Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

19 weeks updated with day vs night BUMP

19 weeks pregnant. 

And in the interests of full disclosure I present to you bump pic version 1: day time trying to keep some abs and control in the mix, and version 2: night time after dinner and letting it all just hang...

BUMP PIC @ 19 weeks

(Ok technically 18 week 6 days, but close enough)

It looks smaller than it feels and is definitely larger at night, but this was taken today at about 11:45.

Monday, 24 March 2014

My amateur research: correlation between maternal weight gain & baby birth weight

Because I am interested in this stuff, and am a bit of a geek/analyst at heart I wanted to check something.

I recently read an article or 2 claiming that the weight of the baby at birth is directly linked to the weight gain of the mom in pregnancy. It sounds obvious and using JUST me as a sample it would seem to correlate neatly, however my knowledge and experience lead me to suspect it is not as simple or linear as that and so I did my own research on
a local baby related forum I participate in
 to confirm or deny this theory...

So while I do not deny the experts that excessive weight gain is generally bad (and can lead to complications for moms and babies), I don't believe it cannot be looked at in complete isolation and without looking at pre-pregnancy weight, general health and lifestyle (diet and how active the woman is), as well as whether she has issues like gestational diabetes etc TOO.

So here was my enquiry and findings based on responses about 40 pregnancies by regular healthy intelligent South Africa women who all had good maternal care and gained between 6-34 kgs in their pregnancies.

I am doing some amateur research (for myself). I am not convinced it correlates but I want to see, so:
- Of those that put on over 15kgs in pregnancy, did you also have large babies?
- And conversely/the corollary those that have 4+kgs babies did you all put on over 15kgs?
I am not convinced there is a direct link, but I wanted to check the evidence...


Thanks for the responses guys I have recorded and tabulated the responses and created a graph.

While the graph tracks ascending maternal pregnancy weight gain the baby's weight stays on average exactly the same. Hence my conclusion is there is indeed no obviously direct linear weight gain vs. baby weight link as per my suspicions! :)

My graph below:

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Birthday List - the year of 40

I don't think I have ever made a birthday list, but Laura always does one. It's not something I am usually personally comfortable with, I don't usually want or expect anything, but this year there are a few things I'd love...

Hey, I am pregnant AND I am turning 40! :)
So these are things I'd love - and will probably get myself!

- A Mexican Bola. I heard about these when I trained to be a doula and have wanted one ever since. 

The Mexican Bola is a chime ball that was first worn by pregnant women in Mexico who learned through generations of motherhood that the soothing sound of the Mexican Bola against the tummy had a calming effect on their babies before and after birth.

The beautiful relaxing sound from the Mexican Bola is produced by tiny chimes inside the pendant.

- Pamper Vouchers. Pedicures, manicures reflexology, massages, hair treatments, facials anything nurturing and pampery would be awesome.

- Perfumes/Fragrances - I never have any really nice smelly stuff.

- Nice lotionsmoisturizers and/or Soy Lites Candles.

- Decent make-up. I have a pile of crap and I think it does make a difference. I think at 40 I should become a real adult and get proper cosmetics that actually suit me!

-Actually anything from The Body Shop! :)

- Good snuggly towels - my bathroom is beige/brown, but I am not fussy about colours.

- Some decent heeled shoes. I am starting to like shoes but really don't have any good ones and/or a nice pair of black winter knee-high boots.

- A nice general purpose leather handbag.

- A black evening bag. I have no evening bags at all.

- A nice leather purse/wallet.

- Potted Orchids - I LOVE them!

- A decent camera. I am not talking fancy pro DSL but just a decent point and shoot jobbie.

- Vouchers for anything from Woolworths, to Kauai, to Sportman's Warehouse, to @Home, to anything.

- A cruise holiday. LOL. Yeah right!

- An iPAD - even less likely!

* Note I really don't expect people to actually give me these things, but it was fun compiling the list and I'll aim to work on providing myself with some of these grown-up gifts during my 'year of 40' .

What I would actually like more is:
Dinner/movie/picnic or coffee date invites! I miss and want to see my friends more. Invite me over!

