Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Tuesday, 30 September 2008

Every puppy should have a boy

Puppies are nature's remedy for feeling unloved, plus numerous other ailments of life. ~ Richard Allan Palm
So we have survived a few days of having a puppy and so far so good...

Quinn is already besotted with her. I asked him tonight if he liked her, and he said, 'I love her' ... Awww! 
I think the feeling is mutual!

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. ~Ben Williams

He has gone to sleep in Roxy's bed (an wire old fridge drawer!) in the kitchen... I can't decide whether I should carry him to his own bed or leave him there...

One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why. ~Author Unknown

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Boys meet puppy - & name is now changed

Ok so here's the scoop...

The puppy is a 6 month old Parsons Jack Russell (i.e the longer legged version which is harder to find, but I prefer them)...

The Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed thing is that the boys weren't even here this week-end. I was alone for most of the time, and after a less than pleasant human interaction yesterday afternoon I realised *I* want & need a puppy. The opportunity to get this one just kind of appeared when I was feeling down last night, and at 6 months old is still a puppy, but not a complete baby, so that gets rid of half my fears about having a puppy (being woken at night etc etc) and she is used to sleeping outside already... although she spent last night in the kitchen and the cats were outside.
When I went to get her last night I felt SO bad because the family were very sad to be giving her up... I spoke to a friendly man on the phone, but by the time I got there to look, this big tough man was in tears and couldn't really deal with me. The mom and 7 year old son had been crying too... Crying or Very sad

It seems a lot of people have had a tough year... They have 2 grown females, and the 3 pups. The adults dogs have both raised the 3 puppies, the one that didn't give birth was so maternal with them it was too precious. They had intended to keep all 3 pups, but it seems something bad has happened (retrenchment or something like that) and they are moving and selling stuff and can only keep 1 pup for their son now...

These dogs have been very well loved and cared for. I felt so bad for them all. But they seemed to like me and the fact that the dogs all leapt onto my lap and were all over me the whole time made them more at ease... and it felt nice (remember usually I am NOT a dog person. AT. ALL.) ... there is just something about a JR that melts me.

Anyway I have sent them photos already and have promised to keep in touch with progress... and they made me promise that if anything happens and I feel I can't keep her, to call them immediately any time... shame man! Confused Crying or Very sad

I actually hugged this big bear of a man, because I couldn't take his puppy without offering some support to him.


So the boys only met the puppy when I went to collect them from their dad this morning. They didn't even know I had her...

I took her out of the yard for a bit this morning - no lead nothing - she walked up the block, but then some big dogs barked and she ran home Laughing So I put her back inside and went for a run by myself.

I did around 7km (via 2 shops - no harnesses for small dogs). When I got home she seemed fine, but was barking at the sounds of the gardener over the wall. I decided to take her with me to go find a harness etc. We went to Pet Adventures (what a pricey shop!) and bought a harness, big cushion and 3kgs of puppy food, and then went to KC to Shoprite, The Crazy Store, & Perky Pets, where she got a leash and a few toys and a hoof to chew.

She sat quietly in my arms throughout the trip, and sat on my lap in the car or down in the foot well of the passenger seat on her towel. She only reacted and barked to the birds at the pet shop. But ignored the bunnies... Confused She is not bothered by people at all.

Then I phoned the boys to let them know I was on my way. They still had NO idea there was a puppy yet... Wink

The boys squealed when they saw her, and have really enjoyed her this afternoon.

We went to Noordhoek beach with friends who were taking their 3 big dogs. She met loads of other dogs and was fine with them all, not aggro nor too submissive. She stands her ground, or comes back to my legs if she feels intimidated. None of that rolling over with legs in the air and tail between legs stuff.

The boys initially liked the name Speedy, but then decided Roxy is better. So she is now Roxy.

Here are some more pics:

So far she is very calm, and not manic or crazy at all. I think she was a bit tired this afternoon as she didn't really get to nap and everything is so strange and new, but she really doesn't seem to be too hyper. YAY.


Don't ask...!

Meet Speedy.

Embarassed Embarassed Embarassed
(6 month old female Parson's Jack Russell)
Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Friday, 26 September 2008


Our intranet at work has a daily quote. I don't always remember to take a look at it... but 99% of the time when I do I found something pretty profound, accurate and appropriate for me...

It's like a fortune cookie, only less obscure.

