I've been to visit with my gran a few more times now... so here's an update.
While Granny Better remains old and frail (she is very very thin and has no appetite at all) and does tire easily, she is still sharp as a pin, and has an incredible memory and naughty sparkling wit.
When we all arrived yesterday afternoon (about 8 of us in all!) she was sleeping. When she woke up she was a bit disoriented (UNDERSTANDABLY!) asked if we'd been called to her bedside cos they thought it was the end for her. We assured her that was not the case and we were there simple to visit with her lovely self.
Later on when we told her Cathy was flying back to Pretoria shortly she said, 'Sorry I dragged you all down here and now I didn't die after all!'. It was shockingly funny. She is such a character! I told her that I think I speak for everyone when I say we just wanted to wish her well and BE with her and we were all glad to have that chance to do that now, and were indeed glad to not be leaving it too late.
The hospital has started getting her up and out of bed a little today and it seems she was up in a chair to be fed lunch today. Being up was exhausting for her though and I think she is surprised at how little strength and energy she has. Most likely from her lungs, from being laid up in bed for 10 days and also not eating much at all.
She seems to be doing reasonably well now, and seems stable and I think she will probably go to the place she lives at's Frail Care section in the coming week some time. She seems accepting that she will need assisted living now and is not fighting it.
The boys and I took her fluffy pink grown and some nice non-slip slipper socks on Saturday which she seems to like. My uncle drying said, 'She needed those a WEEK ago, that ship has sailed now.'... LOL. Still she seemed pleased with them and was wearing them yesterday when we visited. :)
Cathy got her some Ensure, nutrient rich shake which will help her to get the nutrients she needs without having to struggle to eat solid food.
All in all she is in a much better way than a week ago, which is lovely to see.
Monday, 13 June 2011
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
My Granny Betty is not well
My beloved and beautiful Granny Betty who has been an indomitable and incredibly strong yet gentle woman her whole life is final starting to show signs of her age. She fell in the dark 10 days ago and cut the top of her head open. Then on Friday she was sent to frail care with breathing difficulties.
I visited her on Friday, Sunday, last night and am going again today...
She'll be 92 in September.
(From Friday)
She is clearly aging and becoming more and more frail now. BUT she is still completely 'there' as always. She is still bright, cheerful, self-deprecating, thoughtful, kind, informed, gracious, humble and grateful etc. She does struggle to speak - which seems to be both due to an infection the fluid in her lungs and her heart arrhythmia. So she speaks softly and then loses her breath half-way through a sentence and has to gasp a bit to catch her breath. Kind of like trying to talk after running fast. Which is obviously tiring for her. So I tried to do most of the talking and didn't ask too many questions.
She insists that she has no pain from the fall, and the bruising on her face is secondary internal bleeds due to her blood thinning medication and not cos she hit her face directly. So in her usual way she is 'FINE'.
She had thought she'd be in frail-care for a few days, but apparently the Dr has told her to expect to be there for 3-4 weeks. I am not certain what this really means. I think it's either a:
1. Serious lung issue which can heal, but takes long, or less nice option
2. Terminal situation which will slowly deteriorate...
After that she was taken to hospital as she got worse on Saturday. I found her at Constantiaberg...
(From Sunday).
We were very pleased to see that she is actually doing a lot better now than Friday. She is on a drip (probably anti-biotics and/or cortisone?) and has a nasal oxygen feed and is definitely breathing easier so she can now talk better and has perked up a lot. She is visibly more 'pink' too.
We had a good chat, and she seemed in good spirits and is still completely aware of everything around her. She thanks everyone for their concern and thoughts. The boys gave her a big hug too. It was a good visit. There was no doctor around so I am not sure what her diagnosis and/or prognosis is. But she is ok for now and insists she is in no pain and is feeling ok
(Then yesterday)
I think she is definitely getting weaker. Sadly. She now has an oxygen mask (instead of the nasal tube) as I think she needs a bigger more constant oxygen supply. Her eyes are a it bloodshot now too, and apparently they are having to feed her at meal times. She can no longer stand unassisted and is now catheterised. Apparently she is receiving a larger dose of 'wharferan'?. She talks of 'being like a child again'. I think she is finding it a little embarrassing, but is handling it all in her usual very dignified way.
