Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Sunday, 27 April 2008

Oops I did it again - gave G another Haircut

I can't remember last time poor Griffin got taken to an actual hairdresser... I think he did get taken at least once in the past year though (I hope), but otherwise somehow I just never get around to it, and then I suddenly realise his hair is really long (although it looks good like that and is in fashion atm) and then go at it right then and there myself.

I trimmed it in Nov last year:
Then in January I hacked at it, and didn't think I'd done a very good job.

I swore I would take him to a hair dresser next time...

But er, ja, well. I did it again!

I think I am getting better! Rolling Eyes Laughing Embarassed Wink

Spider Revisit

Last night there was another huge spider in our house, like the last one

We have established that they are Rain Spiders, aka the Huntsman spider.

I think this one was slightly smaller, so not the same spider, but ANOTHER one... and this one was in the boy's bedroom. So I couldn't just leave it, I had to get it outside.

I have recently been blabbing about how I am not really scared of anything... well I am going to have to revise that, because although I am not scared of spiders in pictures, or even in real life - over THERE - and especially outside, it turns out I am actually terrified of the thought of them ON me, or even interacting with them at all. It's the movement which scares me the most especially when they get riled. They behave very threateningly. Well these BIG ones do anyway.

Rationally, I thought I would just get a long stick, pick it up on the end of the stick, and carry it outside... But in reality every time the stick got close, the spider would rear up, and I would scream. Not like a little squawk, but a sustained horror movie ripper of a scream, with running on the spot and general idiotic freaking out. *blush* (Think scary movie type stuff)

Quinn was laughing his ass off at me, although I could see he felt the same. I kept explaining to him how I was being totally silly but couldn't help it, and I was apologising to the spider too.I kept telling myself to stop doing it, but it kept happening!

The freaking spider was well aware of us, and as we walked around the room strategising it was following us with its (many) eyes, and would change the orientation of its reared position to be able to strike which ever direction we were in. YIKES.

Then Quinn told me they can run fast...implying it would just run down the stick and get me in no time. Flip! I must have prodded the thing about 10 times, and yelled and bounced around after each time, until the spider must have been either terrified itself, or just very p'ed off. Probably both.

Then Quinn told me I must 'phone daddy' to come sort it out. And I thought, dammit I CAN and WILL do this. I need to be able to do this. (Aside: He often acts MORE terrified of stuff like this than me anyway)

So I changed my strategy, and decided to put a bin over it, to try to get it to fall in and then cover the bin etc. By this time the spider was in the middle of the room, and not by the pelmet any more.

Quinn had had enough at this point and was also scared/hamming it up, and leapt into his cupboard slamming the door behind him to hide away, leaving me to handle spider on my own... Griffin had come through from the lounge to see who was being murdered (judging from the screaming), and joined in on the action.

Finally, I tried to place the bin over the spider, but he ran away too fast and I missed 'him'!

I screamed, ran on the spot and flapped some more, and then decided to do the stick prod again. He was getting close to the bed and I wanted him back in the corner of the room. Well, next time I touched him he abseiled down from ceiling to floor in like 2 seconds (I swear I could hear the Mission Impossible theme playing softly!).

As he approached the ground, my brain and body clicked into gear, and time slowed down (think The Matrix) and as he hit the ground I slammed the bin over him (about 95% sure that he was actually under there, and hadn't escaped under the bed!).

Some more flapping, whooping, and indecision ensued, and we finally found something to slide underneath (a Lego base board). I did this carefully, imagining the spider either sneaking through the tiny gap of the lifted side of the bin or being squashed by the board etc.

Then I picked it up gingerly and we marched outside. A debate followed as to what to do next, and we decided to throw it down at the edge of the driveway, so we could get proof that we did actually have the spider in there. I stood back threw it down and sure enough spider scuttled out and climbed up the side of the bin. I do believe he shook his fist at me too. ;)

I gave the bin a prod and he scurried off into the bushes.

Mission Accomplished!!!

