Quinn's 'really bad' science test mark

Today on the way out of school Q told me earnestly that he did 'pretty badly' in his science test. Serious face. I asked him what happened, cos he normally does WELL in Science. He says he doesn't know. It was open book and he didn't use his book... SHRUG. I was like, 'Dude, that's just doff! Use the damned book next time!'. I asked how badly he did. He said he can't remember, but ' really bad, something like 35%' ... Aaaai.

Anyway the evening went on, I had to go to yoga etc etc. And I totally forgot about it.

I just went to my room now and the test is there for me to sign. The little shit got 93% and 3 merit stamps, he was totally yanking my chain!

LMAO. He is such a joker. NO idea wheeere he gets it from...? *innocent whistle*

I don't want no one else

Athlete — Trading Air

Covered ground just to reach your house
I know we need to talk
But I can't catch my thoughts
Insides gripped scared of what you'll think
Words I can't repeat
Could change all we've got

Set it off
Someone better hit the alarm
Set it off
Someone better help me disarm myself
I don't want no one else
All I want is you
All I want is you

Trading air once more from the start
I can open up a thousand paper cuts
People hear what they want to hear
But they wont change a thing
No they wont change a thing

Set it off
Someone better hit the alarm
Set it off
Someone better help me disarm myself
I don't want no one else
All I want is you
All I want is you

Disarm myself
I don't want no one else
All I want is you
All I want is you

Disarm myself
I don't want no one else
All I want is you
All I want is you

The Rash persists

He saw the boys for dinner last week, and it had seemed like it went fine.

I tried calling on Mon this week, and the call was rejected and then after that his phone was off.

I tried to call again on Tuesday, thinking if same happened I would leave it and cancel this week's visit. But he answered, so I gave the phone to the boys and they all chatted nicely. Then I heard he was making plans for dinner, so I asked them to tell him to make plans directly with me. So he said ok, and we spoke and it was cool. He confirmed he'd like to see them for dinner on Wed night, and then asked if he could take them for the w/e. I said it was fine with me, if the boys wanted to go. They said yes. Seemed like good progress, and he sounded good.

I got an email confirming arrangements for both shortly after. All good.

Last night they were meant to be collected between 17:00-17:30. They eventually got collected at almost 18:00. It was fine though, I wasn't really bothered. I was planning to do something run/gym/shopping etc, but hadn't decided and ended up procrastinating. At 19:00 I finally decided to fit in a quick run before they got back at 20:00. But then at 19:10 - literally just as I was about to leave - the doorbell rang. They were back.

I let them in and they said they were in trouble, so had been brought back early. I tried calling ex to find out what had happened, but his phone was off. So I took the boys down to the park and chatted casually to them about what had happened. The said they were just playing (they insist they were both happy and cooperating and NOT fighting) and skipping around etc. Ex was apparently annoyed and wanted them to be still and quiet and to NOT PLAY. They went to the waterfront, where he showed them the pirate boat and told them he'd take them on it some time and got a brochure etc. They were excited about that...

They apparently kept 'playing' and 'not listening' he got cross and yelled at them. They said he told G to shut up, when G tried to show him a coin he'd picked up and then told them to go to the car and marched off. They couldn't keep up so had to run, and were yelled at for not keeping up.

Then apparently ex took out the Pirate Ship brochure and crunched it up and threw it out the window and then dropped them off.

He phoned me about 20 mins later, and I very calmly asked if something had happened. He said the boys don't respect him and 'behave like animals' and they mustn't 'waste his time'. I stayed completely calm and neutral and pointed out that they hadn't seen him for 3 months and that this is very unsettling for them and must be confusing, and that when they don't know what to do, they often do behave 'badly'. He said if they want to see him they must 'behave properly'. I pointed out that WE are the adults, and they are CHILDREN and this is psychologically very difficult for them, and we can't expect THEM to behave like adults. I told him they had been FINE and totally settled, but since seeing him last week they have been acting differently. We need to help them work through it all and get used to being with him again. He seems to selfishly think they they must prove they are worth his spending time with them or something. Which is crap! He needs to convince them he is worthy - surely!?