She is still speaking more easily than she was on Friday. So I think overall she is more well (ie I think her chest has cleared a bit), but she is also more tired and weaker if that makes sense...? I am no expert at all, but at this stage I gather they are keeping her comfortable but are not holding out that much hope, which seems supported by the fact that when I phoned to ask about visiting hours and how strict they are and they said they are usually quite strict but that they are happy that I go see her immediately, which was an hour before visiting times.
While we were there the stitches were taken out of her head as that wound has healed quite well. I held her hand as they struggled a bit to get the stitches out since they were quite tangled in her hair.
Again she chatted to us quite nicely,and told me her bank cards etc had been found. She also told me that her living will had not been located, or formally signed though, but mentioned that she'd spoken to the doctor and they they have made a note on her file not to resuscitate her, should it come to that. (I wonder if she senses that the end is near?)
I'll be talking the boys through again tomorrow evening, and they have both started making some beautiful cards for her - out of their own suggestion. I asked if she likes foot rubs and I think I'll take some lotion along tomorrow so I can rub her feet for a while, if she'd like me to.
-----
She is old and I think it is probably 'her time', so I feel fairly accepting of it all, but I do feel sadness and melancholy about it too. She is blessed and wonderful person. I hope she doesn't suffer.
I regret that I never went to see my granddad on my last visit to Cape Town before he died in 1996, and then was not there for my mother when she died (as we were estranged and I didn't realise she was that sick)... so I think since my gran is an amazing person and I am the only one around. I haven't been the most attentive granddaughter to her in recent years, so I feel both obliged and also quite driven to do whatever I can in this situation. She deserves it and I really want to.
My sister and her family are coming down at the week-end and I suspect my dad and possibly other sister will make plans to come through soon. I'll update them all after today's visit again.
She'll be 92 in September.
(From Friday)
She is clearly aging and becoming more and more frail now. BUT she is still completely 'there' as always. She is still bright, cheerful, self-deprecating, thoughtful, kind, informed, gracious, humble and grateful etc. She does struggle to speak - which seems to be both due to an infection the fluid in her lungs and her heart arrhythmia. So she speaks softly and then loses her breath half-way through a sentence and has to gasp a bit to catch her breath. Kind of like trying to talk after running fast. Which is obviously tiring for her. So I tried to do most of the talking and didn't ask too many questions.
She insists that she has no pain from the fall, and the bruising on her face is secondary internal bleeds due to her blood thinning medication and not cos she hit her face directly. So in her usual way she is 'FINE'.
She had thought she'd be in frail-care for a few days, but apparently the Dr has told her to expect to be there for 3-4 weeks. I am not certain what this really means. I think it's either a:
1. Serious lung issue which can heal, but takes long, or less nice option
2. Terminal situation which will slowly deteriorate...
After that she was taken to hospital as she got worse on Saturday. I found her at Constantiaberg...
(From Sunday).
We were very pleased to see that she is actually doing a lot better now than Friday. She is on a drip (probably anti-biotics and/or cortisone?) and has a nasal oxygen feed and is definitely breathing easier so she can now talk better and has perked up a lot. She is visibly more 'pink' too.
We had a good chat, and she seemed in good spirits and is still completely aware of everything around her. She thanks everyone for their concern and thoughts. The boys gave her a big hug too. It was a good visit. There was no doctor around so I am not sure what her diagnosis and/or prognosis is. But she is ok for now and insists she is in no pain and is feeling ok
(Then yesterday)
I think she is definitely getting weaker. Sadly. She now has an oxygen mask (instead of the nasal tube) as I think she needs a bigger more constant oxygen supply. Her eyes are a it bloodshot now too, and apparently they are having to feed her at meal times. She can no longer stand unassisted and is now catheterised. Apparently she is receiving a larger dose of 'wharferan'?. She talks of 'being like a child again'. I think she is finding it a little embarrassing, but is handling it all in her usual very dignified way.
