Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Friday, 29 August 2008

Egg donation: I layed the eggs

Ok, the egg donation is done! :)

Wow. I have such mixed feelings right now elation & happiness that I have done it and it went well. But also some disappointment & trepidation (read on to see why) - that it wasn't as good as I had hoped for (am I an over achiever?)...

I went in to the clinic at 10am by which time I could feel some ovulation sensitivity and a feeling of 'fullness' in my lower abdomen, but I was otherwise fine. I was told to expect that. I had to wait till about 11 before I was called. But I had some nice phone chats and read some magazines. I actually like unexpected free time when there is nothing to do but relax (unless I am in a rush of course).

When I was called I went through got into my gown and sat on a comfy recliner with a blankie - cosy & relaxing!

The anaesthetist came to see me and make sure I was all ok for the anaesthetic, and then my friend Liz (the theatre manager) came to chat to me which was nice. She is lovely.

I heard someone waking up behind a curtain and she was moaning, groaning and creating quite a scene - asking for pain meds, but refusing to eat, wake up, or sit up or anything. Saying things like 'No. I want to go to sleep and sleep through the pain!' erk :/

So when I was taken in I said 'Can I ask what she had done?'
Liz said, 'Same thing you are having'.
I thought OMG! Yikes! Didn't seem like fun at all. But Liz assured me that different people cope differently, so I wasn't too worried.

Anyway, the anaesthetist came and inserted the drip and then brought out a huge syringe filled with white stuff. I said 'What on earth is that!?' o.O
He said something like 'Milk of amnesia - good night!' and with that I was out.

Next thing I knew I was being woken up in the recovery bed (behind that curtain) by the theatre sister, and felt ok. I was a bit dozy but otherwise felt pretty ok. After a while I felt some period type cramping but nothing really more than that. It is likely mostly from the Mirena anyway.

I have given birth with no meds 3 times, and had 2x Mirena inserted fully conscious, and had abdominal surgery (abdominus rectus muscle repair OUCH), and had a tattoo done - so I think my experience with pain, and ability to cope with it, is quite good.

They sat me up in the bed and brought me tea and a muffin. I actually really enjoyed those. They checked my blood pressure a few times which stayed normal at about 100/60.

After about 20 mins I was up and dressed and ready to go.

I went in to see the doc to get my medical certificate for the day off. I asked him how many eggs they got and I was very disappointed to hear there were only '4 good ones'. :/ So please pray that it is enough, and they are fertilized successfully, and 'take' in the recipient!

They must! I will be heartbroken if they have gone through all this time and expense with me and don't even get a viable result Sad :`(

Nurture were amazing though. I got a call before I went in, and then got given some flowers and a Lindt chocolate on the way out! They are so sweet and caring and bubbly. Love those gals! They are really doing an amazing thing with their business.

I also got an unexpected cash cheque - I actually wasn't expecting it at ALL... AND the recipients paid for my replacement Mirena... WOW! This is why I feel really bad now that they only got 4 eggs.

Please please please let it be worth it for them!

I don't think I can deposit the cheque until I know actually - and will give it back if it is not successful..... it would feel wrong to keep it.

I am now resting on my couch, I have some twinges if I walk around, but am otherwise completely fine, just a tad groggy from the meds and not completely mentally alert.

All in all the experience has been far easier than I expected and not bad at all.

If anyone is keen on doing it, I would say as long as you have a good attitude and are not freaked out by needles, scans and general procedures: GO FOR IT! (don't forget to tell them I referred you) ;)

Thursday, 28 August 2008

So I married an axe murderer

What's the perfect gift to give someone who is not only on mega hormone doses but ALSO about to get divorced?

It's obvious!

Brave, stupid, clever ...? You decide.

But OMFG I LOVE IT!!! *efg*

Thank-you! :)

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Egg donor udate: Nearly time to lay

I'm just back from my last gynae visit before the big day on Friday, when I go in for the egg retrieval procedure.

All is still looking good, and the gynae seems happy.

I am still impressed at how simple and really easy this has been. I had expected it to be way worse. I have gained 2kgs and have been feeling a bit emotional and lazy, but I really don't think I can blame that all on this, although I am sure it has played a role... But otherwise I have had no pain or even discomfort and have pretty much felt normal.

