Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Monday, 23 May 2011

And on a lighter note...

I was cooking on sat... which doesn't happen that often. :oops: Anyway I took roast veggies out of oven and DROPPED THEM face down on floor! The tray just jumped/fell out my hand I can;t even tell you why. :roll:

G was right there, but I told him not to worry he could go, I'd sort it out. So he went off to play.

Later Quinn was eating... and he's like 'Hrmm...what's this flavour? I know I've had it before...'

So I say:

So he says 'I know... it's FLOOR!' :twisted: :twisted:

He was winding me up, because he knew I didn't know he knew it had all been on the floor, and I didn't tell him cos I thought he'd be all fussy and refuse to eat it at all. Little stirrer! :roll: 8)

I made Quinn cry :(

Had such a loong day today, and really wanted to run when I came home. I have been slacking off big time and just feel blah so I need it... but got home late, weather was really kak - raining and windy - I was tired and hungry, so I ate everything in sight and then felt MORE blah, and then Q tell me he has an oral for tomorrow. Well actually it was for today :roll: but he was luckily not called up so his was carried over to tomorrow. The topic 'I'll never ...' :? :?:

So he says he wants to do it on drugs cos 2 or 3 others did that today. So I tell him maybe he should chose something else, but he was adamant about doing that. So I say ok, cos it's close to home etc. So I ask him if he wants to mention his dad's story. He hesitates, says no and then yes. I tell him it's ok if he does but it might be a bit personal and difficult, plus people might ask him about it afterwards. He ums and ahhs, we tried to think of something else but he finally decided he wanted to do that. So he starts writing a bunch of stuff about how he wouldn't take drugs because it is illegal. So I say doesn't he want to talk more about what it does to your life. That it ruins your life, you can lose everything and it break up families...? At which point he burst into tears (he never cries). :cry: :cry: :cry: I felt so bad.

Anyway we decided it's not the best topic and he doesn't want to have to face questions (and taunts) from other kids. So he instead chose 'I will never not wear my seatbelt'. A much 'safer' topic.

We ended up going to the gym after 19:30, and I managed to do a decent 6km run on the treadmill at least, so I feel better, but we only got home after 21:00 and the boys still had to eat, they weren't hungry before. I think I am ready for bed now.

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

BeLIVE it...

...because it's true.

Friday, 6 May 2011

Spar Ladies Race 2011 & RESULTS

I ran my 6th consecutive Spar Ladies Race on 10 April. The 2006 race was my very first 10km event. I have managed to improve my time steadily every year, apart from a slight dip last year, not sure why I was slower then, but I suspect my emotional state at the time played a role, I'd just gone through a break up and was very heart broken. Anyway...

This year the boys wree keen to try the 5km event - mostly so they could get googie bags but still. So the 3 of us got up bright and early and went off to the BEllville Stadium to join the close to 20 000 people who had enetered. It was by far the biggest crowd they have ever had, and they pretty insanely decided to start BOTH the 5km and 10km at the exact same time this year. It was a little mad. Still I was fortunate (or cheeky?) enough to seed myself right in the front and just behind the serious competitive athletes. I was aiming for a PB so wanted a fighting chance of achieveing it and starting with 10 000 people in front of me was just not going to cut it. So I got off to a good start and had a good run. They reveresed the route this year which I was not thrilled about. I prefer it the other way where you end up with a lovely downhill run for the last 3km. I am really able to gain speed and make time on that. Unfirtunately this year that hill was at the 2-5km section, but I made the most of it. I'd mislaid my watch and had NO IDEA of the time while I was running, and when I saw the leader clock reading 28mins when I was at 6ish kms I calculated that I was not doing brilliantly. Still it was just 5 months post-broken ankle so I was just aining for a sub-60 mins if I could manage it.

So imagine my surprise when I slogged up the last km, rounded the corner in the stadium and saw the clock reading 50 minutes!!! I surged forwards and crossed the line at 50:45. A new Personal Best by 45 seconds! WooHoo! I was THRILLED!

best of all my mat Sean was commentating and was standing right there and he announced my PB to the crowd. I was a great race.

