Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

My eyes leaked a lot today...

I have been trying to understand why and I think I have worked it out.

You see at my core I am a very emotional, romantic and idealistic person. I believe in love, adoration, expression of desire, affection and happily ever after. However, life has taught me not to expect it.

So I am now a cynical romantic. I believe in true love, but I don't expect to ever find it for myself. Most of the time I seem fine about this. I can get by without it. But then I'll watch a movie, listen to a song, or even worse witness my friends, family and peers going through it (this is worse because it is real and not just 'in the movies') and although I am so very, genuinely, happy for them, my heart breaks a little more each time I witness it.

Knowing a little more that it is not something I have, have ever had, or will probably ever have.

I stumbled upon the most amazingly romantic and fun couple's blog and wedding photos today. I was totally in awe of their awe inspiringly special, unique and fun wedding and all that went along with it. They are a truly beautiful couple and I wish them the greatest happiness together ever. But after reading their story and seeing their photos I literally sat in the toilets at work and cried silent tears for about 15 minutes.

I can't even pretend to rationalise this away, or be embarrassed about it. My heart is full of love and emotion and I feel like it is wasting away and wilting from either having to hide my feelings and/or not having them returned when I do express them. It hurts a lot.

I know all the platitudes, and I am quite content with myself. It's not that. I just feel like I get taken for granted, and strung along. It would be nice to feel like someone REALLY cares about me, for me, as I am, all the time. The way my heart believes it is meant to be.

Like a fairytale.


  1. Oh I understand so well. You never know, for some it comes later than for others.

  2. Hi Jane,

    Thank you for being so open and's refreshing.

    Thank you for your kind comments and linking

    Warmest Regards

  3. Hi Jane, thanks so much...
    There is always a silver lining.