Some stats if you are interested:
- Number if viable eggs I am growing - 8-10 (Octuplets anyone!?!)
- Number of scans (internal - Gynae TV FTW! ;)) I have had - 5
- Number of injections I have given myself - 11 (another 2 to go)
- Number of injections the gynae has given me - 5 (and drew blood once)
- Current size of eggs - 18 (I am unsure of the measurement units)

Now I have to inject myself with Lucrin at exactly 12am tonight and 12pm tomorrow morning... Timing is critical for this, and this is the last stage in maturing the eggs and making sure they are ready at exactly the right time. This time the jabs are with normal hypodermic syringes. Fun fun fun!

I go in on Friday morning and should be home at around lunch time, where I will need to rest for the afternoon.

I am getting my Mirena replaced at the same time, so in a couple of week I should be back to normal again.

I'll suspend my final judgments until after the retrieval on Friday, but so far this really hasn't been bad at all, and not as inconvenient as I was expecting either. The process has been efficient, well managed, friendly, caring and pretty simple really. Although I won't be doing it again - this is a once off for me, I am getting a bit old, and I only wanted to do it once anyway - I would certainly encourage others who want to do it to go for it.


So it is official I am getting divorced on Tuesday, 2 September 2008.

I was married on 2 Jan 1998.

So that is 10 years 8 months to the day.


I have conflicting feelings about this:
- Sadness
- Relief
- Guilt
- Like a failure
- Embarrassment
- Inadequacy
- Defeat
- Exhaustion
- Hope
- Used
- Optimism
- Trepidation
- Damaged
- Fear
- Old
- Defiance
- Uncertainty
- Peace
- Surrender
- Resolve
- Courage

Sadly it had to happen, and I have to move on now, and be myself. By myself.

After all my life motto is:

"This above all else to thine own self be true"

A new start, in a new season. Spring.

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

OMG I had a mullet!

This is my class photo from Std 5 - Grade 7.




Avoid clichés like the plague - they're old hat.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Never repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.

Be more or less specific.

Don't forget to remember that a preposition is a word you should not end a sentence with.

Proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.

And (seriously) always give credit where it's due if you borrow original material and you know the source - these tips were from!

Monday, 25 August 2008

Another egg donor update... cruising

I just got back from another scan...

Eggies are still growing well and all looks good and I feel fine. NO major symptoms at all any more (Unless raging horniness counts?? TMI again sorry! Again hard to pin point the cause of this, it could also be circumstantial.)

I had to have another 2x bum-jabs. Same as last time. I asked what the second one was for and it's basically more fertilizer to help them grow.

A mixture of FSH & LH hormones (Follical Stimulating Hormone and Luteinizing Hormone - I am impressed with myself that I remember all this, but I pretty much inhale any info related to human anatomy & physiology).

I have one more self jab tomorrow morning (that's FSH btw), and then I go back for a final scan on Wednesday, where I will get ANOTHER 2 bum-jabs. Just call me pincushion!

Then the big day is on Friday. I'll go in at around 11am (and be done by 1pm).

Friday, 22 August 2008

Bonitas Women's Day Race

On Women's Day - 9 August 2008, despite being off from work on the Wednesday and Thursday and only just surviving the day back on the Friday, I went off to the Bonita's Women's Day Challenge. Although I had already entered, paid and registered, and got the t-shirt; I wasn't really feeling fit or able bodied, in fact I was quite an emotional basket case too the night before. I was very much leaning towards just not going. I thought I'd just stay in bed all day and feel sorry for myself instead.

But I got an on-line pep talk the night before and at about 10pm, I thought 'Dammit, I am not going to give up!'. So I decided to pull myself up by the scruff of my neck and just GO anyway. I thought just getting out there would do me good, even if I ended up just walking, or even only doing the 5km course. So I set my alarm...

The boys had stayed over night with their dad for the first time since our split, so I was alone, had no baby-sitting issues or other excuses, and it looked like it was going to be be a lovely day.

When my alarm went off at 6am, I had a second where I thought of turning it off and just relishing the warm bed, and then I decided to just bloody go do the thing.

So off I went to the Bellville Velodrome. I wasn't feeling very strong, but I got going and it wasn't TOO bad. At about 4km I was feeling a tad tired and breathless, and Adele caught up with me and ran with me for a bit. I didn't even know she was going to be there. She soon left me in her dust as we started an uphill which was tough for me. At about 6.5km I walked for a minute or so to get my breath back, and then I decided to give it all I had and run all the way to the finish - which was not easy - remember I wasn't actually well...