She is still speaking more easily than she was on Friday. So I think overall she is more well (ie I think her chest has cleared a bit), but she is also more tired and weaker if that makes sense...? I am no expert at all, but at this stage I gather they are keeping her comfortable but are not holding out that much hope, which seems supported by the fact that when I phoned to ask about visiting hours and how strict they are and they said they are usually quite strict but that they are happy that I go see her immediately, which was an hour before visiting times.
While we were there the stitches were taken out of her head as that wound has healed quite well. I held her hand as they struggled a bit to get the stitches out since they were quite tangled in her hair.
Again she chatted to us quite nicely,and told me her bank cards etc had been found. She also told me that her living will had not been located, or formally signed though, but mentioned that she'd spoken to the doctor and they they have made a note on her file not to resuscitate her, should it come to that. (I wonder if she senses that the end is near?)
I'll be talking the boys through again tomorrow evening, and they have both started making some beautiful cards for her - out of their own suggestion. I asked if she likes foot rubs and I think I'll take some lotion along tomorrow so I can rub her feet for a while, if she'd like me to.
-----
She is old and I think it is probably 'her time', so I feel fairly accepting of it all, but I do feel sadness and melancholy about it too. She is blessed and wonderful person. I hope she doesn't suffer.
I regret that I never went to see my granddad on my last visit to Cape Town before he died in 1996, and then was not there for my mother when she died (as we were estranged and I didn't realise she was that sick)... so I think since my gran is an amazing person and I am the only one around. I haven't been the most attentive granddaughter to her in recent years, so I feel both obliged and also quite driven to do whatever I can in this situation. She deserves it and I really want to.
My sister and her family are coming down at the week-end and I suspect my dad and possibly other sister will make plans to come through soon. I'll update them all after today's visit again.
Monday, 23 May 2011
And on a lighter note...
I was cooking on sat... which doesn't happen that often. 
Anyway I took roast veggies out of oven and DROPPED THEM face down on floor! The tray just jumped/fell out my hand I can;t even tell you why. 
G was right there, but I told him not to worry he could go, I'd sort it out. So he went off to play.
Later Quinn was eating... and he's like 'Hrmm...what's this flavour? I know I've had it before...'
So I say:
'Vegetables!?'
No
'Butternut..?'
No
Corriander?'
No
So he says 'I know... it's FLOOR!'
He was winding me up, because he knew I didn't know he knew it had all been on the floor, and I didn't tell him cos I thought he'd be all fussy and refuse to eat it at all. Little stirrer! 
Anyway I took roast veggies out of oven and DROPPED THEM face down on floor! The tray just jumped/fell out my hand I can;t even tell you why. G was right there, but I told him not to worry he could go, I'd sort it out. So he went off to play.
Later Quinn was eating... and he's like 'Hrmm...what's this flavour? I know I've had it before...'
So I say:
'Vegetables!?'
No
'Butternut..?'
No
Corriander?'
No
So he says 'I know... it's FLOOR!'
He was winding me up, because he knew I didn't know he knew it had all been on the floor, and I didn't tell him cos I thought he'd be all fussy and refuse to eat it at all. Little stirrer!
I made Quinn cry :(
Had such a loong day today, and really wanted to run when I came home. I have been slacking off big time and just feel blah so I need it... but got home late, weather was really kak - raining and windy - I was tired and hungry, so I ate everything in sight and then felt MORE blah, and then Q tell me he has an oral for tomorrow. Well actually it was for today but he was luckily not called up so his was carried over to tomorrow. The topic 'I'll never ...' 
