So I turned 50 last week!
Firstly, when on earth did that happen. The years really do pass quickly!
And then, as big and scary as that number seemed when I first thought about it a few months ago, the reality of turning 50 has been absolutely fabulous! I am having a ball, and there's no looking back!
I am blessed and happy and would have it no other way.
I had a fantastic party to mark the occasion and had a wonderfully large motley gathering of weird and wonderful beautiful friends all the way from my school and varsity days, right through to my current job which I have been at for just on 4 months now. Each and every one of them has touched my life in some way and has a place in my heart.
My heart could not be more full and happy than it is now! 💛💛💛
Here is the speech Andrew gave (noting that he always goes off script and ad libs).
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Jane’s 50 th Birthday - Andrew Canter, May 4, 2024
Welcome everyone, to the 50 th Birthday celebration of Jane Fraser!
First, logistics: Toilets, Food, Wandering, safety, dancing,
Fire exits… don’t worry there has been an actual fire consultant involved in the design of exit plans, and there are stairs up both sides of the property!
As to the first order of business, its customary to thank the party organizers. In this case, in a nutshell, that would be… Jane. While I was responsible to ensure the entire house was completed in time for this party, her job was to organize, well, everything else. As usual, Jane’s share was done weeks ahead of time, and efficiently. As for my share… at least we finished 1 house…. But let’s not even talk about being “on budget”!
We must all know that Jane isn’t always conventional – so let us also flaunt convention: Rather than merely ending with a toast lets also start with one: So, Jane, thank you for organizing such a great event, and inviting us all to share it with you! To Jane!!
Integrity, to my mind, is when the external-manifestation of a person – what you see -- matches their inner self – who they really are. Gathered here are some of Jane’s many friends and family that have had the pleasure of being part of Jane’s life, in some cases for decades… and my guess is that we all have similar experiences of her: If you find common cause with my comments that will merely prove the thesis that Jane is a woman of integrity – being consistently herself in a variety of settings and circumstances. I hope and expect that my comments here will have resonance with many of you.
You all know Jane is a stickler for details: I actually felt guilty naming this speech’s MSWord file “Janes 50th Birthday without the possessive apostrophe – and thought to myself, “it will be okay, she won’t actually SEE the file name”…. although I feared that she would!
But despite being sometimes pedantic, she has a remarkable ability to roll-with-the-changes -- to take life as it comes and to adapt. She has an amazing resilience: I’ve seen Jane cold, tired, wet, hungry and yet still able to perform – to run the race… to finish the trek… move house 5 times in the past 18 months… to climb the volcano (I should say volcanos – one in
Iceland, one in Guatemala… and possibly Kota Kinabalu was also a volcano). During her time with me I’ve witnessed her life’s great joys and terrible tragedies, and yet she carries on. Her general attitude is an incredibly liberating “It will all be okay in the end”... and she just soldiers through.
And she is persistent: If you saw her Strava run-logs during lockdown, you’d recognise the 200 metres of Head Rd from this house to the top of the street… with about 50 red-koki- scribble-lines back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth…!
She is also persistent in keeping her promises: She hates to let people down! Over the past several years I’ve particularly seen her persistence at her jobs -- whether it was too early, too hostile, too chaotic, too under-appreciated, or even too lonely and too close to our bedroom: The point being whatever else is going on, she is persistently loyal to the people she works for, works with, and who work for her. Those of you who have worked with Jane are blessed by this loyalty.
And that loyalty is coupled with a fierce independence – you might say prickliness. While she lives only with her own judgment about herself, and her own choices about her life, she has spent nearly 25 years as a single mother making the daily extraordinary sacrifices needed to have raised her two elder sons – Griffin (22) and Quinn (24) -- into enlightened,
engaged, independent men. And now -- again echoing her persistence -- she’s following that feat with partnering me to raise our son Benjamin (6 years old).
Her organisational, planning and productivity skills are well known – and it’s a challenge to get her actually “let go” and allow others to take charge. I had started to make her 50 th birthday party list about 2 years ago (including a selection of first-act musicians [including Goldfish, Mathew Mole, The Kiffness]) -- having had a moment of considering a “surprise
party” for Jane… but that passed quickly as I realised she wouldn’t allow such a thing. And Jane’s self-effacing nature nearly argued against any party at all – “it’s too much” she seemed to say… “I think we’ll have a big crowd of 30 people” she thought. Well, dear Jane, its definitely not too much for you.
And, my comments wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention Jane’s competitive instinct: As anyone who’s ever been on any one of her teams – whether trivia or trail running – would know: She doesn’t loose willingly or happily! Many of you have probably heard one of her enduring sayings: “Its not a competition, but I’m winning!”.
In the vein of competitiveness, I noticed that her guest list for tonight stopped climbing just after she had surpassed the number of guests at my own 60 th birthday party 2 years ago…. I think she stopped inviting people merely to save my ego.
Jane and I have been together for 14 years (JANE EDIT: it's nearly 13 years) since our first date in July 2011. It seems a long time, but I missed the first 36 years of her life. (And I’m very conscious that our son Benjamin has missed the first 56 years of my own life!). Thankfully Jane has shared some of her pre-life with me -- through stories, writings, photos, travels (she actually showed me the bedroom window she used to sneak out of in Pretoria to go and…), and – most notably – I’ve seen part of her life through her wider family. In that vein, I had the honour and pleasure of knowing her father Ian -- who died in 2 years ago last week: The two of them were peas-in-a-pod -- truly kindred spirits who were both smart, inquisitive and argumentative. I also know Ian was immensely connected to, and proud of, Jane.
Jane and I initiated our relationship in my journey to be a father: She took on the challenge of making another baby -- and doing so partially for the journey of pregnancy and birth (yet another mountain to climb). She taught me that to carry a child and give birth is both a spiritual and physical journey – in her view possibly the highest achievement of a woman’s life. She gifted me two sons and has helped me to complete my own life’s journey. It’s a gift I will never be able to repay, and I can only hope to partially earn it by being a worthy parent and partner to Jane.
Now you can do the sums: In 2011 when we met she was deep into the work-load of single parenting two boys, holding down a job and home alone, and managing her life… and yet she concurrently entered into a conversation with me to make a baby for me! Who does that?!?!
In fact, while our relationship was based on a negotiation to make a baby, and has been grounded in and defined by our babies – through the births, deaths, travels, travails and life’s journey, our relationship has become a true partnership. At this life-milestone, it is suitable and important to mark that transition. In any case, all those parts of Jane -- the baby maker, the parent, the professional, the athlete, the curious -- all serve to highlight the attributes to which I’ve alluded:
Unconventional, strong, empathetic, resilient, organised, integrated, adaptive, intelligent, physical, spiritual and generous hearted. … and, wait… I’ve just rattled off a bunch of adjectives but forgot to also say “Beautiful”: Jane you are very beautiful!
She is a woman – with a capital “W”. A ‘medieval Jane’ would be a warrior princess or a dragon slayer… none of that crying-princess-in-the-tower-in-a-silk-dress-needing-to-be- rescued stuff.
So, I offer another toast to Jane: You are a remarkable juxtaposition of rationality, strength and reasoning coupled with spirituality, feeling, empathy, loyalty and caring. To Jane at 50 with love – both my love and I dare say with the love of all those gathered here – respect and appreciation of all you are, all you do, and how you touch us all.
💛💛💛💛💛