Sorry Mr Spider. But we ARE scared of you, so please stay outside.

I feel proud of myself for doing it, but also rather silly. But it was kind of 'fun' in a way. I guess in the way that roller-coasters are terrifying but also fun.

Never a dull moment here!

Saturday, 26 April 2008

I chose a sick tree....

The Parable of the Tree

A man lived in the Great Plains, many years ago. He had only one source of wood for all his needs: a beautiful large oak tree growing behind his cottage. Anyone passing by could see that this was truly a beautiful tree, and of course it was an oak tree so it must be strong. It would protect him from the prairie's storms and provide shade from the sun.

This man was very happy about his tree. It was really all he had ever wanted to meet his many needs. It was large enough to provide firewood from its fallen branches, its many limbs could be cut as he needed them for building furniture. The man was very happy.

One day the man decided to make a chair, so he took his saw and went out to his tree. He climbed onto one of the lower limbs and began to saw it off. As his saw bit into the wood, the man got a funny feeling. Something just didn't seem right. As he finished sawing the limb suddenly snapped as if it were brittle, shooting splinters into the man's eyes. He was surprised and hurt, but he managed to clear his eyes and slid down to where the limb had dropped to the ground.

He looked at the end where he had made his cut and to his amazement he saw not the solid, gleaming bands of a healthy oak, but a pithy, brittle mass riddled with holes. The limb would not serve for furniture - no way. And the man realized that something was amiss. He began having suspicions about his beautiful tree.

The next day the man tried again, for life presses on, and he really needed a chair. So he climbed again to another limb, and began cutting. And again, just as he was about to complete his task, the limb shattered and sprayed him with sharp splinters. This time he was prepared, and managed to turn his head, but the splinters were sharp and they hurt him nonetheless. Again he climbed down, and discovered the same pithy, brittle mass.

With this the man realized that his precious tree was not well. It was diseased. It was infested with an insect, the prairie oak flea, which was known to cripple trees, but not to kill them.

As the disease progressed, the man realized that he was not getting from his tree the things he counted on for his safety and comfort. The leaves became thin and scattered, and the tree could not provide the shade that he needed from the hot sun. When storms came, instead of the sheltering buffer he had hoped for, the tree would yield its weakened limbs to the winds and they crashed down on his cottage roof. Once a limb broke right through in the midst of a storm and the man spent a cold wet night waiting for daylight so he could close the hole.

But still, the man loved his tree. It was a beautiful tree. And it was an oak. It was HIS oak. "I love my tree," said the man. "I know it has a disease, but I love the tree nonetheless. I chose to build my home in its shelter and I am committed to staying with it."

One day a passing wagon stopped, and the man in the wagon asked, "Why do you stay under this sick tree? It's causing you so much pain, and there are things you need that it doesn't give you?"

"Oh, no," said the man. " I love my tree. It's the disease that I hate. The tree is still a beautiful tree, and it is my life."

"But look," said the man in the wagon. "Its wood is rotten. Its shade is useless. It harms you in storms when it should shelter you. And you have no furniture because its wood is brittle and pithy."

"Oh, no," said the man. "You must learn to separate the disease from the tree. Otherwise you'll become embittered."

"Well," said the man in the wagon, "if the disease is separate, then where is the tree without the disease? I don't see a healthy tree standing next to a disease. All I see is a pithy, bug-eaten tree that can barely stand on its own. If your tree is such a good provider, why is that you have so little, and what you have is patched and leaking?"

The man thought for a while, and then said, "You know, maybe you are right. No matter how much I say I love that tree, it will never give me the things I need from it. I guess you're right. The TREE and the DISEASE are all the same thing. I don't have a tree and a disease. I have a DISEASED TREE. And the longer I hang out under this tree, the longer I'm going to live without the shade and the wind shelter and the furniture that I need, and the more likely I'm going to be conked on the head by a falling limb. Maybe I need to start looking for another tree that can give me what I need..."

