The hardest part of being a single parent

We saw SPUD last night. Me and 3 boys and it was FABULOUS. I love love LOVED every minute of it. I laughed and cried hard throughout it.

Afterwards we had McD & Ice-cream and had a fun time singing to songs on the way home. I dropped Q & neighbour/friend off at friends house and went around the corner to our home and I noticed Griff was tearful. He would not tell me why though and said he was fine. I asked if he was upset that he didn't have a sleep over too? NO. I asked if he was sad from the movie. NO. I asked about everything else I could think of. NO.

Eventually I asked if he was sad about Daddy? And he said yes. He then came to sit with me and bawled his eyes out. We'd been listening to Green Day 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' and he said when he heard that, it 'played a really sad song in his head'. He was really so upset. I told him that I was so sorry he doesn't have a dad, and he dejectedly said 'I do...'

Oh man it sucks so much when they hurt so bad and there is nothing you can do, so I sommer had a big fat cry with him. I so wish I had a positive male role model for them. Griff really needs one.

It's been a full year (almost to the day) since they last saw or heard from their father, and no matter what I do, I'll never be able to fill that hole for them.