Dearest darling Natey. It's very nearly 8 months since you
left us. 8 very long, sad and heartsore months.
And today should have been a happy and very special day.
Today would have been your third birthday. A celebration of the big boy you
would have been now, and the bitter-sweet ceremony to mark that would be
happening - the first cutting of your hair, your upsherin. Those beautiful,
wild, unruly red curls. Which, just like you, refused to be tamed. It's hard to
imagine how you would look without those cherubic curls.
But sadly today is not a celebration for us this year. As we
are too sad still and miss you too much.
I do hope though that as the years pass that we can use your
birthday to celebrate you and the light, joy and wonder you brought to our
lives.
This year though my boy, we simply mourn and miss you.
I feel guilt and shame for not having been a good enough
mother to you and not making sure you were safe one minute earlier. It's a
heavy weight to bear, and it is my weight to bear.
Happy would-have-been-your-birthday my sunshine. Thank-you
for all the crows.
