A light at the end of the gloomy tunnel.

So after a kak few days I decided to 'pull myself towards myself' (as my dad would say), or 'pull it tight' (as Corne would say), and do something to make myself feel better.

I decided a mini-detox was what I needed, especially since I have been drinking gallons of coffee, especially at work, where it isn't even very nice. I can now report that appart from 2 cups on Friday (which is WAY less than I normally drink) I have not had any coffee since. I have had some mild background headaches as a result, but nothing unbearable. I bought myself some Chai-Tea Tea Bags (cinnamon, cardamom, ginger etc) and have been really enjoying those, and I have also been drinking rooibos again.

I have also been eating lighter, making oranges my staple food (oranges are meant to aid detoxing) and have had mainly fruit all week-end. I made a nice chicken salad last night.

Apart from needing to get out of my morbid state of mind, I realised I had another pressing need for these changes, I have the department here at work's Year End function on Saturday, and it is a Black-Tie dinner/dance. So I need to look ok in a dress, and cocktail dresses are not forgiving...

So I went for a run on Friday evening. I didn't really feel like it, so I made it a run with a purpose. I ran to Cavendish and bought new tackies for the kids (and looked at some evening dresses) then ran home clutching my purchases. On Saturday I woke up feeling more energetic. It was our annual yoga end of year group class and breakfast. I was up and out of the house in time to park at the school where the class was to be held, and go for a quick run before the class started. I did about 4km and then went in and did 1.5 hours of good yoga stretching. After the class we all went off to the yoga teacher's house for brunch, where I was very good and stuck to fruit, yogurt and tea. Despite the yummy muffins, croissants and to-die-for baked cheese cake the yoga teacher makes etc which were on offer.

She normally teaches her classes at her house in small groups of 6-10, she has about 20 classes a week, and once a year we are all invited to the group class in a school hall and then we socialise at her house afterwards, normally 30 or so of us attend this. I really enjoy it. I have been going to yoga classes at her house for nearly 9 years now. I started there when I was first pregnant, and continued right through my pregnancies until about 2 weeks before my due date, and started again 4 weeks after each birth. As a result they have only just stopped calling me 'pregnant Jane', even though I haven;t been pregnant for nearly 5 years now. ;) It is a very warm and nurturing environment where the people are genuine and remember things you told them when you last saw them whether it was last week, last month or 3 years ago. I like that.

After that I went home and collected the rest of the family and we went of to Canal Walk to support Quinn's school team at the Lego Robotics competition which was being held there, and incidentally was sponsored and hosted by Mark Shuttleworth's Hip2B2 brand.

On Sunday I hit the gym and did 8km on the treadmill and a bit of upper body circuit work and then enjoyed a nice long and hot shower. Our geyser broke on Thursday, so I had to have cold showers on Friday and Saturday, brrr! Luckilly the weather has been fairly warm so that didn't suck too badly, and it's one way to save water, cos there's no lingering in a cold shower! Richard had also come along to gym have a sauna and hot shower, and the kids had a nice long swim while we chatted and drank tea. Quinn demonstrated his swimming strokes for us. He is quite good at crawl/ freestyle, but his backstroke looks hillarious! He looks like he a flailing and drowning and or having a seizure. *chuckle*

After lunch on the spur of the moment we decided that Ice Skating would be fun, so off we went to Grand West again. We convinced the kids to try skating in the main arena, so we all got kitted out and hit the ice. I was a bit wobbly at first and then got my balance and was off. Richard is really good, and looks like he skates every week. The kids weren't too sure about the big rink and really clung to the sides. We took them around a good few times with Richard, myself or both of us, which they enjoyed, but I think they felt a bit nervous and vulnerable. They asked if they could stay out at the mini-rink next time. The rink was not too crowded though, which was nice, and so the ice did not get too melted and there were no hollogans dashing around and tripping less abled skaters like me. The result was I had more space to experiment and get comfortable and managed to get quite fast (for me) and get more of a rhythm going. I also am happy to report that I didn't fall once. W00t. (Sorry Dave I have no photographic evidence, you'll just have to picture it.)

At one point a blonde buxom bomb-shell dressed in white fell right in front of Richard, I could see his natural manly instinct kick in as he started going to help her and then he hessitated and skated on. I asked him why he didn't stop, and I said I saw him motion to help her and then change his mind. I asked him if he thought he would get into trouble from me? Because he wouldn't. I said it was considered polite to help someone who had fallen. He said no he was going to help and then realised she was quite large and he may not be able to pick her up without falling on top of her. LMAO!

We skated for almost the full 2.5 hour session and then decided it was time to head home. I had hoped the kids would fall asleep in the car on the way back so we could have another quiet evening like last week. But instead they demanded dinner - even asking for vegetables!? So they had to be fed, dang ;)

And that was the week-end.

I have also been mulling over the whole working thing. I loved working for Canonical. I didn't always like my actual job, or the insane hours that went along with it, but I really loved the people (employees and community) and the feeling of working towards something that means something and that is worth while. I chose to give it up for the sake of my family, to have more time to sepnd with my kids, which I can't regret. Also I was made a pretty good offer.

But I now find that I am just not fulfulling spending 10 hours a day, working on something which really makes no difference to anyone else. Here there is just manufactured stress and pressure and the end results of your work is not very tangible at all.

Since going back to Canonical is not a viable option (**sniff**), I have been thinking of alternatives. I need to find something to do which I enjoy and feel a sense of achievement from, and right now with bonds and financial responsibilities not working at all is not an option. I did consider the thought of moving somewhere (like Thailand) where we could live off Richard's salary. As one of the benefits of working for Canonical is that you can work from anywhere in the world. We love South Africa and specifically Cape Town, and would hate to leave, but I need to find a solution where we can live comfortably, and I can keep my sanity, and see and participate in my children growing up, and do something meaningful. I hope we can figure something out soon...

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In other news I am terribly sad this morning to hear that Lebo Mathosa was killed in a car crash last night.

She was one of SA's brightest starts. It is a real tragedy. She embodied the new South Africa for me, and she did it with style, attitude and talent. It's a real shame that she is gone so young.

"The 29-year-old female singer was killed shortly after midnight in a car crash on the N3 south between the Grey and Heidelberg offramps in Germiston on Gauteng's East Rand."