Anyway, I then asked them about last week, because as I said it had sounded like that went fine..They then told me that they were taken to a restaurant and they sat quietly and 'daddy had his friend Justin there and he just spoke to Justin and hardly spoke to us'. WTF?! So after 3 months of not seeing them, he barely spoke to them, and now last night they were doing their own thing and they got crapped on because they weren't spending time with him they way HE wants...?

I asked the boys if I should rather cancel this planned week-end visit, and they both said they still want to go and will 'try harder'.

I KNOW they can be a handful sometimes, esp when they are together. But he has to realise that the onus is on HIM to develop a relationship with them again, and to at least try to understand things from their POV? Surely he can see that?

Quinn's lip was quivering the whole time he was talking to me, and although he tried to hid it I could SEE how upset he was...

50 things everyone should know how to do

Self-reliance is a vital key to living a healthy, productive life. To be self-reliant one must master a basic set of skills, more or less making them a jack of all trades. Contrary to what you may have learned in school, a jack of all trades is far more equipped to deal with life than a specialized master of only one.

While not totally comprehensive , here is a list of 50 things everyone should know how to do:
1. Build a Fire
2. Operate a Computer
3. Use Google Effectively
4. Perform CPR and the Heimlich maneuver
5. Drive a Manual Transmission Vehicle
6. Do Basic Cooking
7. Tell a Story that Captivates People’s Attention - don't know about captivating but I tell stories all the time...
8. Win or Avoid a Fistfight - sort of, but not for real.
9. Deliver Bad News
10. Change a Tyre - yeah I can change a car WHEEL or bicycle TYRE.
11. Handle a Job Interview - plenty of times, both sides of the desk.
12. Manage Time
13. Speed Read - nah, I can scan quickly, but my actual reading speed is quite slow.
14. Remember Names
15. Relocate Living Spaces
16. Travel Light
17. Handle the Police
18. Give Driving Directions
19. Perform Basic First Aid
20. Swim
21. Parallel Park
22. Recognize Personal Alcohol Limits
23. Select Good Produce
24. Handle a Hammer, Axe or Handsaw
25. Make a Simple Budget
26. Speak at Least Two Common Languages
27. Do Push-Ups and Sit-Ups Properly
28. Give a Compliment
29. Negotiate
30. Listen Carefully to Others - sometimes, but I'll say no. I talk too much.
31. Recite Basic Geography
32. Paint a Room
33. Make a Short, Informative Public Speech
34. Smile for the Camera
35. Flirt without Looking Ridiculous - erm. nope I am pretty sure I look ridiculous.
36. Take Useful Notes
37. Be a Respectful House Guest
38. Make a Good First Impression
39. Navigate with a Map and Compass
40. Sew a Button onto Clothing
41. Hook up a Basic Home Theater System - not tried, but I can do hi-fi, TV, DVD & video recorder!
42. Type
43. Protect Personal Identity Information
44. Implement Basic Computer Security Best Practices
45. Detect a Lie
46. End a Date Politely Without Making Promises - what does that mean..?
47. Remove a Stain
48. Keep a Clean House
49. Hold a Baby
50. Jump Start a Car

I think I am pretty functional and self-reliant!

Quinn rocks the kitchen

Quinn is getting more and more useful and helpful at home.

He is really starting to enjoy experimenting in the kitchen and making things and learning how to do new things. I am more than happy to encourage him too.

In fact I make a point of being available to help, give advice, info or whatever, but apart from that I keep away and leave him to do his thing without interfering or worrying about mess or technique etc.

The one rule is that he has to clean up at the end.

He has arranged dinner for 3 of the last 4 nights.

On Sunday we'd had a busy and active day and I was not in the mood for making dinner so he volunteered to do it! While I sat on my bed with my feet up. :)

He made 'pizza breads'. These are basically pizzas on slices of bread. He's been making these for a while. Usually just tomato sauce and cheese on bread and then grilled. On Sunday though he sliced and diced; cheese, ham, mushrooms, peppers, pickles etc and assembled them neatly all by himself. And then popped them in the oven to grill.

They were delicious! Although I did have to yell at him to check on them when I realised he'd wondered off to watch TV. Luckily they were saved in the nick of time and we had the talk about needing to stay and watch stuff under the grill! ;)

On Monday he again wanted to 'cook' and he made oven chips & chicken schnitzels with microwaved veg.

He had the night off on Tuesday when we had chicken, mash, stir fried veg etc.

