Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Monday, 7 September 2009

Soap Opera Episode #5734

Ok, so you all pretty much know about the saga with my ex...

(I am recording this here, because well I want a documented history of all of this, since I suspect I am going to need it one day.)

In July/August I gave him R5000 - in cash - which was money his mom had given me to help with the divorce costs. I had felt bad taking her money and didn't feel entitled to it, so knowing R is on the bones of his ass, I offered it to him, and he snapped up the offer, requesting cash, because his bank accounts would just swallow any money put into them. Note that he has not paid a cent towards the kids since March and is still unemployed. I am not expecting that I'll ever get anything out of him either, and I am fine with that, really. But I am not prepared to support them alone, and then have to support him too. That is not going to happen.

So now after his latest demand for a further R15k after being evicted from another place and telling me he needs that much for a deposit so he can get a suitable place to see the kids and me saying no, we have not seen or heard from him at all. Note that the previous landlord comaplained that he slept all day and SHE had to look after my children! (Of course his version is that she is crazy - because well, everyone is crazy except him.)

In Sept last year my laptop crashed and I called him in desperation and he said, 'I am not your go-to guy anymore' and put the phone down and refused to help, so I told him that when he asked for the latest R15k. I told him when I needed help with a simple thing he just turned away and didn't care, and now I am not his 'go-to guy' anymore either.

I sent an sms saying I am assuming all visits are canceled pending further notice from him that he is suitably able to care for them. That was over 3 weeks ago, and we haven't seen or heard from him at all since. His last week-end with them was 15 & 16 August 2009.

The boys told me on Friday night that I am like their Mom AND Dad now.

I know he is living nearby, and where, because I have see his car (about 2km from where we live) almost every day on my way to work. (I haven't mentioned this to the kids). It actually creeps me out quite a lot that he is back in stalking/harassing distance again. I don't like it.

Anyway yesterday I noticed our giant (like 5 ft tall) gas bottle in the driveway was GONE. Weirdly within 30-seconds I suspected it was him who had taken it. I can't explain why, but I just KNEW. **

This morning I asked Tiny if she knows anything about it and she says yes he came and took it on Friday and took some other stuff he said was his too.

Fark I am annoyed! At him and her, but mostly him. I know he is near on impossible to resist, but I still wish she hadn't let him in and I told her NOT TO EVER LET HIM IN AGAIN. At the very least she must phone me.

Our divorce was finalised on 2 Sept last year and the house transfer went through on 3 Jul this year.

In our divorce agreement there is a list of items due to him. He did not want any of it. (Incidentally it did not include the stuff he took on Friday. The gas bottle was MINE, came from one of my tenants at my rental house). So technically there are a few things in there which are his but I have emails where I asked him repeatedly if he wanted or needed anything further from the house and he said NO. I told him I didn't want to forever have the threat of him coming to fetch stuff and it must be finalised and he insisted he was not taking anything else. That was before the end of last year.

So as far as I am concerned nothing in the house belongs to him anymore.

FFS how dare he!?? What a god damned cheek to just come and take stuff without saying a word. I would have given him the stuff he took if he had asked, but he irks me so much with the way he behaves that I have a good mind to report him to the cops for theft and apply for a restraining order.

Am I over reacting?

** Know what makes this creepier? My buddy Dave sent me a message, out of the blue, on Friday morning asking if I was ok. He said he had dreamed about me on Thursday night and that he was at my house with me, when R suddenly arrived and freaked out and tried to kill him. He said it was very scary and unsettling and he woke up feeling worried about me.

I told him it was weird because R has moved close by and I have been feeling uncomfortable about it but that he hasn't been near the house for AGES because he doesn't like seeing it or me. A few hours later this happened...


  1. Am de-lurking.
    My first visit - spotted your spot on Meriel's sidebar.

    I spose its a bit of a cheek to say anything about this post since its all I know of you (except the angry jingle above it :-) but anyhow, sympathies from me to you: your situation sounds really difficult.

  2. Is a cheek my friend! Honestly - I would charge him with stealing!


    I am sorry :(

  3. Hi allie *wave*.

    Opps not the best day for your first visit. I am surprised you didn't turn around and run off! *blush*

    It's not always quite so vitriolic, I promise! ;)

    Thanks Laura. I really have had enough now. It NEEDS to end soon.

  4. Oh Jane I'm sorry... I would so charge him with theft!

  5. I would have gone to the police.

  6. Jane - nothing wrong with a little proactive paperwork as a standby. xxx

  7. He has not rights to your house, i would feel violated. What else did he go through while he was there? no ways, it cant happen like that. Get the paperwork done. Sort it. For your own peace of mind. And the boys.