I managed to catch sight of Dellie in the last km, and tried valiantly, but in vain to catch her, she came in 30 seconds, and 8 places, ahead of me.

Here's me running as fast as I could (and with no idea I was being photographed) towards the finish line:
I finished in what I think is a VERY respectable 54:35 (although there have been mutterings that the course was a bit short...?). Anyhow, who cares. I ran, I finished, I didn't die and I did ok!

(Results listed on

#1 XINIWE ZINTLE 0:35:50
#143 MACCANNEL ADELE 0:54:01
#151 WEIDEMAN JANE 0:54:35
#1253 CARLIE TASNEEM 2:04:52

I am thinking of doing the Blister's For Bread 10km walk next Sunday, and then my next running race is the Gun Run in mid-Oct - I should have enough time to prepare for that when this egg donor cycle finishes, so in Sept I need to get back on the road and get myself running and fit again!

Egg Donor update : Scans, Bums & Needles

Just got back from my scan at the gynae.

Both ovaries have about 4-5 eggies growing nicely in them and all looks good and on-track so far.
I had to have 2 jabs, one in each bum cheek while I was there. One was to stop my from ovulating prematurely and the other I can't actually remember what it does but something to do with growing the eggs....

I had been a bum-jab-virgin up until 30 minutes ago. I had always thought bum jabs were excruciatingly painful (I'm not sure where I got that idea from? Probably the movies, where you also learn that birth is a screaming, cursing, lying on your back with your legs in the air affair, which it also totally WASN'T... but I digress), and it really wasn't to bad at all. The jab part was easy. The one med burned a bit, the other itches. But nothing more than slight discomfort so I can deal with it.

According to the doc I am doing great and am very brave. So there you go. I told him I have been rather emotional this week, and he said that is normal too. So that's good I guess. I am starting to feel much better I must say.

I have another Gonal-f pen to continue with the self-jabs over the week-end. I was on a high dose for 4 days (225) and then a lower dose (150) for the past 2 days, and now I am back on the 225 again.

I go back for another scan on Monday to see how they are doing, and then I'll find our when the retrieval will happen (i.e. the op to take them out - laprascopically with conscious sedation) but it will be either Wednesday or Thursday next week. I still need to figure out how to get the day off work, and I think it will have to be unpaid leave, because I don't think I can really claim to be 'sick' - can I?

So with burny/itchy butt checks I bid you farewell. Next update on Monday.

Thursday, 21 August 2008


I am just LOVING Coldplay's new album. Viva La Vida. I think the title is very apt for me atm too.

So far my favorite songs are the title tune Viva La Vida, and then Violet Hill, and then of course Lost ....


Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you try to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You can listen to Coldplay here.

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Being gentle with myself

Thanks for the comments from yesterday everyone... I really appreciate the support and concern.

I did manage to pull myself out of my slump yesterday evening.

I have decided that I HAVE to release and surrender right now, there is just SO much going on, and much of it I can't control. I have decided that being hard on myself is just not going to help, so exercising and eating are free game now. I am not being disciplined or controlled now, and I am just going with what I feel like at the time. So comfort eating and sitting on the couch it is then!

I blame the hormones. They make me tired, head-achy, tearful, and sad - alternating with horny & almost manically naughty and chirpy. I am a right roller-coaster at the moment and am probably certifiably insane right now. I can't imagine what people are thinking! (Run away!)

So yesterday, feeling particularly low (our nanny was mugged in the morning and that just got me into a real emo state from the get go) I gave our nanny a lift to the train station and gave her some money to tide her over. I would have had to rush home if I wanted to make myself go for a run... and suddenly I thought... SCREW IT! Why should I always be rushing everywhere and always in control and doing the 'right' thing??? So instead, I went past the bottle store and picked up some beer and Savanna and went home. I poured myself a drink, got a drink and snack for the kids, and we sat and had a couple of drinks** in the beautiful warm twilight like normal relaxed people. I actually felt slightly anxious that I should have been DOING something at first, but after a while the feeling passed, and I started to feel relaxation and pleasure wash over me. At 6 the 'Ultimix-at-6' came onto the radio and I decide to get up and dance, and so I did. For the next 45 minutes or so. Just dancing around in my lounge on my own - with the boys coming and going in between, and doing their thing. They were relaxed, I was relaxed and it was good. It was fun and I felt alive and dare I say it even a bit happy.
After my dancing I was inspired to make dinner, and we had a yummy dinner, watch Scrubs and just had a nice pleasant evening.

