She was so very wonderful with him, and he ADORED her.
She had to start a new job today. That can't have been easy for her, and it was SO hard to say goodbye to her. I hope we can keep her in our lives because she is simply wonderful.
xxx
"A letter to my Natey-bug
My dearest baby bug,
I sit here waiting to pick you up from school. Wanting to see that big smile on your face as you see me walk into the classroom. Wanting to put you in your little car seat and then quietly lay you down as you take your afternoon nap. I now sit here watching the time as two hours pass by knowing you'd be coming down the stairs, shoes in one hand as you sleepily make your way over to me. You insist that I put your shoes on but as I take your shoes I ask "cuddle Minda first please?" You agree given I switch the tv to your favorite show as you allow me to cuddle you for a few minutes head resting on my chest. Oh what I wouldn't do for just a few more minutes of your sweet cuddles you gave so freely.
You didn't know it at the time my bug, but each and every day you crawled deeper into my heart. I cannot bear the thought of the pain that mommy and daddy feels each and every day, if what im feeling is but just a fraction of their pain...
You filled my days that now feel so empty. I feel so guilty for wanting to fill my days again for the emptiness becomes too much to bear some days more than others. Perhaps fill my days again with another's little laugh or cuddle, equally as innocent and as lovable as you were.
But never ever the same.
No one will ever be able to fill that place in my heart that you crawled into. You will always be there smiling, laughing, bouncing, running wildly freely as you loved to do.
Natey, our journey together was more to me than just a job I had to be good at. Much, much more. I loved you wholeheartedly as you showed me every day how much you loved me too.
I cherish every trip to the park, our many trips to checkers, our wonder-filled and quick trips to the aquarium (Yes you are probably the only todler to cover every inch of the place in less than 20 minutes). I cherish bath time and swim time and most of all taking naps together. I cherish the moments having you sit on the counter, watching me prepare your lunch and sometimes while I cook dinner. I cherish the moments of when I got to swing you for a full hour at the park and made me run after you another hour after that switching back and forth between swings as we go along. I cherish the few moments I got to co-sleep and being kicked in the face every time you tossed and turned. I cherish being woken up at 3am for yet another bottle of milk. (I am now convinced mom and dad wanted me to have first hand experience of their nightly fun filled routine).
With that said My Bug, just know that if any of us could just have one more moment with you, we would jump at the chance to see your sweet little face again.
I am not sure how to do this...this moving forward business. I am not sure when the emptiness will feel less empty or when it will ever get any easier. All I know that for now, holding onto the memories of you, is something I try to gain strength from every single day. I can now watch your videos and laugh at how cheeky you were and smile knowing how free and happy you were.
I wouldn't change a single moment of my time spent with you.Through all our ups and downs, our moments of laughter, ouchies and being a little sick sometimes, you were always such a joy to be around. Yes, you sure did find ways to drive your Minda crazy some days but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Thank you for showing me my capacity to love. Thank you for putting a smile on my face and making me laugh every single day. Thank you for teaching me how to be more patient and for opening my eyes to new ways to live and love life. With no regrets knowing that every day was lived fully. Thank you for deeming me worthy of your love, kisses and cuddles and for showing me a heart as little yet as big as yours can love and impact so many all at once without conditions or expectations.
You will always be my little love bug and I will write about you again.
I will miss you every day and my memory of you, Natey-bug, will never ever fade ♡
With love,
Always your Minda ♡ "
No comments:
Post a Comment