Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Monday, 24 November 2014

But that's not all...

In addition to the things in the last 'Monday monday' post:
- I had to wear a breastpad as a pantyliner this morning because I couldn't find a pantyliner.
- I didn't wear breastpads, and then 'forgot' aout going to express while wrking until I realised I had anice wet patch forming on my shirt! Thankfully it is dark coloured so not too visible!
- On going down to express about 3 people I walk with saw me going into the darkened doctor's office, closing and locking the door. They don't know I express so I can only imagine what they thing I was doing in there! ;)
- Then while I was expressing - nearing the end thank goodness - the doctor arrived and tried to open the door. So I had pumpus interuptis and had to cut the session short and scuttle out. 9I am supposed to check to make sure there are no imminent appointment before using the room, but today I just dashed in when I saw i was free).

Oh and the car I borrowed has NO petrol left so I need to find a garage asap before I can go home.


Monday monday.

What could possibly go wrong..?

Let's see, this morning:
- My alarm did not go off. And I have 2! One on my cell phone and one a really effective alarm which is normally set waaay early - a 3 month-old baby! I can not believe that BOTH didn't work today!?
- I had not one but TWO flat tyres on my car. I did a massive clean out of my house (it's being rented out for a few months) which took all week-end. It's also had some repair and maintenance work done in the past 2 weeks. As a result the driveway is FULL of rubbish and crap. I had to drive over a small plank. I guess it had nails in it!? BUGGER. Thankfully I was able to grab A's car and wasn't too late in the end. But I will still need to sort that out later. Of course today is the day I was back on duty with taking the boys to school - they have been using a transport service since baby was born up till now.... Aii.
- I locked my account at work when I tried to login.
- None of the main vendor on the project at work's staff as not rocked up today. I smell a contract negotiation stale-mate - yikes...
- That's to the house clean out all week-end I had no week-end. I am exhausted still. And starting tomorrow A has people staying every nights for about 2 weeks, sometimes several people at the same time. It's going to be interesting. I do hope all these people do not expect that I will cater for and serve them, cos um not gonna happen!

Other than that it's been a great day so far! :)

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Buzzing around!

Why have I been so quiet recently?

I AM BUSY! Busy, busy, BUSY.

Last week I was in an adrenalin rushed-panic lurching from one thing to the next. I was buggered and not very happy by the week-end. To say I was overwhelmed was an understatement. But already this week I feel clamer and more in control again, so why have I been so busy you might wonder..?

I have actually been a bit manic in the past week or 2. Thankfully A is calm and unflappable and doesn't seem to have been too affected by my state of panic and hysteria in the past weeks. In his words 'everything will be ok'. But OMG there has just been TOO much on the go!!!

- I started a new job last Monday, It's a 30km, +-45min commute, and it's a fairly hectic position. No one here knows I have had a baby, so I have to pretend to be functional, calm and well rested HAHAHAA. Plus I have to sneak off to go express milk. I am only managing to do that once a day though. We'll have to supplement with formula because I am just not going to be able to keep up with the demand sadly. But so be it. 
- It was Griffin's 13th birthday last week and I had to do a party for him, and get and send stuff for school, and took him out for dinner and arange a gift and make a fuss over him etc. I think I pulled it off and he was thrilled with his go-karting party, and hand-me-down laptop from me.
- It's exams for both boys this week. Say no more!
- A's long-standing domestic (X) who was lined up to be nanny from the beginng of November had a stroke in mid-Oct!!!!! She seems ok and to be on the mend now but was off for 3-4 weeks and is still weak and tired. We have a friend of hers helping out now, and have had to get used to her, not sure if she is the best, but at least there's someone to help out for now...
- Then we decided to rent my house out for Dec & Jan. But some things needed fixing first so this week and last the kitchen was being refreshed and painting being done etc etc, and I have to clean, organise and move stuff out any spare moment I have. Still have loads to do. The tenants want to move on the same day as ...
- The American Thankgiving feast which A hosts every year and which I am somehow in charge of co-ordinating this year!? There'll be about 30 people over, for the feast and about 3 families staying over for the week-end from out of town.
- My sister is having an op next Wed and staying with us for 2 nights to recuperate.

