Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Friday, 6 November 2009

Back, like a rash.

If you have followed my - lengthy and drama filled saga - you'll know that my ex has not contacted the kids AT ALL in almost 3 months.

Last night he apparently phoned (while I was out) and spoke to them and told them he's sorted himself out and can take them for a day visit one day this week-end to do a party of sorts for Griffin's birthday - which is next week. Probably Spur and Games arcade or something.

They of course are now dead keen to go, because what kid wouldn't turn down a trip to Spur?! Although previously they didn't want to see him and said I shouldn't bother to try contacting him.

BUT he has not spoken to me, or emailed or anything. Even if I had been there last night he wouldn't have spoken to me.

I had to extract sketchy info from the kids about what the plan was exactly, and they eventually said I must email HIM to arrange. WTF?

So what would you do?

We had a full week-end planned already, but due to the bad weather forecasts some things have been cancelled, so I CAN make a plan now.

It just really irks me that he will not communicate with me, and does what he pleases all the time. Q is about to start his first ever round of exams too, so I really don’t want his equilibrium messed with. KWIM?

So what should I do here?
- NOT contact him - I mean he cannot rely on the kids to sort out the plan making and he needs to learn that HE must make arrangements with me.
- Or just contact him and make a plan anyway?

For the not option I can plead ignorance that I was supposed to contact him, and say we are booked up this week-end anyway and then offer him the option of arranging properly again for next week-end. That way the kids don't lose out, but he gets the message that things have to be properly agreed and planned in advance?

GAH, I has so wished he'd go away for longer!


  1. Let him contact you if he wants to see the children. The least he can do is be a mature man and ask your permission. Without you both communicating and planning, its not going to happen. The sooner he realises this the better.

    I'd lay low until he tries to contact you.

  2. if he wants to see the kids, he must contact you, that would be the proper thing to do. It's not up to them to make arrangements etc and he can't expect them to do so. I would carry on with the weekend plans and carry on regardless. It will be hard for the boys but you can't run around trying to sort this out - if you do it once he will expect you to do it all the time.

  3. always tough to be man in the middle especially when we want to protet our kids from hurt

  4. I would also wait for him to make arrangements... my Liam also likes to get in the middle and make his own arrangements with his Dad and it is hard to be tough and tell him that the adults need to do the adult jobs and the kids must be the kids.

  5. Can you perhaps make an arrangement with your boys- that plans are not on unless he has contacted you as well... surely after all the times he's disappointed them they'll be amenable to something like that?
    Strongs girl. I wish I had some advice for you.