Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Monday 30 June 2008

Bangkok

The boys and I are on our Thailand trip and are doing ok so far. The trip here was long and tiring but we coped ok, although by the time we checked into our room at 2pm on Saturday I was feeling a bit shattered.

It's 3rd night here tonight, and last night in this Bangkok hotel. We are in the Indira Regent Hotel (http://www.indrahotel.com/). It's nice but not spectacular. We have actually not done that much of the tourist thing yet, because when we come back to Bangkok next week we'll be in a more central area and will have easier access to places like the Grand Palace, most of the landmark Temples (Wat Po & Wat Arun) and the Dusit zoo etc so we'll do those then.

So far we have hung out in our area, which it turns out is a big shopping area (Pratunum Plaza is on our doorstep, and the infamous BKT HUUUUGE shopping mall & Siam centre are kind of in walking distance... well not really but I managed to get the boys to walk all the way there today, without too much moaning ;)

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Pratunam Market

Pratunam Market is the largest clothing market in Bangkok. If they don't have what you are looking for, it is not available in Bangkok! That is, you will not find fashion clothing there. Go to large shopping centers and department stores for that. For all the rest (particularly your summer clothing) go to Pratunam market for a one-stop clothing "update". *** This virtual tour starts in the heart of Pratunam market. In the middle of this huge market you find some small streets, like the one pictured. Along these streets are shops with clothing only. For ladies and men, for detailed sales or wholesale. If you see something of your liking, buy it. You won't find it cheaper anywhere else in Bangkok. The right hand side picture above shows you a street where Pratunam market ends. But also there, along the street, it is clothing, clothing and clothing. For instance here, a stall with good quality shirts.But Pratunam market is not only in and along the streets. The largest part is inside covered areas. Just walk inside these large covered areas to find more clothing. You did not find what you were looking for outside? Look inside! There they have it! Above are two pictures, more or less randomly taken in the huge covered areas of Pratunam market. By the way, it may be interesting to know that the literal translation of Pratunam is Watergate! Who had ever thought that? The bad news -however- is that I do not know where this name comes from. Neither does my (Thai) wife. If you, visitor, know this, please mail us by clicking the link at the bottom!
Pratunam market is not just inside the large hall-like covered areas, it is also for a large part within one of the Bayoke Towers. Walk inside and discover that the lower floors of this huge building, towering high over Bangkok, is a part of Pratunam clothing market (left hand side picture above). Another unexpected experience, while walking through this market, is that you will see a (small) branch of PATA department store (right hand side picture above). The main branch is near Pinklao Bridge. PATA is not inside the Bayoke tower, but somewhere in the covered area of the market. You will probably see it while strolling through the market. They, by the way, do also have other things, apart from clothing.
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The boys have coped better than expected in some respects, but have also managed to irritate the crap out of me at times too ;) But they have been willing and able to walk around and browse markets, and haven't freaked out at the weird sights or sounds etc, which is good. They were a bit reluctant to try the food at first, claiming to not be hungry - for nearly 2 days, but today I ordered some stuff anyway and once they tasted it they ate like starved peaants. Quinn has been his usual self but seems to have settled down today - he got a funky remote controlled car - so that may have helped (bribery) - which we managed to bargain down from 700Bht to 400Bht.

Yesterday we went to the Chatuchuk Weekend market which is a gigantic flea market - it is humongous, about the size of Rondebosch - no kidding.

It is hot, but not as hot as last time. Temps are around 35 so not unbearable but definitely sweaty-hot (last time we had 38-45 degs each day which was a little extreme).

I have even been to the hotel gym on all 3 days we have been here. Only done 3-5kms at a time on the treadmill and sweated about 5l afterwards, but it's been fun (I even got Q to take a photo of me running as proof). We have also been swimming in the hotel pool.

We have also been for some divine foot massages and I had a Thai massage last night they are 139Bht each for an hour. (divide by 4 for Rands!)

Anyway my time is nearly up.

We are off to Phuket tomorrow, will try hook up from there and post a few pics if I can.

Thursday 26 June 2008

Update and 'leave form' submission

Just in case anyone is looking for me in the next 2 weeks and/or decides to send out a search party if they can't find me... here's an update and my 'leave form'.

I have been working in my new job - still very much learning the ropes, juggling kids, Quinn's (new found) hearing issues, and meeting with the boys' teachers etc (I have had to start telling teachers et al about our home life situation - not fun - but necessary).