The boys had a fabulous time too, although they took it easy and finished in a comfortable 1:07.I love this race.

The official results of the Spar Ladies Race 2011 are now out.

My results over the 6 years I have run this race are as follows:

Spar Ladies Race 2006:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4351
- Me - #469 = 00:58:12 - so I just missed the top 10%.

Spar Ladies Race 2007:
Total number of 10km finishers = 3957
- Me - #204 = 00:54:16 - so I shaved nearly 4 minutes off my time, even though the course was tougher. I finished in the top 5.5% :)

Spar Ladies Race 2008:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4847
- Me - # 177 = 00:52:26 - top 3.65%

Spar Ladies Race 2009:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4667
- Me - # 148 = 00:51:35 - top 3.17%  

Spar Ladies Race 2010:
Total number of 10km finishers = 6509
- Me - # 212 = 00:53:02 - top 3.25%

Spar Ladies Race 2011:
Total number of 10km finishers = 9093
- Me - # 158 = 00:50:45 (officially listed as 51:01) - top 1.75% <--My NEW Personal BEST :)
I am very happy with my result on this one. :) My friend Candyce finished 34th in a very impressive time of 41:08 !

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Safari Race - 3rd time a charm

After my big birthday bash on Friday I took the morning to recover and recuperate on Saturday. After that the boys and I took a very slow cycle to Sportman's Warehouse so I could register for the Safari Half Marathon which I'd entered (BEFORE I broke my ankle). And then we cruised on to the gym where we relaxed and had coffee and smoothies in celebration of my birthday before heading back home. The weather was great and it was lovely to be out n the sunshine, even if I was feeling weak and slightly green :)

After than we got cleaned up and went through to Scarborough to bid Lee-Ann and Pete farewell as they were heading of to Buenos Ares the next day to start their 3-month island-hopping sailing trip. We had a lovely evening chatting and laughing and again the wine was flowing. We'd braai'ed with them the previous week-end which was another really fun and festive night.

Sunday we packed up and then met a friend for brunch at the Barnyard in Constantia before going through to Mat's place for his housewarming braai. He has a gorgeous little cottage in Steenberg. Lovely place with a great vibe. We stayed quite long but in the end had to leave reluctantly to trek off to Wellington for the half marathon. We were again staying over. To avoid having to wake up at a ridiculous time on the morning of the race. We have stayed at the same place for 3 years now and it is reasonably priced, comfortable and very convenient. She pretty much reserves the room for me every year now. :)

We managed to get a few things for dinner and got settled into our flat-let and then the boys and I had a quite night watching telly snuggled on the couch in Wellington. When the morning of the race arrived I was still not feeling fit or strong or very enthusiastic. Part of me wanted to bale and just not do it. But I never give up that easily. So I got my but out of bed and got ready and off we went to the start. At almost exactly 6-month post-broken-ankle and after just securing a personal best time at the Spar Ladies Race 3 weeks before I wanted to prove to myself that I CAN still run a half-marathon. The previous 2 times I ran this race I’d finished in 1h56m. So I had hoped to maintain that, but at the start line my goal was just to finish it.

The weather was good and when the race started I got going. The first few kms were fine. I felt ok. By 6km I was doing well and was even enjoying it, I thundered down the long steep gravel section and it was great, but by the time I got to 10km I was feeling decidedly tired. My friend Lorien passed me and I told her I was struggling and didn’t even attempt to chat to her. Although she was ‘taking it easy’ so somehow I got ahead of her and her club mate again. At 15kms I was really huffing and puffing and my friend Paul passed me and I told him I was TIRED! I really didn’t feel like I was doing very well at all.

By 18kms I started getting weird visual effects and just knew I had a migraine coming on. NO!!!! I tried to stay calm and breathe deeply and relax as much as possible but it was tough. I decided I was not giving up, but couldn’t push myself all that hard either. At 20km Lorien caught me again. I charged down the last little hill and then really plodded up to the stadium telling Lorient she could totally take that hill and she did. I made my way into the stadium expecting the time to be over 2 hours by that point and was super surprised to see the clock on 1:53.. WOW. I made a mad dash for the finish and crossed the line at 1:53:25 a new PB by over 3 minutes! HORRAY!