So he says he wants to do it on drugs cos 2 or 3 others did that today. So I tell him maybe he should chose something else, but he was adamant about doing that. So I say ok, cos it's close to home etc. So I ask him if he wants to mention his dad's story. He hesitates, says no and then yes. I tell him it's ok if he does but it might be a bit personal and difficult, plus people might ask him about it afterwards. He ums and ahhs, we tried to think of something else but he finally decided he wanted to do that. So he starts writing a bunch of stuff about how he wouldn't take drugs because it is illegal. So I say doesn't he want to talk more about what it does to your life. That it ruins your life, you can lose everything and it break up families...? At which point he burst into tears (he never cries).
I felt so bad.
Anyway we decided it's not the best topic and he doesn't want to have to face questions (and taunts) from other kids. So he instead chose 'I will never not wear my seatbelt'. A much 'safer' topic.
We ended up going to the gym after 19:30, and I managed to do a decent 6km run on the treadmill at least, so I feel better, but we only got home after 21:00 and the boys still had to eat, they weren't hungry before. I think I am ready for bed now.
but he was luckily not called up so his was carried over to tomorrow. The topic 'I'll never ...' So he says he wants to do it on drugs cos 2 or 3 others did that today. So I tell him maybe he should chose something else, but he was adamant about doing that. So I say ok, cos it's close to home etc. So I ask him if he wants to mention his dad's story. He hesitates, says no and then yes. I tell him it's ok if he does but it might be a bit personal and difficult, plus people might ask him about it afterwards. He ums and ahhs, we tried to think of something else but he finally decided he wanted to do that. So he starts writing a bunch of stuff about how he wouldn't take drugs because it is illegal. So I say doesn't he want to talk more about what it does to your life. That it ruins your life, you can lose everything and it break up families...? At which point he burst into tears (he never cries).
I felt so bad.Anyway we decided it's not the best topic and he doesn't want to have to face questions (and taunts) from other kids. So he instead chose 'I will never not wear my seatbelt'. A much 'safer' topic.
We ended up going to the gym after 19:30, and I managed to do a decent 6km run on the treadmill at least, so I feel better, but we only got home after 21:00 and the boys still had to eat, they weren't hungry before. I think I am ready for bed now.
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Friday, 6 May 2011
Spar Ladies Race 2011 & RESULTS
I ran my 6th consecutive Spar Ladies Race on 10 April. The 2006 race was my very first 10km event. I have managed to improve my time steadily every year, apart from a slight dip last year, not sure why I was slower then, but I suspect my emotional state at the time played a role, I'd just gone through a break up and was very heart broken. Anyway...
This year the boys wree keen to try the 5km event - mostly so they could get googie bags but still. So the 3 of us got up bright and early and went off to the BEllville Stadium to join the close to 20 000 people who had enetered. It was by far the biggest crowd they have ever had, and they pretty insanely decided to start BOTH the 5km and 10km at the exact same time this year. It was a little mad. Still I was fortunate (or cheeky?) enough to seed myself right in the front and just behind the serious competitive athletes. I was aiming for a PB so wanted a fighting chance of achieveing it and starting with 10 000 people in front of me was just not going to cut it. So I got off to a good start and had a good run. They reveresed the route this year which I was not thrilled about. I prefer it the other way where you end up with a lovely downhill run for the last 3km. I am really able to gain speed and make time on that. Unfirtunately this year that hill was at the 2-5km section, but I made the most of it. I'd mislaid my watch and had NO IDEA of the time while I was running, and when I saw the leader clock reading 28mins when I was at 6ish kms I calculated that I was not doing brilliantly. Still it was just 5 months post-broken ankle so I was just aining for a sub-60 mins if I could manage it.
So imagine my surprise when I slogged up the last km, rounded the corner in the stadium and saw the clock reading 50 minutes!!! I surged forwards and crossed the line at 50:45. A new Personal Best by 45 seconds! WooHoo! I was THRILLED!
best of all my mat Sean was commentating and was standing right there and he announced my PB to the crowd. I was a great race.
