Amazing Thailand : Part 4 - 'One night in Bangkok'

The song goes: " One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster, The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free. You'll find a god in every golden cloister, And if you're lucky then the god's a she I can feel an angel sliding up to me "
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After our first Skytrain transit we easily found Patpong Street, the center of Bangkok's 'Naughty Nightlife' District. There's a night market trading all along the street, where all the regular vendor wares can be bought. Here vendors also hold discreet folders displaying their sex DVD titles, which they flick open as you walk past. One tried to entice us by saying ' I have sex DVD filmed in SOUTH AFRICA!'. That makes it special in some way....?

The go-go bar touts are everywhere, and you can't walk more than a few steps without being approached by a few holding up small laminated menu cards, advertising the shows on offer. 'Ping pong sex show, Banana Sex show, Open Coke Bottle Sex Show' etc. It's quite amusing actually. After hearing and reading so much about these, we knew we had to see it first hand, so we selected the Queen's Palace II, after negotiating the terms with the relevant tout. There's no entrance fee, but you have to buy at least one drink each, and surprisingly the drinks there are charged at the regular price of Bt50 for a Singha Beer (R8.40). Some places are known to charge magnitudes more. Maybe that's why this place has a better reputation than many others.

So in we went, wide-eyed in anticipation. The place was fairly cozy, with a boxing ring type design, with patrons seated around the walls, facing into a central raised oblong stage with a pole on each corner. The place was full of naked and near naked women. All wearing high-heeled thigh-high black boots. Some wearing a bikini or part of one, a few not wearing anything. They were all local Thai girls ranging from young and beautiful with gorgeous bodies, to some fairly old and dumpy. We were also convinced that some of them were katoeys. I think being a couple allowed us to sit and observe on the sideline without drawing much attention. The single men seemed to be targeted a fair amount. The girls would sidle up to them and ask to be bought a drink etc, and you sometimes see a man sitting with one or more girls, getting lots of adulation.

***Warning - don't read the next few paragraphs if you are sensitive, or offended by sexuality***
One the stage there would always be 6-8 girls dancing and preening to the music supplied by the house DJ. These girls seemed mostly quite shy, and rather than putting on bold aggressive acts, seemed to be giggly and a bit shy and mostly interacted with each other - sometimes dancing together too. The nudity quickly became blasé and seemed very natural. It was also nice that these were natural real girls and not all perfect pin up models. Although some WERE gorgeous. Every 15 minutes or so, the DJ would ring a bell, and the naked girl who would have appeared on stage just before would begin her act. Each girl had her specialty. The first girl danced a little, and then produced a piece of ribbon, which she proceeded to pull out of herself over the next few minutes. Eventually she had about 10 meters of neon coloured ribbon trailing out of her! I found this bizarre, rather than erotic. It's also interesting to note that the girls seems to find it a bit absurd as well, although they seem to find it all in good fun too. Once the entire ribbon was revealed, the girl disappeared off stage and into the back. The dancers would then also leave the stage and mingle with the crowd, making way for the next 6-8 to take the lime light for a while. After another 15 minutes the DJ would again alert everybody for the next act.

Following acts included:
- Shooting ping-pong balls across the room - to be caught by another girl with a net
- Opening a bottle of shaken soda water with a bottle opener.
- Shooting banana past the audience and into the wall
- Blowing a horn
- Drawing a picture, by 'gripping' a felt tipped pen
- Those were the ordinary ones, then there was:
- Popping balloons with blow darts!
- Pouring half a bottle of water in, and then producing 'coke' to fill a empty bottle with (that' must be achieved using colour crystals or something!)
- Inserting a tomato and producing tomato pulp out of it!

It's amazing, and just a little frightening to see what they can do! After a while it becomes fairly routine, as there are only so many variations on a theme.