This is today's Quote of the Day
"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." Alan Cohen
Definitely food for thought there...

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

I am mean (and maybe shouldn't get a dog) ;)

There's a super silly and irritating little poodle thing that gets walked around our neighbourhood, never on a leash. For the past few years every frikken time it walks past, if our garage is open, it runs right into our yard, and will chase our cats and/or go right into our house, or whatever it wants. The silly woman who own him never says anything, or even acts apologetic AT ALL. Pretty rude if you ask me.

Tonight we got back from the shops and were all tired and starving and I found I had bought some wrong stuff... realising I'd have no other time to take it back I told the boys to hop back in the car so we could dash out to sort it out. None of us wanted to go, but it had to be done.

So I opened the garage (automatic) reversed out and pushed the button to close it, and this damn dog came running around the corner as the door was going down the last 1/3 and the bugger slipped in under it just as it closed. I thought 'screw it' and drove off anyway, deciding not to stop, open the door and try to get the dog out first. Knowing the stoopid dog was now locked inside my yard.
Twisted Evil Rolling Eyes Embarassed Laughing
As we drove off the owner came strolling around the corner none the wiser.

The boys agreed with me that the dog and owner needed to be taught a lesson. I knew we'd only be gone about 15 mins and I thought dog and owner might get a fright and/or be inconvenienced a bit and learn some manners.

So on the way home R phones me, his number was tracked down via a neighbour, and I told him what happened and he had a huge chuckle and agreed the dog is a pest and he has previously had to chase the thing around the yard to get it out while in a hurry to go somewhere.

So we get back and I decided to pretend I didn't know it had gone in (which very well could have been the case). The silly cow runs over as I opened the garage and said 'Oh thank god my dog has been STUCK in there!' and then took him and walked off!
No sorry, nothing.
Shocked Confused Rolling Eyes
I said 'Maybe you should teach him to stop running into my yard then.' I am not sure if she heard me or not.

Surely as a pet owner you stop your dog from doing something like that (repeatedly) and/or at least apologise for it? Surely? I mean just an 'Oops sorry my dog has run into your yard.... Come 'Fluff fluff' (or whatever lame name it has) don't go in there'. Would suffice. Tsk tsk.

p.s. The pup from the last post is now taken.
But there is another litter going, which will be ready in 2 weeks, and they seem a bit more pure bred. I need to think this through. Seem JR's are not easy pets at all, and most references say they are not ideal first dogs... hrm :/

Also of course since telling the boys a puppy may be an option they have been much worse behaved, instead of the better I was expecting.... I now have cheese on my ceiling! WTF!? I am thinking throwing a busy dog into this mix is just asking for trouble. Right!?

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Thinking of doing the unthinkable...

Anyone who knows me knows that I have never been a dog person. I have never had a dog and never wanted one before either. I have always liked cats, rabbits, rats (not so much hamsters), mice, snakes, fish etc. Heck even frogs... but not DOGS. (I was bitten by my grandfathers horrible temperamental dog when I was very little, and we had a huge Collie when I was a baby, and my other grandfather had a Border Collie - some of my earliest memories are of being TERRIFIED of these dogs as they jumped up at me while I cowered in my mother's arms)

Dogs generally just annoy me. I hate the stink and mess of the poo. I hate being drooled on, I hate the crotch sniffing, and jumping up, the holes scratched through doors, the digging in the garden, the barking, the chewing stuff up, the smell of dirty dog... you get the picture! Wink I have always said I'd never get a dog... Also, I can't stand little fluffy lap dogs. I believe a dog should be a dog, not a teddy bear. But there is no way I want a BIG dog either.

Added to that we have NO (as in not one blade) of grass at our house. We have a fairly small plot, and the 'garden' is mostly paved, with a biggish pool, and then a rambling plant garden at the back with stepping stones through it. I like it, it is pretty and low maintenance.

Anyway Quinn has really taken to dogs, and just this week-end I found him lying on top of our friend's Labrador, hugging him around the neck and watching a movie with him, and then he was bounding around with our other friend's pit-bull puppy and a stick for about an hour. He was really expressing himself and being affectionate and interactive... so now I am thinking he actually NEEDS a dog.

The boys have had pets for the past few years already.
I hardly (if ever) feed the cats - or the rats when we had them. They are very responsible pet owners.