I have also been selected as an egg donor - you may remember that I applied in March? I had my psychologist screening assessment yesterday... and it seems I am sane (incredibly! Who knew!?), mature and a good candidate - despite the current craziness in my life, and possible rather bad timing for this.... The psych feels I have been through a lot already in my life, and have developed good coping mechanisms to deal with things. So if I want to go ahead, she is supportive of it. I have decided I do want to do it (although the hormones may be quite disruptive - but it's a short term thing, so I'll deal with it), because I really want to help someone with this, and also to have something positive to focus on in this time of turmoil and negativity. And I want to have at least one good outcome from this year... so it's happening! I meet with the gynae for a general physical healthy screening in just over 2 weeks, and then the ball is really rolling....

The legal process is well underway, regarding our divorce (it's still a bit hard for me to say that word) and our Consent Paper is now finalized and I have signed it off. Richard is meant to sign and return to Lawyer today....

Then tomorrow morning the boys and I head off to Thailand!!!! eeeeeeeeek! yay, help! I still have to pack and so much to organize...

I am equally excited and terrified at the thought, but I think the break will do us all good. Just them and I, and no set routines or responsibilities. I hope they will open up and let me know if they are feeling disturbed by everything, because so far they have just been fine and very mature actually. But I do want them to express how they really feel.

I have been up and down, literally. First lost a few kgs initially, but now am gaining them back radpidly *sulk* ... bloody new-found chocolate addiction! ... But ja, whatever. I have actually decided to give myself a break about this and not pressurize myself too much. I am focusing more on emotions right now, and know that those need to be dealt with first, and general health, and that the rest will follow from there. So right now when eating chocolate in bed at 12am feels right, I am just going with it. ;)

So that's why I have been quite and not very responsive recently.

*hugs* to those that need it, congrats to those with good news. Happy Birthday to those who have had birthdays etc. And general wave to everyone else.

If I am not in touch again before, I'll be back in around 2 weeks.

-----

I am hoping to be more settled once I get back and will hopefully start wanting to see people and be more social. For now I am sticking to a very small group of contacts, and mostly it's just the boys and I, but that feels right for now.

The Jackson family - does it matter if they're black or white? ;)

We were watching TV and a Janet Jackson song came on.

Feedback... I am convinced it sounds like she is saying 'VBAC' but that's just my overactive doula brain working.... but I digress...

Anyway.

So I said to Quinn: 'Do you know who that is?'
Quinn: 'No'
Me: 'It's Michael Jackson's sister, Janet Jackson'
Quinn: 'Huh? But Michael's Jackson is not black!? and she is....?'

Hahahahahaa !!!!
Laughing Laughing Laughing

Tuesday 24 June 2008

Parlotones


Giant Mistake

Devilishly gorgeous temptress
She, she knew that I would
And elegantly wasted tasted more
More than I should

Was a giant mistake, gigantic
Was a giant mistake, gigantic

What the hell were we thinking
Were we thinking at all
What the hell did we believe we'd achieve
We stood there with our hearts exposed
As the others said I told you so
What the hell
What the hell

And eloquently said the phrase that pays
But somehow, I'm still flat broke
And succulently licked four, five, six, seven
Don't leave me alone

Was a giant mistake, gigantic
Was a giant mistake, gigantic

What the hell were we thinking
Were we thinking at all
What the hell did we believe we'd achieve
We stood there with our hearts exposed
As the others said I told you so
What the hell
What the hell

What the hell were we thinking
Were we thinking at all
What the hell did we believe we'd achieve
We stood there with our hearts exposed
As the others said I told you so
What the hell
What the hell

What the hell were we thinking
Were we thinking at all
What the hell did we believe we'd achieve
We stood there with our hearts exposed
As the others said I told you so
What the hell
What the hell

Overexposed

This could be the end of the system
This could be the end of fashion
This could be the end of who the hell cares

This is my life
Do I really know what I'm doing
Do I really know where I'm going

Shiver, shake, shudder and make my mistakes
This is my life

Over overexposed, i've seen too much
Get Over it, ah ha, get out get out

Rock Paper Scissors

See you later alligator - in a while crocodile
With a big fat smile coz I'm in denial
Skip skip heart attack oh my god look at that she's found another lair

Cigarette burns not it's romance turn
No one gave me warning that this love thing hurts
Shock shock horror horror spill spill red wine down my shirt