The man thought about it, and a little later he decided to look around for another place to have his home. And the man found a spot, even better than the one he had been living in, with a healthy maple growing nearby.

He hated to think of building his home all over again, but he was, at heart, a courageous man, and he decided to try. In a few months he had a new home, shaded in the summer, shielded from the wind, safe during storms, and he was able to build beautiful furniture for his study. He lived there, mostly happily, writing to his many friends who also had problem trees.

His old tree continued to grow in its same spot, and continued dropping limbs during every storm, just as before.

At first I loved my tree. I thought I had a happy & healthy tree, then I hoped I had a healthy tree, but my tree is sick and keeps getting sicker. My tree is dangerous and is not good for me. I need to move away from it; before it destroys me.

Sunday, 20 April 2008

Another BN Breakfast

It seems to be becoming a trend now. We have had a BN meet around the 19/20th of the month on 3 out of the last 4 months. I am not complaining. Getting out for a picnic or breakfast with gorgeous babies, children & moms (and the odd dad) is fun and relaxing. I enjoy it.

This morning we were at the meet at Deerpark Cafe and had a wonderful time! It's a fabulous venue, and it's alway nice meeting up with BNers.

Great to see:
- LisaB & Nikki
- Sandi
- Anique
- Gaynor (& DH)
- Rikke

And it was wonderful to meet:
- Ina
- Leandre
- Janet & Johan
- Juanita (& DH)
- Bikermoo (Peta?)

Here is a collage of pics I took:

Quinn - glasses

Quinn is slightly short sighted in both eyes, and is battling a bit with blackboard work at school. So he needs to get glasses to help with distance vision - i.e. blackboard work, TV etc. He is also going to be going for some 'vision therapy', which is similar to the auditory work he did which helped him translate HEARING into LISTENING, in other words he can hear, but he wasn't processing what went in that well. Now a similar thing will be done with his eyes to make sure he processes the information that comes into his eyes.

Anyway we tried out some frames yesterday. I think he looks cute in rounder lenses - a bit like Harry Potter, but he won't hear of it. A friend of his has glasses. Which is good because it mean Quinn thinks glasses are cool and so he is actually quite excited about getting some. But this friend's glasses are square... ergo the only valid shape is square...

Anyway here he is with a small selection of frames:
He LOVED that 3rd pair, as they fit well, and are very light, and they are hardly noticeable. In fact he put them on and immediately forgot they were there and played in the shop for 15 minutes. Which to me was a GREAT sign. BUT they are apparently totally not recommended for kids, as they break easily, and are 50% more expensive than the others, as the lenses have to be drilled as the 'ear stick' attaches directly to the lens, there is no frame around the lens.... pity

Well most likely have to select something like the first pic.

Thursday, 17 April 2008

Update on my infamy

Updates on my 'Fame at Last' post below:

I bought the Fair Lady magazine today, eagerly anticipating a nice read.... and I see they have used one whole sentence of mine. ONE. Woohoo! LOL. Lame... but still it's something and my full name is published. And I guess the radio producer found me by Googling from that so prospective clients could too... Wink

I was on the radio show today! It was a 30-min talk-show segment and I was on the panel giving opinion and responding to calls with Sister Lillian! ( She is a total institution in the birthing world in SA! WOW! I am honoured to be associated with her. In fact when I was pregnant with Angelique I went to one of her Your Baby workshops and found her very inspirational. She is practical, no nonsense and very good at what she does. She consults to almost every pregnancy related publication and the medical aids and and and, she is everywhere.

I think it went well. I stayed calm and think I spoke well and made sense. I was very aware of how calm and knowledgeable Sister Lillian sounds, so I tried not to be too eager to get out everything I wanted to say and end up being overwhelming or sound a bit excitable, while still being aware that I only had a short time to talk. Both Sr Lillian and I punted doulas a LOT. A dad called in and said he had never heard of a doula before, but he can see how the role could be very beneficial, after he recently attended his child's birth.