The boys had a fabulous time too, although they took it easy and finished in a comfortable 1:07.I love this race.
The official results of the Spar Ladies Race 2011 are now out.
My results over the 6 years I have run this race are as follows:
Spar Ladies Race 2006:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4351
- Me - #469 = 00:58:12 - so I just missed the top 10%.
Spar Ladies Race 2007:
Total number of 10km finishers = 3957
- Me - #204 = 00:54:16 - so I shaved nearly 4 minutes off my time, even though the course was tougher. I finished in the top 5.5% :)
Spar Ladies Race 2008:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4847
- Me - # 177 = 00:52:26 - top 3.65%
-------
I am very happy with my result on this one. :) My friend Candyce finished 34th in a very impressive time of 41:08 !
This year the boys wree keen to try the 5km event - mostly so they could get googie bags but still. So the 3 of us got up bright and early and went off to the BEllville Stadium to join the close to 20 000 people who had enetered. It was by far the biggest crowd they have ever had, and they pretty insanely decided to start BOTH the 5km and 10km at the exact same time this year. It was a little mad. Still I was fortunate (or cheeky?) enough to seed myself right in the front and just behind the serious competitive athletes. I was aiming for a PB so wanted a fighting chance of achieveing it and starting with 10 000 people in front of me was just not going to cut it. So I got off to a good start and had a good run. They reveresed the route this year which I was not thrilled about. I prefer it the other way where you end up with a lovely downhill run for the last 3km. I am really able to gain speed and make time on that. Unfirtunately this year that hill was at the 2-5km section, but I made the most of it. I'd mislaid my watch and had NO IDEA of the time while I was running, and when I saw the leader clock reading 28mins when I was at 6ish kms I calculated that I was not doing brilliantly. Still it was just 5 months post-broken ankle so I was just aining for a sub-60 mins if I could manage it.
So imagine my surprise when I slogged up the last km, rounded the corner in the stadium and saw the clock reading 50 minutes!!! I surged forwards and crossed the line at 50:45. A new Personal Best by 45 seconds! WooHoo! I was THRILLED!
best of all my mat Sean was commentating and was standing right there and he announced my PB to the crowd. I was a great race.
The official results of the Spar Ladies Race 2011 are now out.
My results over the 6 years I have run this race are as follows:
Spar Ladies Race 2006:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4351
- Me - #469 = 00:58:12 - so I just missed the top 10%.
Spar Ladies Race 2007:
Total number of 10km finishers = 3957
- Me - #204 = 00:54:16 - so I shaved nearly 4 minutes off my time, even though the course was tougher. I finished in the top 5.5% :)
Spar Ladies Race 2008:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4847
- Me - # 177 = 00:52:26 - top 3.65%
Spar Ladies Race 2009:
Total number of 10km finishers = 4667
- Me - # 148 = 00:51:35 - top 3.17%
Spar Ladies Race 2010:
Total number of 10km finishers = 6509
- Me - # 212 = 00:53:02 - top 3.25%Spar Ladies Race 2011:
Total number of 10km finishers = 9093
- Me - # 158 = 00:50:45 (officially listed as 51:01) - top 1.75% <--My NEW Personal BEST :)-------
I am very happy with my result on this one. :) My friend Candyce finished 34th in a very impressive time of 41:08 !
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Safari Race - 3rd time a charm
After my big birthday bash on Friday I took the morning to recover and recuperate on Saturday. After that the boys and I took a very slow cycle to Sportman's Warehouse so I could register for the Safari Half Marathon which I'd entered (BEFORE I broke my ankle). And then we cruised on to the gym where we relaxed and had coffee and smoothies in celebration of my birthday before heading back home. The weather was great and it was lovely to be out n the sunshine, even if I was feeling weak and slightly green :)
After than we got cleaned up and went through to Scarborough to bid Lee-Ann and Pete farewell as they were heading of to Buenos Ares the next day to start their 3-month island-hopping sailing trip. We had a lovely evening chatting and laughing and again the wine was flowing. We'd braai'ed with them the previous week-end which was another really fun and festive night.
