Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Friday, 10 July 2009

What's done is done

and can't be undone...
My mom on her birthday in 2003

Today was long, tiring and quite heavy.

The day went pretty well, my sisters and I went out for breakfast this morning to discuss the paperwork side of things (surprise surprise my mom left me with a 1/4 share of debts - thankfully it's not TOO bad though). We sat and chatted for a while, starting with the emotional heavy stuff, and the hurt and sadness etc towards our mom and reasons for us all choosing to cut her out of our lives at various times, with only Belinda really being there for her in the past 2 years. But after while we were done and we started remembering the funny and happy stuff too, so that was good.

The memorial was much more emotional than I had expected it to be, and I did end up crying quite a bit. First for my mom, and then for my ingrained feeling of not being mothered at all ever (which has left me feeling unworthy and inadequate for the most part), and then for my daughter, and then for my failed marriage, and then for my children. So basically I was crying about everything. But then I was done and it was over and I feel better now and like it is a chapter which is now closed.

All in all I think the day turned out well and we needed to go through it.


  1. Hey you!! I really dont have anything to say but am glad that you are feeling a little positive.

  2. Jane, you have such a mature way of processing stuff. I admire it and envy it too.

    Tears and allowing yourself to mourn sounds like a healing experience. xxx

  3. Sorry for your loss, firstly for feeling un-mothered for too much of your growing up and secondly for actually physically losing your mom. Your sisters look cool, stay close to them.

  4. I am so glad it is over... and I am glad you allowed yourself the tears. xxx

  5. I'm so sorry Jane. My heart goes out to you. ((((hugs))))

  6. Thanks everybody. I has been much harder than I expected, but now it is time to move on finally. It's been a long time coming...

  7. woah your one sister looks quite similar to me in the pics! the one with the see-throughish shirt and straight black hair. weirdddddddddddd.

  8. i am glad you cried, i am glad you got together with your sisters and talked about all the things good and bad. It sounds like you have dealt with it and are able to move forward. *hugs*

  9. Sorry you lost your Mom....Sorry she had no joy...sorry you missed having a great Mom...I have been dealing with losing my Mom for 2 yrs now...or years I resented her so much, but now all I do is Miss Her. What is all this about??? Wish someone knew the answer...I could use some help with it!