I no longer wish to fall in love,
But I might tell you I like you very much,
And I no longer wish to get married,
But I can tell you besides you'll be buried

Flashy fancy face and a big bank balance
Sip my blood through a golden chalice
Chase Chase Chase to erase your face
And now it's tick tock boom
Boom boom boom realigned my zoom
Hope she thinks I look well groomed
Rock Paper Scissors cut cut cut it out of my life

I no longer wish to fall in love,
But I can tell you I like you very much,
And I no longer wish to get married,
But I can tell you besides you'll be buried

This is the saddest, saddest song you'll ever hear
This is the saddest, saddest song you'll ever hear

Thank you very much

I no longer wish to fall in love,
But I can tell you I like you very much,
And I no longer wish to get married,
But I can tell you I'd love to see you buried

This is the saddest, saddest song you'll ever hear
This is the saddest, saddest song you'll ever hear

Thank you very much

Radio controlled robot

Don’t cry anymore
I’m not worth it
nothing
nothing’s a waste of time
do this do that
do almost anything
I’ve had enough
I think not success
begging pleading
knees are bleeding
I’m your radio
radio controlled robot
bite if off chew it up
these paper mache fabrications
drunken elephants
elastic imaginations
I’m your radio
radio controlled robot
and I don’t want to be like that
no I don’t want to be controlled
slap me in the face
punch me in the face
just to see a damn reaction
I’m stupid foolish
better not go and ruin this
I’m your radio
radio controlled robot
fuddled up
muddled up
words so confusing
anorexic happy
feels like I’m always losing
I’m your radio
radio controlled robot.

Monday 23 June 2008

No Doubt


"Just A Girl"

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights

Oh...I've had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some

I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh...I've had it up to!!
Oh...I've had it up to here!

"End It On This"

You see in the past
I had a dream
A fantasy
I thought that we would last
Become a little family
Then one, two, three, four
The years were flying by
They soared
And it's my gut feeling
It's not happening for me, so...

Let's end it on this
Give me one last kiss
Let's end it on this
Let's end it on this

You see it's hard to face
The addict that's inside of me
I want to fill my glass up
With you constantly
I've been here before
But I've never ever felt this sure
And now I know I've been dreaming
And your actions
Have inspired me, so...

Let's end it on this
Give me one last kiss
Let's end it on this
Let's end it on this

I open up, you ignore me
You're not the same at all
And if I could turn back
The pages of time I'd rewrite you point of view
Washed up to the shore
Given one last chance
To try some more
But I'm tired, I'm freezing
Let's stop and call it history

"Sunday Morning"

Sappy pathetic little me
That was the girl I used to be
You had me on my knees
I'd trade you places any day
I'd never thought you could be that way
But you looked like me on Sunday
You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning

I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you well... so well

You're trying my shoes on for a change
They look so good but fit so strange
Out of fashion so I can complain

You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning

I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you
I thought I knew you well... so well

I know who I am, but who are you?
You're not looking like you used to
You're on the other side of the mirror
So nothing's looking quite as clear

Thank you, for turning on the light
Thank you, now you're the parasite
I didn't think you had it in you
And now, you're looking like I used to!

You came in with the breeze
On Sunday Morning
You sure have changed since yesterday
Without any warning
And you want me badly
You cannot have me

I thought I knew you
I've got a new view
I thought I knew you well...oh well

"Spiderwebs"

You think that we connect
That the chemistry's correct
Your words walk right through my ears
Presuming I like what I hear
And now I'm stuck in the
The web you're spinning
You've got me for you prey

(Yeah) Sorry I'm not home right now
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So leave a message
And I'll call you back
A likely story, but (Yeah) leave a message
And I'll call you back

You're intruding on what's mine
And you're taking up my time
Don't have the courage inside me
To tell you please let me be

Communication, a telephonic invasion
I'm planning my escape...

