So I'm leaving (not getting on the jet plane)

I hope that I'll be back again (appologies for trashing an already bad song!).

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So after agonising over the decision, it's official and I am leaving Canonical - I am really battling to say that though, either out loud, or writing it. I am actually feeling so very sad about it...

I have been working for Canonical since the end of March 2005. It has been a wild ride, long hours, lots of work, stress, pressure, learning new things, meeting awesome people, partying all over the world, being a geek, playing Mao, growing, discovering, being challenged, 4am meetings, not enough sleep, not enough time with my family, long haul flights, airport shopping, seeing the airports and hotels of the world (but not much more), dancing, singing, believing in something good and becoming an advocate for Ubuntu and Edubuntu, until it has become part of who and what I *am*.

I had started feeling like it was getting to much to sustain however, and I have had the feeling that 10 years ago (or sans family) it would have been the most perfect job in the world, but in my current situation I have felt over stretched and like no one was getting enough of me.

My main issues were the LONG and odd hours (especially the 4am meetings - HATE those) and working on the distro team, which although is right in the core of the action, it is very hard to keep up with and measure up to the stirling distro team, especially the inimitable CTO Matt.

I found myself doubting myself and how much value I add. I was a little nervous when performance review time came as I wasn't sure how well it would go. In the end it was actually not bad at all, I was told I had made good progress (although there was much more room for MORE). I felt able to carry on. Whereas a week or 2 before that I was very demotivated, I had even updated my CV on Career Junction, in case there was anything interesting on offer...

As fate would have it I was called less than 2 hours after my Performance Review phone call, and asked to meet with someone urgently - the same day. I did this and was offered a possition on the spot. No 'jump through flaming hoops' or 'do 5 hours of psychometric testing' etc, just ' you are exactly what we need, please come on board'. Wow, that's pretty flattering, and off the cuff I was thinking, whoa this is the kind of affirmation I need and what I have been missing! The position on offer is contracting through a well known outsource firm to Vodacom.

So I had a serious decision to make, the catch being that the new offer is rather urgent and I'd need to accept or decline fast. It was a pretty good offer, with a salary upgrade and commission options if I bring new work in. (Noting that I had taken a pay-cut when I joined Canonical...)

What to do?

I tried to get hold of Matt to discuss the issue with him. But he was on his way to DebConf, in a remote part of Mexico! Ack.

I deliberated the whole week-end and ended up writing a tome to Matt explaining the gap between my skills and what he ideally needs and what I love and don't love about the company etc. I was hoping that could form the basis of a discussion. But a mix of mail server problems, patchy Internet access in Mexico, incompatable time zones etc, and I was just not managing to connect with Matt.

Part of me was really wanting to find out how he he felt. If he was thinking 'Yay, I have been trying to find a way of getting rid of you' my decision would be easy and I would know what to do. Short of that I didn't know how to make the decision.

Ironically everything had been going well work-wise and I was really enjoying my role at Canonical.

I finally sent a letter of resignation last Tuesday, as I hadn't managed to communicate with Matt, and I was wondering if that was a message in itself. The Vodacom offer needed an answer and so I took a stance.

The next day I spoke to Claire (Mark's PA), Jane (Canonical COO) and e-mailed with Matt and Mark. It was pretty unanimously agreed that the job I had been doing was a less than ideal match to my skill set, and they understood my issues with the schedule (and 4am meetings). Turns out they had already discussed changing my role and were waiting until after the upcomming release to discuss it. I was offered the role of Education Program Manager. Which would see me off the distro team and more entrenched in the Edubuntu space, and extending that. It sounded great, and exactly what I would love doing. I would have jumped at it - if I wasn't about to accept another offer.

GAH - what to do!?

On the one hand I have this good offer, of a fairly high profile position at a progressive and dynamic local company with local hours. Albeit a bit of an unknow entity, and with a daily commute into the Cape Town CBD.

On the other a good role in a company I know and love, with more of what I like and less of what I don't. Who could ask for more?

I am usually pretty decisive, but this decision nearly did me in, and I was vascillating so much!

I showed Richard the new Canonical job spec and he said ' hey I'd love that!' and it dawned on me that he would be excellently suited to it, as it's pretty much what he has been trying to achieve in HP, but with very frustrating results.

Without a lot of thought I introduced Richard to Mark and Jane in an e-mail explaining who he is and what he does and are they interested in chatting to him. Turns out they are and have now both spoken to him, so we'll see where that goes.

However now that I have done that, I have actually removed one of my options as it is company policy not to employ relatives. So if I stay, Richard's conversation ends, and if he is considered, my offer is retracted. YIKES.

Since Richard was unfairly disqualified from pursuing the COO role he applied for at the Shuttleworth Foundation last year, due to me being employed by Canonical I decided to step down and give him a chance at this one, and so.....

Hard as it is for me to say, write or even think, I will be leaving Canonical. *SOB*
and I will sign the Vodacom contract today.

I will not even be going to Paris for the June summit, as I will wrap up just before that. So won't get a chance to see the phenomenal team again.

This has been so much harder than I ever imagined and I think given the choice again I would not be leaving.

I hope this is 'till we meet again' and not 'Good Bye'.

(aside: I have signed a 6-month contract, so in my fantasy world I will be back on 1 Dec 2006)

Que sera sera.