Cause you lied, lied, and I cried, yes I cried, yes, I cry, I cry, I try again.

Keep on looking through the window again,
But I'm not sorry if I do insult you.
I'm sad, not sorry, 'bout the way that things went,
And you'll be happy and I'll be forsakin' thee.

I swore I'd never feel like this again,
But you're so selfish,
You don't see what you're doing to me,
I keep on looking through the window again.
No I'm not sorry if I do detest you.
No-o-o, I'm not sorry if I do detest you.

You told me lies, and I sighed, and I sighed, and I sighed.
'Cause you lied, lied, and I cried, yes I cried, yes, I cry, I cry, I try again.

I realize, as he sighed, and he sighed and he sighed.
'Cause you lied, lied, and I cried, yes I cried, yes, I cry, I cry, I try again.

Keep on looking through the window again.
Keep on looking through the window again...

"Empty"

Something has left my life,
And I don't know where it went to, ah, ha, ha.
Somebody caused me strife,
And it's not what I was seeking.

Didn't you see me, didn't you hear me?
Didn't you see me standing there, ah, ha, ha?
Why did you turn out the lights?
Did you know that I was sleeping?

Say a prayer for me,
Help me to feel the strenght, I did.
My identity, has it been taken?
Is my heart breakin' on me?

All my plans fell thought my hands,
They fell thought my hands on me.
All my dreams it suddenly seems,
It suddenly seems,
Empty

"No Need To Argue"

There's no need to argue anymore.
I gave all I could, but it left me so sore.
And the thing that makes me mad,
Is the one thing that I had,

I knew, I knew,
I'd lose you.
You'll always be special to me,
Special to me, to me.

And I remember all the things we once shared,
Watching T.V. movies on the living room armchair.
But they say it will work out fine.
Was it all a waste of time.

'Cause I knew, I knew,
I'd lose you.
You'll always be special to me,
Special to me, to me.

Will I forget in time, ah,
You said I was on your mind?
There's no need to argue,
No need to argue anymore.
There's no need to argue anymore.

"Daffodil Lament"

Holding on, that's what I do since I met you.
And it won't be long. Would you notice if I left you?
And it's fine for some 'cause you're not the one,
You're not the one there...
There... there... there... there... there...

All night long, laid on my pillow,
These things are wrong.
I can't sleep here!

So lovely, so lovely, so lovely.

I have decided to leave you forever.
I have decided to start things from here.
Thunder and lightning won't change,
What I'm feeling and the daffodils look lovely today,
And the daffodils look lovely today,
Look lovely today.

Ooh, in your eyes I can see the disguise.
Ooh, in your eyes I can see the dismay.
Has anyone seen lightning?
Has anyone looked lovely?
And the daffodils look lovely today,
And the daffodils look lovely today,
Look lovely today...

"Linger"

If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.

I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.

I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

"Disappointment"

A disappointment.
Oh, you shouldn't have done,
You couldn't have done,
You wouldn't have done the things you did then.

And we could've been happy.
What a piteous thing,
A hideous thing was tainted by the rest,
But it won't get any harder,
And I hope you'll find your way again.

And it won't get any higher,
And it all boils down to what you did,
Then...

In the night we fight, I fled, you're right.
It was exactly then, it was exactly then,
I decided, decided, decided, decide. Oh, that threw you out.

In the night we fight, I fled, you're right.
It was exactly then, it was exactly then,
I decided, decided, decided, decided. Mmm... Mmmm...

But it won't be any harder,
And I hope you'll find your way again.
And it won't get any higher,
And it all boils down to what you did

----------------

I don't think it's going to happen any more.

You took my thoughts from me.
Now I want nothing more.
And did you think you could just take it all away?

I don't think it's happ'ning, this is what I say.
Leave me alone, leave me alone,
Leave me alone 'cause I found it all.