(Yeah) Sorry I'm not home right now
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So leave a message
And I'll call you back
A likely story, but (Yeah) leave a message
And I'll call you back

And it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls

Now it's gone to deep (Now, it's gone too deep)
You wake me in my sleep (Wake me in my sleep)
My dreams become nightmares (Dreams become nightmares)
'Cause you're ringing in my ears

(Yeah) Sorry I'm not home right now
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So leave a message
And I'll call you back
A likely story, but (Yeah) leave a message
And I'll call you back

And it's all your fault
I screen my phone calls
No matter-matter-matter-matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls

Oooh, the spiderwebs
Leave a message and I'll call you back
I'm walking into spiderwebs
So, leave a message and I'll call you back
I'm walking into spiderwebs
It's all your fault, no matter who calls
I gotta screen my phone calls
It's all your fault, it's all your fault
No matter who calls, no matter who calls

I'm walking into spiderwebs so,
Leave a message and I'll call you back
I'm walking into spiderwebs so,
Leave a message and I'll call you back

"Don't Speak"

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

Tuesday 17 June 2008

I. Will. Be. Ok.

Sunshine - Keane

I hold you in my hands
A little animal
And only some dumb idiot
Would let you go
But if I'm one thing
Then that's the one thing
I should know
Can anybody find their home
Out of everyone
Can anybody find their home

I hold you in cupped hands
And shield you from a storm
Where only some dumb idiot
Would let you go

But if I'm one thing
Then that's the one thing
I should know
Can anybody find their home
Out of everyone
Can anybody find their home
Lost in the sun
Can anybody find their home
Come on, come on, come on
Can anybody find their home

Oh oh-oh-oh-oh
Can anybody find their home
Out of everyone
Can anybody find their home
Lost in the sun
Can anybody find their home
Come on, come on, come on
Can anybody find their home

Oooooh
Can anybody find their home

Listen here

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh its such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

(Cold Play)

Tuesday 10 June 2008

Keane

(one of my favourite bands ever)

Everybody's Changing
You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same
_____

Somewhere Only We Know
I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
_____

Your Eyes Open
Well it's a lonely road that you have chosen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a long time since your heart was frozen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know

That it's a lonely place that you have run to
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a lonely end that you will come to
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore

For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know

For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
______

She Has No Time
You think your days are uneventful
And no one ever thinks about you
She goes her own way
She goes her own way
You say your days are ordinary
And no one ever thinks about you
But we're all the same
And she can hardly breathe without you

She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time

Think about the lonely people
Then think about the day she found you
Or lie to yourself
And see it all dissolve around you

She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time

Lonely people tumble downwards
My heart opens to you
When she says

She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time
For you now
She says she has no time
_____

We Might As Well Be Strangers
I don't know your face no more
Or feel your touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place I'm looking for
We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well

I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a another time
We might as well
We might as well
We might as well be strangers
Be strangers
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know of you now
For all I know
_____

Keane - Is It Any Wonder
I
I always thought that I knew
I'd always have the right to
Be living in the kingdom of the good and true
and so on

but now I think how I was wrong
And you were laughing along
And now I look a fool for thinking you were on, my side

Is it any wonder I'm tired
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right

Sometimes
It's hard to know where I stand
It's hard to know where I am
Well maybe it's a puzzle I don't understand

But sometimes
I get the feeling that I'm
Stranded in the wrong time
Where love is just a lyric in a children's rhyme, a soundbite

Is it any wonder that I'm tired
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right
oh, these days
After all the misery you made
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed

Nothing left inside this old cathedral
Just the sad lonely spires
How do you make it right

Oh, but you try
Is it any wonder I'm tired
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right
oh, these days
After all the misery you made
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed
_____

Crystal Ball
Who is the man I see
where I'm supposed to be?
I lost my heart, I buried it too deep
under the iron sea.

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball,
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful,
Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Lines ever more unclear,
I'm not sure I'm even here,
The more I look the more I think that I'm
starting to disappear.

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball,
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful,
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song,
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong,
So put me where I belong.

I don't know where I am,
and I don't really care,
I look myself in the eye,
there's no one there.
I fall upon the earth,
I call upon the air,
but all I get is the same old vacant stare.

Oh, crystal ball, crystal ball,
Save us all, tell me life is beautiful,
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Oh, crystal ball, hear my song,
I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong,
So put me where I belong.
_____

This Is The Last Time
This is the last time
That I will say these words
I remember the first time
The first of many lies
Sweep it into the corner
Or hide it under the bed
Say these things they go away
But they never do
Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like
And I no I don't mind

This is the last time
That I will show my face
One last tender lie
And then I'm out of this place
So tread it into the carpet
Or hide it under the stairs
Say that some things never die
Well I tried and I tried

Something I wasn't sure of
But I was in the middle of
Something I forget now
But I've seen too little of

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like
And I no I don't mind

The last time
You fall on me for anything you like
Your one last line
You fall on me for anything you like
And years make everything alright
You fall on me for anything you like
And I know I don't mind
______