- I have finally put Quinn on Ritalin, as he was just all over the place and driving me mad, and clashing with me constantly. I think it is helping a bit. But all I can say is that babies are easy. Tiring but easy. Teenagers are much more challenging! Oi. He is either awesome or hair-pullingly maddening.

- And then there's the usual end of year stuff (presents, parties etc) which is fun but somehow makes you really busy and rushed.

I told A the other day that up to now I have been 'off' (on maternity leave) and just going with the flow but the sudden realisation of having EVERYTHING be different: house, job, body, time, routine, freedom etc etc was a bit of a freak-out and overwhelmed me.

Otherwise everything has been calm fine and dandy. 

Seriously though, well it all sounds mad, it's all just stuff, and mostly good stuff. I have nothing to complain about. Life is good. I just wish it was calmer, and I had more time and attention to give everything.... and some time to relax and just BE!

So basically all is well and job seems to be good so far. I am trying to get to grips with all the various threads and understand what's going on and it seems to be coming together nicely.

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Things that have made me sad in the past few weeks:

Things that have made me sad in the past few weeks:
- A 13-year old grade 7 boy (and a prefect) in our school committed suicide 3 weeks ago. It is too much to even think about. How does a parent even begin to deal with that. His younger brother in Griffins grade was the one who found him. How does a 12 year old begin to deal with that!? I can barely think about it... but it is on my mind constantly because it is rumoured this boy was ADHD and on medication and questions around whether that was principal cause or at least contributing factor.

- My own boy Q is not performing well at school anymore and I find myself clashing with him , and pressurising him. He has now also had him diagnosed as ADHD and is trialling medication. How much should I push and cajole him when I KNOW he has so much potential? Do I just leave him to slide downhill and concede to his assertions that 'school is not his thing', or do I insist he get his shit together and apply himself and achieve in some form or other? It's really hard to know if he is just LAZY or actually can't cope, or organise his thoughts and responsibilities himself. It is so so difficult and I fear I am losing the special bind I have always had with my boy. These 14-16 years are certainly not easy and I do hope it gets better. I want to have that fun and easy going relationship with him again!

- Our dear, precious, sweet and quirky doggie Roxy is gone. :( She has been missing for nearly 3 weeks now, and I don't think she is coming back. A has had a range of workmen in and out in the past few weeks. Electricians, plumbers, handymen, movers, gardeners etc etc fixing up the house etc. They constantly leave the doors and gates open. Roxy LOVED going out to the street side because that's where the nature trail and all the excitement is. She was very friendly so would happy walk with someone else, but didn't run away. So would usually stay nearby and/or come back after a walk-about. She had 2x tags with my phone number on them and one of them had the address (A got it as he was worried she'd get lost). So usually if she got as far as a few houses away we'd get a call and would retrieve her.  The day before A had been worried about her slipping out with all the chaos so he locked her out on the balcony. Shame, she looked so sad out there missing out on the action and attention. The next day he forgot to do it. So when I got home he told me she was gone and apologised. None of us were worried though and we fully expected a call at any minute... But no one has called. All I can think is that she went onto the trail and got bitten by a snake - there are puff adders here. A was initially worried that she even go out there at all (and even wanted to get Puff Adder anti-venom in case) as she investigates everything and would stick her nose into any hole, and right into a snake given half a chance. I told him not to stress and was sure it would be fine. (Aside apparently she got bitten on the nose by a spider when he was seeing the midwives out after baby N was born as a spider jumped out the car and she stuck her nose into it and it bit her.) Seems he may have been right. He feels awful and responsible for it, but honestly anyone could have been the one who let her get out as she has slunk out on all of our watches recently. The last few months of her life were probably the best, as she had so many walks and so much attention and got to frolic and gallivant on the trails, dig in the dirt, investigate holes, chase Guinea fowl and generally just have a swell old time. A even installed a doggie-door for her (she didn't even have one at our house). I am having to accept that she is  gone now. Bye sweet Roxy. Our first ever doggie. You were weird and cute and so obedient (apart from your adventurous sprint). We miss you!
- Being back at work. I am enjoying it and I do love working, but it's been sad having to go and leave behind that wonderfully precious time that is revelling in newborn-ness. I am grateful to have got the opportunity, but sad that it's over.

- I am sad that life is so rushed and that I don't feel I have enough time and attention to go around. I want to be more calm and present. I'll get there.

Life is good, but these things have made me feel a bit sad recently...