So several beers later, and feeling like I need to practise my kegels a lot more... ;) We left to see what else we could find.
We soon came across a banana fritter vendor, and since that was on MY list to sample, I handed over my Bt10 (R1.70) for a packet of deliciously oily banana fritters. Yummy. The banana actually had very little taste (I think cooking plantains are used) but the batter is lovely, and strangely the overall taste was more like apple crumble than anything else.

While I munched away, we ambled down another bustling neon lit alley, and came upon more touts, but the flavour here seemed different. More professional, more organised, more classy or something. It turned out that we were in gay show territory. None-the-less the touts were keen to get us to enter the shows. On enquiry we found that at these place the condition is also to purchase at least one drink each, but here a beer cost Bt250. We decided not to bother as it was late. Being close to 12am though and closet o closing time, they were in the mood for bargaining though, so the last club offered us entry, with 1 drink to share at Bt150, so we agreed in the spirit of adventure and new horizons.

I must say this show was very slick and professional and the boys were stunningly gorgeous!
The stage was also slightly raised, but here the audience all sit in rows in front of the stage. When we arrived a fire juggling display was just finishing. The next event was 3 guys, wearing nothing buy white hot pants and slathered in shaving cream, undulating and slithering very seductively. After a while they turned on an overhead shower and continued under the cascading water. At one point they all got shaving cream in their eyes - which I found quite amusing, as they suddenly rushed under the shower and tried to rinse it off quickly, forgetting to be alluring for a short while. This was followed by a swimming display. A curtain open to reveal a fish tank-like swimming pool. Where several men took turns to swim. I likened it to a lobster tank at a restaurant, where you can view and select the lobster of your choice.
Interestingly once each act was finished the guys would wash-up and appear in fresh white and tight hot pants and vest, with a numbered badge pinned to their chest. They would then sit on a bench next to the stage. I'm sure that's to make the selection and order process easier later ;)

The final act was a drag show - similar to the Pricilla Queen of the Desert, cabaret style. A man appeared wearing full traditional Thai female garb and with a fully painted face, except the make up was all skew and distorted. 'She' had 2 semi-naked male aides, waving palm fronds. All very regal. A traditional Thai song started, with the theme of 'welcome to Thailand, the land of smiles'. Then what started as the usual drag show with lip synched song became a satire act. The song started warping, going faster and slower, and scratching and stretching, and would then return to normal. They were illustrating the contrast and conflict between the beauty and innocence and splendour of Thailand and it's culture, and the deviant darker underbelly of the sex tourism industry and katoeys and such like. It was brilliantly put together, and was both very amusing to watch and very thought provoking as well.

We got back to Suk11 at around 2am. Passing 'Charlie's Bar' just outside, with a sign displayed which caught our eye. ' Now available - ladies toilet. For piss only, no shit please' !!! *hehehe*

*** Ok that's the nightlife over, should be safe again from here***

For some reason you don't get tired there, or very hungry. Perhaps both are attributable to the heat. We quickly adopted the local style of waking at around 9am, and going to bed at 2am.

The next day was Bangkok sightseeing day.
We headed to the river, via sky train. After getting off at the correct station we wondered up a road and then caught a bus to find China Town. We found a lovely colourful Chinese temple. Everything there is very bright. I was wondering how it stays that way, as everything in SA fades in the sun. Either the sun is not as harsh there, or they have better paint, or they touch up often...

We went past funny quaint shops. A chemist, followed by a greasy engine repair shop, followed by a Chinese food shop, with whole roast ducks - head and all, hanging up. This section did stink as the drains were being cleared and there were piles of back sludge lying down the length of the road. Still people sat and ate right next to them!
We kept walking till we decided we'd seen enough of china town and odd types of food, and ventured on to find the river. We had got slightly disoriented, so asked a local where the river was. Non compredo. After several tries the penny dropped, and he exclaimed ' oh, the LIVER'. After which we were given the correct directions.
The R thing is a real problem there. They actually don't understand if you as for rice either, you need to say LICE.
We even saw a printed sign advertising 'Liver Rafting'.