- A walk on the beach or in the forest with me and ice-cream after.

- A hand written note/card.

- Flowers - bought or picked I don't mind.

- Hugs & Cuddles

- Personal foot-rubs and quality time.

- To feel special and thought of and cared for!

Raising Boys - talk summary

I went to a fantastic talk last night about Raising Boys, by Celia Lashlie.

First time appearing in South Africa - Celia Lashlie, International expert on raising adolescent boys is presenting to teachers and parents.
Wynberg Boys’ High School proudly presents Celia Lashlie, well-known New Zealand best-selling author with a wealth of experience in the ways of raising young men, in a first time South African public address on Monday 17 March 2014, 7pm at Wynberg Boys’ High School.
Celia’s three best sellers:
• The Journey to Prison : Who Goes and Why
• He’ll Be Ok : Growing Gorgeous Boys Into Good Men
• The Power of Mothers : Releasing Our Children

It was very interesting and well worth attending!

There was not actually all that much completely new info given to be honest, but her style is wonderful, and she gave some good reminders and insights into the boy brain and the differences between boy/male processing and responses as compared to those of women. She managed to be really poignant, entertaining, and inspirational. She makes you feel like you are doing ok already (rather than guilty or not good enough), and inspires you to improve through insight and awareness, rather than pure instruction.

Main points I remember are:
- Shut-up and give them time and space to think and speak. (If you keep talking and asking, and then answering, all the questions they have no reason to.) Boys and men think, pause and then speak. Unlike women who think while they speak and speak while they are thinking. Give them the space and quiet to process before speaking and they will.
- You CAN tell them to go away when they are annoying.
- Teenage boys are LAZY!
- The laziness and lying around is part of their escape from the world to process and deal with it all before venturing out. So don't let them lie around endlessly, but they can and do need it sometimes to recharge.
- Boys are idiots, they are going to do stupid things!
- You should say no sometimes. It's ok to be a 'bitch mom from hell' sometimes.
- You CAN let them know how they are affecting you. By saying things like 'I worry when I don't know where you are.' 'I feel shut out when you don't speak to me' 'I wonder how you are?' They may be more responsive to that than ‘how are you?’ ‘Why were you late?’ etc, start with I so it’s positioned from your perspective and not an accusation per se.
- Keep being fun and laughing with them.
- But you are their PARENT not their FRIEND so DO keep the boundaries in place and be firm about them, that's what they are looking for and testing - to see if you are in control and they are safe.
- Everything is game and power-play with boys/men. (But we are smarter! Out-play them!)
- Boys have intuition, but often don't use it, because they don't need to. The more at risk and traumatised they are the more heightened and in tune with it they are.
- They KNOW stuff. You don't have to teach them stuff, just help them to 'know what they know'. So back to point one let them articulate stuff and get stuff out of the 'gut' space where they store their intuition and once they say it they solidify mentally what they actually know physically. 
- Deal with the situation at hand on its own not all the what ifs and future imagined consequences of it. (e.g. If he steals money from your purse once at age 6 it does not mean he'll be jailed for life for robbing a bank later on, so don't react to the 6 year old as if he has robbed a bank.)
- Sex advice. While coming from an older man might seem like a good idea, the advice can NOT be dispensed by anyone who his mom has had sex with, else all he can think is 'YOU DID THAT TO MY MOM?!'
- They do love their moms (and their dads) but loving mom and tidying their rooms/doing chores have no link at all. They do not express their love for you by tidying them rooms!
- 1 boy = 1 brain, 2 boys = 1/2 a brain. When they are together they are MORE stupid!
- Their frontal 'idiot brain' acts first and is what can and does get them into trouble (death, injury, jail etc). You need to help develop and express that inner core of knowledge and intuition to make sure they take the extra few second to THINK before acting stupid, when it really matters.
- They will always pretend to hate school, but they secretly love it. The system, friends, freedom in rules etc. They get scared and even have grief towards the end of their school careers when the end draws near and they fear for losing what they know and feel safe in. They have fought against it and wanted to leave forever but as soon as it is pending they are terrified by it.
- Boys in Grade 9 (15-16) are MOST at risk and at their stupidest, since all of their blood is in their groin.
- A lot of the acting out boys do is attention seeking. They want to be noticed and loved and acknowledged. Especially by their dads in their teenage years.
- Once a boy gets bigger, stronger and faster than his dad - it's a scary time for him as he has a position of physical power. Dad's need to stay fun and keep their sense of humour then and not shut off and be threatened by their sons, they need to share their wisdom from them on, as that's what the boy wants and need from him.
- He'll be OK.
- Moms need to let go and let them be free.
- Boys are gorgeous.
- They do turn into good men - eventually. Although the evidence may be a long time coming and even singular in occurrence.
Oh yes and boys need time.
- They mull over stuff and then do it when 'it's time'.
So they'll think about a project for a week or more and then always only do it the night before, 'when it's time'.
Before that would be wasting time and there's always better stuff to do. And anyway the school might burn down before it's due and then they would have wasted time doing it!