I am still on this hormonal roller-coaster, but today I feel loads better and that's all that matters right now. Sure my clothes are starting to feel a bit snug, which I don't like. But I am NOT going to stress about it now. So I am going to be a bit soft & cuddly for a few weeks (months?). But once the donor process is over and I get my body & hormones back. And once 'D-Day' has come and gone in early September. I pick myself up and start again. I will get myself back on track and get fit and toned again. It will be the start of a new season.

But for now I am taking it one step at a time. Being gentle with myself.

Hey I'm all I've got!

(**Note I am not big drinker, and I am inherently very responsible, so I had a total of 2 Savanna lites. I am not wanting to mess with these eggies, so I am not going to do anything to jeopardise that. I am doing this as well as I can to give the recipients the best chance of a successful outcome.)

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Not the best day

Today has not been the best day for me.

By 9am I was sitting on the floor in a toilet stall at work crying....

My eyes have kept leaking quietly for much of the day.

Sometimes I just want to give up. Or run away and hide.

Why does everything have to be so fucking hard and complicated and painful???

I just want to be happy and have fun.

I want the problems and responsibility to stop now!

Sunday, 17 August 2008

Face Your Manga

Here's me ...

Does it look anything like me??

Go on create yourself too! it's fun! Laughing

Grow eggies grow!

If you are following my egg donation journey, which began here, and was updated here, you may know that it was about time for the next stage... actually growing them eggies around about now.

So I stopped the pill on Wed, saw the fertility clinic co-ordinator on Thursday afternoon to pick up the hormone meds I needed, and to learn what to do (a 5 min demo) to actually give myself these jabs.

Then I had to wait for my period to start. To mark Day 1 of my cycle. It decided instead of the scheduled Saturday, it would start in the middle of my glam Hollywood-style work function on Friday night (while I wasn't wearing any underwear! (TMI sorry) and was dancing up a storm on the dance floor!) But it was fine it happened on a trip to the loo anyway. It was just a bit weird because I haven't had a proper period for literally YEARS now... I really haven't missed them! I actually can't wait to get my Mirena replaced.

Anyhoo that made TODAY (Sunday) day 3 and the day to start with the Gonal-f hormone (Synthetic FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormone) jabs to start growing those eggies!!

Over the course of yesterday I managed to mentally wind myself up about it and was anticipating pain and torture. My skin is actually pretty sensitive, and while giving birth is not an issue for me, being pinched is VERY sore. So I knew it would hurt... I just wasn't sure how much! Yikes.

So I woke up at 8:15 this morning, and my first thought was 'Oh no, today is the day!'

Anyway back to the topic at hand, I was feeling pretty nervous. I pee'd (in the toilet, not my pants!), and then decided to JUST DO IT straight away, before brushing teeth, getting coffee, looking for kids, anything else.

So I got the little bag of stuff out, loaded it up as I had been shown. And then deliberated.... thigh or stomach, thigh or stomach, thigh or stomach??? Get the idea?

My saddlebag won the debate. I stood there. I took the cover off the needle, and I stood there some more. Hrm.... I turned the radio on. The more I was thinking the more I was psyching myself out... The demo lady had said to jab it firmly, because if I didn't get the needle right in (about 1.5cm of it) I would have to keep pressing until it was right in as it needs to not be administered too shallowly in the skin. So I breathed in deeply and plunged....

It just slid right in like a hot knife through butter, and honestly I didn't actually feel it at all. Not even a little OUCH. I thought cool! but expected it to burn or something when I depressed the dosage button. But I pressed it and nope still nothing. All in all it was over in a mere few seconds, and was almost anti-climatically sensation-free. Lets hope the side-effects prove to be the same!

The roller-coaster ride begins. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Saturday, 16 August 2008

I was Elizabeth Taylor

We had a Hollywood-style Murder Mystery Dinner Party last night. We had to dress as if we were going to a movie launch - where the murder was to take place. I ended up going more or less as Elizabeth Taylor. I think I did a good job. It's a very young company (most of the team are in their 20s) so I was the older woman who drank to much and partied hard ;)

I actually ended up having a lot of fun in the end. I was not that excited about going at first...