Sunday we packed up and then met a friend for brunch at the Barnyard in Constantia before going through to Mat's place for his housewarming braai. He has a gorgeous little cottage in Steenberg. Lovely place with a great vibe. We stayed quite long but in the end had to leave reluctantly to trek off to Wellington for the half marathon. We were again staying over. To avoid having to wake up at a ridiculous time on the morning of the race. We have stayed at the same place for 3 years now and it is reasonably priced, comfortable and very convenient. She pretty much reserves the room for me every year now. :)
We managed to get a few things for dinner and got settled into our flat-let and then the boys and I had a quite night watching telly snuggled on the couch in Wellington. When the morning of the race arrived I was still not feeling fit or strong or very enthusiastic. Part of me wanted to bale and just not do it. But I never give up that easily. So I got my but out of bed and got ready and off we went to the start. At almost exactly 6-month post-broken-ankle and after just securing a personal best time at the Spar Ladies Race 3 weeks before I wanted to prove to myself that I CAN still run a half-marathon. The previous 2 times I ran this race I’d finished in 1h56m. So I had hoped to maintain that, but at the start line my goal was just to finish it.
The weather was good and when the race started I got going. The first few kms were fine. I felt ok. By 6km I was doing well and was even enjoying it, I thundered down the long steep gravel section and it was great, but by the time I got to 10km I was feeling decidedly tired. My friend Lorien passed me and I told her I was struggling and didn’t even attempt to chat to her. Although she was ‘taking it easy’ so somehow I got ahead of her and her club mate again. At 15kms I was really huffing and puffing and my friend Paul passed me and I told him I was TIRED! I really didn’t feel like I was doing very well at all.
By 18kms I started getting weird visual effects and just knew I had a migraine coming on. NO!!!! I tried to stay calm and breathe deeply and relax as much as possible but it was tough. I decided I was not giving up, but couldn’t push myself all that hard either. At 20km Lorien caught me again. I charged down the last little hill and then really plodded up to the stadium telling Lorient she could totally take that hill and she did. I made my way into the stadium expecting the time to be over 2 hours by that point and was super surprised to see the clock on 1:53.. WOW. I made a mad dash for the finish and crossed the line at 1:53:25 a new PB by over 3 minutes! HORRAY!
Afterwards I had to lie down and recover for 10 minutes and the boys went to get my some headache tablets. Unfortunately I was nauseous and not very well for the rest of the day. But still the run was actually good and I am more than happy with my time.
Once I got home and showered and had a nap I was ok again and I think whatever was bugging me has moved on now and I feel well and like myself again.
The race results are already out, so here is how I fared officially:
653 FRASER JANE 1007 37 F O TEMP 1:53:29
After than we got cleaned up and went through to Scarborough to bid Lee-Ann and Pete farewell as they were heading of to Buenos Ares the next day to start their 3-month island-hopping sailing trip. We had a lovely evening chatting and laughing and again the wine was flowing. We'd braai'ed with them the previous week-end which was another really fun and festive night.
Sunday we packed up and then met a friend for brunch at the Barnyard in Constantia before going through to Mat's place for his housewarming braai. He has a gorgeous little cottage in Steenberg. Lovely place with a great vibe. We stayed quite long but in the end had to leave reluctantly to trek off to Wellington for the half marathon. We were again staying over. To avoid having to wake up at a ridiculous time on the morning of the race. We have stayed at the same place for 3 years now and it is reasonably priced, comfortable and very convenient. She pretty much reserves the room for me every year now. :)
We managed to get a few things for dinner and got settled into our flat-let and then the boys and I had a quite night watching telly snuggled on the couch in Wellington. When the morning of the race arrived I was still not feeling fit or strong or very enthusiastic. Part of me wanted to bale and just not do it. But I never give up that easily. So I got my but out of bed and got ready and off we went to the start. At almost exactly 6-month post-broken-ankle and after just securing a personal best time at the Spar Ladies Race 3 weeks before I wanted to prove to myself that I CAN still run a half-marathon. The previous 2 times I ran this race I’d finished in 1h56m. So I had hoped to maintain that, but at the start line my goal was just to finish it.
