Thinking & Feeling

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” Horace Walpole

Monday, 23 January 2017

I had no idea...

I had no idea that when I posted the story of what happened,  it would reach so many people, and get the attention of so so many people. I have been literally blown away by how people have been touched by it, and how many times it has been viewed, shared, commented on.

The posts has over 60 000 hits now!

I have had comments from people telling me they have enrolled their children in swimming classes, ordered better fences and nets for their pools, are just more aware of danger and especially water danger. That they are spending more time with their babies, children, families. Just being present and appreciating them. I even had an amazing message from a lady who has been severely depressed for several years, since her child was born, in her words; "Fuck...I have nothing to be depressed about. My life is fucking fine and here I was being so ungrateful. I have learnt to stop being ungrateful, complaining of never having enough help or support. I have a whole new take on life. I don't feel depressed anymore. And my eyes opened because of all these horrible news happening to families like you. I am so sorry Jane."

We have received close to R35 000 in donations in Nathaniel's name to the Red Cross Children's Hospital. All of which will be donated towards helping other little ones dealing with Childhood Heart Disease.

There are also so many connections, coincidences and 'signs'. That I have been noticing.

Natey my brave baby boy. I hold such responsibility, sadness and sorrow for you. I want to believe that your death served a purpose,  that it was 'your time', and that 'your journey on earth was complete'. But it is so hard for me to believe that...

I do have to believe though that because of you, so many people are more awake, more aware, more grateful and just MORE.

So I wish us all enough*...
* Apparently this poem is by Bob Perkins...


  1. Hi Jane
    thank you for sharing..since I read your post on facebook, I have been following you. I have a baby boy of 7 months old. Your story touched me so deeply. I read it while at gym, and couldn't contain my emotion and rushed out to get home to my baby.
    I believe those last few days was a gift. You spent so much time together.
    I just feel sick to my stomach all the time about this. It would not be fair for you to lose your beautiful boy in order to make other mom's be more aware, to live more in the moment and to appreciate what they have in life. But that is exactly what it has done. Life can be so cruel.
    There are no words. I am deeply saddened for you. Everytime I look at my baby I realise how lucky I am.
    Am so sorry. My husband and I were going to build a pool now but after reading your story i decided against it. So thank you for making us aware. But that does not ease your pain. Sending you angels xxx

    1. Thank-you. Please give your precious baby an extra cuddle for me. xxx

  2. Sending you love and strength during these very dark and sad days. Your family is in my prayers. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Biggest hugs from Jnb x

  3. Thank you for sharing so openly Jane. It is crushing and astounding and numbing, but it is at the same time so generous of you to be so open. M

  4. Jane, you and Andrew... Natey was so blessed to have you as his parents and he had such a special "job" to do on earth. He did it beautifully. He showed us all the most unconditional love and joy and even after getting his angel wings he still does it every day.

  5. Hi Jane.

    Ever since reading your story through "our" awesome midwife's reposts on her timeline, I have held this small part of sorrow in my heart. I have a beautiful red head, fiesty little 11 month old, also my 3rd child, and out of memory for Natey, I will not cut his hair until his 3rd birthday.

    Stay as strong a warrior as Natey knew you to be xx

  6. I talk about, think about, cry about Natey and what you must all be going through every day. You are an amazing woman Jane. You have made an impact on my life one way or the other since we met when the older kids were just little boys. The way you live and raise your children has always brought a smile to my face. I have always admired how strong you are. Natey touched many lives. What an amzing boy, at such a very young age. I wish you enough.

  7. Jane I have been following your heartbreaking journey since it happened. There is not a single day that I don't think of you, Andrew and the boys. I don't know you but from what I can see Natey was a truly special little soul. We have a 3 year old and some days when I look at him I truly don't know how you keep putting one foot in front of the other and carry on - every moment must be excruciating - yet you and Andrew have been so amazing. You are both so incredibly brave and so many of us admire you for your strength and for the wonderful way you are keeping Natey's memory alive. We pray for you, Andrew and your boys every day. Lots of love from JHB xo

  8. My favourite...

    I wish you enough,
    Wenchy x

  9. Jane, I'm bawling my eyes out. I wish so much I could hug you. SO much love to you. xxx

  10. Jane, it takes a strong person to deal with what you are going through. No matter how difficult it was you shared your story. Life is a funny thing and see long as you can pull the good out of the bad you'll be better off for it, you will be doing the best you can for your little guy. It may seem insignificant now but you have turned this in to something positive and if I were your little boy I would be proud to say you're my mum. Be strong, keep your head up and just take in all the positive you're doing. Jo x

  11. There are no words. Ive followed your story since it happened and im so deeply saddened for you. I lie awake staring at my babies, unable to sleep. I am far more present. I am SO sorry you had to go through this. I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it. I dont know you but I just want to hug you :( RIP Natey

  12. Hi Jane

    I read this story the night before last --- I am not sure on which thread it appeared on.

    I often say things like "I have no words ..." and this is a situation where I have no words.

    I have no words of wisdom.
    I have no words that will comfort.
    I have no words that will make time go back and allow this to never have happened.
    I have no words for the pain.
    I have no concept of what this pain must feel like.

    I don't think I will ever have these words ---- because if I did my heart would break. And I think there would be thousands of moms like me who would just fracture into a million pieces because these words are too painful --- too raw ---- too ......

    I sit here as a parent and I have no words --- I pull my children a bit closer, thank my lucky stars that I am not living this.

    I cannot believe --- comprehend --- or even grasp how a parent can live this.

    Jane ---- I have no words.

    I have buckets of tears. And snot bubbles.

    I have a changed perspective on life.
    I have an altered perception of how precious every day is.
    And how easily it can be snatched away from us ...

    Jane ----- I have no words