I'm not sure if anyone actually listens to the show though. But it was a fun experience! - I've been on a bit of a buzz since hence all the exclamation marks! Wink

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

Egg Zachery

And because I believe in COMPLETELY over allocating myself.... I mean if I do something I do it properly, no half measures for me!

I not only have another 2 doula clients, and am working harder at work than ever before (even at home at night), and am going to some interesting job interviews which I have been approached for, plus running more than usual and doing kata boxing again, and the kids are back at school and and and, but now...

I have also registered as an egg donor! (even thought I am almost over the hill egg wise, but not quite yet). Because it just 'felt like the right thing to do'. That's how I make a lot of decisions in my life, based on what my gut feel tells me to do, and this is something I have been pondering for a while and it definitely FEELS right.

I first considered it a year or so ago, but was told you have to be under 30, and it didn't seem very well co-ordinated then. Then Tertia announced this new venture on her blog, and I vaguely noticed (not having been very active on the web recently), but then I saw a branded car last Thursday and it rang a bell in my head so when I heard about it again this week, something told me to act, so I did.

I have filled in the detailed application and have been accepted in principle and am meeting with the co-ordinator on Friday to discuss moving forward! Wow, it's all pretty sudden and quick! But then I guess my clock is ticking ...
Shocked Laughing Laughing Very Happy

Go have a look at:
If you are interested in checking it out.... (it's a new donor programme started by Tertia Albertyn (of So Close fame) and Melany Bartok.)

It is a completely anonymous donation, I won't know where my eggs have gone and the recipient won't know where they came from...

I know some people struggle with this concept, but I have thought about it a lot. I am an organ donor too. I have no great ties with my physical body, other than that I find it quite handy and I need it right now. When I die I won't need it, and I am more than happy that it be used to help someone else who may need part of it.

So my take on the egg issue is as follows:

My egg(s) will be given freely and without condition. I see it as a vessel and catalyst for someone to use to grow THEIR baby. The seed may be mine, but the baby will be them, and all theirs. All of their energy, love and nourishment will be given to it to grow as their very own.

I am not using my eggs, they are literally flushed down the toilet now... I don't see or think of them as babies, but as potentials. They are part of the ingredients needed to make a baby, but on their own they are nothing.

I have a strong sense of babies coming to us when the time is right and when they chose to. The egg & the sperm are part of that, but I think there's more to it. Something spiritual that happens too. We don't really control that, although we do play a part. We can help it along, but we can't MAKE it happen. Conception happens as it wants to, we don't fully understand it.

So I am putting some potential out there, and am not going to pursue or dwell on it. If it is meant to be it will be. If it's not it won't. Whether I am chosen, and whether the eggs take is not up to me, and not something I can be worried about... Que sera sera. Smile

As I said above, I don’t believe a single egg (or likewise a sperm) is a baby, or part of me, it's just a catalyst.


For me it's like giving eggs to your neighbour. The eggs might have been yours originally, but the cake she makes with them is all hers.

The ingredients don't affect the end product as much as the recipe, method, love & care taken to make, bake & decorate the cake, but without the eggs there wouldn't be a cake...

But just cos your eggs were used you can't think, 'That's my cake!'.

Make sense?

Anyway that's MY view, I know others feel differently, and I respect that.

Fame at last!

Well not quite, but apparently I am quoted in the May issue of Fair Lady magazine!

I was contacted back in February and ask to comment on 'Why a doula is better than a dad in the delivery room'.

See the article (See top LHS in cover along side) is called; Should Dads be in the Delivery Room?

I sent a LOOONG response saying I don't believe a doula is better than, or can, or does (or should), replace a dad, but rather that their roles are different and complimentary. I said the doula could fulfill the role the dad usually has, if there is no partner available, but otherwise dad should be very much involved, and the doula's role is to support him too! (and a whole bunch more)

Anyway, I hope they used my comments in context! I will see if I can get hold of a copy tomorrow so I can see exactly what was said in the article....

THEN ...

Today I got a call from a radio producer asking me to appear on their radio show tomorrow! They got an early copy of the magazine and want to use the topic on their SAFM 'Otherwise' show tomorrow.

Shocked Shocked Shocked

She asked if I can come into studio, but I can't because of work. I have a Project Board meeting in the afternoon, so I will no
doubt be rushing around preparing for that...
Rolling Eyes
I am also not sure whether I am confident enough to carry off a radio interview! I know I SUCK on camera, I just get far too self conscious and can't be natural. But I know the topic and it is something I am comfortable talking about so it could work out well. Embarassed Embarassed

Anyway, I think she will call me again in the morning and we may be able to arrange it so that I can participate over the phone. Otherwise I have sent her a whack of info which she may or may not use.

Either way at least doulaing is being publicized out there! YAY! Smile

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Bubble bathing

The boys and I had a bubble bath on Sunday night... do you think we might have gone a bit overboard with the bubbles?? Wink
(we have a spa bath so can really get the bubbles going )

Shocked Shocked Shocked

Sunday, 13 April 2008

Spar Ladies Race 2008

I ran the Spar Ladies Challenge Race this morning. It's the 3rd time I have done this race now, and its still one of my favourites.

It used to always be in September, and in Newlands, but last year it clashed with the Twenty20 Cricket World Cup, so it was moved to Bellville Athletics Stadium, and then they decided to move the date to April.

I really like this race. It is fun, festive, and well organised and catered. The goodie bags are fab and there is always enough water and even coke and juice en route, and you get a 500ml flavoured water at the end.

My family decided to come along this year for the first time. Usually I attend my races alone. It was nice being able to hand over the car keys and not have to worry about any thing.

I wasn't feeling all that enthusiastic this morning though and would have quite happily just gone to sleep again rather than going out to run a race, but since everyone was coming along it wasn't an option, so off we went. I was in time to squeeze my way near to the front at the start again - starting near the back of this race SUCKS, as many people just want to walk, so the start gets very congested and it can be very hard to weave past the dawdlers - so I had a good starting position.

The route was changed from last year, a bit disappointingly, because although last year was quite tough, it was also quite a scenic suburban route. This year we suck to main dual-carriage roads, so it was less interesting.

I started quite strong, but tired quickly, and then by 2km in I already needed to pee!!! Damn. Bugger! I was scanning the side of the road for a suitable bush to duck behind, and then at 2.5km there was a water point with 2 porta-oos. YAY! I was loathe to stop and waste time, but I knew 'knuiping' for 7,5km wasn't a good option either. So I dashed in quickly.

Much relieved I got going again, and was doing ok till about 4.5km and then I just felt tired and a bit demotivated, and at the bottom of a long hill that's not a great feeling! I really just wanted to walk, but knowing the family was waiting gave me a bit of pressure to just push through. I grabbed a coke and drank it awkwardly while still running. Then I got immediate stomach cramps and had to walk for a short while burping all the gas out again. Embarassed Lovely. I carried on plodding up the hill just wanting to finish. The front runners were heading in on the other side of the road.

I kept going, rounding the top of the hill at 7.5km, and then it was a 2 km downhill stretch back to the stadium. I grabbed some Energade, and stopped to walk while I drank it, and then decided to give it my best shot and tried to speed up a little on the down hill.

I had no idea how I was doing time wize. I had just wanted to finish up till then. I always try to finish in under 60 min. This time I was thinking hoping to finish in under 55mins was probably a bit optimistic, what with a loo break AND 2 walking breaks along the way....

I finally got to the last corner and made my way back to the stadium and to the end where I finished at 52 mins 25secs! Wow my best time ever! (last year I did it in 54:16)I think I was feeling so drained during the race because I was unknowingly running faster than usual. (And also not knowing if the family were planted somewhere along the route checking me out Wink ) I was looking for the boys at the end, but they were no where to be seen. I finally found them about 10 mins later when they went to the end point thinking I might be coming in soon. PAH! Wink

The atmosphere afterwards is jovial and fun, and we stayed on to picnic for a bit and watch the prize giving. Also having a good giggle at the men in drag competition!

Sunday, 6 April 2008

Heaven / Oragsms in a tub!!!

A 500ml tub of Hagen Dazs Belgian Chocolate ice cream appeared in our house a week or 2 ago, and I have been savouring it in small portions ever since. It is simply DEVINE. As in one of the most delicious and satisfying things I have ever eaten... OMW it is to die for (way better than Cinnabons even)!!!

Yesterday I polished it off and was thinking I could eat that every day and never even worry about sex ever again...

Well today I took a look and it's R60 for that 500ml tub! Holy heck!? Frik man... I think paying for sex would be cheaper! Damn... so there goes that idea..... I think I will ask for Hagen Dazs for my birthday and Christmas from now on. (My birthday is on 30 April people! *hint* *hint* ) ;)

Here's a review:
Advantages: It's fantasmogorical ! : )
Disadvantages: The price . but it's worth it

The first thing I will do is tell you what Haagen-Dazs say about their own product :)"Calling all chocoholics! The deepest, darkest, most delicious chocolate ice cream in its smoothest form, combined with real chocolate fudge which melts on your tongue...heaven."

The reason I'm cheating and quoting the company on this is that I really couldn't put it better myself! If you are a chocoholic or an ice cream addict (Not being sexist here, but like most females I fall into both categories) this may just be the ice cream for you. It's certainly the ice cream for me! It has quite a firm texture (which means you might need to leave it a little bit before you spoon it) but melts in your mouth giving you a very rich, smooth chocolatey flavour. There are little pieces of chocolate in the ice cream which add to the flavour and give it a more varied texture for added eating pleasure! It's quite addictive and whole tubs can mysteriously disappear pretty quickly (in my house anyway!)

Saturday, 5 April 2008


This evening I went to see the movie Zeitgeist and ....
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked

I knew about 40-50% of that info, but when it is presented all together like that is F'ing shocking and bloody frightening...

You can read all about it (and even download the movie for free from the official site (700mb) linked below:

The wikipedia article has some good summaries and commentary too:

You should watch it!

What does Christianity, 911 and The Federal Reserve all have in common?

Divide & Conquer is the Motto

The social manipulation of society through the generation of fear and division has completely detached humans from their sense of power and reality.

This documentary is not for the faint-hearted. it dissects the origins of the Christian religion and gives an interesting view on how a few American banks (and thus a few very powerful people) have seized world power at the beginning of the 20th century. it also related these topics to the big wars that have been fought in the 20th century and are still being fought today! Written by Anonymous

This film gathers information from many sources and puts it together in a way that shows it is possible for people to be manipulated by large institutions, governments and economic powers. It is divided into 3 parts. 1. Religion: Pagan astrological beliefs compared to modern and ancient religions. (9:35-35:53) 2. 9/11: An overview of the numerous questionable aspects of this immensely important event. (35:54-1:09:16) 3. The Federal Reserve Bank: A history of its formation and ability to control the economy. (1:09:17-1:56:23) With many news clips from tragic events in history, audio excerpts from those who believe people are being misled about the level of freedom they have, this riveting documentary will anger those who agree with it as well as those who do not. A very timely and important piece of work that all free thinking people should see. Viewer Content Warning: This film contains stock photos and film of war and September 11th scenes that may not be suitable for all viewers. (18 or older) Written by Jeff1961

Extremely controversial documentary split into three parts, first producing information discrediting religion, particularly Christianity through showing the similarities of major religious figures. Part 2 describes the problems with what was told to us about the events surrounding Sept. 11 and and provides evidence to show who the writers believe really was responsible for the attacks. The third part deals with banks and resulting theories of World leaders plans to create one world bank. Also touches on the people responsible for the Great Depression. Written by Anonymous