The weather was good and when the race started I got going. The first few kms were fine. I felt ok. By 6km I was doing well and was even enjoying it, I thundered down the long steep gravel section and it was great, but by the time I got to 10km I was feeling decidedly tired. My friend Lorien passed me and I told her I was struggling and didn’t even attempt to chat to her. Although she was ‘taking it easy’ so somehow I got ahead of her and her club mate again. At 15kms I was really huffing and puffing and my friend Paul passed me and I told him I was TIRED! I really didn’t feel like I was doing very well at all.
By 18kms I started getting weird visual effects and just knew I had a migraine coming on. NO!!!! I tried to stay calm and breathe deeply and relax as much as possible but it was tough. I decided I was not giving up, but couldn’t push myself all that hard either. At 20km Lorien caught me again. I charged down the last little hill and then really plodded up to the stadium telling Lorient she could totally take that hill and she did. I made my way into the stadium expecting the time to be over 2 hours by that point and was super surprised to see the clock on 1:53.. WOW. I made a mad dash for the finish and crossed the line at 1:53:25 a new PB by over 3 minutes! HORRAY!
Afterwards I had to lie down and recover for 10 minutes and the boys went to get my some headache tablets. Unfortunately I was nauseous and not very well for the rest of the day. But still the run was actually good and I am more than happy with my time.
Once I got home and showered and had a nap I was ok again and I think whatever was bugging me has moved on now and I feel well and like myself again.
The race results are already out, so here is how I fared officially:
653 FRASER JANE 1007 37 F O TEMP 1:53:29
- I came 653th out of 2947 finishers. In top 25%
- I came 88th female out of 1102 women finishers. Top 8% :)
- I came 52nd female out of 534 women in open category. Top 10%
- I came 346th out of 1277 in the open category. Top 27%
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
So I am now 37. Not sure when that happened? Last week I was 30, and I still feel about 21 most of the time. But it is what it is and I am ok with it. I do not get too hung up on my 'numbers'. Age, height, shoe and bra size etc are things that just ARE, and I can't control them. Weight I can influence, so I try to keep that one in check to a degree. But more and more I am finding myself less concerned about it and focusing more on how I FEEL and what makes me HAPPY. Life is too short to never have a piece of cake, or savour something delicous and decadent. I am no longer striving to be my own, or anyone else's, version of perfect I just want to be a good enough and happy version of ME.
From that point of view, age is a marvellous thing.The perspective, wisdom and acceptance that comes with it is good and very welcome. Hi older me. I think you are doing ok!
That said, it does not mean I am perpetually happy, nor do I have it all figured out yet. I still have my issues and down days - like everyone else. But the good thing is I am aware of my issues and I even know when I am feeling down that it will pass. So I can disengage from it and ride it out. I don't let it consume and unbalance me like before and I don't see it as the end of the world. Just a phase which will pass and then I carry on. I still tend to retreat from the world when it happens though, but I am learning to not always do this now. Sometimes getting out and confronting it head on works better.
I recently had one such phase where I just didn't feel well or enthusiastic at all. I think I was actually a bit sick because I felt tired, lethargic, heavy and hot. I tried running and just couldn't my leg's just wouldn't do it, so I walked instead.
My birthday was rapidly approaching but I had no drive or desire to organise anything, and since I was facing my 3rd birthday in a row as a singeleton, it really didn't feel that exciting at all. (Compounded by the fact that not only did my ex and I split up just before my birthday, but our birthdays are on the same day!). So all in all not much eager anticipation was there AT ALL.