I am not saying I hate dogs... but it is rare that I find one that I like for more than a few minutes. But think it's like an 'other people's children' thing...?

Our neighbours across the road had 2 stunning Jack Russells and I REALLY liked them, a lot. Another neighbours has the cutest looking Beagle. Really cute. And I like the ones on duty in Montreal airport...

So I seem to have gone from 'never', to 'maybe', to 'one day when' in the past year.

The boys have asked me a few times over the years for a dog, but I don't think they were ready until recently.

So what do you think?

Breeds I like but can't won't get are:
- Rottweiler
- Boxer
- Golden Retriever
- Great Dane
- Weimaraner

Breeds I don't like (for various reasons):
- Anything smaller than a cat! (Yorkie, Chiuaua, Toy Pom etc)
- Poodles
- Cocker Spaniels
- Daschund
- Chows
- Whippets etc
- Bulldogs
- Fox Terriers
- Boerbulls
- St Bernards
- German Shepard
- Dalmatians
- Ridgebacks

Breeds I like (in order of preference):
- Jack Russells (I LOVE these)
- Beagles
- Staffies

So my question is: Is it a good or bad time to get a dog now?

1) I don't want a dog that goes bos, because my kids are not totally settled and they sometimes fight etc kwim? I think home situation can affect a pet's temperament quite a bit... but our household is mostly settled, and I think I dog might even HELP the boys. But then it's extra responsibility for me, and something else to nag about etc...?

2) Is it more of a help or hindrance? A dog ties you down to home a bit more, and we won't have the flexibility to sleep over at friends on the spur of the moment as we can with cats/rats... or could we? Dog's are self self sufficient and bark/whine when left alone no? I don't want hassles with neighbours complaining... But on the plus side at least a dog will alert me to intruders in the yard etc etc. Also I think it might be good for the boys to have a pet to love and cuddle and run with etc...

3) We have 2 cats already. But they mostly live outside and are not very friendly, they just eat at home.

4) Much as I LOVE Jack Russells, they have so much character, and are small, but act like bigger dogs, but most people seem to say DON'T GO THERE Sad

Any advice or warnings at all?


This morning I told my boys that maybe maybe we can think of getting a doggie... Q basically squealed with excitement at the thought...

But I went on to say that we'd need to make sure that we have a really loving, supportive and stable home where we all work together and co-operate first - because pets' personalities are formed by the vibes of the home they live in. I think we are well on track for that already, but it's good to reinforce it and for them to have an incentive for it. I also spoke about how they'd need to love, care for, walk and feed a doggie... and that it would need to be for at least 10 years.

As I said they have had several pets now - a bunny and a rat each and they fed and cared for the rats. They are now baby-sitting a hamster, and we have the 2 cats which they feed too.

Then I had a meeting with Q's teacher this morning... I met with her at the very beginning of the term and we discussed the need to get Q some counselling and support, and she was concerned that he was not going to be ready for grade 4 by the end of the year... so him repeating Grade 3 was a real possibility.

Well the good news is she thinks he is settled enough now and performing almost back to his potential and she thinks it best to let him proceed to Grade 4 next year - because although some of his work LOOKS shoddy he is too bright to repeat the year, and she doesn't want more emotional strain on him by being 'held back'. Smile She said he is really responsive again and said she was reading the class an involved WW2 story the other day about the Gestapo, and a soldier hiding away etc and she said there were some subtle nuances in it and when she asked comprehension questions he was the only one in the class who was following the story properley and able to extrapolate various things and work out reasons for certain things in the story.

So that's great news... although it means I'll need to push him a bit for the fourth term to make sure he really is applying himself, but I am very proud of the progress he has made. She said she can tell things are much more settled at home now and he is doing well Smile

So now I am wondering if I should let him get a puppy as a reward for trying so hard and really dealing with so much in the past 6 months...? At nearly 9 (in 3 months) I think he is mature enough and I think he is able to be more emotionally open with animals than humans, as he doesn't have to worry about being judged or looking silly with an animal. Know what I mean?

Does this sound like a good idea?

I found out there is someone a 10 min drive from us who has a 9 week old JR puppy... seems it is puppy season NOW. He said I can come see it tonight... Shocked I am not sure I want to move that fast, but maybe we can go take a look... and then decide if it is something we should do.