Hope that helps! J

Friday, 14 March 2014

Andrew's TEDx talk on Responsible Investing

Last November Andrew did a TEDx Talk at the TEDx Table Mountain event talk on Responsible Investing.

All the event's videos can be watched HERE.

Andrew's talk is worth watching. I think it's an important and valid message which he conveys well. Do you know where your pension fund, unit trust and bond money is invested? And is it doing GOOD as well as doing WELL?

Is “Responsible Investor” an Oxymoron? Watch it: HERE
(If you like it please share it)

Pregnancy Update - 17 weeks

So I am 17+ weeks pregnant now with this surro-baby boy, and all is going well.

I am still waiting to feel this one move... it feels really imminent but the anterior placenta is blocking the feeling I think. It will either be really soon, or possibly another few weeks. 

Every morning when I wake up the first thing I do is feel my bump which is really growing now - although oddly I can still lie on it on my tummy at yoga. I know I stopped much sooner the other times and I felt like it might 'pop' of I lay on it. This time it feels fine so I am going to keep doing it till it doesn't work/feel right anymore (I wouldn't do the bow now though with ALL weight directly on belly, but cobra etc is fine). The only thing that was tough yesterday was the plough as that squished me a bit too much, else everything else is good still.

I am STILL feeling nauseous, almost threw up this morning again and have been a bit green most afternoons this week. Also heartburn seems to be starting up already. Oh joy. I am a bit cheesed off because nausea AND heart burn together is a bum deal! It should be one or the other - not both!

I have also been napping, due to exhaustion, when I get home some evenings. Which is a bit frustrating. So I don't get much done. But otherwise all is good with work and I am getting by so it's fine. 

I just wish I had more energy and was exercising more and going to the gym and being cute and fit, not just getting flabby. But I am not all that fussed to be honest. I have realised I am feeling quite pleased and grateful to have this opportunity to experience all this again. and it is definitely my last time, so despite to discomfort, and compromises required I am enjoying and fully experiencing it as it happens. It's nice. I feel good about it. :)

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Seems my boobs are growing ...

My BOSS asked me today if I have had a boob-job in the past month or so - even though she KNOWS I am pregnant - because evidently they are bigger. She says she keeps expecting my tummy to grow but can only see BOOBS.

One of my team members said when I came back from leave and before I told them I was pregnant she suspected I'd had them done in the holidays.

At yoga I can still lie on my tummy cos my boobs prop me up. 

It's kinda funny. :)

More preggy photos 15 & 16 weeks

Here are some photos of me, growing...

I am still not feeling any movement, at just shy of 17 weeks, but the placenta is anterior (in the front) so it will muffle the movement, so may be a few weeks yet. Otherwise all is going well, and despite still having bouts of nausea and now heartburn seemingly lurking in the wings, I am generally feeling much better and more chirpy and have even managed 2x gentle runs in the past 2 days.

So without further ado, on to the photos.

15 weeks
Displaying J @ 15 weeks pregnant.jpg

15.5 weeks
Displaying J 15.5 weeks pregnant.jpg

16 weeks
Displaying J 16 weeks pregnant.jpg