One day I will grow up and become responsible though, and will learn to refuse offers of Tequila shots (I HAVE learned to adamantly refuse Jaeger Meister though - vile stuff. I at least LIKE Tequila) and will go home at a sensible hour and will not be one of the last to leave the dance floor!

I don't think I did anything too embarrassing, but boy did I feel like crap this morning! I was tempted to just stay in bed, but it was a STUNNING day and when I was invited up Lion's Head - with an offer to off load one of the kids for the night afterwards I couldn't say no. So off we went.

After the long trek up and down the mountain and then waving Griffin on his way as he left for his sleep-over. I took Quinn to Camps Bay. I realised this is the only one-on-one time I have had with him for MONTHS, and I think it was very long over due. We used to often do things, just the 2 of us, and I think he needs it. We walked on the beach, looked for shells, and then went for an ice-cream. Delicious. We then came home, cooked dinner and watched TV snuggled on the couch. It was a good day.

Food Meme

Bold the ones you've had

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly -
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk in cheese form
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

Thursday, 14 August 2008

Spar Results FINALLY

So I FINALLY managed to find some results for the Spar Ladies Race I ran in APRIL.... they are still not listed on the Western Province Athletics site (who knows why?), but I finally found them on a site called Race Results :)

So the full listing of results is HERE

I still have no idea what happened to the photos as there is no mention of the race (or even the month of April) on the My Picture site.

So here are the 2008 results:
#1 R Kalmer F 27 Mr Price 00:33:27 Seriously fit!
#4847 C Byrow F 54 Temp 02:20:29- that's a stroll in the park ...

# 177 J Weideman F 34 Temp 00:52:26

Last year I came:
#204 = 00:54:16 - so I shaved nearly 2 minutes off my time from last year, and was 27 places ahead. :)

and the first year I came:
#469 = 58:12:00

At this rate I will be winning in another.... er about 10 years ;)

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Love's Divine

This song has been rotating on my play list on my PC at work...and both yesterday and today when it came on I started crying...

Seal - Love's Divine

Then the rainstorm came, over me
And I felt my spirit break
I had lost all of my, belief you see
And realized my mistake
But time threw a prayer, to me
And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary
And I felt my spirit fly
I had found all of my reality
I realize what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong
But inside I felt me lying all along
But the message here was plain to see
Believe me

'Cause I need love, love's divine
Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind
Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bend), don't break (don't break)
Show me how to live and promise me you won't forsake
'Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name.

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

I am Offensive & Insensitive

So I have had a kak kak kak couple of days... if I could end it all right now I probably would, but honestly I just don't have the strength or energy to be bothered... so I am hanging in there. For now.

So yesterday late afternoon I stumbled on this:

...and I am sorry but I smiled and had a chuckle - which was my first for the day. Partially because it appealed to my off-beat sense of humour, but mostly because I have been guilty of getting caught in heated Internet debates and being hell-bent on getting my point across so I can 'win'. I thought it nicely conveyed how lame it really is.

Anyway, without giving it too much thought, other than that others may relate too, I posted it on my most regular discussion board (parenting related) - and well, most people were not too happy with me - so I eventually removed it today. It seems some people don't share my sense of humour at all. (and just for the record I have a brain damaged brother who lives in an institution, so it's not like I am unaware or being insensitive to reality here... THAT is not what the joke is about RETARDS - case in point).

As I said I was feeling crap, and have been sick and just at the end of what I can bear, so when the squabble started I just relented and removed it, since so many people found it offensive and even malicious - esp when I retorted with a dead baby joke. *efg* (I have one of those too people, so just relax ok!?)

Perhaps I am not funny... perhaps I am just rapidly losing my grip, and was trying to cling to sick humour as a salvage.

Either way: WHATEVA!


Arguing on the Internet

The problem with arguing on the Internet is somewhat analogous to if a skilled swordsman wandered the streets offering a foil to random strangers to fence with them. The average person on the Internet is about as skilled at logical argumentation and rhetoric as he is at swordplay, having never touched a sword, but having watched a few Hollywood pirate movies.

But that's only the tip of the iceberg.

Imagine instead if the master swordsman handed a foil to a random stranger on the street and started fencing, but every time he got a hit, his foe said "no you didn't, that's not how the game works!" and insisted he was actually winning. Every time he did some kind of ridiculous Hollywood cinematic thing, he'd consider that he scored a point, but since the master swordsman wasn't doing those things, neither his foe nor the bystanders would accord him any points.