(I must say I like the intruder-alert aspect to having a dog in the house too... I did not sleep well last night. I kept hearing noises Confused )

Ag moeder the guy has just mailed me a pic of him...

All together now.... awwwwww!!!

Ok now's your chance, should I do the unthinkable and get a D.O.G??
Talk some sense into me. QUICK!

Monday, 22 September 2008

Now I have to DIY

There's one thing I REALLY miss about being single... ok more than one thing, but this thing I miss a lot...
No not that! LOL, that is pretty easy to DIY... besides I have been rather distracted recently so that's not the top of my priority list....

Anyway, I was pretty spoiled in that I used to get these regular amazing.. as in REALLY amazing... orgasmic almost FOOT RUBS!Seriously they were divine, relaxing, and stimulating and just awesome. Especially after a run, they would release any trace of tension everywhere and release loads of endorphins. Did I mention how really really nice they were!? Well it was hard to give those up....

Tonight I noticed my heels were a bit cracked and dry, so I gave myself a DIY foot rub. It was nice, but not a patch on those I used to get...
Wanted: New Orgasmic Foot Rubber. Must be prepared to rub my feet and enjoy it, at least 4 evenings a week. Applications now open ;)



It is very hard for me to move on with my life at the moment... I have my own issues (I think we all do...?) with myself.

Some days it is hard enough getting through the day and dealing with my own self... then on top of that I have to deal with my boys, who let's face it are going through a hell of an ordeal themselves and are also struggling. So when they behave less than sterlingly, I need to make the effort to understand why and react accordingly - not just yell and smack etc. It's hard. Sometimes I want to just give up, or lose control... but I don't have that luxury. Plus I am very aware of demanding too much from the boys and expecting perfect behaviour and too much responsibility. It's not fair to expect them to grow up too fast, just because their parents screwed up...

So it falls on me to be a responsible adult and parent, and put them and their needs first. That means I get up and get dressed every day, make meals, take them on outings, play with them etc. - whether I want to or not. I do the whole happy-happy 'everything is alright' routine no matter what is going on inside me... Even if I have had a potentially lethal run-in with strange criminals who have broken into my house in the middle of the night. (Ok, I do talk about sadness and anger with them and let them know if I am upset, I am not a robot and am not masking real feelings, I am just saying I don't burden them with too much negativity, or wanting them to support me emotionally.). I AM OK. We are ok, and mom will make sure we are fine, more than fine. I want us to be GOOD, not just ok.

Truth be told, far from feeling like the boys are a burden on me (although an occasional break would be nice, honestly they have been darlings for the most part, so I can't complain) I actually think they are saving me. They are my very reason for getting out of bed everyday and going out, and not totally isolating myself from the world. They are my reason for living at the moment. I am thankful for that.

But I still have my dark moments, and moments of despair, exhaustion, sadness, grief, loss, depression, self-loathing, lack of self control, defeat etc etc etc.

The thing is it is hard for me to claw myself out of this and get on a good path and STAY there because, well R is not coping well. I can't and don't want to say too much here, but he is not in a good place. He needs help (and I hope he goes to get it). And in the mean time I am worried. Worried for him, very much so yes. But more so worried about my boys and how they are watching their dad slip away. They don't see him often, and I am not sure how involved or happy he is when they do see him. I fear they are going to feel he has rejected them, because that's what it looks like. I don't think it is deliberate though, I think it's just an overriding case of not coping with life or himself and having nothing left over...

I hope he sorts himself out, he owes it to his children (and to himself) to get back on track and find a reason to LIVE.

We can't ever replace him. he is my children's FATHER. I just hope he'll realise they really want and need a DAD too.
It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

(MAROON 5 - Better That We Break)

Tuesday, 16 September 2008


Depeche Mode - Somebody

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
Shell get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
Shell hear me out
And wont easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact shell often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
Ill get away with it

Monday, 15 September 2008

I can ride my bike with no handlebars

Jonathan first alerted me to this song and it has really grown on me...

I see it is now getting fm radio play too, so we can expect to hear much more of it.

The Flobots - Handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome

I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
In such a small world
All curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all healed of their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
and I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
and I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handle bars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I think it is about freedom, no limits, achieving whatever you want to and set your mind to... but also about power, and greed and control and especially about American arrogance and the feeling that they can do what they like irrespective of consequences and repercussions...