Then last night we had a little dinner for Griffin's birthday, and while I was doing the cake, Quinn phoned to order pizzas. He placed the order, for 4 different pizzas with topping substitutions all by himself. He even met the delivery guy at the door, paid and gave a (slightly too large) tip.

This is great!

Rash update...

So I didn't contact him and surprise surprise we didn't hear from him.


His mom phoned me on Saturday*. I had to tell her that I am sorry but I can tell her no more about him and am really through with caring about him now. I said I was not trying to be mean or callous but that I feel I have gone the distance and won't do anymore. If he comes around and behaves and communicates appropriately I will probably reciprocate but I won't try to initiate anything now. I think she understood.

(*She phones about once a month or so, and I try to talk to her when I can. I send her general news and photos in letters - mostly to avoid having to call myself. She is not my favourite person, but I can tell she is trying, and her son has refused to speak to her AT ALL since we split up LAST April. So I have been her source of info up to now. But I really can't help her any further wrt him and have no advice for her. I said I really don't know him anymore and have no idea if he'll ever have any kind of functional relationship with any of us again.

She found out I had given him the R5k she had given me and told me off, because she said that was to help me not him. I think in some way she feels a bit responsible for his actions - from being related to him and as his parent. It is really very sad.)

Back, like a rash.

If you have followed my - lengthy and drama filled saga - you'll know that my ex has not contacted the kids AT ALL in almost 3 months.

Last night he apparently phoned (while I was out) and spoke to them and told them he's sorted himself out and can take them for a day visit one day this week-end to do a party of sorts for Griffin's birthday - which is next week. Probably Spur and Games arcade or something.

They of course are now dead keen to go, because what kid wouldn't turn down a trip to Spur?! Although previously they didn't want to see him and said I shouldn't bother to try contacting him.

BUT he has not spoken to me, or emailed or anything. Even if I had been there last night he wouldn't have spoken to me.

I had to extract sketchy info from the kids about what the plan was exactly, and they eventually said I must email HIM to arrange. WTF?

So what would you do?

We had a full week-end planned already, but due to the bad weather forecasts some things have been cancelled, so I CAN make a plan now.

It just really irks me that he will not communicate with me, and does what he pleases all the time. Q is about to start his first ever round of exams too, so I really don’t want his equilibrium messed with. KWIM?

So what should I do here?
- NOT contact him - I mean he cannot rely on the kids to sort out the plan making and he needs to learn that HE must make arrangements with me.
- Or just contact him and make a plan anyway?

For the not option I can plead ignorance that I was supposed to contact him, and say we are booked up this week-end anyway and then offer him the option of arranging properly again for next week-end. That way the kids don't lose out, but he gets the message that things have to be properly agreed and planned in advance?

GAH, I has so wished he'd go away for longer!

Mom PLEASE put some pants on!

I seldom wear skirts or dresses - either for work or leisure. I am more the pants and shorts type. I mean you never know when you are going to have to climb under a desk (To fix a PC! - where was YOUR mind going!? ;) ), or want to climb a tree, or roll around etc.

However yesterday I wore a long ankle-length summer dress to work.

In the evening I wanted to take the boys and dog to the park for a bit, but didn't feel up to a major exercise mission, so just popped some slip-slops on and called them so we could go. Quinn was somewhat appalled and almost insisted I change first. I said, 'Nah it's fine, I can still be fun like this. I'll even ride a scooter down.' But he seriously wanted me to change. He didn't think it was appropriate at all. He eventually said, 'Please at least put some PANTS on... under that'.


I mean for frik's sake is he the modesty-police now or what?


I ended up prevailing - did you have any doubt about that?. So while I was coasting down the hill on my scooter with my leg raised up in the air behind me, I called out to Quinn saying 'OMG look Quinn, you can see my whole CALF!'. I then threatened to do handstands in the park. Yeah I am that evil. But as luck would have it the nutty neighbours who live next to the park had a couch out on the grass - I KID YOU NOT! - and were lounging there having a glass of wine, so I decided against that particular antic in the end.


I really had to giggle at the 'Please put some pants on at least' thing though.


p.s. I hope I am actually not mortifying my kids and seriously embarrassing them...? I like to think I am quirky and fun, and not cringe-worthy to them.