I actually couldn't make this stuff up!

The amount of crap, drama and bullshit surrounding my divorce and ex is so ludicrous I actually couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!

The latest development is I have now had a warrant of arrest issued against me for being in contempt of court. I kid you not.

Why? Well, because there are outstanding fines and license fees on a car I don't even own!

Ok, here's the whole story...

I bought a Hyundai Elantra (Blue Steel) in July 2004. In September 2006 I got my Fiat Panda (Basil), at which point ex got Blue Steel - it stayed registered in my name. Any licensing fees or fines incurred on that vehicle from that date were passed through to him for settlement.

In April 2008 we separated, and we legally divorced on 2 September 2008. As part of our divorce agreement the Elantra was listed as his asset.

On 5 September last year I wrote the following to him via e-mail: "The Hyundai registration – needs to be in your name not mine. It is your asset now."

He responded: "Please leave this for now, it is a sale / roadworthy schlep.I will sort out any outstanding fines, and get the car back in shape."

I asked it about it several times following that but he asked me to not process the transfer at that time. But then on 24 April I mailed him the following: "A summons arrived last night, please sort it out. I am still thinking it is better to get the car transferred into your name otherwise I am going to remain liable for it and anything done with it, which doesn't make me feel comfortable..."

All this time I was also battling to get him to sign the required documents to get the house transferred into my name (this was finally achieved after the conveyancing attorney threatened getting a court order for this after waiting over 6 months). He lost his job and was living in a camp site and had become extremely uncooperative and sometimes hostile. He stopped paying maintenance payments in March and allowed kid's medical aid premium to lapse due to lack of payment (without letting me know) etc you know all this...

I eventually approached the Wynberg licensing department in an attempt to get the car transferred out of my name, or to have it declared as scrapped. They told me this was not possible if it was still being driven around and that it would need to be transferred. I was still paying insurance on this vehicle up to this point too, knowing I couldn’t cancel the insurance while it was still listed against my name.

On 27 May I sent him the following via e-mail: "I am going to get the car transfer papers for the Hyundai Elantra, as I am not prepared to be responsible for that car and what happens to and with it. Since we have to arrange our own medical aid now, it would make sense for me to remove the Hyundai from my insurance premium. I won't do this without first letting you know."

Then on 6 June I sent him this message: "Regarding the additional outstanding issue of the Hyundai Elantra which was granted to you as part of our divorce settlement, I have now initiated proceedings to transfer ownership of the above vehicle from my name to yours. This is something I have attempted to resolve with you on numerous occasions, to no avail."

I got no constructive response to any of these messages so after getting the required forms and filling them in myself, I cornered him to sign them when he collected the boys one day. I then got the vehicle transfer processed. I paid up any outstanding licensing fees and fines up to 2 September 2008 and the transfer was processed effective from that date.

I then e-mailed him the following on 18 June: "The Hyundai is no longer registered in my name, I submitted the Change of Ownership forms this morning and have have paid up the license (and late payment penalties) up to 2 September 2008, when you legally took ownership of the vehicle. Please remember that the insurance on the car (on my policy) ends on 30 June 2009."

On 5 August 2009 I was at home lying sick in bed, when a summons arrived. The gentleman serving the summons came to my bedside. I explained the situation when it was delivered but I was told I had to sign for it, but that I could pass it on to him. I did this the same day and ex told me: "I'll deal with it."

This has clearly not happened and now on 26 October 2009 I have received a 'Notice of a Warrant of Arrest'.

First thing this morning I phoned the authorities to explain the matter and clear my name... but well. What's done is done and can't be undone. I did not appear in court, I am therefore in contempt of court, so a court order has been served and Notice of Warrant of Arrest has been issued. It doesn't matter if it is wrong. It is now court ordered ergo it must happen.

I hope the food in prison is good..? And oh crap - I always drop the soap in the shower! o.O

Seriously though... WHAT THE FUCK ALREADY!?? Am I in some kind of scientific experiment to see just how much I can take before I actually totally crack up? Cos it seems like it.

*deep breath*