Life is Beautiful

Well after Friday afternoon being horrendously acrimonious and then trying to kill myself by over eating that evening - wtf do we do that anyway!? (Hello lurking eating disorders....)

I woke up on Saturday morning wanting to not be alive. Hating myself, the world and everything else... you know real wallowing, woe is me melodrama crap.... poor Quinn had to bring me coffee hourly from 8:30 until 11:30 when I finally decided enough was enough. I got up and decided to take control again. I started with my bedroom. It has been in limbo for many months now, left exactly as it was after he took his clothes. So I changed a few things in my bedroom, took the last of his stuff out, sorted out my cupboard, put a few of my things in his cupboard and moved the old hi-fi in ... so now I can do proper solo dance parties in my room ;)

Then I went out and cleaned out his outside room/office. I threw ALL the junk out. So now it's just the furniture, computers and usable stationery. YAY finally.

It was liberating. There is still a huge amount to do logistically and admin-wise, but I am back on track and ready to move forward.

I also realised I need to stop reacting.. it is no longer relevant, and while I can't control what happens to me and what other people do, I can be in charge of how I chose to react and respond. I don't need to be right and I don't need to prove anything any more. It's done.

In the afternoon Q was invited to spend the night with a friend, and G was with his dad for the weekend, so I had some time completely alone. The weather was great and I had wasted nearly all of it, so I dragged my butt out for a walk. Even though I didn't REALLY want to. I had new music on my iPOD though and no pressure to get back so I ended up spending 2+ hours run/walking and ended up getting back after dark and having covered what I worked out was at least 12kms :) I felt way better.

I had a wonderful hot bath and then settled in the watch Life is Beautiful. I thought it was a 'feel good' movie and it was at first... but OMW what a sad sad sad story, but so touching and beautiful too. That man's spirit was so incredible, and so inspirational. I was literally and unashamedly sobbing my heart out by the end of the movie. It was actually just what I needed.

Since then I have felt more like myself, more balanced, and hopeful and strong. I can do this. I AM doing this and Life is indeed Beautiful. Sometimes we need to be reminded of this.