Once we found the river we boarded a river taxi and headed up to Wat Arun.
Wat Arun is a big temple on the riverbanks of the Chao Praya River. The scale and detail is absolutely amazing. The original temple was built in the old cemented style, and King Rama III had the temple decorated with porcelain. There are whole plates and shaped ceramic pieces following detailed patterns repeating probably thousands of times over the thing. It's incredible to see.

After Wat Arun we crossed the River and walked on to Wat Pho, ignoring the Tuk-tuk drivers who tired their best to tell us it was closed, and we should rather go to the special 'Lucky Buddha’, which is open 'today only'. Wat Pho was of course open, and FYI there is no temple of the Lucky Buddha. Incidentally if you are caught by these people it seems that all that happens is you waste a lot of time being taken to shops, tailors and jewellers where you are enticed into buying things you didn't want for more than you wanted to pay. They work in groups so you can get one guys story substantiated by the next until you believe them, but they are just con artists.

“Wat Pho covers 20 acres, and includes the famous Reclining Buddha. "The highly impressive gold plated reclining Buddha is 46 meters long and 15 meters high, and is designed to illustrate the passing of the Buddha into nirvana. The feet and the eyes are engraved with mother-of-pearl decoration, and the feet also show the 108 auspicious characteristics of the true Buddha. "

We spent a lot of time wondering in this extensive temple compound, and apart from the reclining Buddha which I found very awe inspiring, I loved all the cement figurines scattered around the gardens, and took lots of photos of these.

By the time we had finished there, we realised it was already nearly 5pm, and we had missed the Grand Palace! We were quite 'templed out' by then though, and it's only now that I feel quite a bit of disappointment about it. I shall have to go back :)

Instead we walked to a nearby large field near the Victory monument and watched a kite festival. Many Thai families had come out to buy and fly kites in the sunset. Very pretty. We bought a small kite for each of the boys there.

Then after hearing so much about Kao San Road, and realising we were pretty close we made our way there.
For a road that is SO notorious, it is really hard to find, and not very impressive.
I think everyone who goes to Bangkok has heard of it, it's the first street mentioned when asking about accommodation in Bangkok. It's considered a back-packer's Mecca.
It's also offered referred to as the 'gateway to SE Asia', and every single taxi driver in Bangkok reportedly knows where it is. Incidentally it is also where Leonardo De Caprio's character was staying in 'The Beach' while he was in Bangkok. A lot of people are very disparaging about it now, claiming that it's a hippie hangout and where drop-outs loiter, not daring to try anything else, and then claiming to have 'done Bangkok'. It's also apparently a place where hair braiding, cheap trinkets, tattooing, fake IDS and degrees and general knock-off good are a dime a dozen. So good or bad I wanted to SEE it.

As mentioned it's damn hard to find. In fact we only found it by spotting and following several sets of 'Farangs' (What Thai's call westerners -we speculate it's from the word foreign) walking to and from that area. Amazingly the street is only some 200 m long. But that 200m is filled with pure energy. It bustles with VIBE.
It's like a carnival. People are eating, drinking, getting their hair braided, dread locked, hair extensions, henna tattoos, buying cheap clothes, cds, DVS, you name it, and DRINKING. There was a greater concentration of 'farangs' here than anywhere else, and I actually didn't like it that much. Yes it's fun, but I agree with the critics who say it's not really Thailand. But hey it is what it is, and we took it as such.

I found and bought a lovely blue skirt and top set, both for Bt300 (R50). I had previously seen the same stuff at a flea market in SA for R90 for each. We sat and drank beer at a pavement cafe and watched the activity on the street. On leaving, we again wanted to try a tuk-tuk, but here too they were disproportionately expensive, and one claimed the cost was 50USD! Chancers. Fortuitously we bumped into a seasoned kiwi tourist who knew how to 'tune' them, so we soon found ourselves sharing an air-conditioned taxi for a fraction of the original price, ending another adventure filled day.

Next: Chatuchuk week-end market and Ayutthaya