Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Sunday, 12 July 2009


Quite a few people have done this, so here we go...

I am: alive. Free, single and ok!

I have: a horribly puffy eye from my chlorine exposure yesterday. A lesson that I need to take care of MYSELF properly too.

I know: I am strong, capable and independent.

I think: a lot. Often too much. Although I am learning to think less. It's good.

I don’t think: I want another partner like Richard again. I am learning that I want and need something quite different. (If at all).

I want: to go to Thailand again, and many many other places too.

I have: to raise my children well and put them first. It is my main responsibility always.

I like: my job and the company I work for.

I dislike: talking on the phone.

I hate: I don't hate easily. But I do hate feeling like I have let people down, or they are disappointed in me.

I dream: quite a lot. Nothing notable recently apart from quite a gruesome dream a couple of days after my mom died, about a man with a gushing bloody nose.

I fear: that I am not good enough.

I am annoyed: by too much clutter, noise and mess. It makes me feel unable to be mentally calm.

I crave: Peanut Butter

I usually: Run 20-40km per week. I LOVE it.

I search: for contentment and comfort (emotional mostly)

I hide: behind humour sometimes.

I wonder: if my children will end up feeling about me, the way I felt about my mom. I really really hope not, and I try hard to prevent that from happening.

I know: I am ok. I know myself (now).

I just can’t help: having a 16-year old boy sense of humour.

I regret: giving up the Ubuntu job. Even though I really HAD to. That was really phenomenal. I still miss it lots 3 years later.

I love: quietly but deeply. I am a bit reserved about showing love openly now.

I can’t live without: yoga. It keeps me sane, nurtured, grounded and alive.

I try to: be a good person, and do the right thing.

I enjoy: being in the mountains.

I don’t care: about status, brand names and keeping up with the Jones'.

I always: try to admit it, if I am wrong.

I never want to: re-live the last 18 months again!

I rely on: my domestic and nanny Tiny a LOT. Without her I would not have coped. She is an angel.

I believe: in being true to myself. Listening to my mind, body and soul.

I dance: terribly. But the crazy dance parties in my bedroom are the best!

I sing: The worst. Seriously I am bad. Luckily the boys haven't noticed yet and allow me to belt along badly to songs and get the lyrics wrong etc.

I argue: a lot. But I am learning not to so much. People must have their own opinions, and do their own research and come to their own conclusions. I am not going to argue with people about their beliefs and opinions.

I write: on my blog as a record, release and way to vent. There's nowhere I else I can really do that.

I win: running beer challenges!

I lose: not much. I am quite organised and together with keeping track of stuff.

I wish: I could work half-day and spend the afternoons with my boys.

I listen: to music as much as I can.

I don’t understand: why almost every relationship I know (long term and otherwise) seems to be splitting up now. It saddens me that almost no one can really make it work now.

I’m scared of: screwing up my children.

I forget: not much.

I am happy: when I feel safe, loved and enough.


  1. See if you find something new at the Canonical job list. :-)

  2. i think you are an awesome mum. i think your kids think so too.

  3. Hi there.

    Some perspectivity.
    1. Concentrate on the good thingsthat you do have. ONLY. Until it comes naturally, you can spend all your thought processing ronts on this 'end'.
    2. You are allowed to be the sole author of your perspective and well-being. Not your mother, not your children, not your job. You know this.
    3. You know you're normal. You know you're special. You know you're fine. And you know you're loved. And you know you're acknowledged. You know you'll never be alone. You know you won't fall. You know you won't fail. And you're no longer scared of the dark.
    4. You're right. 'Thinking' has its limitations. Therefore, 'Just Do It'.
    5. You have all the information. Sometimes the hardest is taking your own advice. Its so obvious and yet at times, out of mind's reach. Therefore step out of your body, and option (8) below will become clear like the crystal.
    6. The only true happiness is the promise of happiness. You have zero point zero zero choice in the matter of whether you will be happy or not. You will be. You can be right now.
    7. Your instinct has promised you joyment since the day you were born.
    8. Follow your intuition.
    9. Enthrill [invoke] adventure.
    10. You write beautifully.
    11. Every path you've chosen has been the correct path. And so it will continue.
    12. You're of the 'Lyric' genre - the humantype 94% of the world adores. I just made that idea up, and i think i'm gonna use it again.

  4. Ditto re the blog, it's my venting place too, even though I have to be more careful about what I write about these days