Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Thursday, 14 June 2018

The Crows

From when Natey left us, I started noticing crows, constantly.
They reminded me of him and brought me comfort. Making me smile each time I saw one. They became my 'thing'. Natey's memorial tattoo included 2 crows and I have been gifted 2 beautiful crow necklaces.
The crows seemed to be my constant companions in my journey of trying to navigate life without Natey... But the during the second half of my pregnancy with Benjamin they seemed to be leaving me. I was seeing fewer and fewer. It felt like they were gone.

But now that Benjamin has been born (and I find myself pleasantly distracted and no longer searching the sky for my crow friends) they seem to be back, and quite persistent. I will now frequently have a crow fly right over me as I walk or drive around, and they usually caw loudly as they pass over me...
I can't help but smile and feel like Natey is saying hello to us. Hello my beautiful boy. We love you as much as ever, and still miss you dearly. But we feel less desperately sad and alone now.

Love Mommy.

Tuesday, 12 June 2018

Benjamin's Bris as a Photo Video

Benjamin had his bris/brit milah on Sunday 6 May 2018.

"The brit milah (Hebrew: בְּרִית מִילָה‬, pronounced [bʁit miˈla]; Ashkenazi pronunciation: [bʁis ˈmilə], "covenant of circumcision"; Yiddish pronunciation: bris [bʀɪs]) is a Jewish religious male circumcision ceremony performed by a mohel ("circumciser") on the eighth day of the infant's life."

Benjamin's bris was actually held on the 12th day, since the chosen doctor was not available before that.*

Andrew is Jewish, I am not. I am also not really in favour of circumcisions, and this is one of the very few things Andrew and I really disagree on. However, since this was important to Andrew, and he has been so very very supportive, gracious to, and forgiving of me through thick and thin, conceding to his request that Benjamin also have a Jewish bris was really the least I could do.

The bris comprises of 2 main parts, the circumcision (performed by the mohel) and the naming ceremony where the child is presented to the community formally and his name revealed for the first time. We had of course already shared both him and his name (in detail) all over social media*, but his Hebrew names** had not yet been revealed.

The following roles were performed by the listed special people:
  • Rabbi: Rabbi Greg Alexander
  • Kvatter (person who carries the baby from the parent to the sandek): Paul Rackstraw
  • Sandek (person who receives the baby from the Kvatter): Ian Fraser (my father)
  • Mohel (performs the circumcision surgery): Dr Gideon Mareski (plastic surgeon)
  • Kiddish (prayer over wine): Gary Palmer
  • Ha-Motzi (prayer over bread): Mike Cohen
The bris was attended by an array of very special (nearby) friends and family who have been supportive and caring to us over the past few years. We were very grateful for their support on this special, meaningful and very emotional occasion.

I have to say that having witnessed 2 bris ceremonies now, that if you are going to do a circumcision, that this is a very special and meaningful way to do it. I was particularly emotional during this one as we stood watching the same way we'd watched Nathaniel's Bris, with memories of him all around us. I was quite overwhelmed with emotion.

I hope you enjoy the video.

(Photography in the video by Samantha Squire-Howe of Twinkle Star Photography and Leigh Page.)

We tend to break traditions a lot!
* I wrote about his Hebrew names here.

Friday, 1 June 2018

Benjamin's First Hours as a photo video

This is a photo video of Benjamin's first couple of hours after birth - the 'golden hours' of bonding - where we welcomed him into our lives and had a first chance to explore each other.


I feel so blessed to have this little boy in our lives now and to have the opportunity to love and cherish him. If I have learned nothing else in the past 18 months it is to savour every moment, and appreciate what you have, while you have it. As you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Thank-you for renewing my purpose Benjamin and giving me a new good reason to get out of bed in the morning.