Afterwards I had to lie down and recover for 10 minutes and the boys went to get my some headache tablets. Unfortunately I was nauseous and not very well for the rest of the day. But still the run was actually good and I am more than happy with my time.

Once I got home and showered and had a nap I was ok again and I think whatever was bugging me has moved on now and I feel well and like myself again.

The race results are already out, so here is how I fared officially:

653    FRASER    JANE    1007    37    F    O    TEMP    1:53:29
  • I came 653th out of 2947 finishers. In top 25%
  • I came 88th female out of 1102 women finishers. Top 8% :)
  • I came 52nd female out of 534 women in open category. Top 10%
  • I came 346th out of 1277 in the open category. Top 27%


So I am now 37. Not sure when that happened? Last week I was 30, and I still feel about 21 most of the time. But it is what it is and I am ok with it. I do not get too hung up on my 'numbers'. Age, height, shoe and bra size etc are things that just ARE, and I can't control them. Weight I can influence, so I try to keep that one in check to a degree. But more and more I am finding myself less concerned about it and focusing more on how I FEEL and what makes me HAPPY. Life is too short to never have a piece of cake, or savour something delicous and decadent. I am no longer striving to be my own, or anyone else's, version of perfect I just want to be a good enough and happy version of ME.

From that point of view, age is a marvellous thing.The perspective, wisdom and acceptance that comes with it is good and very welcome. Hi older me. I think you are doing ok!

That said, it does not mean I am perpetually happy, nor do I have it all figured out yet. I still have my issues and down days - like everyone else. But the good thing is I am aware of my issues and I even know when I am feeling down that it will pass. So I can disengage from it and ride it out. I don't let it consume and unbalance me like before and I don't see it as the end of the world. Just a phase which will pass and then I carry on. I still tend to retreat from the world when it happens though, but I am learning to not always do this now. Sometimes getting out and confronting it head on works better.

I recently had one such phase where I just didn't feel well or enthusiastic at all. I think I was actually a bit sick because I felt tired, lethargic, heavy and hot. I tried running and just couldn't my leg's just wouldn't do it, so I walked instead.

My birthday was rapidly approaching but I had no drive or desire to organise anything, and since I was facing my 3rd birthday in a row as a singeleton, it really didn't feel that exciting at all. (Compounded by the fact that not only did my ex and I split up just before my birthday, but our birthdays are on the same day!). So all in all not much eager anticipation was there AT ALL.

I was all but going to let it pass by unacknowledged, when my great friend and partner-in-crime B who needs no excuse to have a good time practically INSISTED I do something, because SHE wanted to go out. Ho hum, ok then...

I dragged my feet and finally the day before my birthday I got my ass in gear and sent out an invite.

So on Friday myself and 12 of my usual suspects, BFFs and old and new faithfuls gathered at BeefCakes in Greenpoint. I'd heard about the place and everyone raves about it. My thoughts were how good can a burger joint really be...?

Well let me tell you; BeefCakes is the SHIZ! I had the most awesome fab time there. The waiters are hot hunky buff well 'beefcakes' literally. Yummy! The vibe is great, the food is good and the best part? My awesome friends got me a bodyshot for my birthday. Oh yes, I got to drink a shooter off the hottest dude in the place's abdomen. Does life get any better..? I don't think so!

I got some wonderful and very unexpected gifts too, including the most beautiful white roses I have ever seen.

So my birthday was a blast and after rocking BeefCakes, B my great mat Mut and I went to Stones in Obs for a few games of Pool and Tequila.

It was a very happy birthday and I am so glad I got my head out my butt and celebrated it! (More pics on FB)

Next morning I felt rather grim after over-indulging far too much the night before. But my goreous darling boys brought me coffee and scrambkled eggs in bed. They also each made me super special birthday cards. They really are my little angles those boys I love them to bits!