I was all but going to let it pass by unacknowledged, when my great friend and partner-in-crime B who needs no excuse to have a good time practically INSISTED I do something, because SHE wanted to go out. Ho hum, ok then...
I dragged my feet and finally the day before my birthday I got my ass in gear and sent out an invite.
So on Friday myself and 12 of my usual suspects, BFFs and old and new faithfuls gathered at BeefCakes in Greenpoint. I'd heard about the place and everyone raves about it. My thoughts were how good can a burger joint really be...?
Well let me tell you; BeefCakes is the SHIZ! I had the most awesome fab time there. The waiters are hot hunky buff well 'beefcakes' literally. Yummy! The vibe is great, the food is good and the best part? My awesome friends got me a bodyshot for my birthday. Oh yes, I got to drink a shooter off the hottest dude in the place's abdomen. Does life get any better..? I don't think so!
I got some wonderful and very unexpected gifts too, including the most beautiful white roses I have ever seen.
So my birthday was a blast and after rocking BeefCakes, B my great mat Mut and I went to Stones in Obs for a few games of Pool and Tequila.
It was a very happy birthday and I am so glad I got my head out my butt and celebrated it! (More pics on FB)
Next morning I felt rather grim after over-indulging far too much the night before. But my goreous darling boys brought me coffee and scrambkled eggs in bed. They also each made me super special birthday cards. They really are my little angles those boys I love them to bits!
From that point of view, age is a marvellous thing.The perspective, wisdom and acceptance that comes with it is good and very welcome. Hi older me. I think you are doing ok!
That said, it does not mean I am perpetually happy, nor do I have it all figured out yet. I still have my issues and down days - like everyone else. But the good thing is I am aware of my issues and I even know when I am feeling down that it will pass. So I can disengage from it and ride it out. I don't let it consume and unbalance me like before and I don't see it as the end of the world. Just a phase which will pass and then I carry on. I still tend to retreat from the world when it happens though, but I am learning to not always do this now. Sometimes getting out and confronting it head on works better.
I recently had one such phase where I just didn't feel well or enthusiastic at all. I think I was actually a bit sick because I felt tired, lethargic, heavy and hot. I tried running and just couldn't my leg's just wouldn't do it, so I walked instead.
My birthday was rapidly approaching but I had no drive or desire to organise anything, and since I was facing my 3rd birthday in a row as a singeleton, it really didn't feel that exciting at all. (Compounded by the fact that not only did my ex and I split up just before my birthday, but our birthdays are on the same day!). So all in all not much eager anticipation was there AT ALL.
I was all but going to let it pass by unacknowledged, when my great friend and partner-in-crime B who needs no excuse to have a good time practically INSISTED I do something, because SHE wanted to go out. Ho hum, ok then...
I dragged my feet and finally the day before my birthday I got my ass in gear and sent out an invite.
So on Friday myself and 12 of my usual suspects, BFFs and old and new faithfuls gathered at BeefCakes in Greenpoint. I'd heard about the place and everyone raves about it. My thoughts were how good can a burger joint really be...?
Well let me tell you; BeefCakes is the SHIZ! I had the most awesome fab time there. The waiters are hot hunky buff well 'beefcakes' literally. Yummy! The vibe is great, the food is good and the best part? My awesome friends got me a bodyshot for my birthday. Oh yes, I got to drink a shooter off the hottest dude in the place's abdomen. Does life get any better..? I don't think so!
I got some wonderful and very unexpected gifts too, including the most beautiful white roses I have ever seen.
So my birthday was a blast and after rocking BeefCakes, B my great mat Mut and I went to Stones in Obs for a few games of Pool and Tequila.
Next morning I felt rather grim after over-indulging far too much the night before. But my goreous darling boys brought me coffee and scrambkled eggs in bed. They also each made me super special birthday cards. They really are my little angles those boys I love them to bits!
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