In the end, of course, the master swordsman would have had dozens of chances to maim, kill, or subdue his foe, and blocked every blow that came anywhere near being able to injure him. But no one else would realize that he won. They just thought he was dry, and kind of boring.

You can only win so many arguments against people who don't even realize what an argument is before it's not even amusing for its own sake.

Sowing the Seeds - Rocking the Daisies warm up!

I have decided I am going to this...

If anyone wants to join me let me know...

Tuesday, 5 August 2008

Lost: Sense of Humor

sink2.jpg Somewhere over the weekend I lost my sense of humor. I wasn’t expecting to lose it and was caught off guard when I did. I had it on Saturday night while we had sushi. I was even feeling pretty good on Sunday morning when we went to Wimpy and then played in the park.... but somewhere between 4pm on Sunday and now it's totally gone...

I know it wasn't CAUSED by getting a note yesterday from Quinn's teacher that she wants to see me (again), but that's definitely when the last part left, and since then there has been no humour. I have none left...

Sometimes it seems that no matter how hard I try to make everything be ok with everyone and everything that is going on in my life, I just can't make it happen. There is always another curve-ball. Another problem, another knock, another demand, another issue.... And every time I dare to feel even a bit - dare I say it? - HAPPY, the harder I am knocked down again. It's like I can't actively be happy, or admit that someone or something makes me happy, because then it stops, goes away, or gets taken from me.

My kids, my life, winter, myself, and just feeling so very responsible for everything all the time is wearing me down. I feel responsible for all the problems, for not being good enough, for not being in control of myself, not being a good mom, not being a good employee, not being a good daughter, sister. You name it. Just not enough.

I've lost my sense of humor. The one thing I have always always had. I want it back!

Monday, 4 August 2008

Have you read the 'Top 100 books'?

"Someone” reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books (not sure who decided these were the top 100, but anyway).

So here's my list…

(So the list is below: Bold those I have read. Italics are started and not finished, and blue are those I want to read, screw the rest!)

1. The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
2. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
3. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
4. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
5. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
6. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
7. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
8. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
9. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
10. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (x2)
11. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
12. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
13. His Dark Materials (trilogy) - Philip Pullman
14. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
15. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
16. The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien
17. Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
18. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
19. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
20. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
21. Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis
22. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis
23. Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne
24. Animal Farm - George Orwell
25. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
26. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
27. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
28. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
29. Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White
30. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
31. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
32. Complete Works of Shakespeare
33. Ulysses - James Joyce
34. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
35. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
36. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
37. The Bible
38. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
39. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
40. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
41. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
42. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
45. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
46. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
47. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
48. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
49. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
50. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
51. Little Women - Louisa M. Alcott
52. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
53. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
54. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
55. Middlemarch - George Eliot
56. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
57. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
58. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
59. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
60. Emma - Jane Austen
61. Persuasion - Jane Austen
62. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
63. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
64. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
65. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
66. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
67. Anne of Green Gables – L.M. Montgomery
68. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
69. Atonement - Ian McEwan
70. Dune - Frank Herbert
71. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
72. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
73. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
74. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
75. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
76. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
77. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
78. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
79. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
80. Bridget Jones’ Diary - Helen Fielding
81. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
82. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
83. Dracula - Bram Stoker
84. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
85. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
86. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
87. Germinal - Emile Zola
88. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
89. Possession - A.S. Byatt
90. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
91. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
92. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
93. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
94. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
95. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
96. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
97. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
98. Watership Down – Richard Adams
99. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
100. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

So then how do you fair?

Sunday, 3 August 2008

Sushi evening

I have been wanting to try making sushi for YEARS.

Yesterday after Leandre's baby-shower, I had some shopping to do, and so we popped into their local Checkers in Big Bay - where all things needed for making sushi rolls were right there - so I bought the stuff, and we tried it out last night.

It was fun, not that hard at all, and really YUMMY!!!

Quinn turned out to be quite the sushi chef... he made some very professional looking sushi and presented it beautifully before eating it. Unlike his mom ;)

Hmmmmm! We'll be doing that again!

p.s. Griffin doesn't like sushi so he had beans on toast instead... see him covering his mouth in the background of one of the pics? Heehee! ;)