Try, cry, why try? That was just a dream...

This is a vent post so skip right on by if you want me to be sunshine and roses all the time...

Faith Shmaith... fuck that. I think I need to chose a new word for the year, me thinks.

I have no faith ... except in myself, and even that falters sometimes.

I used to shake my head at tough, bitter, 30-something divorced women, and wonder why they had to be so steely and hard and caustic and cynical... well I am starting to really understand it. Every fucking thing is a battle. You can trust no one. There is no one to look out for you, you are alone, on your own, fighting for your corner without support. And even the ones who are supposed to be on your side are out to get something from you... it gets hard to keep smiling and giving and looking after everyone else all the time.

You want something sorted out on your car? It takes weeks to happen and even then only after you chase it up numerous times and then have to have an argument. I have 4 emails proving that I asked the same god-damned 3 questions each time, and got no response to any of them - so don't treat me like I am being unreasonable now. I have been MORE than patient!

You want something fixed in your home? You have to haggle about it - but only after you have managed to convince them that you actually do know a thing or two, and know that you are being bullshitted, before that they just try to steam-roller you. I have 5 different quotes and a heap of research showing that 0.5mm Chromadek is more than adequate thanks! AND your quote is R13 000 higher, so I don't care how fucking self-important you think you are, I am NOT choosing your over-inflated quote, especially since you suddenly put it down by R4 000 after I told you how much higher than the others it was. Hello!?

Then seriously dudes, what gives? What is the problem? What is actually wrong with me that people think they can treat me like crap, and do what the fuck they please, and I will just be ok with it? No really. I want to know...

R.E.M. - "Losing My Religion"

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream